I love Alice Munro. Her point is excellent, but not exactly contemporary.

Important to remember that for the past half century, women got to freely choose how they would exist in those houses. No one could impose such an arrangemnt on me and I was born in '68. Mind you nobody was imposing anything on my mother, grandmother or great grandmother. We choose our spouses and how we choose to be treated by them and our children.

Thank you, Jim_1....for making me remember that some things are understood and

explained in a beautiful way still. And, without being condescending.

Yes, what Uptown Gal said! !

Rusty

That was close to 100% true when I was a kid, maybe 50% true right before the pandemic, but I bet many more peoples' eyes were opened when both parents had to work from home.

Nickel, the parent who makes the most money is the parent whose WFH is best supported. Surely that came as a surprise to no one?

You could prioritize the parent who makes less money if you have a nice trust fund to fall back on, otherwise this is simply a matter of earning power.

I beg to differ. I have had a home office for about 30 years out of necessity. There was never any issue with my family over it. It is an extension of my career and has always been respected. Am I "the house" ? I am more involved in the home and cooking etcetera but I have never considered it my identity.

I have to disagree with the idea that the person who makes the most money is the man which the above comment appears to mean. Perhaps it is because I was raised in a small farming community where the men mostly knew the value of their women and the idea was reinforced by the men. Raised eyebrows and looks of distain if not outright anger I have seen when someone was complaining about something their wife wanted. Most made certain as money allowed that their wife was the one who had a room for herself because she was who makes the house more than four walls and a roof even above the much needed office which often ended up in an out building.

Reminds me of Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own.

I did not say the person who makes the most money is the man. I said the person who makes the most money gets WFH supported the most. For many decades now women could choose what kind of earnings trajectory they wanted for themselves. Some women I know far out earn their husbands. Meg Whitman made more money as head of HP than her husband made as a surgeon. Françoise Brougher has held top positions at companies as varied as Google, Square and Pinterest, her husband was not in the same financial league. The list goes on with women in tech I know who have husbands in strong professions, but I assure you if someone's Zoom call takes precedence, it's the person who earns most (unless the less earning spouse is a physician and someone's life is on the line, then no.)

Reminds me of Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own.

🤣

I understand, Zalco -- but the way I remember things back in my childhood days, the man generally earned more and the woman generally was the home-maker. Not saying it was universally true and not saying it was true for you. I think we agree that the very idea of such rigid roles seems quaint to today's youth -- and that's a good thing!

In my family, the men have always earned more, the women have never been cowed by that is all ;-) Families are economies and dollars don't represent all the value created.

Not sure I understand cowed? Zalco, do you consider someone who puts their own needs behind the needs of others, to do so because they are cowed?

LOL just right now, I hear DH in the kitchen making dinner, talking to the pups "Maybe Mom will feed you, if she's awake". Now I hear Shasta saying "woe-woe-woe" as if she's going to starve, so off I go....

No, not at all, nickel. I will be back to exp,ain myself later.

Anyone heard of unbonded syndrome? That's why a parent cannot ignore a child. Because it is comfort, much as our homes are comfort. It's been hypothesized that if a child is not bonded to their mother by the age of three, there's very little hope for the child's future.

Serial murders are often unbonded children.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/attachment-issues-and-reactive-attachment-disorders.htm

What is WHF?

Yes - thanks for sharing that. It is quite true for many, many women.

While people on this forum may be - or know - exceptions to this phenomenon, overall, research has proven many more women live the experience described in the OP.

WFH=Work From Home?

WFH = work from home, which is what I assume you meant, Annie?

Rob333, bonding in infancy is important. Doesn't always have to be child to mother, of course, but bonding to some adult (preferably of the same species).

I think what rubs us wrong about the piece, is the expectation that the woman, not the man, is the one everyone turns to when they need help. Dad might fix a leaky faucet, but then he gets to sit in an easy chair and read the paper while Mom takes care of everything and every one else. Way too "Father Knows Best"!

So Jim, does the woman get her office?

Yes, either parent. It was thought to be the mother for the longest time. Unfortunately, it's typically both in that type of family. Ugh

Who in a household takes the kids to the dentist, deals with the people who come to fix things, makes the lunches and is in fact at the beck and call of the family. Statistically it is the mother no matter how much she makes. That is the point of the piece. A mother has to respond to the needs of the child, while a father can. There is the lethal phrase of expecting a man to "HELP" around the house. When ever do you hear of a woman "HELPING" ? The use of the word help implicitly says that the man is not doing core responsibilities. He is filling if for the woman. This is reality. No matter how Bad Az you think you are you are not helping around your house. You are the functional center and the kids know it and your spouse knows it. So if your work place is your house you face unlimited interruptions from your household. Do not fight me. Fight all those statistics that say so.

This story is in Dance of the Happy Shades published in 1968,

For those of you who are not familiar with Alice Munro, she is Canadian and spent many years in the eastern part of Canada, but later moved to the western provinces. I have several of her books in my library and this book I got from the local library. Most of her stories are less than 20 pages. I encourage you to read some.

She's a wonderful writer. My favorite collection of hers is Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage.

Interesting and the idea does seem dated relative to today's more fluid family structure. So to find out it is over 50 years old isn't surprising. Today's parents can be divorced and kids spend time with each at some time or where Mom's job takes her on the road and Dad WFH (thank you for explaining!). Or where Grandma is the care giver while Mom & Dad work or maybe Dad is just out of the picture all together ... or sometimes Mom. But then again, there's a growing number of families with 2 Moms or 2 Dads too. And I know too many families where the Mom rules the roost regardless of who else is in the house.

My mother and I always had a "sewing room".....aka = office = own space. 😁 It's all good!