My daughter who is engaged is having a party tonight to ask her intended attendants to be attendants. Her twin sister will be her MOH and her two best friends along with a uni friend will be bridesmaids - except one of them is a male. He has been with her through thick and thin and she would never dream of excluding him. So, we have seen that the word bridesman is used in such a situation. My daughter keeps saying it makes her think of woodsman. Has anyone heard of a better word? This will be an informal, inclusive wedding so she is thinking of a term for when people ask who her bridesmaids will be. I said to ask him and she said she will but right now when people ask who her bridesmaids will be, she says "my attendants will be (fake names here) Sally, Beth, Joseph and Stephanie." Should we just stick with the words attendants? He will wear a suit or whatever that is in line with what the groomsmen will be wearing.
bpath8 days agolast modified: 8 days ago
“Attendants” is just fine.nekotish thanked bpath
mojomom8 days ago
I agree — Attendants is the word! Good for your DD for following her heart and not outdated traditions!nekotish thanked mojomom
mtnrdredux_gw8 days ago
so sweetnekotish thanked mtnrdredux_gw
Bookwoman8 days ago
My daughter had her best male friend from college as one of her attendants. It was great to see him up there.nekotish thanked Bookwoman
morz8 - Washington Coast8 days ago
I like the description 'attendant'. Would he have a preference? She could ask him....nekotish thanked morz8 - Washington Coast
colleenoz8 days ago
I’d go with “attendant” as well.
3katz4me8 days ago
She already figured it out with no help from us.
arcy_gw8 days ago
"Outdated" not really this is a group that has included all bffs regardless, for so long now to be affronted by what used to be is just no longer worth the energy as it's no longer set in stone. Attendants works. I've seen on programs "Standing up for the couple today" and the list of names. I always like when they tell us cousins or siblings in the list. There is just no reason to define the dress wearers vs the tux's. Everyone knows!! "Wedding party" would also work. With all the diversity one would assume your daughter's isn't the first, so she would have run into it before, what has she seen other's do? I really take insult to the 'this is an inclusive wedding' NEVER have I heard anyone say "This is a wedding for friends and family that won't include this that or the other thing." uggg. It's just sooo tacky to be so in your face with personal information.
Ally De7 days ago
Sigh. 🙁 So in your world it isn't "in your face with personal information" to list family members in the program - but it IS unacceptable to use the word inclusive.
Arcy, you genuinely make my heart hurt.
Toronto Veterinarian7 days ago
"Attendants" also nicely negates the need for the word "bridesmaid", because sometimes "bridesmaids" are not maids (unmarried) but matrons (married). Best to do away with all those terms, in my opinion.
Jilly7 days ago
Attendants is perfect!
Congrats to your daughter. ❤️
Ded tired7 days ago
I guess Bridesbutler isnt going to work. 😉
beesneeds7 days ago
How about paranymph? Old school, Greek. It can apply to all the attendents.
katlan7 days ago
Or maybe brides attendants?
Sueb207 days ago
DS is having a female on his side but I guess it’s easier for him bc ”usher” can be male or female. She is making her own dress to match the other ushers’ tuxes. I can’t wait to see it. Fun fact, she’s also walking their dogs down the aisle.nekotish thanked Sueb20
bpath7 days ago
What is an inclusive wedding? Is it when you invite cousin Junie even though no on has spoken to her since that unforunate incident at the barbecue?
Ida Claire7 days agolast modified: 7 days ago
Your daughter sounds like the type of person I try to surround myself with these days, because it's simply a joy to be with people who have open minds and loving hearts. I would say that I hope she has an amazing, memorable wedding, but I think that’s already a given. And yes, attendants is the perfect term.
ETA: "Inclusive" is a beautiful word that matters now more than ever before. Please continue to find ways to use it. I rewrote an organizational mission statement recently to emphasize that word.
beesneeds7 days ago
Maybe inclusive can be including guests who don't know who all the wedding party is. That would make most weddings inclusive. Heck, I've been in wedding party where I didn't know all of the other party members, just some of them.
First time I got married was over 20 years ago. My husband wanted his best female friend in the wedding party. She stood on his side. I had a male friend stand on my side. We didn't really title our attendants except for the two Honors. Everyone was pretty much first name. Didnt have wedding programs either.
I've been to non-inclusive weddings, and my second wedding was one. Also can be known as child free weddings. Usually it's on the invite that children are not included in the day.
I've not been to a wedding where pets have been part of it.... yet. But hey, people have been including horses in weddings for ages, why not other pets.
A wedding I was at a couple years ago was a literal inclusion wedding. A very small backyard wedding. The bride and groom came out. Their two Honors stood. Close friends and family were called to stand. Then an invite for everyone else to stand if they desired. Everyone stood for the couple :) It was rather lovely. Very short ceremony. It was a mature couple, first marriage. Invited people they very much knew. Then all of us who didn't know each other yet sat around making friends over a pig roast all night.
Sherry7bNorthAL7 days ago
I think the word "attendants" needs to be used for every wedding party for for both the bride and groom, whether they are male, female, Vulcan, or Hobbit.
To me, inclusive means anyone and everyone important to the bride or groom or their family.
hhireno7 days ago
I attended an outdoor wedding where the dogs were escorted down the aisle and were listed in the program with a title like flower girls. Then they were allowed to roam, and annoy the seated guests. I like dogs but I don’t want one sniffing me and leaving a cloud of dog hair on me when I’m trying to view a wedding ceremony.
The minister had to just about snap his fingers in the faces of the couple and yell ”FOCUS!” because the bridal couple were paying more attention to what the dogs were doing than to what he was saying.
OllieJane7 days agolast modified: 7 days ago
I think either works also.
By stating it is inclusive...is already making it divisive. If you even have to use the word, it is dividing people. Either all invited (people your daughter wants there in the first place) want to come, or they don't. No need to state "inclusive" in describing the event.
woodrose7 days ago
I agree with OllieJane, when you throw the word "inclusive" out there, you're causing problems that aren't necessary. Without that word, this would have been a nice, peaceful discussion about a wedding.
Tina Marie7 days ago
Sounds like a lovely plan Nekotish! I love to see the pets included in the wedding. How did the party go last night?
colduphere7 days ago
When people find the word inclusive to be insulting, it proves that we need to intentionally use inclusive language loudly and proudly. As Ida Claire said, its a beautiful word and we need it now more than ever.
“Attendant” is perfect. Best wishes to your daughter and her fiancé!nekotish thanked colduphere
mtnrdredux_gw7 days ago
I don't think Nekotish is saying the invite says "inclusive;" she is just trying to give you a feel for the vibe and the census. Fake controversy.nekotish thanked mtnrdredux_gw
nekotishOriginal Author7 days ago
Last time to comment on this post. I used the word inclusive because there have been people that have said "wouldn't it just be easier for "Joseph" to be a groom's attendant? Yes folks, it is still happening.
Ida Claire7 days ago
May it be a blessed occasion. Sending you love. 💓nekotish thanked Ida Claire
Trapped6 days ago
My daughter had a male attendant 25 years ago. Several people thought he might have been a last minute stand in for someone who got sick (my husband's sister) I don't remember it being an issue at all.
WittyNickNameHere ;)5 days ago
Bridesman, Best Man, Attendant. They're all the same thing if he's standing up with her.