I do not think it is inappropriate to cry in public and I do not think people really judge others for doing so over a tragedy.

I would think that most people do not like to cry or be overly emotional in public, especially around either casual acquaintances or strangers. It leaves one vulnerable and people generally do not like to be openly vulnerable in public. A lot of people may not want to make others uncomfortable. I do not cry unless completely alone. I do not want to be fussed over and there- thered. If I am crying about something, no one can console me or make me feel better, I want to be left alone to process whatever it is making me do so. Maintaining dignity and grace in front of others is a way to stave off unwanted hovering, IMO.

I should think that now, with the popularity of social media and the need for people to share every little thing about their lives in order to get attention, that crying in public is way more acceptable than it used to be. I always think to myself. "Now if this person had the composure to open this app, set up their ring light, position their phone/camera just right, and hit record, before placing themselves just right before crying to the camera, then editing and posting it with proper captions for context of course, than they do not have anything to cry about. That's tacky. There is a difference in being unable to keep ones composure in public because of grief and seeking to perform it in front of the world for attention. And of course they leave their comments turned on so that they can receive an outpouring of support and sympathy and attention. Not everyone is like that though. Some people prefer to keep their own burdens to themselves.

I do not think the woman you were talking about meant that she would be commiting a social faux pas by crying, Just that she prefers to keep that private.

That really helps Amy!

I especially liked how you said it made other people feel uncomfortable, which is very true, and I related to there-thering. I think you're right on both counts.

I truly couldn't guess what she thought!

https://youtube.com/shorts/JbSkf--iztU?feature=share

Sort of reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in The Queen Charlotte show out on Netflix.

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious!

"Sorrows. Prayers" headpat

I do think she meant it is impolite to ever burden others with your emotional hurt. It's an old not uncommon setnitment back in the day. The idea is you are burdening other's with displays of emotion. Plus it was considered "un-lady like". One was to always put forth a smile, unruffled countenance.

I'm beginning to see why I didn't know this was something. My mom wanted me to smile for my dad when he left (for the billionth time on his way to Vietnam).

I guess I've been denying that it is an appropriate way to react. Not so reasonable for a 5 year old, but very reasonable for a 45 or 55 year old. It really is reasonable for an adult to have decorum. Oh. Got it.

I really wasn't getting it. Thank you for the answers.

Some people have been taught never to cry in public. I wish I had the ability to control it like that.

The Queen Charlotte series makes me laugh.

I do think how one's own family/culture deals with it is one influence, and can vary from each family/culture to another. In some cultures, publicly displaying emotions is completely unacceptable. And religion influences people in their values, of course.

IMPE, some people seem just naturally emotional, or unemotional - I see it in kids. I do think it can be a choice, up to a certain extent, once one is grown. A person can change their behavior, if truly desired.

I'm not a big crier in or out of public. My youngest sister cries easily, in or out public.

The only reason I can think of as to why it is inappropriate to cry in public is that some insensitive person may laugh at you. Anyway, that is my experience.

Lars, I hate hearing that! Shame on them.

I'm pretty sure she meant she was doing it for others' benefit, though. That's what confused me. How could it help others. I am getting the picture, I think. And I hope, for you, and people like you (those who are strong enough to be who you are), that times have changed enough it that will never happen to you again.

Yesterday a tik-tok that showed about a dozen and a half Spanish soldiers was circulating. The soldiers in uniform were informally standing about, a couple giving raised fist salutes, a couple embracing, a couple crying. They were looking across the way, saying good-bye to a group of Ukrainian soldiers who had finished their training with them and were headed home to Ukraine. An unabashed public showing of emotion.

That seems completely appropriate^^

And seems to me, that when alone in public, most people would usually rather not draw attention to themselves, and observably crying would certainly do that.

I don't think it's inappropriate. I also think there's a bit of a difference between crying and letting go. I think if my brother was murdered I woudn't just be crying if I started- I would be a wreck letting go. I've been a wreck in public, but I prefer not to. I think many people perfer not to. I think a lot of people aren't good at handling someone letting go. In private can be bad, but in public it can be more so.

There is also some societal expectations surrounding our death traitions. Quiet weeping, dignity in solem rememberance, peace of death, grace in grief. Overly emotional displays are often frowned on. Often someone letting go too hard at a funeral is suggested to step away. Grief can be contagious and letting go can spread sometimes. And it's a catch- be too quiet or too collected and sometimes folks think something is wrong that you aren't letting go where it can be seen by others.

Is it? I've done it plenty of times. I couldn't help it. One time sticks out to me in particular. I was about 18 or 19--visiting my older sister who had moved to California--I was in NY---when I got on the plane I was bawling because I missed her so much. The flight attendant was really nice to me. And, another time, I was in a church sightseeing in Germany and all of a sudden I thought of my mom and I busted out in tears. She had died a month before. A woman smiled at me in a knowing way and it was realy sweet. Maybe I am inappropriate...

I agree. There are times we should be inappropriate. Hugs to you❣️

I don't care if it's inappropriate or not. But then, I don't usually care what other people think anyway. If I'm in a situation and it happens, so what.

Who determines what's inappropriate or not anyway? Who decides this? 🤷‍♀️ Someone's got a problem with it, it's theirs, not mine.

A.O.C. does it quite frequently ...

I'm not one of her fans. But fortunately, people of the other political extreme are not burdened with common sense or emotions of any kind.

Don't ever cry at work. Not ever. It will be used against you someway somehow somewhere down the road by someone. If you can't hold it in, excuse yourself and go out to your car or somewhere - anywhere - else before you let loose.

I've never cried at work. Thank goodness.

I've cried at work. Hasn't bitten me in the rear yet. Almost 20 years later. When I first worked for him as an assistant (manager for him now), he'd been through several assistants in a few months. I thought I was alone when he heard me. He thought it was him (making me cry)!? I told him no no no! It was the office manager. And they were so bad, they left under mysterious circumstances (made a huge mistake with the NIH, but there's more) and it all calmed down.

the last few months of my husband's life, he lived on gatorade. for many months after his death, i could not walk down the gatorade isle in the grocery store w/o bursting into tears. i tried my hardest but all of those bottles lined up on shelves just siimply reduced me to blubbery idiot status. more than once, i left a full cart and beat feet out to my car where i could let loose in private. even today, 15 years later, there are times when a memory will make me weepy. i don't care who sees it nor do i care to explain it. it is what it is and if others don't understand, so be it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(((nina)))