Nothing like a dog's tail whacking the dresser causing the drawer pulls to rattle like there's an earthquake at 4 AM...

If you got run over by one o' those vehicles, wildchild, would the story be that you'd got stoned? Likely not, for if you were run oveŕ by a modern car, people wouldn't say you'd been "tired", (or "retired", after a second such experience). o j

When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stare.

This tickled my funny bone