You have to come right out and say that you can’t think of any decorating style you would dislike more for yourself than her style. Say you don’t want to live in a gaudy coffin but you understand and fully respect her choice of doing so. If she persists tell her you think she has bad taste. Tell her that you may need her advice in the future if you need to buy a gift for someone else with bad taste.

It's impossible to know the dynamics of your relationship with your mother, of course, but just based upon what you've told us here, I think it sounds as though your mother is suffering in the boundaries department. Perhaps she is simply incapable of seeing you as a fully functioning adult, able to make your own choices (and certainly when it comes to decor, which is such a trivial thing) without her input. Maybe you could spend some time examining exactly why her comments sting you. Do you feel disrespected or devalued when she asserts her negative opinions? Is it possible for you to simply tell her how her comments come across to you, and ask her to be kinder in her assessments?

There are any number of reasons why she may be as she is. She may still see you as a child and is unable or unwilling to accept that you are grown up and forging your own way without her. She may feel that you are somehow an extension of her own expressions, and is therefore unhappy when you veer off in a different direction. I really don't know (and none of us can say for sure), but I would highly encourage you to continue to develop your own style without need of her approval. And talk to her, if you can. Boundaries are a good thing, but sometimes the child must enforce them.

Also just want to say that, while I don't know your age, this thread is causing me to think back to my own very early days of feathering my nest when I first left home. My first home-away-from-home was in southeast Asia, and I worked so hard to make it into something cozy and cute. I distinctly remember standing at the front door of that little concrete house and surveying my latest additions to the walls and arrangement of furniture and vignettes, and longed more than anything for my mother (who lived in the states) to be able to see it. I truly believed that seeing what I'd created would make her swell with pride in the young woman that was once her little girl. I remember trying to see my home through my mother's eyes, and it is actually a happy memory now that I think back.

So in that vein, I do understand how your mother's vociferous disapproval is hurtful. That mother/daughter bond is often fraught with emotion anyway. If it were a friend or acquaintance questioning your choices, I have a feeling you'd have no qualms telling them where to stick their unsolicited advice (or maybe it's just me who would do such a thing), but with a mother it can certainly be different. I do think you have every right to tell your mom how you feel though. I wish you well.

Each of the above posters is spot on!

I empathize with you because my mother does the same thing, only her house isn't decorated in any particular style. My mother criticizes most of my choices, it seems to be her default attitude. For a long time I felt like I could never do anything that would measure up to her ideals...I struggle with being indecisive and overthinking many decisions in attempt to make perfect decisions as often as possible and I'm into my fourth decade on earth, with my own children etc. Sometimes it feels like I grew up a second time after moving away from that toxicity.

For me, what has worked is to stop defending my choices. Pretty much with anything she criticizes I try very hard to respond calmly and neutrally with no defensiveness or agreement. Common responses are "Oh" or "I see" or "Interesting perspective" or things along those lines. She typically shares her criticism in the form of a declarative statement, so nothing further is needed. In the past I've tried to talk with her about the issues of her criticism, but it went nowhere because she is probably dealing with some narcissist characteristics and cannot examine her own behavior objectively. Basically she told me it was my fault for feeling hurt.

For that reason, I also limit the amount of time I spend with her, and when I know I will need to see her I kind of go through an expectation-setting process as a form of self-protection. I also work on keeping firm boundaries (only within the last 3-4 years did I realize that was a huge issue, she has no respect for boundaries and that I struggled with maintaining clear boundaries).

So perhaps that was more about me and less about solutions for you, but I truly empathize and hope that you can find a way to protect yourself from the criticism. Decorating is personal and subjective; I try to remind myself that my mother probably means well, but her delivery and attitude is terrible and it will most likely never improve.

I wouldn't put down your moms taste, thats what shes doing to you and its not right, you don't want to do the same thing. I would tell her that you prefer not to discuss that subject with her if she continues to criticize your taste and that you will have to hangup or whatever. She needs to know she is crossing a line and it is not acceptable.

On a few occasions, I have heard the same from customers they would call me and tell me that family members or friends don't like what was selected after they showed it them and I saw 1st hand how much they liked it.

I told them you like it, you will live with it, you will be looking at it...It's all about what you like and nobody else.

They went for it and they loved it.

Don't do what Just_terrilyn said. While I don't disagree with the sentiment, hurting your mom's feelings doesn't seem like an appropriate tactic. Though you could write all that on a piece of paper and then burn it. I endorse that.

I would just reply to criticisms with a cheerful, "It's my house and my mistake to make." Repeat as many times as necessary. Or, "Mom, you know that you and I have very different styles for our houses." Or, "Well, it certainly wouldn't work in you house, but I think it will be right at home in mine."

I suspect that Eclecticisnot has already tried the ignore or gentle response routine and is at his/her wits end, hence the post. Sometimes when people are so insensitive, narcissistic and rude, gently kind responses from the punching bag only helps the narcissist in having a bag for future punches.

My words are just meant for inspiration. Use your words for your situation but be firm.

It’s your choice. Don’t be a bag.

I’m going out on a limb here. IMHO either your Mom has at a minimum, narcissistic tendencies, or you haven’t yet developed a coherent sense of individual style, or a little of both. It took me way longer than two years to get comfortable with the baggage I have from growing up with a narcissistic Mom and develop my own sense of style. I suggest you look into the narcissistic Mom thing and maybe get some therapy if your research suggests it is warranted. You can also learn more about interior design/decorating and work on refining your own style. Hanging out on Houzz you will learn a lot! Tell your Mom the two of you are different individuals with different taste/likes/dislikes and there is no reason why you have to or should like what she likes just because she likes it and you grew up with it. Style is individual and you are doing what pleases you right now and developing your own individual style. It is work n progress. See if you can get her on board with suggestions to help you refine your sense of style, as opposed to copying her style.

"Thanks Mom, but we like different things"

Been there, living that.......

I had a similar mother and ultimately I just ignored that part of her. It did create a riff as we couldn't bound over decorating but sometimes you just have to do what you want. It is your life.

I did not read all the comments. My feeling is that your mom doesn't have a filter. It's a quick knee/jerk reaction.

I know I sometimes react and well once the horse is out of the barn.....

" when she actually does see the pieces I buy for my home, she ends up really liking it and compliments my overall decor and general decor arrangement.

The fact that she winds up liking and complimenting the result should cancel out her initial reactions. Maybe have a sense of humor about it? Take a deep breath, you know what's coming.

I would simply answer,"well we like it and that's all that matters."

"I love my home and I know that's all that matters, but lately, my mother, who is very opinionated, has a habit of saying I shouldn't buy the things I buy, and that they look bad. I know she only says this because she can't visualize the pieces I pick for my space"

Are you asking for your mother's input before making purchases? It sounds like the critiques are happening before you put the items in your home. If so, stop asking for your mother's input. If you are old enough to have your own home, you are old enough to make purchasing decisions without her.

I've had this problem so often and without exception the criticism has always come from people I love/like and trust. I've learned to answer with an enthusiastic ' But I love it. I really love it'. 'I couldn't wait for it to be delivered'. 'I just know it will be something I will always treasure'. Think about it.... there's nothing much they can say in return without appearing aggressive in actual fact. It shuts them up.

And, it is so interesting to me that when strangers come to my home, they always look around and tell me how much they love everything. So, what's with my friends/loved ones? Just envy. They forget how many years of study and application I had to endure to get to be able to have the earnings to buy quality items. However, it is hard to win, as when I had old friends over for brunch, my all time bestie managed to let me know that she disliked my hairstyle, and my new chairs and she said I was talking too much! It was a bunch of women together all from the same profession all talking their heads off. My bestie, who has been a friend in all the right ways, had as usual not brought a single thing and was I knew tired but had not wanted to miss the meet up of our group of old friends.

Honey, us old people just get a bit opinionated and…feisty? Or cranky. So when she gives you grief, just tell her you’ll be happy to go buy all new stuff as soon as she gives you a check.

I guess she and I have been like twin sisters and she has forgotten that like all relationships, you still need to work at making them successful. However, your suggestion brings humour into the mix and that is so important. In the land of Oz that is called 'taking the mickey out of someone'!

Does your mom do email?

My sis decorates like your mom, me more modern she always recommends things for my house that fit hers house and not mine. I politely tell her it is lovely for her house but not really for mine.