Forewarning: this post will be VERY long. I'll try to allocate the important details in bullet points towards the end, but if you're willing to take the time out and read my post, it will help you understand my dilemma more fully! Thank you :)

My parents have been divorced ever since I can remember. My stepmother came around when I was about the age of 6. I am now 22 and although many of our problems have dissipated, I feel as if I am now recognizing deeper issues within the blended family.

I'll start off from the very beginning. My father is a very successful man and, as far as I know, he is no millionaire, but is very close to being one. My father does travel a lot for his job and while he was away on a business trip, my mother had cheated on my father. They took a break and later had tried to reconcile but by that time my father had already met my stepmom and had made his choice. The divorce became finalized and they decided on shared custody of my 4 brothers and I with my father paying child support.

I adored my stepmother from the minute I met her. She was petite and pretty with voluminous red hair. She came from New York City and had a very sophisticated demeanor about her. She was very much like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. She was as sweet as they come and she had even dressed me up and made me feel pretty, something that my mother rarely did. A few years or so went by and I still loved her deeply! I loved my mother as well, but she went through a rough patch after the divorce. She used to go out frequently with friends, bought a motorcycle and was part of a biker type group and got a tattoo on her arm as well. Because of this, I became very protective over my stepmother. I wanted to know and make sure that she wasn't going to go out late at night and she wasn't going to cheat on my dad... After some time, I began to resent my mother and her very existence. She also remarried shortly after my dad did and I hated my stepfather just as much. He had a son and didn't know how to handle a daughter. He tried his best, but ultimately treated me like one of the boys. My mom and stepdad almost seemed trashy to me... When I started having these feelings, my mother and father quickly agreed to put me through counseling.

After a few months in counseling, something became very apparent to me and my biological parents. My hatred for my mother stemmed directly from my stepmother. My stepmom was the one who had told me that my mother was going out on those weekend nights, that she had joined a biker gang, and that my mother had cheated on my father and caused the divorce in the first place (which I talked to my mom about when I was much older and able to handle it). I vividly remember one night driving back from her parents house in New York, she had made a comment to me that she hopes I never turn out to be like my mother, which by her words was a "typical-Virginian woman". She also never approved of me calling and talking to my mother when I was over at her and my dads house. It was blatantly obvious that she despised my mother. The only time I was ever allowed to talk about my mother was if I was bashing her or expressing my hatred towards her.

When I was ten, my stepmom gave birth to my half-sister, which made me ecstatic to know I was finally going to have a sister! Then, things began to change at my dads house. All the plush dolls I had on my bed, including one I never went to bed without, were taken out of my room and put into my sisters. Pictures of my dad, brothers and I that were once hung up on the walls were soon replaced by pictures of my sister. She went and got a new family picture painted of just my sister, dad and her to put above the fireplace. What once felt like a home to me began to feel like an Uncle or Aunt's house that I visited frequently.

I then struggled with depression for a very long time afterwards and was confused on how I should feel towards my mom and stepmom, knowing that I loved them both deeply, but also knowing they both didn't approve of each other. As I grew older, my mother began to make more of a presence in my life (although, she never fully neglected me either, just wasn't as present prior as my stepmother was). We went on frequent lunch dates, she went above and beyond to take care of me when I was sad, decorated my bedroom to surprise me, and just did what every girl wants their mother to do. By the time I was in high school, my mother became my best friend. I confided in her about boys and school. She wasn't the "party girl" my stepmom made her out to be. She worked tirelessly to take care of my 4 brothers and I and my stepbrother as well (btw there is an equal amount of pictures around my moms house of her kids and my stepdads kid). She planned all of our homecomings and volunteered at sporting and school events. She became the mother I always wanted. She even became good friends with my stepdads ex-wife, whom I actually am very close to as well. That being said, my stepmother became very distant. She grew more cold and hostile towards me. According to my brothers, she was always like that towards them, but they also never hated my mother at any point in their lives.

My mother didn't make much money at all. We never had enough food to feed everyone and if we went and shopped for clothes, it was at Goodwill. My Father on the other hand made a lot of money and lived in a big house. It was quite a bizarre life my brothers and I lived in high school; one week were scavenging for food or having power turned off on us at my mothers, and the next week we were eating filet mignon at a candlelit dinner at my dads. It became normal to us, living two very different lifestyles, but we always considered ourselves to be poor. My father paid my mother a good amount in child support, but most of that money went to paying off the house just so we could have a place to live and for groceries. Aside from that, my stepmother forbade my father from contributing anymore money to us than the allotted child support. If I ever asked for money to get new clothes, she would state that was my mothers responsibility (hence the Goodwill trips). My stepmother had blatantly told my brothers and I at one point that we were my mothers responsibility not my fathers. It was painful to hear that from my stepmom, the woman I once looked up to and once used to refer to as my mother.

My mother and father happen to be very good friends to this day. They talk regularly about us and have great conversations. Although, my father has to keep it a secret from my stepmom. If any information has to be transferred between my mom and dad, it has to go through my stepmom first. She monitors my dads emails and gave my mother and father specific details about sending all letter and emails to her first to read over and then exchange. My father ended up secretly getting a separate email just to communicate with my mother about our medical insurance and whatnot.

I went off to college in Washington for a year, where I was able to avoid my many step-parent problems. I then got very homesick and transferred to a university near home but I still lived in houses or apartments for a few years with friends up until now. It's my senior year and I've decided to try and save up money for when I graduate by moving home. My father was overjoyed and my stepmom agreed to let me stay at their house, which wasn't my first option but the best one I had.

Since moving home, there were a few things that really bugged me; things that stood out that I previously turned a blind eye to...

- As I said before, my father makes a good deal of money. One thing that occurred to me is that my stepmother hasn't worked at all in the past 15 years since being with my dad.

- My younger half-sister is now 12 years-old and she's attending a very prestigious (and expensive) private school.

- My father bought my stepmom a 2015 Mercedes Benz but also let her keep her old (2005) Mercedes as well. I still drive the same 1998 Honda Civic I pulled a loan out for in high school.

-Her and my younger sister have a plethora of designer items, some of the same items in different colors.

- She spends mass amounts of money on a daily basis. Most of the time, she tries to hide it but she is getting boxes in the mail from Saks every other day. She actually took over my old closet with her extra clothes.

-My father is now 65 years old, and has told me he has no plans to retire because he has to take care of us kids (which my brothers and I have been paying for absolutely everything on our own since we were 16 and could get jobs, and we all pulled out loans for school because my stepmom will not let him help us with school). He only says "us kids" in front of her but has admitted to me privately that she sucks him dry. He also has stated that he has begged her to get a job.

- My dad began to confide in me now that I'm older and has told me that he was wanted to divorce her for a while now but he's 65 and feels like he'll be incapable to date again, he has a daughter with her, and he's afraid that she'll take all of his money and my sister and run.

- One day she'll be very sweet towards me, offering to buy me something, complimenting how much of a young lady she thinks I've grown into. The next day, she'll belittle me and make me feel like the scum of the earth and tell me it's time to grow up and that hers and my dads pockets don't go forever... Which I often wish I could tell her its actually just my dads pocket.

- Often times, she'll make me do her and my sisters laundry, drop and pick up dry cleaning, do every other basic chore around the house, mow the lawn (which is a very vast lawn) and get groceries. I understand that I need to do many of these things if I want to live there, but its the fact that I do mostly everything while she's out shopping or laying out by the pool at the country club...

- She has a personal masseuse and facialist that comes to the house twice a week, which she also tries to hide from my dad and I.

I recognize that the above bullet points are merely me venting about my stepmother, but so far I haven't had a great experience with her since being home. She can be very nice to me, but its occasional, and mostly when my dad is around. It's hard for me because I used to think she was the greatest thing to happen to me, but now I partially feel like she married my father for his money. I also feel like she wants my brothers and I out of the picture because there are hardly any pictures of us around the house. They go on trips to Mount Everest, Cabo, and multiple other places around the U.S. when we've never been invited on one vacation with them. The family portrait above the fireplace has since been replaced by a painted portrait of just my sister and my stepmom.

Things have obviously changed from when I was 6 to now. I recognize that it must be challenging to marry a man with kids, but isn't that something you're fully aware of prior to saying 'I do'? I'm beginning to suspect she had ulterior motives with marrying dad, or maybe she had a change of heart, but either way, I feel like she now embodies the 'wicked-stepmother' image. I never used to see her like that, I used to wish she was my biological mother, only until now have I changed the way I see her.

I could use some MAJOR advice! How do I deal with her? Am I just being the typical stepdaughter who wont like any step-parent? Is there anything I can say or do at this point?

P.S. I have never talked back to her or disobeyed her. I've always been a people pleaser and a timid individual, hence I never had the guts to talk back to her! plus if I ever did, my father would in turn receive her wrath and I wouldn't want to put my dad through anymore than what he's gone through/going though.

P.P.S. I just found out via her parents that she was engaged 2 times prior to my dad, all of whom were incredibly wealthy men and all terminated their engagement with her. My dad married her very quickly because she got pregnant and didn't believe in having a child out of wedlock.... just some food for thought.... Her parents also believe she may have a mental disorder of some sort and talked to my dad and their marriage counselor about it.

What are you working on?

The Stepfamily