Please don’t throw clothes away if they are still in decent shape. There are a million places to donate (check out the Buy Nothing project if available in your area). I can absolutely see how given the choice of trash vs giant pile someone would choose the pile.

Hi - I’ve been married 12 years. When we were dating, I noticed that my husband (then boyfriend) had several large trash bags (the big black ones - not kitchen size bags) filled with clothing. He had moved from apartment to apartment over several years and this was old clothing that he never unpacked and obviously never wore. He was totally fine with tossing/donating. I bring this up just to highlight that all these years later, he is not really capable of cleaning or organizing. I still need to take care of his things, as well as the kids stuff now.

Your story seems more extreme - the clothing isn’t in a closet or in boxes or bags. It almost seems like he has hoarding tendencies. I agree with others that you should suggest donating instead and see if that helps, but you should have your eyes wide open that even if you take care of this issue, he will likely always be this way (and try to see if there is a larger issue). I love my husband and would have married him anyway, but I wish I had more awareness then.

So he packed the clothes, moved, and unpacked them. That means he's attached. He may not be actively wearing them, but if he didn't care at all, he probably wouldn't have unpacked them. He may or may not understand or be able to articulate what it is that's important about the clothes- but it is important. Does he do this with just his clothes, or does he do this with everything else too?

You say how old you were when you started dating- how old are you two now? How long have you been living together?

Giving them away to charity to people who need them and will use them may be the spoon of sugar that will make the medicine go down.

I know. My husband and I did a major purge in early 2017. It’s liberating. My husband has a tendency to want to hold on to things “just in case”. I worked for close to 30 years in floral design. Between the insane hours, three kids etc...I had a tendency to just find a spot for things and say to myself “I’ll sort it out later”. 🙄 Yeah, right!

We gave away so much stuff. Clothing and all sorts of things to a local charity, and books to the library.

It feels good.

My DH is like you. I'm like your BF but my clothes are put away. You can't"get him" to do anything, but you can model it. That might help.

DH asked for one thing: to keep our kitchen table clear. And so I do. Of course it just migrated elsewhere, but the table is always ready for a meal.

Here's the thing, though. How is your BF with other matters? Does he managed his finances well? Does he keep his personal or work records in order? Hoarding clothing can indicate an issue with other, more important, matters as well

As others have pointed out, there's often a huge psychological component to organizing stuff that isn't always easy to understand or manage. Very difficult to make others get rid of their stuff. By all means, have the conversation about the underlying meaning of "stuff" with your husband but know it can be fraught. Your empathy and compassion are crucial. (When ready to purge the clothes, also consider consignment shops if the clothes are in good condition and of good quality.)

In the meantime, you want to be able to use your room to its fullest and might want to set some ground rules. Keep the clothes stored in a tidier fashion? Here are Clothes rack examples from HD Canada. I used to have one that was cloth covered. After a while, I got annoyed with seeing it in the space and really confronted my need to keep the clothes it stored. Here's a similar one from Wayfair. (You can probably find this type of stuff second hand on your local online marketplace groups. A lot of people purge their stuff at the beginning of the year.) These solutions aren't the cat's meow in bedroom design but they can serve a temporary solution to extend your patience and keep the peace.

Hth a bit. Best of luck.

Why not look into ways to store the clothing if he is not ready to get rid of it? Maybe storage boxes? Try looking on The Container Store website. They have lots of storage bins and racks. It will be easier to deal with if it is organized.

DH and I are very different with tossing things. I am the thrower outer and he is the saver. But he is very organized. We’ve been married almost 30 years so I know how to deal with him. He eventually comes around and gets rid of stuff. When he does he goes on a tear. I just let him go. There is still one item in this house that we keep dragging from house to house. DH’s leather jacket from the 80’s. Its so out of date, feels like it weighs 25 lbs and will never be worn again but he insists on keeping it. I’m pretty sure my kids will have to deal with it when we are dead and gone. They will get a good chuckle.

Was going to say that above. Redo parts of the room to make storage appealing to both of you. What room is this in? Do you have a closet to add some storage and bins to?

How about this? Get some totes (or boxes). Put the clothes in these totes. Seal them. Date them, say, 60 days, 90 days, 120 days hence, etc. Agree that if he hasn't unsealed a tote by the date, you can donate the contents.

Is this in your shared Bedroom or a different room? If a different room, I’d probably shut the door and let it be that way, I wouldn’t do one thing in there, no sweeping/vacuuming etc. If in the shared room, it would depend how big the room is. If there’s space to have a hanging rack or something, ask him to join you in hanging these things up. if he declines, I’d pick it all up and toss it in the corner on his side of the room-since he doesn’t wear them or do anything with them, they can just sit in a pile for him to look at.

Look into getting a storage space maybe. If he needs to hold onto those things, and is not using them for anything or wearing them, and is not taking care of them-but still *needs* them, they can be in a separate room or different place altogether in a storage space.

If YOU do anything with HIS “stuff” he will ALWAYS suspect you will do it again in the future. It will become a trust issue that he may or may not vocalize to you. The next time he can’t find “x” in his house he will suspect the only other person in the house has done something with it.

DO NOT do anything without him knowing and consenting. Start with buying some large plastic bins with lids. Ask him if it is ok to put the extra clothes in the bins so the room can be walked in. Leave the bins out in the open and stack up. Label them with his name and generally what is in there. Put the date you packed them on the label.

This way his stuff is still there. It is no longer on the floor. It is not in a garbage bag (which he will see as you thinking his stuff is trash). It will be off the floor. It will be somewhat organized. the label will allow him to see how long ago it was packed away. This can be used later to say “Honey, I packed this stuff away for you x years ago. Have you needed anything in these bins in all that time? If not, can you help me sort through them so we can donate some of it?”

This is far less confrontational and it shows that you care vs being annoyed.

This might come with age, but buying fewer, nicer, quality clothes will reduce the clothing problem. Buying a couple $150-200 well tailored pants and wearing them until their shot is a lot easier than buying 10 pairs of low quality items that you don’t want to be seen in after a couple months.

I buy a lot of clothing rom brooks brothers and some made to measure clothing. I have no problem paying $300-500 for a quality blazer or jacket. I had one I bought when I was 25. I wore it for 15 years on and off. When my wife asked if she could toss it I was fine as it had little holes starting all over, the lining was beyond repair and I felt I got my monies worth. It was no longer repairable. She bought me a nice $500 jacket about a year before that. At first I kept it more for nice occasions. Then as it broke in I wore it a lot more. By then the old jacket was much easier to be seen as the fully worn out item it was.

Sorry for the long story, but don’t assume men don’t have an emotional attachment to clothes. Some items may remind him of things or people that he isn’t ready to let go of.

Buy fewer, quality, nice things in the future. He will hopefully see $$$ in them and not be so prone to throw things on the floor.

I sense you are feeling powerless and frustrated with this situation. It is difficult to negotiate these issues as there is much more involved than pieces of clothing. First, does the boyfriend see a problem? Is the major issue the clothing or the feeling that boyfriend isn't taking your concerns seriously? Does he want help organizing, washing and storing his clothing? Be cautious in your approach as you are setting patterns and boundaries that will persist for the remainder of your relationship, be that weeks or decades.

Everyone has areas of life that cause them problems and things which they find easy. Some people find cooking easy and even enjoyable while I dread it. I can't understand how people can't sew on a button or pump up a car tire. The best advice is try to understand and address the underlying issues as that will have the best long term results.

I have a friend who was widowed this summer after more than 50 years of marriage. Like you, they met when she was a young college student and he had spent some time teaching in Africa before returning to grad school. He was an artist and everything was potential art materials. When we met them, they were needing help clearing out decades of accumulation as he was fighting cancer and needed space to live in his house. My friend's comment was she had decided a long time ago, that if she was going to be married to her husband, she had to accept his stuff. Now that he has passed away, there is a dumpster in her driveway and the house is much lighter!

Instead of constantly asking my husband about his clothes on his closet floor, I hang them up. There - I feel better!

Because it obviously does not bother him!

Underbed storage: buy the boxes and on a rainy or snowy day, jointly pack his stuff in these boxes which store under the bed. Then don't look under the bed until you are moving again.

Amazon.com: WISELIFE Under Bed Storage Bins Containers (2-Pack) Large Foldable Shoe Storage Organizers with Clear Lid, 2-Way Zippers, Sturdy Riveted Handles, Rigid Structure 33x17x6 in: Home & Kitchen

Would he object if you hung up the clothes that are on the floor?

Leaves the cloths; get a new boyfriend!

This behavior won’t change; they never do! If this bugs you that much be prepared to pick up after him forever or get out before you say “ I Do”!

Lynartist Yes!

At different points in any recovery, a tiny move forward, an accomplishment will uplift and boost confidence. Many will accept a little help.

This may not help but since I do the laundry, I periodically “hide” the clean clothes until husband or daughters yell “ I don’t have any clean socks or t-shirts or whatever. Then we go into the drawers and clean out all the stuff that no longer fits, out of style, whatever. Everybody likes the cleanout every once in a while and keeps dressers and closets from becoming a hoarder’s dream.

@Jeanne Cardwell a woman after my own heart! My son used to just dump his clean clothes into the hamper bc he didn’t want to put them away and they’d just end up on the floor so he‘d scoop them all up and toss them in-once I figured out his ways, I started taking the clean clothes from the hamper ans setting them aside.

I admit to being the type of person that has difficulty parting with old clothes. I tend to to keep a lot of clothes and have difficulty letting go of ones I don't wear anymore. Usually I stop wearing something because my weight changes or my lifestyle changes (such as going from a job with a more professional dress code to a more casual dress code). However, I like things organized so I don't leave them just laying around. I find it necessary to periodically box up unused items and give myself time before I actually give them away. Sometimes I find I need them again or I realize that I will not be wearing them ever again and could be used by someone else. I often use @wdccruise strategy to label the box with a date and then if I haven't needed the clothing within a period of time, I feel more comfortable parting with them.

My husband isn't emotionally attached but has zero interest in sorting through and organizing anything. So I periodically sort through unworn clothing and ask him if it's ok if I take them to donate. I NEVER give anything of his away without his approval. While he will carefully hang up clothing for work because he values being presentable in a professional setting, he does not and probably never will be inclined to put his casual clothing away in the closet or dresser. So I do this myself because it's important for me to have an organized home. It's an arrangement that we've come to after many years and knowing that neither of us will be changing. I won't stop wanting things put away. And he isn't going to care about getting his clothes out of a clean laundry basket and putting them away.

Only you will know what will work for your relationship. But I highly recommend following the suggestions of others here to have empathy for your boyfriend and his point of view. Talk to him and work on understanding what is important to him and share with him what is important to you. Come up with a compromise that you both can live with.

Uh....am I the only one who has thrown out a spouse's crappola when they're not looking? I don't think DH has ever realized how much stuff of his I've pitched over the years...

My DH is a slob. He was a slob when I married him (46 years ago) and he is still a slob. He will never change. His mother was a slob too.

I have had to adjust to his ways as I’m a neatnick and OCD too. Pick your battles. Do you want to die on this hill?

I hang up his clothes and put them in drawers. I have a clothes basket right beside the bed where he takes his clothes off. Another basket next to the shower where he takes his clothes off. The baskets must be RIGHT THERE because he won’t walk even one step to drop his dirty clothes in the basket.

Be very very careful about pitching his stuff. I have done it, several times, but I learned my lesson about putting stuff in the trash where he might see it. I now do it Monday morning right after he leaves and before the trash man comes. I only pitch stuff that he hasn’t seen in at least a year.

No I have never thrown any of DH's stuff away. I wouldn't want him to just throw my stuff away either.

Tupelo: If your boyfriend is unwilling to change, then you must ask yourself if this is the future you want for yourself and your future children: a significant other who doesn't care about how you want to live, or perhaps is chronically overwhelmed by life or is simply lazy? Not taking care of one's intimate belongings for an extended period of time is a sign of issues that will impact your future and not in a good way, these are bad habits that interfere with the development of the individual and also a couple. This will become a source of conflict and even shame, and a control issue or power struggle. Your bedroom needs to be a place to rest, and should not function as a storage unit for unneeded things that are never used.

How about this? Get some totes (or boxes). Put the clothes in these totes. Seal them. Date them, say, 60 days, 90 days, 120 days hence, etc. Agree that if he hasn't unsealed a tote by the date, you can donate the contents.

I was going to suggest the same thing. I've done it for myself -- and I wasn't sorry. Maybe you can't get rid of these excess clothes, but you can pack them away neatly.

Personally, about a year ago I went through my closet and got rid of about 60% of my clothes -- and I am thrilled with the result. I can't even remember specific garments I "lost", but I love that everything in my closet fits, everything is a complete outfit, and everything fits into the closet without stuffing.

When I retire (in another year), I can't wait to ditch the khaki pants and unflattering polo shirts that I am occasionally required to wear to school -- I've come to resent "junk" in my closet.

An unexpected benefit: I have become very discriminating about what I buy (not that this has been a big shopping year anyway). I find myself asking, "Does this deserve a space in my life?" and "Would I really wear this often enough to justify spending on it?" Honestly, the only thing I've really bought in the last year is a pair of red dress shoes -- and I really need another pair of jeans. This is maybe easier for me, given that I'm so close to retirement, because I've also vowed not to buy anything I can't imagine wearing in my retirement years.

My DH is a slob. He was a slob when I married him (46 years ago) and he is still a slob. He will never change. His mother was a slob too.

I have had to adjust to his ways as I’m a neatnick and OCD too. Pick your battles. Do you want to die on this hill?

I could say the same; well, except that I never knew his mother -- she died when he was a teenager.

When I want to kill him because of his slovenly ways, I force myself to think about all the things he does well: he's a good provider, a wonderful father, he always lets me drive the new car, he takes my car out every Sunday and fills it with gas, he supports me in my career, he and I share so many hobbies -- so many things.

I can get angry about his slovenly ways, start a fight, and end up doing the cleaning myself anyway -- or I can do it myself and remember that he contributes in other ways.

Tupelo: If your boyfriend is unwilling to change, then you must ask yourself if this is the future you want for yourself and your future children: a significant other who doesn't care about how you want to live, or perhaps is chronically overwhelmed by life or is simply lazy? Not taking care of one's intimate belongings for an extended period of time is a sign of issues that will impact your future and not in a good way, these are bad habits that interfere with the development of the individual and also a couple.

Good point. The OP isn't formally connected to this guy yet -- and she can still choose just how big an impediment this is.