I would text him, and send him a nice cards with a general gift card. Does he live nearby? You could invite him over for dinner.

A general gift card for new clothes or a gas card are great ideas. For some reason all I could think of is food!

Mtn, he does not live nearby. I love the idea of inviting him over for dinner or meeting him for lunch but it's not possible.

My nephews are on Instagram, and we DM each other stupid jokes, funny things we see, and the like. I know they like it because they tell me they do, and they think I have a pretty funny sense of humor.

Snapchat can be fun, too, honestly, with the funny filters.

Don't over-do, though... it's important not to overstep the conventions, unwritten etiquette, and the relationship you already have with him.

I like Mrs. S's suggestion above. I have many nieces and nephews and share funny or on point memes and videos when I see them - and they do the same. Easy and casual...but still say I'm thinking of you and can give one a sense of connectedness (is that a word?). I love getting them! (Popular in our family right now are ski fails, golf heroics, and goofy labradoodle clips.)

Dee, you're a great aunt to recognize the change in your nephew's mood and to want to encourage and support him in his new job and beyond.

I want to share a slightly different take on food gifts for someone struggling with their weight. I think a lot of times when young adults stumble into weight problems it is because they either don't know how to prepare healthy meals or because they don't take the time. It's so easy to have a pizza delivered or to grab takeout meals which even from nicer restaurants (vs fast food) are full of calories and very large servings.

One of my nephews is on the (so far) successful side of struggling with his weight and we often talk about recipes or ingredients. He is in college but living in a house with a full kitchen and while he doesn't love cooking (yet), he does prepare healthy meals all through the week. When he returns to school each semester, I give him gift cards to wegmans, trader joes and a few healthier restaurants. Just the other day he told me was considering a healthy food delivery service (I forget the name-- but the focus is on healthy foods).

One of my older nephews doesn't struggle much with his weight but he loves cooking. We'll often exchange recipes and for the last few years, I have given he and his wife gift cards for Fresh 20 menu service that provides a shopping list, meal plan and recipes. They love it!

I don't want to push you to include a food gift .. but wanted to share a different perspective. Now is the time of his life to set good patterns. Starting a new job is a good opportunity to share the tools to make that easier with a busy schedule-- even if it is just a link to a recipe!

What is he good at? Can you connect with him, by having him help you with something?

If he is, like most young people, tech savvy, perhaps you could approach him for help with something techie, either usage or shopping; advice on something he may have expertise in. It could open the door to furrher communication, and maybe boosting his esteem that he’s being consulted. That could also provide an opportunity for a thank you something.

As Funkyart suggested, perhaps a healthy food prep service, with a message about knowing how difficult it can be to balance a new job with time to shop and prep meals, so you thought maybe he’d like to try this.

Friendly online competitions, like Wordle, Spelling Bee can be a simple way to keep in touch without things getting ponderous.

If you don’t already know, find out what he’s interested in. As you are reading news and cone across something that is germane to his interests, text him with a link and your opinion on it or question about it, or a simple ”I thought this might interest you. What do you think about this ________? ”

It shows you’re thinking of him, that you are interested in his ideas and value his opinion. Every week DH or I send some cirtual clipping to each of our kids and SIL, and i send articles to my nephews also.

You're so thoughtful. The times you text him, how long does it take for him to reply? That should give you an idea if he wants to be chatty with you or not.

Your description of his problems, except for weight gain which can happen to anyone, has the symptoms of bipolar disorder. How much do you know about his struggles and when they began?

Because DS2 has BD, I've been studying it for years & talking to therapists, he very well could have a mental illness.

Symptoms of BD include poor money management. Very poor. They have a hard time keeping a job because when a mood (mania) hits out of the blue they can become agitated to others, or just walk out. Depression is the biggest symptom of BD, which in turn causes loneliness because it;s hard to be outgoing and make/keep friends.

Also, you said your parents and brother "talk to you often about him." The word "often" makes my radar go up, especially in his situation. DS came down with BD when he was a Junior in college. Imbibing in alcohol and other substances is common because it helps them feel normal.

My heart breaks for him whether he has a mental illness or not.

Just text him and say "What's up?" which is a fun way to start a conversartion with someone that young, & it should encourage him to begin the dialogue between the two of you. If he replies with "Nothing, " then take it from there.

Bless you. :) I wish to God I didn't know about that stuff.

From your description...sounds like he could use a friend. It's very kind of you to want to connect. Texting is an easy and current way to connect.

I think it is very difficult for young people to "launch." They go from communities where they have built in friend infrastructure; high school, college, to what can be rather isolationist. My DS1 and I talk about this quite a lot, he lives in a city a few hours away from us, and at least an hour from any of his close buddies. We discuss how to find opportunities to make new local friends. For him, it's not the workplace. Everyone is much older. He volunteers at the library, it's a start.

I think wanting to know your adult nephews for themselves, and not through their parents' eyes is in and of itself a goal. And, this doesnt have to be about one of the two young men, make it about both. Send them a group text. I want to get to know you, because I feel I only know the kid version of you that liked matchbox cars. "I've always wanted to go to XXXX to see the XXXX, want to join me for a weekend of sightseeing" Worst case, they think you are mad, and say no. You've expressed an interest in knowing them and even if they say no, that is out there. And, you can continue to reach out.

Also, they don't know you. So, you need to share. Start a family text thread and share. This could be with the parents and grands too! This says, we are family! Maybe they dont chime in, . Maybe they do. "Hey, I am reading XXX, have you ever ead her/him. What are you reading? Who'ss you're favorite author?" And, just I did Wordle today in 2, is anyone else still polaying? These are great easy communications. Any contact is better than no contact.

Wow, I just want to commend you for being such a caring aunt, dee! This young man sounds like my oldest in some ways, and neither of his aunts (one is even his godmother) has never shown any interest in connecting with him when he’s been struggling. He even lived in the same town as his godparents for a year and they never even invited him over for a meal.

I think a grocery or gas gift card sent in a congrats card with a note is great. He’ll probably text you to thank you, and you could use that as an opening to check in periodically by text.