So typical for the women to be fighting. And so typical for the men to be absent, big-hearted, out of touch, clumsy, passive and will do anything to avoid confrontation. Ask yourself this, as women: Would you allow your grown children to treat your spouse with disrespect? Would you allow your spouse to treat your children with disrespect? One example in the original post, was that the stepmother controlled every second of the father's time, and didn't allow him to speak on the phone with his children. How many women would allow a spouse to ban then from speaking with their own kids? Women who would allow this need to call an abuse hotline. As women, we are nurturers and protectors. We are fierce about protecting those we love. We can mediate, moderate, set limits and still show our love without preference. Everyone knows how much we value them in our families. Showing love to one doesn't mean we have to abandon anyone else. I think this list for stepmothers to adult stepchildren is a surface reaction to the symptom. I could write an equal list of directives aimed at adult stepchildren. The problem as I see it, is the difference between men and women, how we think, what motivates us, how we deal with family. We expect men to think as we do. We don't understand when they don't. And in their absence, we square off and attack the opposing females. Then the men are forever victims, "stuck in the middle", like big, fence-riding whiners. Disengaging is a great tool many females in step-roles use. It's next in line to being married to a man who can actually love equally, be fair, have expectations and boundaries for the people in his family. I disengaged several years ago. I went from unsuccessfully trying to have a relationship with my stepchildren, who made it clear for many years that they weren't interested, to losing interest myself. It is unrewarding and defeating to continue trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one. No more fighting. Part of disengaging means I am also not responsible for reminding my husband of birthdays, initiating visits to see his children, encouraging him to call them, etc. He and they are on their own to navigate their own relationship. They aren't banned from our home and are welcome to come, they just rarely ever do. Nobody is to blame, it's just often how these stepfamilies go when they don't work for everybody. I find it better when we lower our expectations, accept the reality (or not), and stop thinking that our lives will be glamorous if we all can just be one big happy family. Being one big happy family is no longer on my bucket list. If it happens, that's great. Will be another nut on my sundae, but that's about all.

I have thought of both glass and butcher block. Not sure how well the butcher block will 'go' but I love the easy care of the surface. That'd apply to glass, too, of course, with the added benefit that glass disappears and I need all the space -- virtual or not -- that I can get in this room! That'll depend on how the frame looks IRL, too. Will I want to see it through a glass top, or want it to disappear, too? Decisions, decisions!! I just decided on the floor last night, so this is really the only thing left. I have a friend that's an interior designer and I may involve her for this, once everything's in, because part of me really wants to inject a wee bit of fun with a painted wood top but I need help! She's known for her exquisitely perfect touch with color and I'd have loved to involve her every step of the way on the kitchen but 1) I can't afford her and 2) having been a consultant myself, I've been down the road of friends helping themselves to your expertise without giving its value a second thought, so I try to abuse her in that way as little as possible.

Houseful, Can you list the brand of appliances and sizes that you have selected? Looking at your layout, I have a few suggestions. 1. I like the first layout with a few modifications. I would switch the ovens and the fridge on that wall. I would actually move the ovens near the stove like you have in configuration three and then put the microwave near the fridge. I would also put the pantry on that wall. 2. I like the island in the first picture too. 3. I would move the cooking area to the same wall as the sink area. I don't know what the dimensions are but I would think you should be able to put the ovens on the same wall. 4. The space where the cooktop currently is pictured could be a breakfast area. Good luck!

Sure, I will message you. I'll go ahead and explain here too. The two bedrooms off the kitchen will be used by my son until he gets married which will be very soon and then possibly by him and his wife unit they are ready to build (2 years maybe). After that those rooms will serve as a guest bedroom and an office probably. I kind of like the idea of my son and his wife having their own space while they are there and of a guest bedroom being on the other side of the house once they move out. I'm definitely open to opinions and suggestions though. I know others see things I don't. As for the laundry room, I do see your point. I don't think it will too much of an issue for me right now although it could be in the future. I just don't see an easy solution at this point. We have been in the design process since July and we are so ready to get started. Now I have considered using that bathroom space to make 2 bathrooms instead of one (one with just a shower, pedestal sink and toilet). Do you have any thoughts on that? I sincerely appreciate your advice and I will message you!