One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. ******************** My weight is perfect for my height--which varies. ******************** I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. ******************** How can there be self-help "groups"? ******************** If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? ******************** Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. ******************** Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? ******************** TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

Great ones today! Literally laughing out loud and have shared some with friends:)