I came to this site because I totally lost it with my 18 year old granddaughter today. She just graduated high school and will be leaving to go to university 1300 miles away. She is good and never stays out. She lives with me because of problems she had at home with her parents and sisters. Her room there was really bad. I know I cleaned it twice and it was an all day ordeal. She went to a magnet school for arts and I would drive her to the bus every morning at 5:30 am for 1 1/2 years. Many days she didn't get home until 7 or 8. She graduated with honors and an almost full scholarship to college.
For certain reasons I need to refinance my mortgage on my condo and they needed to do an appraisal of inside of home. I asked her yesterday morning to please clean her room. She said she was going to yoga (in my car), she'd do it later. She came home and I said let's do it now, but she said she was going to her friends pool party (in my car) and she'd do it later. I knew there was no later, as I took the advice of just ignore the mess. I cleaned it in about an hour. It was mostly water bottles, candy wrappers, old fast food bags and drinks, wet stained towels under bed, sheets under the bed, clothes (way too many clothes) all over the place. I put the garbage in a bag and asked her to please take the garbage out when she got home, "Later" was the answer.
Oh yeah, I allow her boyfriend to spend their time together in her room. Yeah I know what is going on, but it's gonna go on anyway. He is good person. He tries to clean up after her but it never lasts. She told him to throw out garbage, but that didn't happen. This morning I waited until 10 am (appraiser coming at 10:30) and asked her again, please take out the garbage. Didn't happen, she just said she was tired and didn't move.
I am embarrassed to say it, but I lost it. Kicked the garbage bag down the stairs, cursed at her and told she could get out. She spent the morning crying and avoiding me. I said I was sorry and she didn't care I was sorry, that I was the only person in the family she had really loved and now she really knew what I thought of her. She said she is looking for someplace to stay and thanked me for having her thrown out of another place (meaning her parents).
I feel so sad now and feel that we will be estranged for the rest of my life. I am 65 years old and have a chronic disease, so I can leave this earth any time. But I also feel that I have been unappreciated. Maybe I shouldn't have expected anything in return for taking her in and helping her get through her last year of school (making breakfast, lunch and dinner for her every day), picking her up, letting her use my car, and working to support us both but all I really wanted was for her to be happy again and her companionship until she leaves us for college.
What can I do to overcome this?
Q
My daughter is exactly the same she keeps saying later when I ask her to do things and she does n t have time, and you try all different tactics, then I lose it, then it's my fault, I cannot understand where I have gone wrong, I'm not asking her for the world just a little bit of respect in the house, it sounds like she's respectful at her boyfriends house, SHe does n it see it as a big deal
Q