crooked cabinets on 100 year old home/ backsplash issue

last month

I have a kitchen window with a lot of room on one side between window and cabinet, and half that on the other ( this pic is PRE cabinets, ceiling is just crooked, home is 100 years old), ----

-- the cabinets on the right side at the top are further from the window than at the bottom. It looks like a Y on it's tradjectory .. When installing a 3x9 subway 50/50 pattern, because it is a straight and nice backsplash, now you see how crooked the cabinet is and that it is wider in width at top than at bottom. I do not have anything to just protect the part where counter meets wall, I left that part out b/c I thought I could install backsplash!

i had them take it down after they laid the tile, right before grouting. It looked horrible. I thought a smaller tile would fix it, but in reality it is still a straight pattern which draws the eye, even if it is a 2x4 instead of a 3x9 and laid in thirds.

I also looked at 12/12 mosaic sheets, herringbone, I am trying to come up with something short of just painting it and letting people splash the paint with food. help!

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