Barb, my advice to you is to go to a few Dr's, get a few opinions, have them make note of everything. Be sure to detail to them what you wrote here and type yourself up a health database in Word that lists Dr appts, main Dr's, Dr's consulted, medications, past medications (even if you've tried them & couldn't tolerate) any tests, as well as a detailed pain history - what brings it on, reaction to meds, side effects, and if you can, include pictures. You say arthritis in your hands- see if you can find some medical pics and edit them with a detailed legand like my & . Notice on the pics the marks are different colors, each color represents a different pain sensation (throbbing, stabbing, numbness). I have found that the Dr's I go to appreciate my pics & my detailed pain history chart. I just had my 2nd court hearing Nov 3rd. Yesterday I posted on another post in the health forum (link below). I hope that my fight will be over. One thing I had going for me was a few years back I had my neuro type a letter about how long I can sit or drive in a car. My Ex & I were arguing over where half-way was for a drop off point for my son. Even after mapping it, he still thought that since he couldn't take a direct route to get there that his time factored in. Anyway, at my last hearing, that letter along with a few others about my limitations may have gotten me disability since that vocational expert "found" jobs for me, like a bank teller,(ruled out due to medications) but since I couldn't walk fast, sit long, bend, those jobs were ruled out. He'd then suggest another list, which then got cut down from letter 2. Each letter's limitations were read, until we got to the last one. It was suggested I could be an "information clerk" (whatever that is) or an "order clerk". Information clerk was ruled out due to my divorce attorney asking where the jobs were located (he really rocked!), since they were out of my driving range, that went. The order clerk went after my attorney asked specifically what kind of store. He then ruled that out due to medications, & limitations. I'll say one thing, my disability attorney going on maternity leave might have been the best thing to happen to me. It just happened that my divorce attorney took on her work load for letters A through K. Since I know he can argue cases (haven't lost a case against the Ex) I wasn't worried going in there this time. I thanked him on the way out & told him how much better he was than her, he said she's a good attorney altho I haven't seen that. Punky, (((HUGS))) man, I could have written that post! I know all too well about emailing people, even people who also suffer from pain- they don't want to hear it either. I got an email from one "friend" who also suffers from pain. We used to vent to each other, I enjoyed chatting & emailing with her. One day, I made a post at another place about new problems (colon / stomach related) I was having. No one replied- I was shocked. They supposedly were my "friends" it was a rough time, I was at that place where you wonder why you stick around. We chatted & I mentioned no one replying, she then hit me with a wake up call, pretty much what you said. I don't remember if she even mentioned my new problems in that email, but I made a vow not to update everyone about my health. If someone emails asking, I'll say there is no change, or something to that effect but won;t get into it. I don't think anyone could prepare us for what this does to a marriage. This has to be the worst year for us, the 6 years we've been togather. He used to be patient & loving, now he's moody & loses his temper & throws things. Recently a "paver" came flying 2 ft to my right. It has been the worst year for my "dark cloud", I can't wait until 2005. Every time I turn around something else happens. I'm dealing with failed back surgery (fused Nov 2003), a daughter with problems in school due to ODD (funny, she's fine home), an Ex that blames me for her problems, a son who's father I fought & won for him to go to a really good art college, dropping out due to depression, my son then moving to CA to get away from it & having to move back for our next court battle against his "father" to enforce an order that he finish paying the loan he was ordered to pay. Unfortunatly he beat us to filing, & now my son is faced with the realization that his "father" cares more about $5,000 then him. Add to this my back problems got worse after surgery; all the 2nd opinions I went to said the fusion is fine, and my most recent colon / bowel / stomach problems. How much can a person take? I know there are people in much worse shape than me, but even knowing that doesn't help when hit with other things popping up that I don't need. I just want to be able to do things again, to go to work & have money to spend. I want to be able to go on an airplane & go on vacation. I want to take my daughter to the beach & swim in the ocean without worrying about the tide, or someone knocking into me. I want to take her to Great Adventure & ride a roller-coaster again. Heck, I'd be happy to walk the park! lol Who has $40 to rent a scooter? I'd love to bake & sew again & ride the Harley we bought right before I stopped working. Thankfully, there is gardening. The one place I can go & take my frustrations out on the dirt or prune the perennials down, or even rip them out when they get invasive. I save jobs like this for those bad mood days. I now pot up any invasive plants I pull out & will start selling them in the spring. I purchased a shelf / greenhouse from BJ's wholesale club & have it set up inside. I started trying to grow clematis from seed, it's actually coming up (let's hope it's not weeds). I also started a few rose cuttings, knock on wood, but so far they aren't dying- woohoo! I've been trying to root roses for years with no luck. I just harvested rose hips last weekend & will try to grow from seed. Hopefully, this will give me something to do in the winter months. This is the greenhouse I have if anyone is interested. I'm sure it can be found cheaper, I paid $25 for it. Best price I could find was $50, oh well, not allowed to mention the site here. On preview of post, it said this vendor not allowed. If anyone wants the link, email me. It is $49.99 with $2.95 shipping. I found a few on Ebay, but shipping kills you. You know, I'd really like to see a venting forum. Here is a link that might be useful: My responce on another post.

I started gardening 3 years ago. We bought a home in Richfield that has a double lot. At the time we liked the house, but thought that the yard would be too big to mow. We basicly bought the house in spite of the large lot. Within a short time I started to plant a few things in the window boxes, before I knew it I was on my knees in the yard throwing annuals into the ground. By the end of the summer I learned what perennials are and bought a few on clearance at a nursery. By the following spring I became addicted to gardening and have 3 major gardens with several smaller ones in various locations. Now our big back yard is the best thing that happened to us. I can't wait to fill it as each year goes by. Thank goodness we didn't buy any of the downtown condos that we originally looked at. I'd be lost without all that dirt under my nails. Anthony

Dani, I agree with you and the others about Nicole Kidman. I remember her when she first turned up with Tom Cruise. That curly red hair! And I could swear the first photo I saw of her showed her pregnant. Some months later the two of them were on Mike Douglas's show (I think . . . or maybe Merv Griffin), and when he asked if they planned to have a baby, Tom and Nicole exchanged a certain look. She was so much more animated then, so much more natural. These days she looks uncomfortable no matter what she's doing. She said in an interview that she doesn't have much sexual confidence. That seemed ludicrious at the time (she had just made that weird movie with her husband--I forget the name, but it was a biggie), but since then from what I've seen of her I can believe it.

I also really like B. Deep and Weediquette. The latter I watch with a slight cringe, because I don't partake of cannabis but I have in my past, and I never really enjoyed the feeling of being stoned. ;-) I watched the episode of B. Deep where Thomas was working as a hand on a tugboat. At first I thought it sounded horribly boring, but it was most definitely not! I enjoyed it. I started watching the Orgasmic Meditators episode last night but fell asleep (!), and woke up when he was covering "Bears" and was with three other naked men who were "exploring" their bodies. Um. This is not a channel for prudes, that's for sure!