This was my problem too. My KIT is open to the BR and FR and these rooms have stained trim. I really wanted an ivory kitchen, but I compromised. My new cabs have the same stain color as my old ones to tie in with the existing judges paneling. I painted the hutch and island. Could you do a combo of finishes? Can you post pictures? If people could see the KIT, they could give you better suggestions. On the right, you can see the stained paneling going into BR. The back of the kitchen leads to the DR which has painted trim, so this door has to be two toned to match each room when it is closed. The stained crown at the back of the KIT hasn't been installed yet, but it will be next to the painted crown of the hutch.

First of all, that is a *gorgeous* space, I am envious! And thank all that's holy that you rescued it from the dreadful taste of the previous owners--all those different woods and floor, four or five different shades of red, ugh! I love the new flooring, it's beautiful. I think were I in your shoes, I'd first try adding a lot of cool tones to the room(s), to see if I could tone down the warmth of the wood that way--and yes, do you like the countertops & hardware? That would be the first to go for me, if I could possibly swing it; I'm not a fan of granite/quartz anyway, but I especially don't think those tops work for the cool beachy casual sort of look you want. Maybe a white or light gray granite/quartz at least, if you like those materials? Perhaps soapstone or concrete? Or a pale (or bright! That could be fun) solid-color laminate, even; I know a lot of people dislike laminate but I'm fine with it, personally. And some silver or nickel hardware? Of course, you could try re-staining the cabinets rather than painting them. Do you want to DIY this or hire someone? A pro would be able to tell you the best way to tone down the warmth of the wood. None of which means I think it's wrong to paint them. I'm not a big fan of wood cabinets, personally, so if you want to paint I'd be all for it. A cool white or very light gray, maybe? The island in a different color, a darker gray or blue, or even something like a barely-lilac lilac (as in, gray with a hint of lilac; I don't like lilac as a rule but I think in this space it could be interesting, and different from the other grays that are everywhere [including my house, lol, because I have always loved gray] if you're looking for that. Something about that island bothers me, though. I feel like the outside of it is really...unfinished looking. Like it needs some pilasters, or beadboard or planks or tile, even, just...something. Maybe some vertical trim pieces every six inches or so, to mimic the Mission-style doors on the cabinets? It just looks to me like the carpenter was meant to come back to finish it but didn't. And honestly, I'd probably rip out the stair railing(s) and banisters and replace them with square ones, like @Horner Millwork suggested. The contrast between the Mission kitchen with all the right angles and those little round banisters & spindles looks odd to me. Then you can get new ones in whatever paint or finish you want, and I think it will look a lot more modern and sophisticated than those grandma-looking ones on there now (no offense to grandmas!). Maybe even a metal? I don't know what the rest of your furniture looks like, though, so I'm just spitballing that, basically. I hope that helps! Can't wait to see what you decide!

Thank you Olychick and Fori. I appreciate the suggestions. I actually like the look of our oak trim, staircase and banister, and as I said in my original post, while it is from the 80's it's not the typical look that you saw during that time (it has straight, clean lines), and we have way to much of it to consider painting so thank you for making suggestions that might work. There is something to be said for the beauty of wood regardless of the species. While I like the look of white trim as well, it seems that everyone is painting their trim white and I have a feeling that it won't be a trend forever. We did bring home some samples of hickory but the tone of the wood was a bit too pinkish. We are looking at Acacia (matches well but may be too dark for our space), and I was also thinking of bringing home a sample of natural white oak in a wider plank to see how that might look, maybe I can sell my husband on it:)

No reason to paint the doors, just do all the trim work on windows.