(((Oakley))) Although I worked in medicine for many years, none of it was in oncology, so I have no advice to contribute, just hugs and prayers.

Every person reacts differently, but fatigue and feeling unwell certainly are to be expected. Undergoing such stressful treatments might result in impatience and anxiety might result in depression or anger. Docs often prescribe Xanax or a mood elevator for the patient. You might ask if your husband is a candidate for one of those.

Thanks Annie, I'm going to read it in a little bit.

Lynn, you're such a sweetie.

Fun, do you know when side effects should start showing up? After I say good morning to DH, I immediately ask how he's doing and if there are any side effects yet. He's always so chipper in the mornings and so far says no.

OTOH, he's also the type not to tell anyone if he feels bad.

The doctor's office called last Friday when he was out and wanted the know if DH picked up his Vitamin D prescription because his level is low. She implied it's normal for this time of the year, but I knew it was more than that so I looked it up. I was right.

Then she said his iron levels are also low, and I know for a fact that's NOT good. She said they'd take care of it during treatment.

When DH came home I relayed the message & he said he's been taking iron supplements per his GP's orders for the past 15 or so years when he first came down with T2 Diabetes and High BP. I had no idea. Low levels of D and Iron is related to his cancer which is common.

When he went in for treatment today they gave him an iron infusion which is why he was gone for seven hours. Came home feeling fine and snippy! lol

To be honest, I'm preparing myself for when he passes because he does have congestive heart failure, serious Type 2 diabetes...two injections a day. It began with one injection. Also high blood pressure for which he was hospitalized once because it wouldn't go down.

And yet he still has his athletic body.

What's interesting is that cancer can lead to heart failure. IMO, having heart failure then getting cancer is worse.

Plus his age for this type of cancer is a huge handicap.

All of this is still a secret except here where millions can read all about it. I want him to tell his brother, so that's my next project. He'll say NO. Macho macho man.... :)

As it's been said, cancer is unique onto itself. Everyone's cancer is unique to them...and them only. Having 'been there', while I appreciated the inquiring as to how I was doing, I ALWAYS answered in the positive. No matter what!!! I developed the inner mental attitude of "fake it til I make it". Possibly the hardest part, besides the obvious....fatigue, daily appointments for radiation (constant reminder - oy) .....was the sudden lack of control. Being completely in the hands of oncologists played tricks with my brain. Not everyone feels that way....as I said, "unique". Just letting your husband know how much you care and are willing to aid in whatever way you can is all he really needs right now. Don't compound his "inner concern" by making it harder for him to put up a solid front. Some days, that's what gets him thru.

Just want to send wishes that your dh will be one of those rare birds who has chemo and radiation and is out there feeling like a champ. My dad and his sister were like when they were undergoing chemo/radiation treatments for their respective cancers. At the time I was dealing with several autoimmune disorders and was having trouble getting the bare minimum in life done without having to take to my bed for several days at a time. There those two were being Hercules on the daily...amazing. I hope your dh feels good during treatments too.

Thank you Irish, I needed to hear that. One question, as his wife and caretaker, shouldn't I be asking if he has any side effects on a daily basis so I can have the appropriate foods for him? His radiation is in the neck and he could end up on a feeding tube. I've been stocking up on foods that have been recommended here, so I need to know how I can help him. Our son is the only other person who asks how he is.

Sea, that had to be hard with the three of you suffering at the same time. I'm pretty certain DH will be the Hercules type because that's how he's always been.

Do you know DH never had a cold in his life, and has only blown his nose once, which was in college? I also don't remember him having the flu either. He never gets headaches either except that one time he was hospitalized with high BP.

Never had a cavity. This very well could hit him hard mentally.

Your dh comes from what we used to call Good Stock! May it work in his favor Oakley. :)

Oak, I’m really sorry I know it’s scary and hard. There is no way to know for sure how your husband is going to handle the regiment, there are so many different kinds of chemo and everyone responds a little differently. As a long term care taker though, what I can offer you is some insight as to what he may be feeling and isn’t sharing. Until he finally started to open up about it, my husband really struggled with fear. He’d also worry about our life together and me if he wasn’t to survive. So the emotional side of things can really play havoc with them and then you have the treatments on top of that. So grumpy is expected as is a disinterest in food. Fatigue is another biggy. There will some brain fog, he may not notice it though and it took a long time for it to hit my DH. More than anything he wanted to be treated normal. Not coddled or looked after. Try to let it roll off and not take it personal. The saying we lash out at those we love the most is true.

Lukki, you said exactly how our experience was, too (the first cancer we dealt with). Word for word. Thank you for stating it so well .... I was trying to gather my thoughts, and was struggling.

((Oak and Mr Oak))❤️

And hugs to all of you here, and any replying later, with these hard experiences. ❤️

Irish, great post! That is exactly how I handle the question. I think it keeps me in a more positive frame of mind.

Oakley, I know you are trying to be supportive. My DH and your DH sound like similar personalities. I knew better than to ask too many questions lest he shut down. He NEEDED to believe all was good. If he sat in his chair all day I knew he was not feeling well. I didn't ask, but acted accordingly. Up and moving meant a good day.

I also learned that meals couldn't be planned in the morning. His tumor could flare at any time, blocking his esophagus in all or part. I always had soups handy in the freezer if the need arose. I asked late afternoon, "what's for dinner?". If he shrugged his shoulders, I knew he was having an issue and suggested a soup. Sometimes he would say "how about X?", and I pulled from that. He really only ever asked for a few things, so I knew they went down easy.

You will learn to read the cues and act accordingly. I have confidence in you.

Lukki irish said it perfectly: "be treated normal....not coddled or looked after". And don't let the response (or lack thereof) be taken personal. Having never, seemingly, to have experienced any illness to this point in his life (and yours) this is all foreign to him too! And he's trying to digest all this mentally......or maybe not! (I believe he is) ~ However, please don't hover and worry yourself into over-thinking what foods to have in advance.....because even he doesn't know, until 'that day'....or even 'that hour' ! If it becomes an issue of getting things from the grocery store...or wherever....I'm fairly certain your son will be willing to help out. Most people who offer to "help" really are grateful for specific answers and direction like...."he seems to suddenly like the thought of jello and I have none. Maybe a few flavors would be nice to have on hand". Speaking of which, remember jello squares (half the water, set, cut into squares, 'pick-up-able') One gets the feeling of actually eating something other than colored watery stuff!

I wanted to mention that there is a Lidocaine solution available that can be ingested and will help numb the esophagus so that food can be eaten more easily. You may reach a point when only liquids will be edible or you may have to move to a feeding tube, but I hope not. I think, but I'm not positive, that cold feels better than warm when the esophagus starts to feel tender, but with T2 diabetes, you'll have to be creative with some sort of low sugar, low carb, high protein soft foods.

As to when side effects start, the effect of treatment is cumulative, so side effects will increase over time. However, as others have said, each person reacts differently. They may be giving him a corticosteroid before chemo which will give him extra energy for a few hours...then he may crash and sleep.

Apologies for not proofreading.

Last night and today I'm certain I experienced my first side effect and it's a doozy. Yesterday I spent time in the utilty room cleaning because the Terminix guy was coming and they look everywhere, even under the sink. All pets eat in there except the dogs eat their breakfast close to the kitchen sink. The litterbox is also in the UR and I'm good at scooping it several times a day.

Late last night when I went in there, it stunk. And it was a bad stink. Nothing from the litter box. I thought potatoes were rotting and planned to check them out this morning.

This morning first thing I went to feed the cats and scoop the box. The room still stunk. Made memo to check potatoes.

Went to the LR to open shutters, and as soon as I got in there I swore it smelled like one of the dogs had a big loose stool in the room. They do that maybe once every six months but it's a smell you'll never forget. I walked around the room and saw nothing. I had to walk through DH's office to leave the LR, and when I got in his office (he was in there working) the stench was also there.

I Febreezed everything because the Terminix guy was coming. Because I'm really good at figuring out mysteries (you don't want to watch a mystery movie with me, lol) I thought hard at what the smell could be.

My first google search was "Do cancer patients stink." Oh yes they do. It's from chemo. And it's a bad stink. It's from his clothes, his skin, everywhere he sits. So much for getting a new sofa right now. :) I had to break the news to him that I'm pretty sure he has that chemo smell which is normal (that may have been a lie, I don't know how normal it is) and he needs to start wearing a scent of some sort which was recommended, or scented shampoo, and I just bought him unscented shampoo.

He insisted it was from the iron infusion he got and I finally convinced him it wasn't. At least I don't think so.

It wasn't five minutes after he changed clothes the LR, his office, and the UT started stinking again. That's how potent it is. I read to keep his dirty clothes in a closed bag and not to wash his towels or clothes with my things.

I need to read a lot more on this because I cannot live with it. He doesn't smell it. Never smells anything I smell unless it's food on the stove.

He also came home with the beginnings of hoarseness, which was obvious.

I'm definitely taking everyone's advice.

Does the esophogus become sore from radiation on the neck? We've got lots of jello and pudings, applesauce, apple juice, potatoes for baking, and other things. He's really into those frozen ice pops. lol

The odor thing is something I’ve never heard of or experienced. Maybe you could email your oncologist about it? Ours were always very good at email communication with me for every concern I had. I’m sure they completely understand how new and frightening this all is for the patients and loved ones. And I liked emails because sometimes I didn’t want my DH to know what I was asking about, or it wasn’t an emergency. But I’d definitely see what they say about it.

I hope you both have a good day. ❤️

The best thing to ameliorate the smell is for him to drink lots and lots of water before, during and after the chemotherapy. I don't know if his particular chemo changes the color of his urine, but he should strive to drink enough water that his urine is very pale at all times. I suspect this may be more difficult as his throat becomes more tender from the radiation, so be prepared. You may have to wear a mask around him since you apparently are very sensitive to smells. Just remember that chemotherapy doesn't last forever and be patient and accepting that he has little control over the effects and probably feels bad that he is affecting you negatively.

Oakley, My nephew is receiving the same treatment for his throat cancer that your DH is getting. He's been getting the chemo and radiation treatments on the same schedule as your DH, but has been getting his treatments for about 4 weeks now, I think. He had a feeding put in before he started the treatments. They told him he would get to the point where he couldn't swallow, and he has now arrived at that point. He was admitted to the hospital last week because he passed out at a treatment from being dehydrated and not being able to eat. Now he's given liquid nutrition while at the hospital for treatments. I'm told that he's very weak, and tired all the time. My sister ( his mother) hasn't mentioned anything about him smelling bad, but I will ask her when I talk to her again.

My one piece of advice for you would be to talk to his doctor yourself. Your DH may get confused about, or not be able to remember what the doctor tells him. My nephew gave us a fright when he said the doctor changed his chemo treatments to 5 days a week. His daughter asked the doctor and found it hadn't changed at all. Neither my nephew or his wife will ask questions, so his daughter has had to step in and take over communications with the doctor.

I pray the treatments work for my nephew and your DH, and their cancer cells are gone for good.