I have better luck with using simple syrup in mojitos than straight sugar. 1 part sugar to 1 part water. boil until dissolved. If I haven’t planned ahead and need it quickly, I make it with 1 part sugar to 1/2 or 1/4 part water, cook until dissolved, them add ice cubes to cool and dilute to 1 to 1.

Post away! It’s great to have aplace to vent anonymously about marital frustrations. I’m sure you have many sympathizers also dealing with declining spouses. Or just messy ones.

Thanks. I tossed it. I guess I will put any spearmint in tea or tabouli.

My DH has become increasingly moody, lazy, shut down, unmotivated. Maybe incipient dementia, or depression or just shutting down, tuning out. I feel like I spend an enormous amount of my limited energy ”babysitting” him. He doesn’t want to work on anything, communicate, plan, share financial info (maybe he doesn’t know what’s going on).

He is surly, unmotivated. Arrogant, pig headed, cold. I got no sleep last night. He is alseep in his chair. He never is so upset that he loses sleep. He just doesn’t care about much beyond his face. I am sad, exhausted and exasperated. He procrastinate and in that way seems dishonest with me. He does not do what he tells me he will. Everything is a struggle. I ask if he’s depressed. He says no. Iask does he sometimes feel he has to struggle to get things done (well, he doesn’t do much of anything), he says no.

I don’t find him particularly self insightful (now to say that). He just drones along. The house could rot and fall on him, he might not notice. Probably would not bother doing much.

I noticed w some people as they slide into cognitive decline or dementia that they become ~ lazy speakers. I call it the ”put that thing over there by the other thing.” speaking.

Is laziness part of brain decline? How does anyone sort out depression, cognitive decline, incipient dementia, mood disorder, maybe a tad spectrum, personality…

He won’t exercise, pick up, clean, work, maintain house, etc. unless mood strikes him or I nag, beg, explain, or give up. Except for a few things, he quits in short order.

I’ve had heated arguments with him over bathing, wearing clean clothes. I feel like his nanny too often. Other times, he seems to behave normally (within the confines of his introverted, sometimes dulled down personality).

When he’s not moody, he can be nice. Gee.

He is content not to act. I like time to myself, so he gets plenty of time to himself. He makes coffee, but won’t get out of the kichen for hours. Takes a century towash a few cups. Othertimes, after my nagging for weeks, he’ll figure out how to repair some broken appliance. He now takes all morning and half the afternoon to get ready to do errands. Old old sloggy lazy man behavior.

TMI, I know. I am just a my wits end. (wit’s?)

Today I’ll be researching my newly xoined term ”hostile sporadic dementia.” Then I’ll turn my attention to getting two huge dumpsters and maybe jump into one. I need to find him a PCP ( he’s not going to do it) maybe same one for both of us.

We live in a little nosey fishbowl village city, but maybe there are places where I can go to for guidance.

It’s now 8:30 AM and I’ve had no sleep.

oh girl, just reading that ^ makes me feel exhausted. i can't even begin to imagine the stress this is all putting on you.

i have a sis-in-law going through much the same with her husband. he's never really been what you'd call a likeable man but add to it, for the past 2+ years she has cleaned not only him and his messes but also his colostomy bag which, when he's *in a mood*, he will dump all over the floor or whatever furniture he happens to be occupying.

i'm glad you have KT to vent! 💙

Could be mine, but I do all the bill paying. He just spends it on his hobbies.

I read years ago, what I thought at the time a joke, it is not. ”I married for better or worse, but not for lunch.”

He is driving me crazy.

I don't have any advice. He sounds like he's decided not to do anything. He's doing "blob-time". If only he'd get motivated....go to the gym...? Doesn't sound like that's a possibility...?

My only advice is to dig through everything and find the paperwork for all the money. You need to know for yourself. If it makes him mad, too bad, so sad.

Gosh - sure seems like he's exhibiting all the symptoms of depression, not laziness. So sorry!

If he is in cognitive decline, he may not recognize or be able to express what's going on. Has he been evaluated by a Dr. yet?

I sympathize with you, Petalique. I'm dealing with a somewhat similar situation with my husband but blame it partially on the prednisone he has to take for a condition. I do wonder sometimes if it is cognitive decline, but he has always been somewhat moody.

I guess I should be happy that we still have each other after almost 50 years. He still has a sense of humor, which counts for a lot.

Also, check out his medications. Look at the potential side effects. My DH was prescribed something for his cholesterol and it messed him up physically. After he went off it my doctor said he needed to add CoQ10 if he had side effects. I can only imagine how drug cocktails as we age will also effect personalities. Unless he has always annoyed you. LOL