Oh.my.gosh. LOL!!! Did your GS not know about Aunt Mary? If he's a typical boy, he won't ever want to hear about her again! Sweet kids. :)

I know there is a lot more to the story than you could possibly ever tell us and that sometimes you have to be there to actually understand. I just tried to look at what you were saying and tried to offer help. When I said about them going to court and taking the kids~I meant to also add that they could also just come and get them. Going to court was of course the extreme. It does make the situation a little different when I know they had you take them so they wouldn't totally loose them. Most people in they're situation would be in denial of a problem and keep the kids until the state did step in and even then they're in denial. It is good that they realize to some extent that there is a problem. What happened with your DIL that she is the way she is? Did her mother do the same as she's doing with her kids and that's why she never learned things? Or is it that she had a problem that they didn't accept was there and this is the end result? Most of the examples of things that she couldn't do are simple things that can very easily be learned, as you said. I guess it makes you realize just how lucky we are. We take advantage of being able to every day little tasks that are VERY hard for others. After reading your last reply I have a different out look with your situation. I can see that your son isn't really trying to be selfish. He made a few mistakes (like getting her pregnant this time) but he has to really love her to deal with all of this. I guess from what I read previously I just thought he thought it was easier this way and didn't care if he had the kids or not. Does he call and come see them and does your DIL also? I would think this has to be hard on them, too. Has anyone tried to contact your DIL's parents? Maybe just to ask them what her history was and so on. I thought it sounded like she just disowned them but why? Like if the sexual abuse story was all made up, what was the reasoning behind that? (Just went back and reread and I saw about her mother calling SS when the daughter got outside while the mother was asleep. I can understand why she called SS~the child was in danger. I wish my MIL had the guts to do that to SIL and BIL. The kids about 2 years ago~they were 4 and 2~packed a bag and decided, well Eric decided, to go get Mommy at work. They were outside in t-shirts and diapers and/or underwear in the middle of winter! Meanwhile they're father was in the house sleeping away. They were too cheap to send the kids to a sitter so BIL worked 11-7 and then had to stay up with the kids until his wife got home around 3pm. The kids were forced to nap or stay in they're rooms most of the day while he would sleep! They got out twice! They happened to live across from the school and one of the teachers saw these two and took them inside and called the police. BIL just happened to think he better call the police and report them missing. Later that day they were laughing about the whole thing!!!) Her past may be of great help for you guys now to deal with all this. Did she come from a very loving home? Would all the attention and love and support be something that could help her greatly? I know you said she would make things hard if she came to live with you but would the outcome be better for her and your son and their kids? Would it be any harder than it could be to care for 3 kids until they are adults? I don't know if I am any help. I guess talking about it and getting this out helps a little more than anything. Taking it one day at a time will help also. You can't really worry about what will happen when the baby comes until that day comes. I'm sure you'll do alright no matter what happens. It truly does sound like your grandson is doing much better with you and you're teaching him so much. I hope you're enjoying this time. It also is great to know you took in Caroline because she's not really your biological grandchild and many people are different with step grands. Maybe you can help her out before it's too late, also. Many of the "problems" that you have with her may just be because of her age. It's that pre-teen age and you think you know it all. Also I don't know if you had daughters but some people will say they are harder at this age and if your other children were boys, that will make it harder for you. It's certainly going to be different. Also, she's older and had more influence from her mother and others in her life. It also sounded like she had to take care of herself a lot of the time and maybe she thinks she doesn't need help now? Plus she probably wasn't used to having rules or someone at least making sure she stuck by them. Zachery was pretty small and young when you got him so he's learning most of his stuff from you. YOu and your husband will be in most of his memories as a child and you'll have a great effect on who he becomes. I just greatly admire you for what you have taken on. Good luck with the future!

SGS9 is spending part of this weekend with us for the first time in over a year to year and a half. I am picking him up after school today from the far out burbs and bringing him home. DS7 will be at an afterschool playdate while I am driving just to keep things simple. DH will take him home Sunday before church. DH has committed to spending time with the boys, taking them to the park, possibly Disneyland. I think Disneyland is going overboard but hey, I'm just happy he wants to take them somewhere together HIMSELF. If the weather is nice it just may be the beach for bikes and volleyball. Planning this little visit has put me back in touch with SS30 and GF/babymama. It's weird talking to them now but the conversations have stayed on the logistics of this visit. GF/babymama told me that BM said "how nice of LAmom to take him etc etc." Blech! Both parents asked me if other kids will be around as they know we often have playdates with a bunch of kids but to keep things simple I'm not planning that. SGS9 has already asked how many kids will be at our house. Sigh, just you and DS7 this time. We have a long way to go before any more parties. SGS9 has just been put on a three week detention at school for fighting, again. Poor kid is so troubled. DH and I discussed and decided that it is for SS to discipline his child in whatever way and that we would just play the indulgent grandparents. I've laid in some treats I know SGS9 likes. I plan to play it light and loose. DH will be at the helm for whatever activities not me. However, all have agreed that if there are ANY problems, SGS9 goes right back home. A separate but interesting development, SD36's high paying job is at major risk and she may be getting a pink slip as early as Monday through no fault of her own. We had a nice talk yesterday and she may go to work for DH as early as next week. My idea and they both like it. I know, I know, when will I learn? If she works for DH I will talk to her everyday practically and start seeing her often as I will be training her on DH's business needs. Hmmm...for the good? Good for her, she needs the work, good for DH, he needs the help, good for me and DS7 as we will start seeing her a lot. She's been the nicest to us so I was glad to help her out this time. Interestingly she volunteered that BM is going to help her financially for the first time in her life! She said that BM, SS and his crew are going to have to wean themselves off of her support, I just listened without comment. She doesn't even want to see SGS9, her nephew, during his stay this weekend since it usually means clothes buying, video buying, restaurant going gimme gimme. Wow. She lives less than 10 minutes away but said "drive the long way around with him." Wish us luck.

It was good to get a few things done - and still this wk yet. It'll be good to have a/c in the car, that'll help when it goes over 107 again. and the hair! yikes, it'd gotten soooo long and was always in my way. does the garden forum have much on desert planting? I'll have to take a look there. ML - I'll be doing xeriscape also. I took a class in it with my sister about 12 yrs ago. There are a good number of desert trees, bushes, plants to use. I need to start out with fast growing ones. probably desert willow (love those), Palo Brea, Eucalyptus and Jacaranda. the Jacaranda has beautiful purplish blooms - a former co-worker had one in his front yard and I loved it. It grew a LOT in just 2 yrs. I want another mesquite too but will probably plant that in the spring. I have to check the root growth on a few because of the conduit underground. I'll put out a few Oleanders - not my favorite, but colorful and drought hardy. a few more Bird of Paradise plants and bougainvillea. I want colorful! Several will be clumped but unfortunately a few will be loners (or I'll plant some flowering bush by them). I told dbf I wanted at least a spigot on each end of the mfg home. He did mention putting some irrigation pipes around too. If he'd do that in a few directions it'd help. 2 spigots would help a lot - I only have 1 out back now. probably only 1 tree will be difficult to water. most will be close to others I water. Want to put a tree on the westside of boy's pen also. I want an ironwood out front so I can see it from the kitchen and porch - that's slower growing tho. Organpipe cactus and prickly pear too! the prickly pear I can get cuttings from my sister. Somewhere around here is my desert plant book - I need to look for it! we do get water sometimes - usually during monsoon season. That's been rather iffy the past few yrs. We should have had rain by now. humidity is up, a lot of overcast days etc. got about 20 drops the other night. my steps were wet but you couldn't tell by the ground that even a drop hit it! sometimes we get lots of rain in the fall also. the first yr when I was putting in the conduit for electrical it rained so long and hard I came out in the rain to dig the trench. my then roommate/co-worker felt sorry for me so he came to help. it'd rained so much we gave up and headed back to town. I had to follow his van in my corolla to see how high water was to his tires - just to know if it was a dip I could make it thru. I thought we'd drown. the dogs' holes would become lakes out here! but I think total we get just 7-8 inches a yr. I do have 2 plastic barrels here - tho they will probably disintegrate when I touch them... will get something at the feed store to collect water. will have to see how it runs off of the 'new' roof. when I asked dbf why it didn't have gutters he looked at me like I was nuts. even with our little rain I think it should have something to direct the rain off of the roof. Someone just came out to get the dozer. both the dozer and water truck need worked on. they took the water truck a few nights ago. I'd never know they were back there if boy didn't raise a ruckus. He thinks those are our machines now. I did notice while out there that my head started hurting once in the humidity. ick.