8 Lessons on Renovating a House from Someone Who's Living It
So you think DIY remodeling is going to be fun? Here is one homeowner's list of what you may be getting yourself into
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 29, 2013
See our old-house restoration at http://victoriaelizabethbarnes.com/about-the-house/
I write about the experience of living in a construction-site and DIY house-renovation, design, frustration, planning, indecision and the challenge of sharing the role of general-contractor with my husband.
See our old-house restoration at
I... More
More than three years ago, my husband and I bought an 1890 Victorian disaster with the intention of restoring it ourselves. I fell in love with the house before we even got in the front door. I loved the wraparound porch. I loved the giant, ornate hinges. I even loved the crazy mess and decay.
At the time, I thought I loved the house so much that I did not care that it was falling down. But now I understand that it wasn't that I didn't care. It was that I didn’t actually see the broken parts. I only saw what the house could be and I had no concept of the chasm between the two.
At the time, I thought I loved the house so much that I did not care that it was falling down. But now I understand that it wasn't that I didn't care. It was that I didn’t actually see the broken parts. I only saw what the house could be and I had no concept of the chasm between the two.
My enthusiasm for our new house was matched only by my failure to understand true DIY. Prior to the move, I had never experienced any kind of intense house project. I had no concept of the sheer avalanche of what we had signed up for. My husband did his best to prepare me; but as it turns out, if you have not lived it you understand nothing. Not even your own ignorance.
But after three years of gutting and ripping and hauling and patching and repairing and sanding and painting and dirt and mess and exhaustion, now I understand what DIY means. What construction means, what chaos means. And what it means to see no end in sight.
If that sounds fun to you, here are eight things to consider before you and your partner commit your nights and weekends ad infinitum to a house that needs more than a little work.
But after three years of gutting and ripping and hauling and patching and repairing and sanding and painting and dirt and mess and exhaustion, now I understand what DIY means. What construction means, what chaos means. And what it means to see no end in sight.
If that sounds fun to you, here are eight things to consider before you and your partner commit your nights and weekends ad infinitum to a house that needs more than a little work.
1. Whatever your relationship is like now is exactly what your project will be like. Except you will both be on fire.
If you communicate calmly and kindly while you are in flames, you’ll be fine.
Not you? Then can you endure the extended stress of seeing about 12 times more of your partner’s least-lovable self?
If you communicate calmly and kindly while you are in flames, you’ll be fine.
Not you? Then can you endure the extended stress of seeing about 12 times more of your partner’s least-lovable self?
2. Sometime in the first six months, you are going to regret your decision in one way or another.
When the construction has eaten your house, and your life and your sanity, and when you've gotten used to climbing over a toilet in your foyer, you are going to look around in despair and wonder why you ever thought you wanted to do this.
That regret will be temporary, but it is nerve-racking to question uprooting your entire life after it's too late.
When the construction has eaten your house, and your life and your sanity, and when you've gotten used to climbing over a toilet in your foyer, you are going to look around in despair and wonder why you ever thought you wanted to do this.
That regret will be temporary, but it is nerve-racking to question uprooting your entire life after it's too late.
3. Your house project will not be a form of entertainment.
It’s a second job. A job you cannot leave or go home from. It’s more like a second life.
Dreaming and planning are great. It’s one of the best parts — aside from being finished. But if at any point you or your partner says, "This will be fun!," You should stop right there. There are only 10 people on the planet who would define living in a construction site as fun. Chances are, you are not one of them.
It’s a second job. A job you cannot leave or go home from. It’s more like a second life.
Dreaming and planning are great. It’s one of the best parts — aside from being finished. But if at any point you or your partner says, "This will be fun!," You should stop right there. There are only 10 people on the planet who would define living in a construction site as fun. Chances are, you are not one of them.
4. You really cannot know what a house needs until you live in it.
No matter how carefully you plan, there will be complications. (This is multiplied by infinity if you are buying an old house.) And the character trait you are most going to appreciate in your partner is the ability to adapt and move on.
My husband likes to point out that if I had been on the Titanic, it would not have sunk. The ship would have been kept afloat by my sheer aversion to diverting from the plan.
No matter how carefully you plan, there will be complications. (This is multiplied by infinity if you are buying an old house.) And the character trait you are most going to appreciate in your partner is the ability to adapt and move on.
My husband likes to point out that if I had been on the Titanic, it would not have sunk. The ship would have been kept afloat by my sheer aversion to diverting from the plan.
5. One of you should really know what you're doing.
But even if one of you is a pro, it can still be a challenging dynamic. The novice (me) initially had no concept of the reality of making an idea work, but I had every awareness that it would be awesome.
I had so many ideas for this house. Had I been in charge, we’d still be on the third floor building the ballroom that I dreamed up in my mind.
My husband was frustrated that I didn’t see we had "serious" work to do. I was frustrated that he didn’t see the value of my genius.
But even if one of you is a pro, it can still be a challenging dynamic. The novice (me) initially had no concept of the reality of making an idea work, but I had every awareness that it would be awesome.
I had so many ideas for this house. Had I been in charge, we’d still be on the third floor building the ballroom that I dreamed up in my mind.
My husband was frustrated that I didn’t see we had "serious" work to do. I was frustrated that he didn’t see the value of my genius.
6. There will be one project that goes on for so long you actually forget there was a time in your life when you were not mired in an epic quest to find the perfect tile.
Our hallway bathroom remodel took at least three times longer than it should have. If there is a better way to make my husband insane, I do not know what it is.
It made him insane that he could not force me to pick a tile, a sink, a toilet, anything. I was so fixated on every detail that I was utterly unable to conceive of a time when I might not view the choice between polished chrome and polished nickel as a matter of life and death.
Our hallway bathroom remodel took at least three times longer than it should have. If there is a better way to make my husband insane, I do not know what it is.
It made him insane that he could not force me to pick a tile, a sink, a toilet, anything. I was so fixated on every detail that I was utterly unable to conceive of a time when I might not view the choice between polished chrome and polished nickel as a matter of life and death.
7. Did it turn out beautifully? Yes. Was it worth spending every free minute researching fixtures? No.
We’re gearing up for our total kitchen remodel, and this is the advice I am going to have tattooed on my forehead: Find something you like, buy it and move on. The end result does not hinge on every tiny detail.
The longer you spend on the Internet looking at inspiration, the more you forget a few key things. Like you have a budget. You do not have a 5,000-square-foot house. You would like this project to be done in your lifetime.
We’re gearing up for our total kitchen remodel, and this is the advice I am going to have tattooed on my forehead: Find something you like, buy it and move on. The end result does not hinge on every tiny detail.
The longer you spend on the Internet looking at inspiration, the more you forget a few key things. Like you have a budget. You do not have a 5,000-square-foot house. You would like this project to be done in your lifetime.
8. Stress and dirt magnify all your worst qualities.
When you share the certainty that you are in it together, it also means that you can push each other that much harder.
This house has seen us lying in 3 inches of plaster and lath and filth in an unheated house in December, laughing hysterically.
But it’s also seen us reach a level of frustration with each other that I didn’t even know existed.
When you share the certainty that you are in it together, it also means that you can push each other that much harder.
This house has seen us lying in 3 inches of plaster and lath and filth in an unheated house in December, laughing hysterically.
But it’s also seen us reach a level of frustration with each other that I didn’t even know existed.
Living in a construction site and sharing the role of general contractor and work crew is going to give you a lot of extremes. The extremes of irritation. But also the extremes of appreciation for a part of your partner that you might not ever experience otherwise.
Entering our fourth year, my favorite thing about this house is my husband. Who he is. His ability to figure things out. His ability to just keep going. And? Of course his ability to bring home every mirror I find on Craigslist.
More: Should You Stay or Should You Go During a Remodel? 10 Points to Ponder
No DIY for you? Find a remodeler or contractor
Entering our fourth year, my favorite thing about this house is my husband. Who he is. His ability to figure things out. His ability to just keep going. And? Of course his ability to bring home every mirror I find on Craigslist.
More: Should You Stay or Should You Go During a Remodel? 10 Points to Ponder
No DIY for you? Find a remodeler or contractor
What are you working on?
Related Products
Dave Fox is a design/build remodeling firm with a customer focused process, an incredible staff and a close knit... Read More
Related Stories
Bathroom Design
5 Secrets to a Smooth-Running Family Bathroom
Pros say these are the must-have features for creating an efficient shared bathroom
Full Story
Working With Pros
Which Pro Should You Hire for Your Project?
Find out whether you need a contractor, an architect, an interior designer or another professional for the job
Full Story
Bathroom Workbook
How to Remodel a Bathroom
Create a vision, make a budget, choose your style and materials, hire the right pros and get the project done
Full Story
Bathroom Design
How to Prepare for a Bathroom Remodel
By Becky Harris
Ease the disruption of a bathroom renovation with these 10 tips
Full Story
Decorating Guides
15 Ways to Create Separation in an Open Floor Plan
By tidgboutique
Use these pro tips to minimize noise, delineate space and establish personal boundaries in an open layout
Full Story
Kitchen Workbook
How to Remodel Your Kitchen
Follow these start-to-finish steps to achieve a successful kitchen remodel
Full Story
Remodeling Guides
How to Survive a Major Remodeling Project
By Eva Byrne
Get expert tips for improving your home while preserving your sanity
Full Story
Working With Pros
10 Questions to Ask Potential Contractors
Ensure the right fit by interviewing general contractors about topics that go beyond the basics
Full Story
Life
9 Secrets to Successfully Remodeling a House Together
By Laura Wheat
Learn how to put your stamp on a project while avoiding unnecessary conflicts
Full Story
Modern Architecture
How to Improve the Comfort of Your Midcentury Modern Home
By Colin Flavin
You can maintain the era’s signature style in your home while improving its thermal performance
Full Story
We're currently about 5 months into our first renovation and we're currently building a staircase. Lots of what you've said here already sounds pretty familiar! Only part I've found different is the fun element - I love renovating our house and although it's hard and all-consuming at times, it's usually fun! Learning so much and seeing the gradual progress is very rewarding :)
I completely identify with the fixation on every.single.detail. I’m usually a decisive person at work because I can’t stand folks who hem and haw, but I became exactly that during renovation. It was so paralysing! I guess it’s having to decide on something you know is supposed to be there for a good long time, so you absolutely have to get it right! That and a perfectionist streak. Ugh. I’ll use a designer instead of relying solely on myself if I ever do this again.
Another issue to consider when thinking of a reno on an old home is finances. Banks don't want anything to do with it until it's done and some still won't touch it. In our case, the house being in a historical district, the ARB has to approve any changes made to the exterior. They have been very reasonable and cooperative however, there is no assistance or compensation, local, state or federal. It's all on us. Fine if you have a spare 1/4M sitting around....we don't.
Finally resorted to mortgaging my moms house which the bank under appraised by about 75k so even that didn't help long.
Currently 2+ years into a 100 year old bungalow (seen here with our new roof)
in a historical district. Converted to apartments in the mid 40's, my grandmother lived in one until her death in '76. in '18 I asked the realtor to allow me to see inside again and explained why. She gladly met me, walked i and it's 1977 all over again. Appliances had been changed of course, a couple other changes made by owners in that 41 year span, but basically, nothing had changed, same crack in the plaster, same broken thermometer hanging on the wall.
We decided to buy it as it was structurally sound and very reasonably priced. We'd renovate it for my youngest son. Knew up front it would need a new roof, HVAC, plumbing and a total rewire. Planned to do some work ourselves. This is where everything went south. First person we hired worked 1 day and quit (due to getting a job with benefits - he has 5 kids so I understand, no hard feelings). Next one we fired after 1 day, had to rip out everything he did and redo it ourselves (my son and I) and we've done nearly everything ourselves since. Dad always told me when starting any house project, figure up a budget, triple it then start. We had figured 1-125K. We'll end up with 300K in it. If we weren't doing 90% of the work ourselves we'd be bankrupt or there'd be a useless house just sitting there with the building inspector and architectural review board breathing down our necks for progress. Another plus in our case is a very nice and cooperative building inspector. He does watch us closely but also politely tells us anything that needs attention and tells us what to do to fix it. I'm no stranger to construction but never taken on anything this extensive before and never anything that had to be inspected.