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jane__ny

What to do with old gold jewerly?

jane__ny
last month
last modified: last month

Been a difficult week. I lost my husband of 50 years and am preparing his funeral.

I have been thinking about things I never thought about before.

I have one son and daughter. Son hasn't married, my daughter is married with two teenage girls. I have old jewelry which has been sitting in a safety deposit box for many years.

I brought my daughter to the bank to see the old jewelry and if she thought my two teenage grand-daughters would be interested in them. I realize that my old, heavy gold jewelry would not be attractive to young girls today, but thought I could take some stones out of pieces and have them set into something they would like.

My daughter said I should just try to sell the pieces. The girls would not wear any of the pieces, nor would she. I understood that as I don't wear them anymore or have for many years.

What do people do with old jewelry? Some are not old enough to be considered 'estate' as they are from the 50's-60's. I haven't worn any of them for most of my life. However they are heavy gold. I suggested my daughter have them melted down to make something new, but she said she wasn't going to do that.

What do people do with jewelry which is not antique, yet worth something due to the amount of gold and precious stones?

What about valuable china, crystal, antique pieces? Not sure she would be interested in those either.

Its a depressing time for me and I"m looking at things I've saved over the years and realize these things hold memories for me but not for anyone else.

Jane

Comments (84)

  • amicus
    last month

    Jane, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and for the others here, who have recently lost theirs as well. Figuring out what to do with your jewelry is not a pressing need right now. You just need to handle what must be handled and make sure you reach out to any family and friends who can lend support to you at this time.


    DH and I have numerous pieces that were given to us over the years, from his parents. Giving jewelry for just about any celebration, is an even bigger tradition in Asian families than it is with us Westerners. I did wear certain pieces over the years, but most were just too ostentatious for my taste and were always kept in our safe deposit box. In recent years, with the passing of DH's parents, we've decided to gift or sell what will never be worn.


    But we are taking our time, so that we have absolutely no regret in whatever we decide to do. DH was given a very nice gold Rolex watch, when he retired several years ago, from his father. But DH loves to golf and bowl and didn't like a heavy watch on his wrist. Our sons wear Fitbits and neither wanted it. So I've been wearing the Rolex, just to keep it running. But now our older son is much higher up in his company and a Rolex wouldn't look out of place. He is considering wearing the Rolex at work and his Fitbit at home. So I'm glad we didn't sell it for a big loss on the price. Especially since it was given by DH's father, it's worth more than just the dollar value. Your jewelry won't go anywhere, so don't rush to figure out what you want to do with it. Just take care of yourself at this difficult time.




  • chisue
    last month

    Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your dear husband. I understand that you are also dealing with Shingles! You have quite enough going on now. Put the jewelry disposition question to the side, although I understand that it may feel as though at least *that* is something you can control, unlike your sorrow and this nasty herpes. It's not a good time for you or your children/grands to have to make big decisions about family matters, beyond what must take place to settle affairs after a death.


    Come back and talk to us at the Table as you feel like it. We care.

    jane__ny thanked chisue
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  • jane__ny
    Original Author
    last month

    Thank you all for the good advice and kind feelings.

    I just returned from his funeral in NY. Coming back to Florida, I told our friends and his friends and colleagues that I would wait a year before making any decisions.

    I will start another thread. I realize now, deciding what to do about old jewelry is the least important as I face dealing with banks, subscriptions and all the things I need to change and deal with.

    I appreciate all the insight and experience. I never realized what it is like to lose your husband, partner and best friend.


    Jane

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    last month

    I am so very sorry, Jane. Great love results in great mourning.

  • lily316
    last month

    I'm so sorry, Jane. Be well.

  • yeonassky
    last month
    last modified: last month

    I'm so sorry Jane.

    I agree with the conclusion that you have come to. Dealing with the jewelry is not necessary for your current situation.


    When you are done with all of the necessary tasks I hope you are able to find a way through your grief to the other side that makes sense to you.


    There is something to be said for finding a group of people who have been through the same experience to talk about things. Perhaps in time you'll find a group like that or a few people with whom you can commiserate. Grief is a most personal experience. Hugs to you.

  • Debby
    last month

    When my sister divorced her second husband she took all her rings to a jeweler who took out all the diamonds and melted down the gold. She had him make a pendant for her. With the yellow gold he made a rectangle with rounded corners. With the white gold (that held the diamonds in the rings) he made a tear drop. With the diamonds he spread them randomly below the tear drop. The tear drop represented the loss of her marriage. The random diamonds represented the stars in the sky they loved looking at during a visit to Australia. He has since died (he was a horrible horrible HORRIBLE man) but she still wears that necklace.

  • JoanMN
    last month

    I am so, so sorry, Jane.

    I think I would show the girls the jewelry and see what THEY say. If they say they aren't interested in it, do whatever you want with it.

  • Chessie
    last month

    Thankfully for me I never was one for a lot of jewelry. I do have a few pairs of nice gold earrings, and when I turned 50 I bought myself a nice pair of diamond earrings and a ring, to wear as everyday items (so they are rather "low key" and somewhat modern). I am going to leave it up to my son as to what he does with those things, but I have written up a document on everything of either value or sentiment, that I own, and my son knows where this document is. That way he can make an informed decision about them.


    About my own mom's jewelry though....


    It's funny how tastes change as you age. My mother passed last summer at 89, and she did have a few pieces of nice jewelry. She had this ruby ring, that I thought was simply gorgeous when she got it, and I always told her that was the one piece of her jewelry that I wanted. She also had some pearls, some very nice diamond studs, and her diamond wedding rings (that had been redone of course so they were much more "modern" looking now. She also had an amazing gold and diamond baguette heart necklace - my dad bought it for her 20-some years ago, she had seen it in a jewelry store in NYC and loved it. My dad called my sister and had her buy it and ship it to them and mom was just thrilled with it. She wore it for special occasions, and always to the annual Christmas party. I always thought it was a rather stunning piece, but not something that I personally would ever wear.


    After she passed away - somehow the ruby ring held no appeal for me at all, but that heart necklace? It is in a special box on my dresser and I wear it to special occasions, just like she did.


    Your grandchildren's tastes will change, but if the pieces do have nice stones, I think I would find a good jeweler that creates his own pieces, and sit down with him and see what he can suggest. Have them recreated into more current (less heavy!) "younger" styles, and show them to your granddaughters. Explain the history of the stones, even better, write up a note on each. Let your granddaughters know that these will be theirs's one day. I don't care what your daughter says today, ignore that. If you want to sell a few pieces, fine, but have something made for the girls. It may be something that they will treasure.

    jane__ny thanked Chessie
  • jane__ny
    Original Author
    last month

    Thank you all. It has been a difficult two weeks.


    Flew up to NY for his funeral. So many of his colleagues from the hospital were there as were our friends and neighbors. Our son and daughter spoke and I was so moved by their memories and how they spoke of their father.


    I did not speak. I felt I wasn't there in an odd way. Somehow the three days and the long traveling with planes and rental cars was so exhausting.


    Now being home and dealing with seeing him everywhere in our house, constantly reminded of him, knowing I have to remove his clothes and personal items is a constant reminder of him. Everything in our home reminds me of him.


    I realized, I lived with my mother for 22 yrs and married my husband. My mothers death devastated me 35 yrs ago. We were so close.


    But my husband was my friend and partner for 50 yrs. I can't believe I will never see him again.


    I know things fade with time, but I am not there yet. It is so sad and I feel so lost without him.


    The jewelry is put on hold.


    Thank you everyone for such kind words.


    Jane

  • salonva
    last month

    Hugs to you Jane. Wishing you strength and that you are comforted by your memories.

    jane__ny thanked salonva
  • arcy_gw
    last month

    We had just returned from my Father in Law's funeral. The family home hadn't been lived in for a month as my mother in law was in the hospital recovering from surgery and it wasn't going well. She took that opportunity to open her jewelry box and offer the pieces to her grand children. Much was taken, more as keepsakes than value or likelihood of use. Your grands are very young, their brains are not yet engaged. LOL You will get very little if you melt them down, compared to the worth of your pieces. The idea that jewelry is an investment is BUNK perpetrated by the diamond industry. I would eventually write them up in a will and distribute them. They certainly are estate age but that doesn't make them more or less valuable anyway. If nothing else they will be appreciated because "grandma thought of me when she bequeathed them to me". Condolences on your loss.

    jane__ny thanked arcy_gw
  • sjerin
    last month

    Oh Jane, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I had a tiny flash of what it would feel like to be in your position, right after my sister died, and everything in me revolted at the idea. In those few seconds, I couldnt imagine getting along without him. But of course we must and do go on. You have my deepest sympathy and I hope you have lots of moral support.

    jane__ny thanked sjerin
  • Marilyn_Sue
    last month

    I am sorry about your loss. There is always a lot to do. I don't have to worry about gold jewelry, old or new.

    Sue

    jane__ny thanked Marilyn_Sue
  • jane__ny
    Original Author
    last month

    Thank you all again. It really helps to hear such kind words.

    I'm going through so much loneliness and grief trying to deal with his death. It occurred to me that I lived with him longer than my mother! I was 22 when we married and he was 38. My mother was not happy at that time, but truly loved him quickly.


    I don't know how to deal with the loneliness and constant reminders of him. I'm crying all day long, even in stores I see things he loved and I start crying. Its so hard to accept I will never see him again. He is all over my house.


    After he retired, he had the time to pursue his love of photography. My walls are full of his photos of my orchids, his roses and people. He had a special printer which printed his photos in a very large size. They are beautiful. Being in Florida, he loved photographing the water, beaches and beautiful sunsets. I can't remove them.


    His room, (a spare bedroom) he used for his photos, computers, printers, plus his piano, sheet music, speakers, all sorts of electronics. I can't go in there. I keep the door closed.


    I am heartbroken and apologize for writing all this on this forum. Its only a few weeks, but I don't know where to begin to remove him from my memory and house. It just seems so horrible.


    How do people get to a point where they can remove the things that were so much a part of a person? Our daughter wants to help me but I can't remove his things. I can't remove all the beautiful photos.


    I'm thinking of looking for help as I worry about how I feel and whether I will ever feel normal without him.

    Again, I'm so sorry to write all this but would appreciate how others have gotten over their grief and does it truly lessen over time? It doesn't feel that way to me now.


    Jane

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    last month

    Jane,

    I don't have any answers. My greatest loss was my mother and it took a long time (two years) to even begin to heal. One thing worth remembering is what your beloved would want for you. Surely he would have wanted part of his legacy to be your happiness.

    This may be a good time to find some place where you can direct your energies toward helping others. That is always helpful to me. That provides a much needed change of scene, plus it is truly uplifting to help someone when you are struggling yourself.

    As for clearing out his things, I might have to wait. I would certainly not get rid of his beautiful pictures.

    Maybe you could find a therapist to just be able to speak and grieve with someone who could reassure that while it is gutting, your grief is normal and symptomatic of a great love.

    My DMs don't work here, but I would be happy to chat anytime. I am sure you will find others who have been in your shoes and they will be more helpful, but if you need an ear, please let me know and I will post my email address and phone number.

    PS There was a thread recently about meditation. That could be helpful. I will try to find that.

  • lily316
    last month

    Jane, I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are grieving. Your whole life was spent with him. Please don't get rid of his photography. I think it will bring you peace in the future to look at them and see what he was seeing. It's a very rough patch of your life and I hope you will seek others who can help you.

    jane__ny thanked lily316
  • amylou321
    last month

    No need to get rid of his things. None at all. If you never want to then don't. And do not let any one pressure you into it either. In time they will bring joy and fond memories instead of such pain.

    If anything happens to my SO (barring illness or accident on my part he likely will go before me as he is almost 18 years older)and ANYONE tries to take so much as one sock of his out of my house,well, they better bring backup, a tazer and a straight jacket. They will not get it without all three.......

    My heart breaks for you right now. (Hugs)

    jane__ny thanked amylou321
  • raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
    last month

    What you are feeling is absolutely normal! Grief after such a loss can be profound - allow yourself to feel it, just don't let it disable you entirely.

    You don't need to try to remove anything now, either from your home or your memory. The time will come when it comes.

    Yes, the grief does abate, faster for some, slower for others, but eventually you realize that you have a new normal and you are okay.

    I found that I really just needed to be able to talk about my loss with others who understood that need and what I was feeling - so I looked up a grief support group; I found that did give me some relief.

    My best wishes for you in this very difficult period.

    jane__ny thanked raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
  • Helen
    last month

    My condolences - what you are feeling is part of the normal grieving process. My experience with grief is that very gradually it abates but it never really goes away.


    People in the US have difficulty dealing with grief of others and people want you to be okay after a week or so. You are so early on in terms of the grief process so that it will still be intense and just wash over you in overwhelming waves.


    As others have posted, the best thing to do is nothing except what absolutely needs to be done in terms of the legal issues. There is certainly no reason to get rid of anything that gives you comfort. After my mother died, my father essentially kept every bit of tchocke in the place where she had put it until he moved to an assisted living facility some years later.


    At some point, for whatever reason, you may want to start weaning through things but there is no time table to do so. You had a comfortable home when he was still alive so it is not as if the objects are dysfunctional where they are now. Perhaps at some point you can start going through stuff that is easier to deal with like clothing - thinking that others less fortunate might really make good use of stuff makes it easier for me to release things.


    I had inherited a LOT of stuff from my mother and grandmother and at first I kept everything that I could cram into my condo. Eventually I winnowed it down to objects that brought me comfort and joy when I looked at them and released the others which I had kept out of guilt and inertia. But my situation was different than yours is because I had brought stuff INTO my home versus not getting rid of stuff that I had shared with someone - if that makes sense.


    But be easy on yourself and don't feel guilty for still grieving intensely.

    jane__ny thanked Helen
  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    last month
    last modified: last month

    People in the US have difficulty dealing with grief of others and people want you to be okay after a week or so. You are so early on in terms of the grief process so that it will still be intense and just wash over you in overwhelming waves.

    This!!!!!!!

    jane__ny thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
  • Elmer J Fudd
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Very true, Helen and Zalco, if taken literally. To say " I hope you can deal with and get over the tragedy" implies more of a wish to feel better without, I think in most cases, any implied time frame.

    The other extreme isn't better. Far too many people in my experience are never able to deal with the grief of losing a loved one . It sadly can become the defining factor affecting their lives and personalities. One of my aunts lost her husband and spent the rest of her life (nearly 15 years) in mourning. She couldn't deal with it and refused to get counselling to feel better and move on. It was really sad.

    Everyone deals with it differently. It's so very personal. We all wish Jane well and hope she can find comfort with family and friends, whenever and however is best for her

    jane__ny thanked Elmer J Fudd
  • Helen
    last month

    Not to hijack but there is a psychological condition called "complicated grief" which is what your aunt went through.


    Jane is experiencing completely normal feelings. I do think that people underestimate the intensity of what grief feels like when one has lost a spouse or a child or even a sibling. At this point, Jane should not feel obligated to feel in a certain way or "get on" with things - the best people to be around when one is grieving are those who let you be and don't attempt to cheer you up but just are there to accept the full range of emotions one is experiencing.

  • maifleur03
    last month

    Just wanted to add that people do grieve differently. People who have a loved one with a long term illness once the person that the loved passes away they have no period of emotional mourning because that mourning was done during they months and years their loved one was ill. Having cared for my husband during his dementia for 17 years while sad my period of mourning was long past.

  • Pam from Fort Worth
    last month

    Oh Jane, I wish I could give you a big hug! There is no wrong or right way to do grief. Of course you are going to see him in everything and it's natural and normal to feel the way you feel. Please do find a group of other grief survivors to help you feel less alone in your grief.

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    last month

    Mai, that must have been horrific for you. I am so sorry.

  • maddielee
    last month

    Jane, consider looking into the organization GriefShare. my sister-in-law has found wonderful support in her city’s branch.

  • Jasdip
    26 days ago

    I'm just reading this now.

    Jane, I'm so very sorry for your loss. When my hubby died, I didn't know what to do with myself. We were best friends and loved each other's company. I didn't feel like cooking, going anywhere, doing anything. I'd wander aimlessly around the apartment.

    I'd get angry when people would tell me to 'move on'. One neighbour expressed his sympathy while standing in line at the grocery store. I thanked him, then he said it was time to move on. It was only 2 months at that time. I was pissed, but didn't let it show. How thoughtless of people. Perhaps they don't know what to say, but until someone has lost a spouse, they have no idea the depth of grief. It's also nice (in a sad way) to have loved someone so much that we grieve.

    As to your jewellery, there's no rush. But I sold my gold jewelery that was Mom's and other jewelery I don't wear to a jeweler.

    Beware those people/companies that come into town for a weekend, usually at a large hotel and advertise that they buy your jewelery. They pay you on the spot. True, BUT they give you a deeply discounted price so that they pocket a lot of cash when they in turn sell it to the gold company.

    A number of years ago I had some I wanted to sell, and they quoted me a price I wasn't happy with. We then took it to a jeweler and he offered 4x the price. I've used that jeweler ever since. I was in last week and bought some earrings. I have a few wee loose diamonds that I want to do something with, perhaps a bangle-bracelet.

    jane__ny thanked Jasdip
  • bob_cville
    25 days ago
    last modified: 25 days ago

    I only just saw this today as well. It's been 16 months since my wife suddenly died. The best advice I was given was to not make big decisions too quickly. I opened this thread because I'm starting to think about doing something with some of my wife's things and deciding it is probably time to remove my wedding ring. In truth I would have done it earlier if it were possible, but given that it will need to be cut off -- which is much more final and irreversible -- has made me reluctant to take that step.

    jane__ny thanked bob_cville
  • nicole___
    16 days ago

    Dover Jewelery takes pieces on consignment. They get a lot for old pieces. Here's a link to check them out. They are legit.

    Dover Jewelry

    jane__ny thanked nicole___
  • sjerin
    14 days ago

    How are you doing, Jane? I hope you are managing alright and have lots of support.


    Bob, there is no hurry to do those things if you aren't ready. You've been through such a trauma and I hope you too have had a lot of support. If you feel ready to deal with your wife's things, is there someone who can help you?

  • jemdandy
    12 days ago

    Some decisions you can put off to a later time and maybe that's appropriate in this case. At this time, you have many other pressing decisions, so shove aside the less important ones. Make a list of items you will attend to later to ease the burden of trying to remember everything at a later time. It has been my experience that people, during the time of high emotional stress such as a loss of a loved one, who made hasty decisions later though differently. You will be better prepared to handle the less pressing decisions after the grief shock has subsided.


    Don't forget that currently gold is high priced and heavy pieces have good scrap value. However, if your pieces have a desirable design, those should bring a better price than its scrap value. 24 caret gold is 100% gold. Pure gold is too soft for pieces that will be worn and must be alloyed to make a harder and more durable metal. 18 caret gold alloy contains 75% gold.

  • Jasdip
    12 days ago
    last modified: 12 days ago

    Bob only you can decide when you're ready to part with her things and your wedding ring.

    I got rid of several things of hobbies right away because his brothers and a nephew were here to see him in his final days. They went home with his runners, winter boots etc. His Jean's, t-shirts, underwear (some new in pkg), socks, went to an organization that helps the homeless.

    I couldn't bear to part with his shirts though, they were such a part of him and I definitely had favourites. His sister-in-law offered to make a quilt and that's what I did with my favourite clothing items. And that was 1 1/2 years after he died.

    OTOH I have an acquaintance that has every single item of her late husband's right down to boxes of papers in his office To the point that when I took her to Costco once she waffled for 10 minutes over a frigging pkg of paper towels because she didn't know where she'd store it. And she lives in a 3-bdrm apt AND he's been gone 15 years.

  • maifleur03
    12 days ago

    I agree with Jasdip do it when you are ready. Having waited may have been better as last year I cleaned out my husband's closet. Charities were so overrun with donations I was first told that my favorite one was not accepting clothing until I asked if they knew any place that wanted big men's clothing. I had years to mourn his passing even before he died and mentally had a hard time accepting the initial rejection.


    Now if I could find a place for his multi-boxes of Louis Lamour books.

  • sjerin
    12 days ago

    Maifleur, will your library not accept them for resale, if that's good with you? Our libraries have book sales from time to time.

  • maifleur03
    11 days ago

    No is the simple answer. Neither system was taking any books for their Friends sale's. The libraries do not directly resale. The system that I belong to puts a selection of donated things along a wall for people to take. The difficulty is the subject matter. It romanticizes the Old West which is currently very political. No organization wants to be selling books that would in some of them treat Native Americans as the enemy of the early settlers. Not all had Native Americans as the enemy only some. Only people who would really buy them would be people who were familiar with his writings and wish to explore those regions. He was supposed to be very authentic with his landscape descriptions and if he stated something was in a location it was. I used to want to go hiking and subscribed to several hiking mags. Couple of them suggested reading his books to find out the terrain especially where to find water or natural shelter.

  • duvetcover
    11 days ago
  • Elmer J Fudd
    11 days ago
    last modified: 11 days ago

    "The difficulty is the subject matter. It romanticizes the Old West which is currently very political."

    I suspect there are more likely explanations. HIs peak was long ago, his titles are decades past their "Best By" dates.

    L'Amour started at a time when the steady stream of Western movies and Western TV shoes were popular. That's no longer the case. I also suspect another factor at work may be that few people these days are interested in collecting books. Those that do wouldn't be attracted to out of favor, old but hardly "collectible" mass market fluffy titles that were produced in large numbers.

    Friends of the Library groups know what's in demand. Unfortunately, just like people who think they can use Goodwill and the like to dispose of junk that no one needs or wants, library groups are usually not equipped to act as a waystation for books enroute to recycling or a landfill.


    It's nice that you hoped to pass them along for others to enjoy but perhaps that's not likely to happen. Try putting a Free Books note in Craigslist, Freecycle, or other similar sites. See if there's any interest. If not, your recycle bin may be your only alternative.

  • maifleur03
    11 days ago

    Irony Elmer is that these are hard bound. Our recycling requires covers to be removed. There is no just putting them in my recycling bin.

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    11 days ago

    Then they go in the garbage bin, unless you just want to keep for sentamental reasons. That impulse I can understand. The need to pretend your junk is bound to be someone else's treasure, I cannot understand.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    11 days ago
    last modified: 11 days ago

    Well, maifleur, I don't consider that ironic. If they can't process books with covers, then they can't.

    if you have the time, interest, and hand strength, you could cut off the covers (be careful) with a box cutter type knife. Or even scissors, the attachment point of the pages to the cover at the spine of most books is usually just a sheet or two of paper. If not feasible or of interest to you, then it's exactly what zalco said.

  • maifleur03
    11 days ago

    Having worked in a library I have a very hard time trashing books of any kind. Damaged one no problem others it is like trashing old friends.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    11 days ago

    Sometimes things become valueless and not of use or interest to anyone. Remember the good times but they're past. What are your alternatives today?

  • bpath
    11 days ago
    last modified: 11 days ago

    Maifleur, is there a VA, American Legion. or other organization for veterans, or a senior center, near you? They might be interested in your husband's books.

  • wednesday morning
    11 days ago

    As we age, both us and our possessions become almost ilrelevant to the world. No one wants our stuff, no matter what it is, other than money.

    At least your daughter was honest with you about not wanting it.

    I advocate just selling it.

    So many things that we boomers have saved is for naught.


  • nickel_kg
    11 days ago
    last modified: 11 days ago

    maifleur, in addition to senior centers and veterans group suggested by bpath, you could look on social media. There is an active facebook group for Louis L'Amour, possibly groups and forums for Old West, etc, too. Good luck. I have about 30 old Rafael Sabatini books that I'd like to find a new "forever home" for, and he's way more out of date than L'Amour. And for 99 cents a person could buy "The Collected Works of Rafael Sabatini: 100+ Novels, Short Stories and Historical Writings" for Kindle. *sigh* not looking good....

  • bob_cville
    11 days ago

    The local recycling center here has a storage container that you can walk into with shelves, expressly for leaving books. Anyone else who goes there are free to take any of them that strike their fancy.

  • sushipup1
    11 days ago

    I buy a lot of used books on Amazon. Many of the sellers are Goodwill branches throughout the country. So I would not feel bad about dropping books off at Goodwill.

  • jane__ny
    Original Author
    10 days ago

    Thank you all so much...so many kind words and advice.

    I haven't been back because our daughter flew down to help me decide what to do with all his things. I couldn't deal with it. I feel so lost without him and still feel shocked that he is gone, I don't know how to proceed.

    We married when I was 22 and he was 38. My family was not thrilled because of the age difference. It took a while for them to accept him, but they did and loved him. I went from my mothers house to his and never lived alone. How strange that sounds today when women have made a life for themselves before getting married.

    My being Irish-Catholic marrying an older man who was also Jewish did not sit well with my family initially. Religion was never important to either of us and never presented a problem. We raised our children without any religious beliefs and let them decide for themselves when they were 18..


    The loneliness and sadness is overwhelming. I haven't returned phone calls, nor met with friends. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to answer questions about what happened. I don't want to rehash the three months of what happened to him. I don't want to relive it.


    My daughter said I should but understood what I was saying. I know keeping busy, being around people is important.


    On top of the grief, the Shingles I got in January hasn't quit. Constant pain on my scalp, my hair coming out in clumps. Then about 2 weeks ago, my vision has deteriorated. I'm trying to get an appointment with my eye doctor but the earliest he ca see me is August! I stopped driving because everything is cloudy. I have read about Shingles on your scalp can be dangerous for your eyes. I was told by my doctor, in January to watch for changes to my eyesight. , My advice to everyone, get the Shingles vaccine. This has been a horror.


    My original post had to do with jewelry. I haven't thought about it since my post and I apologize. It has certainly been put on the back burner. Just trying to get my bank accounts changed, Its amazing how many places require death certificates and how long changing everything takes. My husband thought he had everything in order in case he passed, and he did, but the paperwork and documents are endless. I haven't done everything and got the important banking things done...I hope.


    I could go on and on but I won't. I wish I were still in NY where we lived. We moved to Florida 10 yrs ago and I think it was a mistake. I lost all my friends (as did he) it has taken me so long to feel connected and I wish I were back 'home.' I feel alone now.

    My husband was involved in various things and I regret I didn't volunteer more and meet people. I'm not sure what I am going to do. I will wait a year to sort out my life.


    My eyesight has to be taken care of immediately. I can barely see what I'm typing. I apologize for any mistakes. This year has been so depressing from the beginning. I was diagnosed with Shingles on my head January 4th. I thought it was mosquitos bites that got infected (its Florida and I garden and mosquitos are numerous). Never gave Shingles a thought. I wasn't allowed in the hospital to be with my husband because I could infect newborns and those who never had Chickenpox. On top of that, Covid restricted visitation at the hospital. What a year!


    Again, thank you all for so many kind words. I just couldn't return because I didn't know where to begin.


    Thank you, thank you, so much. Your kind words and advice have helped me more than you know.


    Jane