Did a little self-di­agnosing on Web­MD and turns out I've been dead since 2006.

I sent this to a friend who LOVES motorcycles...said, "I'd loan him my scuba gear to go look at it!"

Related to me by an elderly gentleman behind me in the grocery store check out line: "My brother-in-law in Florida caught an alligator, but his wife couldn't cook it because all she had was a crock pot." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgZZBwG7slY

I just asked my dogs what their jobs are around here. They said ‘security,’ then promptly barked at a leaf and took a 5-hour nap. Impressive work ethic.