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The Kitchen Table

Smile today - 12/29

Annie Deighnaugh

3 years ago

My mother-in-law is so old, her social security number is 2.

-- Phyllis Diller

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Comments (14)

aok27502
3 years ago
I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it, still look both ways before they cross the street.

-Stephen W. Hawking
jim_1 (Zone 5B)
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."
Related Discussions
Smile Today - 12/12
Q
Comments (30)
Hi Rusty, I figured as much. I appreciate the importance of peace, joy, thankfulness and inspiration, which you reported as guideposts in your life. They've guided my life, as well. There's only one letter different, just three spaces apart in the alphabet, at the very end of the word, between "peace" and "peach". You can hold your outstretched, cupped hand up in the air as long as you choose and unless you're in Georgia or Niagara or a limited number of other locations, and even there, for only a limited period of time, each year ... no peach will ever show up there. Roots, a trunk, branches, leaves and blossoms (plus bees or other pollinators) are essential if one desires to produce a peach. Peace also does not appear by magic or as a result of wishing or hoping, however fervent. Roots of justice, a trunk of fairness, branches of kindness, leaves of cooperation and blossoms of love-inspired sharing are essential in developing peace. And some minds and bodies to provide the fertilizing (and in the situation of peacemmaking, to do a great deal of thinking and work along with that of many allies) to bring forth the desired result. Lacking those essential ingredients ... ... and major effort invested ... ... the cake of peace just ain't a gonna happen!! (Can you offer a comparison to throw in to symbolize the heat required to make that cake rise?) ole joyfuelled
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Smile Today - 10/29
Q
Comments (12)
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. The moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
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Smile today - 12/12
Q
Comments (16)
Sorry...I didn't mean to sound so harsh...perhaps I'm too tired and too testy with all the holiday stuff bearing down on me. It's all fine.
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Smile Today - 3/29
Q
Comments (16)
I can see black dots in different locations as my eyes roam the grid, but without moving my eyes the most I can see is 2. Would that be one per eye?
...See More
wildchild2x2
3 years ago
eld6161
3 years ago
Olychick
3 years ago
salonva
3 years ago
dedtired
3 years ago
Jasdip
3 years ago
Rusty
3 years ago
bpath
3 years ago
liira55
3 years ago
nicole___
3 years ago
2020 in Retrospect:

1. The biggest waste of money I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

4. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came to my house & told my dog.... We had a good laugh.

5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

7. I never thought the comment, I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6-foot pole would become a national policy, but here we are!

8. I need to practice social-distancing ....from the refrigerator.

9. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip out to the bins!

10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go into a bank with a mask on and ask for money. ☺
kathyg_in_mi
3 years ago
kathyg_in_mi
3 years ago

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