The Polite House
The Polite House: How to Take Charge When Hosting Houseguests
Part 2: When overnight guests arrive, follow this advice to set guidelines on eating out, seeing attractions and more
A good guest will arrive ready to offer to pitch in: “I would love to take you out to dinner for hosting me.” “Let me get lunch; you’ve paid for all the gas today, driving me around.” “That meal was delicious — let me take care of the dishes.” “I’d like to cover admission for everyone since you two must be asked by guests all the time to go see these places.”
Yes, that guest is a delight, a dream — a myth? No, they do exist. But when you aren’t dealing with one, it can be, well, awkward, and you may need to make some gentle suggestions.
Our concerned reader mentioned many day trips during which her guest hadn’t offered to buy lunch or snacks. That surely is problematic. Prepare by bringing food with you. Although you may be purchasing snacks and food to make lunch, you have more control over what you buy, which can help in both the financial and health departments.
If a guest speaks up and, for example, says, “I know we’ve got water, but I’d love a coffee,” you can say, “Oh, we’ll pull over at the next stop, and you can get some.” As a host, it’s wonderful to provide for your guest, but you don’t have to provide expensive things, and if your guest doesn’t like what’s being offered, it’s up to him or her to find a polite way to request an alternative, and to take on responsibility (and payment) for that alternative.
Yes, that guest is a delight, a dream — a myth? No, they do exist. But when you aren’t dealing with one, it can be, well, awkward, and you may need to make some gentle suggestions.
Our concerned reader mentioned many day trips during which her guest hadn’t offered to buy lunch or snacks. That surely is problematic. Prepare by bringing food with you. Although you may be purchasing snacks and food to make lunch, you have more control over what you buy, which can help in both the financial and health departments.
If a guest speaks up and, for example, says, “I know we’ve got water, but I’d love a coffee,” you can say, “Oh, we’ll pull over at the next stop, and you can get some.” As a host, it’s wonderful to provide for your guest, but you don’t have to provide expensive things, and if your guest doesn’t like what’s being offered, it’s up to him or her to find a polite way to request an alternative, and to take on responsibility (and payment) for that alternative.
Offering to have your guest join you for dinner at home is another gentle suggestion you may make to indicate that you won’t be dining out. “Tyler, we don’t want to tie you to our table, but we did want to let you know we had planned on making grilled salmon with veggies tonight.” This invites Tyler to share in dinner that evening while letting him know that if he prefers to dine out, it would be perfectly all right.
Another way this may manifest itself is when your guest asks you about dinner. “Terry, what are you thinking we should do for dinner this evening? We were thinking of grilling up some salmon and veggies if that sounds good to you. We have planned on enough for the three of us, but if you’d like to explore the city a bit, we completely understand if you’d like to venture out on your own.”
Another way this may manifest itself is when your guest asks you about dinner. “Terry, what are you thinking we should do for dinner this evening? We were thinking of grilling up some salmon and veggies if that sounds good to you. We have planned on enough for the three of us, but if you’d like to explore the city a bit, we completely understand if you’d like to venture out on your own.”
If by chance you like seeing the local attractions and don’t mind going a number of times per year, you may want to look into passes for local residents or frequent visitors. Many attractions and parks offer them. This also lends nicely to another gentle suggestion: “Mike, we’ve got resident passes to the park, but we’ll stop in at the check-in center, and you can purchase a day pass.”
Most guests don’t intentionally want to mooch off you or put you out. My guess is that our reader’s guest figured that her host wouldn’t have offered to board the pets if it wasn’t affordable and easy on the pets. This is why we so often suggest that hosts offer only what they truly feel comfortable offering to their guests. The more information you can give your guests about the costs associated with visiting your area, the more likely they are to either realize that this trip is out of their budget this time, or to come prepared to pay for whatever they choose to do on vacation.
One of the most impressive hosts I know lives in a tourist area and assembled a packet of information for her friends and family who visit. Hotels, restaurants, attractions, tips, rental car services, you name it, she’s got it in that packet. When friends call to say they are thinking of vacationing near her, she sends them the info and what her own availability is. She is able to either host at her house or meet up with them for various attractions and meals. Confidence with boundaries and some prepared language for gentle suggestions will help any host.
What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
Part 1: How to set limits before overnight guests arrive
More
Your Checklist for Quick Houseguest Prep
Modern Manners for Conflict-Free Family Visits
Overnight Guests Coming? How to Be a Great Host
Most guests don’t intentionally want to mooch off you or put you out. My guess is that our reader’s guest figured that her host wouldn’t have offered to board the pets if it wasn’t affordable and easy on the pets. This is why we so often suggest that hosts offer only what they truly feel comfortable offering to their guests. The more information you can give your guests about the costs associated with visiting your area, the more likely they are to either realize that this trip is out of their budget this time, or to come prepared to pay for whatever they choose to do on vacation.
One of the most impressive hosts I know lives in a tourist area and assembled a packet of information for her friends and family who visit. Hotels, restaurants, attractions, tips, rental car services, you name it, she’s got it in that packet. When friends call to say they are thinking of vacationing near her, she sends them the info and what her own availability is. She is able to either host at her house or meet up with them for various attractions and meals. Confidence with boundaries and some prepared language for gentle suggestions will help any host.
What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
Part 1: How to set limits before overnight guests arrive
More
Your Checklist for Quick Houseguest Prep
Modern Manners for Conflict-Free Family Visits
Overnight Guests Coming? How to Be a Great Host
In Part 1, we explored boundaries she and her husband may want to establish ahead of time. Here, we will focus on the gentle suggestions that can be made during a guest’s stay to indicate things like “We can’t dine out every night” or “We aren’t going to join in seeing that attraction for the billionth time” while still being polite.