there is a new thread now called Adoption Research. Upa Lazy River, if you go there and see what I wrote, it will apply to every state (and DC) for trying to search. Most states have closed records, but angels still find people.
SunnyCottage, your friend's agency is probably wrong, depending on the state (I am not familiar with every state's laws) but in most states she is entitled to EVERYTHING in her file except identifying information, i.e. names and addresses, etc. All that should be redacted and she should have the rest. Maybe there are some states where that isn't true, but I'm not aware of them. If she asks for help on ISRRX or the Yahoo groups, they will know and can help her with letters, etc. to get what she is entitled to.
Shermann, your sister is in a very tiny minority of mothers who don't want to be contacted. Hopefully, someday, she will let go of the secrecy and shame and open her heart to her child, should her child initiate contact. If there are siblings involved (half or otherwise) that is often a bonus for those searching. It's hard for the mothers to disclose that to their children, but it often works out for the best, because those kinds of secrets can be toxic to people and in families. But your sister will certainly have a choice about what to do if contacted. There are few adoptees who just bulldoze into their mother's life. It is too emotional and painful and the risk of rejection is so devastating. Most want to be wanted.
I'm always sad to hear of difficult reunions, but just as there are millions of differences among people, there are the same number of differences in reunions. The vast majority I hear about are successful on some level, simply because the truth is known and I do believe that the truth will set you free. It likely won't be the fantasy that has been held by both parties, but the parents learn that the child is alive and what kind of life they had (and that's certainly a wide range of experience, too) and the adoptee learns about their first family and the reason for their adoption (also not always their fantasy). As hard as it can be sometimes, I hear few people say they wish they'd never done it (maybe during a rough patch in reunion, but not forever), that they are glad to have the info so they can move forward in their lives.
Let's move this to the new thread, okay?
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adoption
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