I just did $300 for a niece.

I would just do what you can afford within reason, I most of time do a $100 unless it is my own family.

eandhl2, was it $300 from just you or was it $300 from you and your DH (or whomever)?

KATHY, same question. $100 from just you or $100 from two of you?

from both of us, $100 total, which is what I can reasonably afford for non family members.

I think wedding expectations have gotten out of hand, I do not feel like I need to pay for my attendance based on what your wedding cost you, I have a budget. I would rather not be invited, if you don't appreciate my gift. I got married back in 1983 rather quickly because SO was transferring to Ca, I don't much remember getting anything but a set of Pyrex casseroles from a Gernan neighbor, and I still have that set and use frequently.

A wedding gift is not supposed to be a "meal ticket" that you purchase. You give what you can/want to and what feels appropriate to you. However, I will tell you that the last wedding I went to (I'm in the northeast as well) the venue cost the couple over $200/person. I gave them substantially more than that as it was what I wanted to do. But I would suggest that $200 would be a well-received gift. If you feel like giving more, do so.

Kathy, I'm with you. A guest should not have to known and give the equivalent of their place seating.

Always give what you can comfortably afford., as Annie states in the above.

Thanks to those who have replied so far; I appreciate your responses. We are fortunate that our budget would allow us to give them a larger gift. In our case, I wouldn't be happy giving $100 from the two of us, but I completely understand that situation. I just want to get a cross-sample of what folks think.

I haven’t been to a wedding in several years, but I generally gave $300 for the two of us. Based on my own wedding (2004) I’d say this was comfortably in range, though gift amounts varied greatly esp among the older generation.

I have never heard of giving a gift based on how much the wedding cost per person...how would you even know? We've always given the couple a gift from their registry; giving money is not something that is commonly done here.

For someone fairly close, as a niece for example, I go higher in the $300 range. For someone i dont know well, either the parents or the children being married, I dont feel the need to spend as much and adjust down.

I have not heard of a gift being tied to the cost of a meal or to whatever the couple is spending on a pro-rata share for the guests.

I've never heard of giving a gift based on what expectations are either. A gift should be what you want to give. Assess your own standards and don't give it another thought.

I've also never heard of anyone not responsible for underwriting the cost of an affair `thinking or discussing that either. That strikes me as a nosey intrusion, not anyone's concern or business to know. The cost was the result of the decisions of those involved to allow them to put on and afford the event they chose to have.

It was from both of us. we did not attend a wedding or shower.

I think it depends on where you live and the crowd you hang with. I haven't been to a wedding in a while. $200 would be extremely generous for most people I actually hang out with.

That’s lovely. i know exactly what you mean. And wouldn’t the giver of that plate be delighted!

My husband and I both have a small family, one niece between us. When she was married we offered to pay for their honeymoon flights as their wedding gift. We were able to use points for part of the fare, so it probably ended up costing us about $500.

With a family spread out across the USA attending a wedding involves airfare, car rental, and hotel stays. I always think of Cousin E. who said--"the closer the wedding, the larger the gift". I suspect what I tuck into a card isn't the biggest BUT I send a card with a anniversary check every year to nieces and nephews.

Three weddings this year, one was a reschedule from last year. First was a sugar/creamer set they wanted, around 30 bucks. Second was around 150 worth of components that I built into some of the couples wedding jewelry and 30 for their cake knife/server set. Third was under 50 to make a gallon of antipasta pickles and a quart of pickled mushrooms for the potluck along with being the de facto party coordinator as the various folks showed up and met each other- and I got to have my mom visit for a couple weeks while the happy couple was on their honeymoon.

All of us are close and most of us are already fairly well settled into our lives before dedicing to throw a wedding, so it's usually less about price tags and much more about celebrating the union. It can be common to see some envelopes, some purchaced gifts, a few thrift shop finds, and some home made gifts like jewelry, clothing, household linens, food, alcohol, art, and other creations in the mix. Sometimes gifts are less fiscal tangable, like sitting while the couple is gone or being chaos wrangler for the wedding, or party runner, those sorts of things.