I'm sorry, this sounds rough. Two years and you haven't unpacked? Can you unpack some of those things yourself, or do you both not want to settle in?

This isn't at all the question you asked, but this sounds more like a communication or relationship (or even a depression) issue disguised as a design issue.

Hi Kpkowski. We're like deer in headlights and don't have a clue what to do at this point. She just shuts down and I believe you're right about it being part depression, frustration, and just being unable to start working on anything because It all seems so overwhelming. I know I can get rid of a lot of stuff I have in the garage and some things in the house, but I'm just as stuck as she is. Where to stat? Not enough room for all the things we own, and really need an organizer to help. Problem is she doesn't want anyone to come to the house and see it this way.

You made a mistake in hiring the wrong people. It happens more than you know. You've got to forgive yourself and move forward. Sit down and talk about how upset you are that you paid money for a bad job. Ask her what's really bothering her. Do extensive research (and I mean extensive) to find qualified people. However, on the bright side it seems you have the funds to make some corrections. The only way out is through. Maybe your wife just needs time. Maybe she doesn't want anyone in the house during the pandemic. Sit down and hatch out a plan that works for both of you.

Is there potentially a hoarding issue? Being overwhelmed by stuff and being stuck and overwhelmed by it made me think of that. It doesn't always present itself the way it's shown on television. (You don't have to answer any of this, I'm just broaching it as this sounds similar to a situation a family member was in). Information and symptoms are listed here.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this! Renovations are stressful enough as it is.

Thank you Design Girl and KpKowski for your input and advice. I think you're right Design Girl, we need to talk some more and I'm going to suggest we look for a designer/organizer to help us out. And yes there's Hoarding in her family, but my wife has it somewhat under control. It's taken this long to get nowhere, so baby steps may make all the difference. One day at a time as the saying goes!

I hope this isn't a touchy topic, but you may consider talking to a counselor together? A third, neutral perspective in the conversation might be what's needed here. A designer or contractor may be a third party, but they aren't likely to have a neutral perspective on how you handle the problems with your home and renovation.

I am impressed that you are able to understand how your wife is feeling, as well as put it into words, and ask for help!

So sorry you were taken advantage of by both of the contractors. Were you able to hold back a part of your final payment for unsatisfactory work?

I don't know if it would be too late for this, but even if you paid in full, I would consider writing each of them a letter, and maybe include pictures, detailing what was promised versus what was delivered. That alone may be cathartic for both of you.

Perhaps include the idea that you plan to leave a review for their business, (google, etc.), so that others may be aware. (Just be sure to stick with the facts.)

One more thought - our expectations and reality are often much further apart than we realize. Is there a neutral party that could view your situation & give you feedback as to how to move forward? Maybe they would have suggestions to remedy some of the more major issues, etc.

We have hired more than our share of contractors over the course of 3 homes. Some have been amazing! Others - the stories would take days!

Thanks Kate Hip, A third, neutral perspective is an excellent idea. Mary Elizabeth, We just weren't experienced at all and I tried to research everything as much as possible but I was still a rookie. We both were. We did the majority of shopping for everything and tried to find what we both liked, but it was totally exhausting and pretty overwhelming. My wife wanted to write both the contractors and include photos but life gets in the way and there are other things demanding our time, so we never wrote to them. If they had a presence online you can bet I'd have left some reviews! We do know a designer in the neighborhood that came out to help with painting ideas once, she may be someone that could take a look at our situation and give us some advice/ideas. I've read many posts about home remodels that went very wrong, and also some good ones. We learn lessons along the way, unfortunately we have to learn the hard way. Thanks to you all for your advice and comments.

I made the mistake of letting my wife pressure me into moving into a home before the floors were finished to my satisfaction. Big mistake. Every time I looked at them I didn't like it. Do not do this.

You have to be the strong one. She may go kicking and screaming, but she'll thank you for it later, trust me.

Redo the kitchen? Do you really want to do that? What's left to do? Can you post some pics for some advice.

In the meantime can you get a storage unit and just put some stuff in there to clear things out a bit.

Yes my husband and I are going through the same thing. I am so sorry. We hired a contractor to lay bathroom tile. The only thing they were interested in was stealing our supplies. Even though I stayed at home to keep a watch, one worker would engage me in talk while the other worker carried supplies and tools out the basement door. It is sad. It has been 6yrs since my husband and i bought our retirement home that began as a nightmare and now we are just starting to see some light at end of the tunnel. We know all too well your pain. We went through the same anguish. Please dont give up. Get another contractor. Yes there are good ones out there and unfortunately the good ones are always busy busy busy. Go to a reputable lumber yard in your area and ask them who they know that does good work. Please tell your wife that YES IT CAN BE FIXED. You just haven't found anyone that is willing to do it the way YOU want. And REMEMBER this PLEASE BOTH OF YOU GO TOGETHER AND BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOUR IDEAS. Example I went to kitchen design center at local box store. My husband keeps telling me I have to tell them what I want before they start work. Ok so I had layout dimensions and everything exactly the way I wanted written down. Before I had left the store they had my plans tore apart. Left me with a 14" hole at end of my kitchen counter Seriously. I went home in tears. People just dont listen. Some Contractors just dont care what you want. They just want to get the job done. The minute your instincts tell you they are not listening then tell them to pack it up and leave. Yeah looking back we could have used the counseling too. I get it about the hoarding thing too. I go to town and see something on sale that I would love to use in my home. Months later alot of things are still sitting in the box waiting to be installed. Alot of the work we have had to do ourselves. We are living with no kitchen and only half a house. I have been cooking with just a microwave, crockpot and electric skillet. I still have a dream and someday it will get done. My husband still gets up and goes at it every day. I'm so glad we stuck it out. A new kitchen design center moved into town and I finally got up the nerve to go in with my awful looking kitchen pictures. The lady was wonderful. It's just finding the right people. There never seems to be enough advice on how to overcome that obstacle.

Okay. You do this:

You begin!!! Yes. You shake your tush out to the garage. You get rid of anything, and everything you don't want or need or doesn't fit in the house. There is no more WE. there is no "she". This is alllll you for the moment.

You get the box cutter, the hammer, and the picture hangers. YOU start the process, or you let the disappointed Mrs. drag you down into her passive aggressive thing. YOU'VE OFFERED TO RE DO, TO MOVE.......and you have mope in response.

I say that as you began it together, watched shoddy workmanship get deivered and installed....TOGETHER. "For better or worse" dos not mean you must endure the worse from something you both created or allowed. Don't yell, just go about the business of making a home and get some sense of "settled" in place. Two years of boxes not unpacked? No.........you need not be stuck with that.

Covid has been ten months, not two years. I would imagine your social life inside has been destroyed. You eat an elephant a bite at a time. So...........you get busy, let her watch. Don't be surprised when she grudgingly pitches in. Kiss, say we need to talk about this. AFTER you dig out of the chaos.

Di I need it?

Do I love it and want it?

Does it fit

No to any of the above? Out is the only answer. Sell, trash, donate. Pick. Begin the beginning or remain S.T.U.C.K.

You can't sell it until yoo do this....even if that is the outcome. Get cracking. Alone.

THEN you can get to the nitty gritty of an organizer, or a re do or design help, or.. You can't re do anything in the mess, and perhaps, the lack of organization was a part of the sad workmanship, and the process,. .........do a bit of soul searching on that too. Contractors are not totally stupid.............most are very good at sizing up you and what you will "tolerate".

this story plays itself out so often. The need for only licensed contractors is huge and now it is a long road to get back. I do think some help in the way of counselling but sometimes hard to get there. I wish I could give you real advice but you are right baby steps. Maybe start with a room she is okay with and move the stuff for that space in and decorate that room. If at all possible get a storage unit for all the stuff arrange it so you can do one room at a time , if she has a friend she respects get them involved in small changes.

Sounds like this experience was traumatic for your wife. It may be that not sending a letter prevented closure. I’d start there. If that’s an action she wanted to take and it didn’t happen I’d do that action instead of pressuring her to take other different actions.

Then inform the friend who recommended the person how it turned out for you. And after that I think maybe moving is the best option. a fresh start into a turn key place. Just my thoughts.

I agree with Patricia Colwell, make one room your finished room to start so you can breathe and go there when the going gets tough for the rest of the house. The idea of venting to an independent 3rd party like a counselor is a great one. Many of us come down on ourselves for mistakes we made. I don't want to make your situation seem trite at all because you are experiencing what some here refer to as renovation fatigue even when the remodeling is just what you planned and it turned out well. Having the extra burden of it turning out not to your expectations is an added layer of stress that you just didn't need.

If you are able to get started like Jan mentions and get that one room done maybe your wife can then see the wisdom of your plan and begin to join in with you to finish the other rooms. Come here to vent and get ideas. The pros and amateurs above can really help.

With all due respect to you and everyone here, these are classic symptoms of mental health problems.

If this is a mental health problem, then getting started, pushing through, etc. are usually the wrong answers, and may actually increase the anxiety and depression. In my opinion, your wife needs to see a therapist.

My family has recently had to deal with something similar. My son, received a lower than anticipated grade (still passing) on one paper and suddenly became terrified of even trying. This despite him attending one of the top five universities in the world. He was fortunate to have professors who spotted the problem and got him help.

Best wishes on this.

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ETA: Just to clarify... If your wife is having self-worth issues, any attempt to prove her wrong or overcome the issues with your help are likely to just reinforce those self-worth issues.

I will give Bry above her points. I do think we are too quick in this society to cave to analysis. We do a lot of navel gazing, safe space places to do it. I have had many over medicated clients in a spiral over the years ..........and inactivity often is a huge culprit coupled with self indulgence.

What was her mind set at the start? I think that is a vital question to ask. If she IS beating herself up for missteps in pro's or the selections? As Bry said.........perhaps very possible and equally fixable. BUT. Just as often, a little encouragement by way of a kick in the tush, lifts us up. And gets us moving to resolve the issue versus more downward spiral.

I flunked my first drivers test. Was so scared to try again, fail again? It took two more years and my knee shaking so hard in the car, I almost couldn't brake. I passed. What got me there? Parents AND SISTERS refused to drive me ANYWHERE. The bus really started to suck rocks.

Settle one space. See what happens, and wait a few days for the next space. Good luck

The OP already said" life gets in the way and there are other things demanding our time". He didn't say whether they have children, how many, or anything else. He just asked about unscrupulous contractors! 2 years can pass very quickly - especially if you have children.

Long story, but the contractor for our in ground pool project, fully licensed (yes, we checked & viewed his work ahead of time), lied, took our initial payment, half way in, we stopped him because his work was awful. My husband took a full 2 weeks off from his job, to oversee him when we let him come back - on and on! AND we ended up in court with him after the fact (we won).

If there are mental health issues, it might just be because there are lazy, lying people(who will take your money & screw you over) out there, no matter how much due diligence you do!

Also, they don't change - 10 years later, the contractor in this story ended up in prison after being convicted of arson on a house he was building for himself.

It certainly takes a lot of courage to put all this out in the open. Not sure that a design site will solve your issues, but it’s heartening to see that so many people really want to help a stranger. I hope you and your wife find some resolution and can move on. Best of luck to you.

And...please keep us posted! ❤️

I think a professional organizer might be a tremendous help in this situation. 😉

It’s an especially trying time with Covid and having such an extensive list to resolve, it would be depressing for anyone.

Suggest breaking it up into projects and tackIng a bit when you can; the mountain will become a mole hill. Once you start to see progress, you’ll both be in a better frame of mind to tackle the repairs and take your time to find the right people. Suggest waiting until it’s safer to have people into your home.

A list is highly recommended; each time something is checked off it’s very encouraging and provides the drive to continue. My husband was away for 6 weeks and I decided to paint living room/bedroom/hall, plus tear out carpet in bedroom and hall (with my son’s help) to be ready to have floors redone. I also painted the kitchen cabinets and had flooring changed. I can tell you I got discouraged, but each day as I saw the improvement, I was motivated and got it all done. So will you!

Your wife is stuck in a deep depression with hoarding in the family. She needs therapy and medication. She cannot move forward on anything until you get her started with that. You can try and get contractor out to fix things or threaten to sue or get another to fix everything. There is no way she can start unpacking and organizing in this shape. Get her to her doctor ASAP. She needs meds and talk therapy. Don’t waste anymore time, you both don’t need to live like this!

Wow, thank you all for your comments and advice. To be honest I had no idea anyone even reads these kinds of posts on this site. There are many layers to dig through here, and I think a lot of the advice that's been given makes sense. I have some serious work to do and I need to come up with a plan, hopefully with her help. Thank you all for your input. I'll keep you posted. Hope everyone has a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving!

>>>

While some things said above may be true, no one can diagnose a medical condition on a public design forum (even a doctor).

If I implied a diagnosis, I apologize. I have absolutely no idea what is going on with anyone's health. However, as a college professor in a pretty stressful school, I am asked to watch for signs that a student might need assistance. Many of those signs I am asked to watch for, are similar in nature to things the OP is describing.

This hit home for me recently as noted above, and I am probably hyperaware now, as my son had never exhibited any signs of stress before college and suddenly the fact that 1 in 5 college students contemplate suicide was keeping me up at night.

Your wife may absolutely be fine, as warning signs do not equal a positive diagnosis. However, a lack of diagnosis doesn't mean everything is OK. I am of the opinion that a bit of time with a therapist could help just about anyone and so there is no harm in an consultation, needed or not, and possibly a lot of upside.

Maybe an attorney will make your wife feel better. Did you pay him for the full cost?

No one is diagnosing anything. Her behavior is not normal, she should be seen by a doctor. That’s all that was said!

The important thing is to take a step. You have both had your time to mourn what happened to you. It is everyone's worse renovation nightmare. Is it really that bad? Or has it amplified in your mind and caused you to just stop? Many times folks have a regret during or after their renovation but once they finish painting and putting out their personal items , it will come together.

I would suggest doing something every day - unpack a box, hang a picture or 2, bring stuff to the Good Will, etc. Even the smallest step is a motion forward.

My heart hurts for you. It is a tough place to be. You are very brave to post this and ask for help - that was a big step.

Best of luck to you - keep us posted.

If there is indeed a mental health issue, the person in question is probably not wiling to face it, so telling someone that she needs meds won't help. But I think people are too quick to go that route. We all go though times of being overwhelmed. I had a panic attack for the first time a few years ago....I had never had one before. What worked best for me is to talk it out with a friend. Panic attacks happen to more people than you realize. Yes, you can go get meds for it, but frankly, those frighten me more than the panic. Once you realize it's just a panic attack, you can breathe through it. You know it will pass. I relied on my faith to get me through. I also went to a faith-based counselor who showed me that the worst I could image happening to me would probably not happen, and if it it did, there was always a solution. For example, one of my triggers was I would lose my job and become homeless. Well, the counselor let me see that if I did lose my job, I would not become homeless because my house is paid for, and I can always work as a temp secretary for utility and food money, as I had done before. I say all of this, so that you might ask your wife what the worst scenario is in her mind, and then ask what solution is there for it. Is she distraught that the cabinets don't shut and never will? Sure they will, when you get someone out to fix them. Is the worse thing she can imagine is that someone will come in judge her for the house? When you explain to the next person what went wrong, they won't judge her. They sympathize with her.

Does your wife have a best friend, a sister, who could come over and provide moral support? Someone she doesn't feel will judge her? Sometimes, though, it's better if it is a stranger. I feel that way about my housekeeping skills. I needed help in cleaning up and clearing out after I got injured and couldn't do even normal housekeeping. It got so bad that I needed to hire a dumpster and some people to clean. It was easier to hire a stranger because I didn't feel I owed them any explanation, or that if they did judge me, I would never seem them again after I paid them.

It's not her fault that the contractors messed everything up. And it's not really your fault that you didn't know what you didn't know. You know for next time. That's how we learn.

Look up the laws in your state regarding unlicensed contractors. Maybe you can turn this guy in and at least get some mental satisfaction that you have taken action so that he won't pull this with someone else. I don't know if the "revenge" aspect of this would give your wife any satisfaction and help her move beyond the hole she is currently in.

Thank you all again for your personal stories, comments, and advice. I'm not going into the whole thing here, it would take two pages! The General Contractor actually did more things for us that weren't in the original contract. Some we paid for and some we didn't. He and his crew just did a subpar job on pretty much everything. The Cabinet Maker did a Horrible job in the kitchen. He was always in a hurry and didn't listen, nor did he measure properly. We should have fired him right away and hired someone else. We had him come back more than a few times to correct mistakes, repaint the some cabs, and especially to fix the lower corner cabs that didn't operate properly (we ended up hiring another guy to fix this). We didn't pay the original Cabinet Maker the full amount.

For my own self, I would just start doing what *you* can do. You can go thru your own things, and throw/donate/sell, and that will help some of it. I’m living in a dump heap, have been for a looooong time-and it’s rubbing off on the kids. I do what I can, and in the meantime try to ignore thoughts of leaving and getting my own place.

Maybe by you going thru your stuff, she’ll make an attempt? You could involve her in small things once you’ve gotten started on yours. Even something simple like one small box. It’s hard, I know-I love to clean and organize, my husband is so astoundingly opposite, and when I do get him to do things, mostly I just have to walk away, bc he gets so easily overwhelmed, and I just pick a spot and dive in. He grew up in a hoarder house, so I know he had tendencies. We’ve not had anyone other than my parents snd brother in our house for a few years. It’s embarrassing and frustrating. I feel you.

I‘m not much of a therapy person, so I am unable to help there..I know it’s not going to work if she doesn’t want to look at herself, and look at herself honestly. It’s not fun to have someone you love upset with you, for both parties. And the thought of an impartial third party telling you you need to change, make changes..that’s not easy either.

What about-is there a family member that could come over? friend? How well do you know her/your healthcare provider? We know ours well enough, putting us in your roles, my husband could call her and have her make up a reason to get me in there, or randomly text me about the kids, and she’d say hey how’s the remodel coming, we‘re looking at redoing our kitchen-who did you use and did you like them? And maybe a conversation would start.

Just throwing a bunch of stuff out there. It’s hard when we don’t actually know you guys to make more specific suggestions. I hope you find something helpful for you and your wife in all our thoughts.

"I‘m not much of a therapy person, so I am unable to help there..I know it’s not going to work if she doesn’t want to look at herself, and look at herself honestly. It’s not fun to have someone you love upset with you, for both parties. And the thought of an impartial third party telling you you need to change, make changes..that’s not easy either."

In my experience, nothing you said there resembles therapy. Very few people who benefit from therapy begin wanting to take an honest look at themselves and therapist don't tell you that you need to change that often.

I admit to having limited experience, but in my limited experience therapy is about helping you work through your problems. Our counselors mostly just listen to students and don't judge them. They may assist students developing their own coping mechanisms, but they certainly don't tell them they need to change. The point is to help people work through their own problems.

Granted, my views are shaped by my experiences as a teenager having gone thru a traumatic event and the therapist I was required to see probably should’ve lost her license. I don’t understand therapy, based on what I experienced, and what others have told me about their experiences with therapy. So, that’s why I qualified my statement, I’m not much for therapy. Maybe it would be the best thing since sliced bread for this couple-no way of knowing without trying. But regardless, therapy just isn’t going to do anything for anyone if the person going to therapy isn’t willing to try, or to talk, or to look internally and reflect. I’d wager some sort of action would be needed on the part of the person attending. Which is why I tossed out some other things to try.

There's nothing wrong with therapy, or counseling......if you understand what's involved and you want to do some work yourself. And there are different kinds of therapists with different approaches too. Bottom line though is that the person has to want to do some work in order to benefit from it. Some folks can deal with things with help from family or friends, and some need professional help.

Chris hire an organizer. I watch hoarders on TV. Just tell your wife your sick of living like this and you need some help. It is so easy to get overwhelmed especially if remodel was done so shoddy. Maybe hire an attorney to sue these “contractors”

Thanks Kathy, that's something I'll be exploring for sure. I don't know if it's too late to sue the Contractors, but at this point I'd rather just move on.

The comments here are so insightful.

Just goes to show how complex people lives are and how diverse and difficult their experiences have been.

Chris M-

You wrote-

"my wife is depressed and angry every time she looks at the poor job they did with just about everything. I've tried to get her to agree to have another contractor come in and redo the kitchen at least, and some other things too but she won't go for it. Doesn't want anyone else in the house."

You also wrote there is "hoarding in her family."

That is a lot to unpack there, to choose a metaphor.

Presumably you have been together a long time and you know her and her family and her upbringing well.

It might help for you to know the roots of what is going here.

Is she a perfectionist on some level and ashamed, even mortified that she screwed up by hiring the wrong people?

Note, we don't think she screwed up, but might she?

Was someone significant in her family of origin rigid/demanding with high standards?

Was approval/love contingent on performance and appearance so now your wife cannot forgive her own imperfection and mistake and has poor self-esteem?

Did someone marry beneath them (one of her parents or a grandparent or aunt) and always say that they came from better and coulda/woulda/shoulda so now your wife feels her station is lowered and she has lost her sense of self-worth?

Is your wife the adult child of an alcoholic, so she, the fixer now that she sees her herself as having screwed up has lost her role in life because she is in over her head?

Did your wife suffer a serious loss early on of a significant person? Have a traumatic event?

Was she given the message from someone that ones possessions/appearance/home are how one is judged, rather than one's values/morals/behavior so now she sees herself as as trashed and worthless as her home?

Anyhoo, you get the idea.

No, please don't be her therapist.

The above is just food for thought for you.

And while you are thinking about the possible origins of your wife's psychopathology, why not think about yourself, too.

Not many spouses would be willing to live in the space you describe for as long as you have with a spouse defiantly unwilling to exert a joule of energy to change things or even allow anyone else to.

And why haven't you unpacked things yourself and hung up the pictures?

Are you afraid of her?

Do you think she is so fragile she will flip out totally if you do unpack and hang pictures?

Have you done something not so perfect yourself so you two have struck some sort of devil's bargain?

Think about it.

If so, admit it.

And stop talking about ancient history.

How about this-

Tell her, "This weekend I am unpacking, whatever. I would be very happy if you would help me and I could really use the help, but I will do it whether you help me or not."

Then do it, whether she cries, or screams or yells, or curses your every family member.

And if she hits you or throws the furniture around, you need to call 911 for a 5150 hold or whatever the numbers are for a psychiatric hold in your state because she would be a danger to you and herself.

I mean it.

Then another day, unpack the pictures and measure everything and where they will go, and show her the plan and say "This is where I am thinking of putting everything, do you like it, or do you have any suggestions? Take a half-hour to look at it. "

(Make a copy in case she rips it up.)

Then if she has comments about your lay-out, discuss it with her.

If she has no comments, do it per your design, and think about using Command Hooks so you don't make holes in the wall in case you change your mind later on.

Throw away any of your stuff you want.

Do not throw away her stuff, or communal stuff like photographs.

I strongly advise against getting a storage locker, they are exorbitantly expensive, and the odds are she will never go into it, and you will be spending $200 a month in perpetuity for things that are actually worth very little and that she never looks at and doesn't need.

When you have done everything with your stuff and the furniture and dishes, then hire a contractor and kitchen designer if you need that.

Invite your wife to the design meeting. Tell her that it is going to happen. Period.

Tell her you would like her input, she has good ideas and great taste and she and her input is important and you value it and her, but it is going to happen, whether she participates or not, and you are not waiting any longer.

And if she doesn't go, you will decide on the plans and you will not pay the added cost if she wakes up and wants to change things later on.

And you tell the contractor no changes that you don't sign off on.

You get the idea.

She can go to counseling.

You can go.

You can go together.

Meanwhile, get cracking.

Remember Newton's First Law?

INERTIA

A body at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force.

One of the small benefits of the pandemic is the growing availability of virtual consultations in so many fields. Perhaps your wife might find it easier to face an initial consult with either an organizer or a therapist via an online platform, rather than in person. And if she's not receptive, it would be a less confrontational way for you to get support for your own need to make progress while respecting her preference not to have anyone in the house. This doesn't seem like a long term solution, of course, but might be a starting point.

https://www.houzz.com/magazine/how-2-professional-organizers-work-with-clients-remotely-stsetivw-vs~136810727

And by all means search "declutter" and "organizing" in Stories on Houzz. There are lots of them, and while many offer similar advice, several might have just one or two different tips that resonate with you. For instance, taking digital photos that can be saved can make it easier to let physical items go.

Best wishes for you both to reach a better place on this.

Wow Loobab, thanks so much for taking the time to reply and lay some things out. Lot's to think about and unpack (no pun intended). I love this, "A body at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force". Thanks so much L.D. Johnson for the information too, much appreciated.

I'll be brave:

I never met a house that could not first benefit most from a trash can, dumpster, donation bin BEFORE any remodel or change of decor.

That's thirty years of "never met". No , not EVER, and matters not if mansion, Mc Mansion, or modest little place in the land of somewhere.

I say that, going to one point: The "organizer" is rarely a need if you honestly take that clue/fact to heart.

Thirty years.......HUNDREDS of homes.....clients as diverse as the posters on this site, and I HAVE seen it all. I have been also yelled at , screamed at, hugged, kissed, and god knows what else for forcing folks to realize that life alone makes for stuff, and the relief that follows a serious purge is just amazing to them. Garages and basements have not escaped my polished claws.

An exception? I have just one. A client gave my name to a friend of hers. She took a year to get up the courage to even call. I arrive at the lovely exterior.....knock. The door opens, I see a woman and almost no way to enter the home, as the foyer is so completely clogged .

I step back , glance in confusion at the house number . "Oh! Are you moving?!! Do I have the right home?" I did indeed.

For the next two hours, as my bag perched on the few square inches of kitchen floor, and the one square foot of island top held my tea? We talked. And talked and talked. She hadn't had friends over in seven years. Hubby just ignored that fact, and the piles. .......as if in a academia induced stupor.

I said: " I can fix this in one day, get you a very basic beginning to the decor change you want. I need one day, the front yard, a dumpster, my moving guys, and you out of the house. Because I don't want you in the emergency room and that IS what will happen. I fully understand how this has happened, the WHY of it, and I think you do too. But I am not going to lie. I am not/ will not be the touchy, feely resolution from the tv shows. I'd go straight to the surgical solution in the simple and the complex. What IS the purpose of a seven year pile of financial magazines, when a new one comes every month? ..........

I would not allow a scenario where you page through these one at a time, in the "might be " of an article you have yet to read, because you have read NONE of these. I would love to help you. You think about it. Call when you feel ready. for the "surgeon"......

Did I ever get that call? NO.

I am fairly certain nothing changed there, and I can not imagine being trapped inside during this pandemic. Can not even get my head around that.

" A thousand mile journey begins with a single step"

Ps.

Some double bravery: I bet your contractor also has a story to tell. I'd bet quite a lot on that, and I am not defending him...... )

As usual, agree with Jan ^^

Chris M-

Re-reading this thread, I realize, I am not clear about your situation.

Is it that you all own an appropriate amount of possessions for the size of your home, and they have just not been put away since they were packed up in anticipation of the remodel?

OR

You all have too much stuff?

If it is the first, then just put it all away yourself, and if you need another warm body to move the furnishings or hold the picture while you drive the nail, hire a strong honest student, or call your local house of worship for a recommendation.

If it is the latter, then do some serious pruning, and donating.

And when you have gone through your stuff and put away/hung everything else like furniture and the objets d'art you are keeping then you need to tackle her junk that needs discarding.

If you think she has a strong shame quotient, there is always the-

"The remainder of what is in the garage will be spread out on the front lawn for garage sale.

You might want to take a look at it and decide what you want to keep, because there is very little space left in which to store it. But there WILLL be a garage sale."

And then do sleep with one eye open if you think she may decompensate and lock up the guns, and hide the knives when you go to bed at night.

For reelz as the kids say.

Thank you for your post Jan! A thousand mile journey begins with a single step for sure. And thank you too Loobab, great advice.

Jan is the best! Gifted I tell you!!

I wish..................: ) But I have seeeeeeeeen an awful lot. And fixed it.