We've been through this with our kids when they were younger. When they tried to avoid responsibility for something they had plenty of excuses - "he did it" "I didn't know" "you didn't tell me" etc.

It's a little harder to adequately define an explanation - but that's when we gave them the Sgt. Friday line - "just the facts ma'am". No embellishments. It's an exercise in semantics.

I'm not sure if that helps!

I watched the Crown but don't remember that scene - what was the apology about?

The First Lady made some disparaging remarks about Buckingham Palace after a visit the with the President. It got back to the Queen. Afterwards, First Lady requested a meeting with the Queen. She apologized, but it seemed to me that her explanation ("uppers") was not so different from the excuse she said she wouldn't give, because she had no excuse.

I'm never clear on the distinction.

Maybe it is that she understood that she had acted less than honorably, in contrast to the standard of behavior that she’d admitted to admiring in the Queen. She explained what had led to the behavior, but it was still reprehensible.

I'll have to watch that episode again. I really liked the entire series and I'm looking forward to the next installments starting in Nov.

https://www.bt.com/tv/drama/the-crown-season-5-netflix-cast-characters-release-start-date-time-period-true-story-history-plot-storyline-filming-locations

To me, I've always taken that line to mean that the person agrees they did something wrong and are owning it. They want to explain how it happened and presumably why it won't happen again. An excuse usually means "it wasn't really my fault..." An explanation is "here is what happened.." It could be a distinction without a difference. 😄

It's one of those trite sayings which means whatever someone wants it to mean.

Sounds like Kennedy wanted to stand behind her assessment but was sorry it was made public. I think one can explain the events of poor behavior, what led up to something without feeling bad about them. The line I HATE is "No I wouldn't take any of it back because it made me who I am so it's all just part of my experiences". Young people love to dodge responsibility this way. Maybe adults do to. It's all pop psychology crapp ola. One should always feel/take the responsibility of hurting another.

Arcy, I don’t think irresponsibility knows generations. People in power have always used excuses and explanations to weasel out of predicaments.

Annie, sometimes I have trouble seeing the line between the two.

An apology and taking responsibility is part 1.

Offering an explanation of how one came to behave as a doofus is part 1a. They are related but 1a is secondary to 1 and the offender knows it. The offended feels the apology as primary and might be inclined to soften judgement based on the explanation but it is in their sphere to do so or not. The offender's goal is to show genuine remorse. The offender's hope is for mercy and a return to good relations.

An excuse is usually offered up prior to an apology or concurrently making them equal in the offender's mind but rarely in the mind of the offended. The apology does not feel genuine to the offended because it is not the primary intent of the offender. The offender's goal is not remorse but justification. The offender's hope is no more is required to maintain status quo.

Excuse: the dog ate my homework.

Explanation: I stupidly left my homework on the kitchen floor next to the dog bowl, and the dog ate it. I am in the process of redoing the assignment, but it’s going to be a day late.

You provide a context for the behavior but you acknowledge that you did in fact do or say something and that it was wrong to have done or said that thing

This is a sore topic for me, LOL. I once had a boss who would impose really unrealistic timelines on me. One time I was explaining to her on a technical level why the task was taking so long, she snapped that she was sick of my excuses and threatened me. She was the absolute worst.

(Every boss I've had since then has remarked how fast I get my work done. That woman was so out of touch.)

Seattle, I know too many people like that! I guess that’s why I asked lol. And then there are those who, behind someone’s back, say ”oh, they had some kind of excuse”, when perhaps it was more of an explanation.

Using the word "excuse" means you expect to be "excused" from "punishment or judgement." And if the "reason/excuse" you give is valid, you can expect to be "excused." If you give the "reason" you did something, it's an explanation and you might or might not feel remorse for the action, but you just need to let the person know why you did/said something. Take the dog ate my homework. If you left it by the dog bowl you should not be "excused" but if you left it in your backpack and your mom moved it next to the dog bowl and your dog got into it and ate it, well then, that seems to be a valid reason for being excused. The problem was out of your control.

I just thought of all this off the top of my head. So hopefully it makes sense. SeattleMCM , you had a valid "reason" why the work was taking longer, your boss took it as an "excuse" not a valid reason. She sounds like a horrible boss!

"Annie, sometimes I have trouble seeing the line between the two."

If I explain what happened and still take responsibility, meaning it's on me to fix it, that's an explanation. If however I say this is what happened so it's not my fault and therefore not my responsibility to fix it, that's an excuse. In one, there's a possibility of learning from it and not doing it again...in the other, there's no possibility for any learning or fixing it as one isn't accepting that they had any responsibility in it at all.

It wasn't my fault the cop stopped me...I didn't even want to go the the party... they kept filling my glass ... I wasn't that drunk ... I'm the victim of an overzealous cop, etc etc, that's an excuse.

I went to a party and thought I was just "feeling good" and able to drive, but apparently I was drunker than I thought so I'll pay the fine and attend the classes. That's an explanation.