Hi I'm April ("Title must have at least 15 characters")

3 years ago

..and I'm an alcoholic(c)

well that'd be an exaggeration-but I did learn how to open the bottles all by myself.

Main question-how are you guys?

I didn't read here I admit..partially because I'm crazy, partially 'cause for big chunk of the time. my Internet was down..I was in this very strange long stay hotel place, where Internet was constantly down (except I must say Google and websites owned by Google..these somehow prevailed through many technical difficulties and storms ..which gives one a lot of food for thought...)

Please tell me how you are? I know it's like very..obnoxious? .."tell me how you are". After several months of radio silence. But I'm going from half -wit to"quarter-wit" here..

I hope, I hope you're all holding up. I hope you're healthy. Safe...

I'll write about myself in a moment..

Featured Answer

bpath

3 years ago

April, what an interesting cab driver. Isn’t it something, how a stranger can feed us a new thought, that might change us? And you know, “what do YOU want for YOUR life” is something I think a lot of us lose track of.

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Comments (76)

nutsaboutplants
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
April, I just re-read your posts. That’s how much you’ve been missed here. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve gone through and going through. I wish you strength to deal with all that you’ve been dealt.

“Things here-better than there? but not too great either (btw I 'm very confused as per "here" and "there"..feeling like a wannabe Persephone..I think: what an unlucky goddess..and I'm not even a goddess, so I'm just going crazy)“

This. This right here is why we’ve missed you so much, So glad to have you back. Things will get better. Love and hugs.
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aprilneverends
Original Author
3 years ago
oh guys. your kindness is ..I'm very touched, very overwhelmed here..extremely so. I read all the posts carefully-and thank you so much for your words of kindness and wisdom, and for sharing what goes on with you. I'll have to re-read everything, I'd really like to answer..more or less something eligible..to as many people as possible....drives me crazy I can't even thank you under the post now, it just gets wiped out right away...

It wasn't that bad that weird place I stayed(well it was but the manager was friendly and once checked on me whether I'm alive..)..I even strangely missed it for the first few days after moving..

I had six books..I bet with myself "what happens first: I finish all the books or find an apartment?" Luckily one of the books was Aristotle's "Metaphysics"..so I won lol.

Oh. New idea! Maybe I should continue this bet in regard to other stuff too. Seems to work well..))

And I wouldn't be against somebody give me a shot and I just sleep, you know? But I'm this unpleasant mixture of partially choleric partially melancholic..so the time I go to sleep is my favorite part of the day actually.

I wonder should I write more in this nose-traumatized, half-wit, agitated state..it's not that fair to you so it seems.

I'll take time to re-read and ..get saner and..

I just wanted to tell you ...thank you...

please share about yourselves... I am reading every word of yours...
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just_terrilynn
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
I’ll give you a few visuals and a condensed update on myself. If I spread it out you would get bored.

My sweet husband made me breakfast this morning. He shows affection by doing. After all these years I know to look at his acts of kindness as hugs.

Of course I couldn’t eat it all.

After the food settles (soon) and after the pool finishes cleaning itself I will do fifty laps. I do this every other day but will add more laps as time goes on. A few weeks ago my husband started doing arm workouts with me using hand weights, we do it every other day. Unfortunately I’m am eating too much food to see results yet , but, I have a plan. I sent for a portion control platter on Amazon. I need to see the section labeled fruit as I am bad at following those guidelines.

As far as the rest of the day we had planned on going for a drive north while listening to The House of Spirits cd book. However, my husband says it’s meant to rain. This means he doesn’t want to go (more reading between the lines). We’ll see. A few weeks ago we listened to Angela’s Ashes together and really enjoyed it even though I had already read it years ago.

Other than small things I’m staying home as my area is gaining gaining gaining in corona infections.

Edited: One other fun thing we did was install solar cameras around the house. I have always wanted them but didn’t find the readings to be very good quality. That’s all changed so now I am happy. I like that I can watch on my phone app.

Edited again: I might as well finish my uneventful day lol.

Dinner, I made loin with fennel caper sauce.

Here is my 8:00 sky to the East. We are sitting out front having a nice glass of Cabernet. My husband is complaining of mosquitoes. I ignore them so they mostly ignore me.

By now I bet you are sorry you asked lol.

Terri’s day! The End!

Edited again: April, could you share some (many) visuals of your area? I would really like to see.
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Lars
3 years ago
I've missed you also and was very glad to see you writing here again. I did mention you on the "What are we reading in June" thread, as there was a discussion of Russian names, and I thought you would have useful information on that subject.

I'm not happy to hear that you have been losing weight, as you were already very thin when we met last November. I do remember your talking about going back to Israel, but I was unsure of the timeline. I think Haifa is probably a good choice - have you been to the flea market there, or is it even open right now? What kind of public transportation is there that you can use? It doesn't look like a very walkable city🙁. Are you close to grocery stores or markets? Can you have food delivered? Do you feel comfortable shopping? What access do you have to a computer?

Kevin and I have been quarantining ourselves in Los Angeles and Cathedral City, and we've been able to go back and forth safely, as it is only a two hour drive, and we do not have to stop on the way. We still have to buy gas, but that does not involve interaction with another person, and it is easy to keep social distance and gas stations. We keep plastic gloves in the car as well, plus masks. We also only go to stores that have strict rules regarding masks and social distancing. They may be more expensive, but I think this will just be temporary, and it is worth the extra cost to feel safe.

We're in L.A. right now, but I will be going back to Cathedral City on Monday by myself, as Kevin needs to stay here to work on the yards. We do not have a gardener, and I have not been able to get in contact with my friend who usually helps me once a year. I need to go back to Cathedral City because I have set up my sewing machines there, and I want to work on sewing projects. I have better storage space there for fabric, and I've been working on clothing patterns - just for Kevin and myself. I made a bunch of outdoor pillows and ordered fabric for a few more, plus I have fabrics that I want to use to make new bedspreads or duvet covers. I'm not sure if I have enough, however, and the fabric stores are not fully open yet. I really don't like ordering fabric on line, but I have ordered other sewing supplies.

Do you have anyone there with you, or are you alone? I hope you are able to cope well enough, and I hope you will get your appetite back. I know it can be difficult if you are eating alone.

I look forward to your next post and wish you the best💖. I'm also very grateful that you were able to post here again.
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jill302
3 years ago
Welcome back. So sorry that you are missing your kids, it is very hard. Sounds like you have had quite the journey the last few months. Hoping the rest of your time in Haifa goes much better. Glad that you are here again.
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texanjana
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Oh, April it is so good to hear from you. I am sorry for all of the challenges you are facing. You are a loving daughter to uproot your life to care for your mother. Sending positive energy to you and prayers that your family is reunited soon. Caregiving is a hard journey, so please take care of yourself.

Our DD just turned 27, is a kindergarten teacher and came home in March with her dog to quarantine with us. She is planning to go back home to Tennessee after July 4th. Our youngest DS and his dog live with us, so it has been strange having four people and two dogs in the house. We have been grateful that we didn't downsize. Our oldest DS lives in Colorado, and he is doing fine. We have stayed home, have our groceries delivered, and I work from home. DH is retired so he has been cooking most of our meals.

We go for drives in the Hill Country or around our city, and actually DH and I went to a little cabin for our 35th anniversary last week. We took all of our own food along so we didn't have to go to a restaurant. I have attached a pic of my feet in the creek at the cabin.

It is really disconcerting that many people here are not wearing masks and our Covid cases are spiking every day now in Texas. My 86 yo mother lives in an assisted living facility and we haven't see her since March 10th. The isolation has been really hard on her. I am thankful that they haven't had any cases in her facility.

Here is a recent harvest from my little garden.
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aprilneverends
Original Author
3 years ago
Dearest everybody,

I'm just writing to tell you that not a day passes without me remembering you, and how I want to write back, and how I need to feel better for that, and better is not here yet. And why would anybody need a mess that I am right now..I tink it's nor=t fair to humanity, much less you.

Each day I'm either dumb or numb or all sorts of crazy (crazily busy, crazily worry, just plain insane)..then of course sometimes I'm asleep, I'd argue that's my best self but being asleep preventts me from writing..))

I don't have enough words to express ..I went through them in my head for hundred times and nothing is exact as I want it to be...that I do give a huge damn, that I love you, that I'm so ..(insert your own)..that you exist.

I hope you know that by now. I hope you know that, and forgive me my pitiful appearing/disappearing. and sound of silence(c) and all.

Everything remotely interesting I could probaly tell you-what can I say..I hope I'll be able to, one day, and I hope you'll be here..

Very short most important update would probably be-Mom stayed with me for couple of weeks, she really really liked the apartment (not all the details as she put it but as a whole..I wholeheartedly agree lol)..she wants to come back..she wants me to buy a peeler, a grater (while here, she tried to fatten me up), another chair "just like this one", a coffee table..

in short there's the whole list already, besides the things that I planned to buy anyway....no she doesn't want to move, but she likes it here, it's comfortable, and is willing to come back, when I'm here, and even told me, if it helps, also when I'm not, to look after the place sometimes, and that's big and that's what I wanted to achieve for now.

I dont know for sure when I'm coming back, which doesn't make my mood remotely better. This surrealistic mess starts getting to me. Or did I write it already? It's quite bad in Israel and I know it's quite bad in USA (at least where we live) too. Probably worse. Sometimes I'm hysterical because they also closed flights from here for now,,"check our website for updates"..

I tell myself things can always get even worse-and true they can..if I learned something about the world it's things can always be worse, I just don't find myself particulalrly grateful right now anyway.

Please please be safe. Be healthy, Be..

I'll share with you something that's not pictures of apartment, and generally not design -related.

I translated this song..couple years ago? Two, maybe three? Interesting how time is able to be still yet fly with a cosmic speed all the same, to us..

I'm not sure about quality of my translation ..but I really love the original, and it somehow fits..the subject...

The song is by well-know Russian bard Michail Sherbakov, and is in fact called "Ad Leuconoen"

Put your trumpet down meanwhile, herald,
Let's endure some more under this sky
Maybe not tomorrow but one day, later,
Rome is destined to die
Merchant, you be happy, buy in bulk soap-
Soap soon won't be cheap anymore
All the things will be not what they are, tomorrow,
And I will be killed in a war

Do not snooze, historian, compose your volumes,
And observe the Earth's eternal spin.
Be it era, century, year, day, moment-
You decide how you shall fit them in.
Wind starts blowing high and a star fades slowly.
Ceasar's nightmares are making him sore
He will learn tomorrow, who'll be overthrown,
And I will be killed in a war.

Laugh, Leuconoe, since the wine's delicious,
Pour it and then pour it some more
The longer I know you I get this premonition-
That You won't get scarred by the war
No sense in trying to foresee tomorrow,
Live today, today is still yours.
Me, I know things, but why to share sorrow,
I'll just say I'll be killed in a war
blfenton
3 years ago
Thanks for updating us. I think a lot of us are struggling right now in trying to make sense of the current world around us. Hoping that it isn't going to be like this for very long and yet trying to decide how to amend our lives just in case.

Continue to check in and feel free to ramble on and on at any time. We're here to listen to one another.
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yeonassky
3 years ago
I agree with every word BL said. We are glad you're here too. Take care and stay safe!
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salonva
3 years ago
April- truly--- 2 days ago I was thinking of you and thought about reaching out and then.....you know distraction. Always feel better hearing from you. Be well.....
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maire_cate
3 years ago
April - such a treat to hear from you this morning. I often think of you and wonder how you are faring in this 'new' world. It's reassuring to hear that your Mother liked your apartment and will return. How are things in Haifa - are you able to go out and shop or walk around your neighborhood? I'm sure you're aware how things are here, it's just a huge, disappointing mess. How is your family doing - your husband and children?

We miss you, your spirit and unique voice. Please know that you can chime in here anytime. I hope you remain safe and write back.
aprilneverends thanked maire_cate
DLM2000-GW
3 years ago
April as always you paint your portrait so clearly with your words. Yes, we are all dealing with this surreal mess to one degree or another but you certainly have an extra dose of surreal. Please take care of yourself. The song translation is interesting - the music has a haunting quality. Thank you for sharing it and checking in.
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IdaClaire
3 years ago
Hi April! I'm so glad you checked in. You are absolutely missed here, and I wish you and yours all the very best. (((((Hugs))))) --- Oh, and thank you so much for the gorgeous music! Wow!
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Springroz
3 years ago
That translation is amazing. Truly. May I share it with a friend? I am always happy to hear from you, and read your “word paintings”. Take care of yourself.
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OutsidePlaying
3 years ago
April, I join the others in saying how good it made me feel to see your post. You have a way of vividly describing your surroundings without photographs. I am happy you are safe and your family too. We think we have difficult days, but I cannot imagine being separated as you are and not knowing when you might return to your home here.
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beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
3 years ago
april, I've been thinking of you since I made my way back here myself in the past few weeks. I didn't see your original June post at the top just this latest update from yesterday. Sending you a big virtual hug, which is the only kind now anyway : ) . Take care of yourself and your family and keep checking in here, please.
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1929Spanish-GW
3 years ago
April - good to hear from you. I was in Laguna yesterday and it’s a mess. Majority of folks still not wearing masks and I think I’m LA County, Covid is how the #1 cause of death. The entitlement attitude in OC right now is awful. I hate that I’m associated with this place right now.

On a positive note, I’m finding lamps for everyone right now while waiting on my own lamps from The RealReal (which I hope is really real). I’ve found lamps for people up and down the state. So, who doesn’t love lamps?!?
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l pinkmountain
3 years ago
I'm sorry you're having to go through all these trials! I too was thinking about spending some extended time overseas but now completely on hold. And I can relate about the elders. My uncle had a stroke and had to rather swiftly go into care in FL. He's OK, it's assisted living, but now he's in another state from the two homes he owns and on lockdown. His kids were going to help him sort out his affairs and the homes, and I was even thinking of going there to stay and help, but it is in NY and the other states involved are FL and CA and me in MI, all states in which it is inadvisable to travel and congregate for the foreseeable future. Might as well be individual countries, the issues are the same. So all that is put on hold. Kind of hard for a 94 year old guy to be "on hold" but he is a WW!! vet and he has seen worse times, so he's being stoic about it and detached. Much more difficult for his kids who are going to have to deal with both homes eventually no matter what. Hard enough for me to deal with just my own home inherited from my folks, and my Dad who is living in a nearby condo and not adapting well to social distancing.

Just glad you are well and relatively safe. Distance between loved ones is so tough. But I can imagine my great grandparents immigrating to the US and knowing it would be very unlikely that they would see relatives back home again or frequently for sure. They wrote letters and had to wait months for a reply.

Love to you April, and One Day At A Time!
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aprilneverends
Original Author
3 years ago
..dear everybody,

that's just to say that I landed back in States the day before yesterday. So that's 8 and a half months spent apart..by the end I was totally insane.

See I was pretty much alone in all that story. This year..you know. Didn't go quite as planned.

my desires got to be very basic in the end-for everybody to be healthy, no war, and to live to see my family here again.

Frankly one other thing I wanted-I also wanted to admit myself, just you know dreaming : they'll give me a calming shot, and I would be finally able to sleep. But I know it doesn't exactly works this way..and I couldn''t afford it, for it would sadden everybody..)) And I had to continue to function.

I also didn't have medical insurance. I did somehow miraculously managed to get it. (whole big separate story I won't bore you with)

it happenned though only a week before I got a ticket back to States. Me getting this medical insurance.

So that's why I didn't write even though I missed you dearly. A person who wants to admit himself is not a very good company. Couldn't distract myself either. Well I did read tons of books. When I could, Sometimes nothing worked...

I did everything I planned, well at least whatever I could under the circumstances. Two strict long lockdowns and all that.

I spent roughly month and a half living with my Mom. We talked a lot. We were together. That was important..

She changes her mind a lot about things, it's not easy... but I think: I was doing what I should, She can hardly walk anymore..whether it's gonna by her decision or by neccessity, only for short periods of time for now, or not-the place in 10 min drive from my brother is there . And is livable. Even though not designed and decorated to my standards yet.

(I think I also spent a month and a half just waiting for various handymen to come, deliveries to arrive, etc

That building-they have this stupid gate to the parking lot, and Intercom too..You can't even ask to leave anythng by the door, like food delivery.

BTW neither gate nor Intercom worked when I bought the apartment. The neighbors decided to repair them after I moved in. Totally unneccesary if you ask me, and add to that they sometimes go out of order. Exactly as I predicted they would. High technology..)

I weighted myself a month ago -per that time I lost 15 pounds It means I'm around 95 maybe less right now, and it looks awful. Truly awful (but I'm glad I still have the vanityto think of how do I look like))

I took so many things for granted I guess..like my body and all..these things are, well, gone. Don't know whether I'll get them back.

Now I officially have nothing to wear lol. Everything falls off...

I lost two crowns. I lost tons of hair. Etcetera. In short I screwed myself up good.

So. Everything that could flare up is flared up. Crowns need to be put back in..like, pronto))

And there's 14 days self quarantine advisory. Ater the travel. We'll see..

But I'm home-I was praying to see my family , I wasn't sure I'll make it...and even though sick and ugly as hell, I don't want to admit myself anymore, because I feel happy. I hope it won't be too fleeting a feeling. I hope everybody will be healthy indeed, and there won't be a war.

And I missed you.

And I guess I should stop talking, because overexcited and severely jetlagged makes this speech into a word salad..

I hope you've been doing okay.

I hope I'll get back to normal me soon,(normal me is also a bit weird though lol) and will comment in other threads and will be more useful to humanity. And more fun to be around.

Warm hugs to all of you,

Yours,

April
Olychick
3 years ago
So nice to see you back here! You've been missed. I'm sure it's a big relief to be home again.
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martinca_gw sunset zone 24
3 years ago
Oh ApriL, what you have been through. Big welcome home!! You with 15 fewer pounds is an April to worry about. I hope you will get lots of rest, eat well and take care of YOU._for a change. So glad about insurance, and that you are safely home, so glad you wrote!

Marti
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OutsidePlaying
3 years ago
April, so happy you are home with your family again. Despite the health setbacks, please know you have been missed, thought about, and cared about while away. Take time to care for yourself and get your health and well being back. Hugs to you, dear one.
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yeonassky
3 years ago
I have thought of you so many times. I for one am very glad you dragged yourself through everything to get home! Take care and be kind to yourself. Hugs.
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maire_cate
3 years ago
Such a nice surprise to check in here this morning and find that you have visited again but even better that you are back in the States with promises to join us more often. We've all missed you .....your spirit.....your adventures....your histories......I've truly missed your "word salad" - such a succinct description of your phrasing.

Welcome back!
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IdaClaire
3 years ago
I'm so happy to see you, friend! (Oh, I was Ida_Claire ... changed my name.) I'm so sorry for your harrowing ordeal, and glad you are home and looking forward to doing better. I've thought of you often, and in fact did so just yesterday. Please tell us more, or just jump back into the fray here, whenever you're ready. ❤
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salonva
3 years ago
hi April! I honestly was thinking of you yesterday and thought about posting so there you go --- here you are! I am so relieved to hear from you and although it was a rough time, still it sounds like you got so much done. Now make sure you take care of yourself and I for one can certainly volunteer 15 lbs for you no problem. ( in fact if you want to make it 17 or 20.... I 'm still in).

Anyway we missed you and so happy to see you back stateside and posting.

(and Ocotillio I didn't realize who you were- thanks).
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czarinalex
3 years ago
April, it is so good to hear from you. Happy you are back in the states and home with your family. Feel good about what you accomplished. Now take time to take care of yourself.
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Allison0704
3 years ago
I am glad you're back in the States. You can now take better care of yourself, surrounded by people who love and help.
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rubyclaire
3 years ago
Welcome home April.
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DLM2000-GW
3 years ago
Welcome home April. Time to focus on you and regain your health above all else. I look forward to 'April stories' again.
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User
3 years ago
I’m sorry your ordeal was so harrowing. I hope your brother and Mother remain healthy. Please take care of yourself! c
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just_terrilynn
3 years ago
Hi April! As you can see we are all glad you are back, abet lighter but still floating on a mythical breeze of word.

Take care and keep checking in. ❤️
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bpath
3 years ago
Welcome back, April, to the U.S. and to us! Now breathe deep, restore, and love. We have missed you.
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beckysharp Reinstate SW Unconditionally
3 years ago
Welcome back, April. Sending a big hug! Take care of yourself and I hope you're back to your old self as soon as possible.
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3katz4me
3 years ago
Oh April - I'm so glad to hear you are back home. I can't begin to imagine what you have been through. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
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hcbm
3 years ago
Welcome home. Rest, eat and decompress. May you find peace now that you are with your family.
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jill302
3 years ago
Glad you are home.
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dedtired
3 years ago
Just went back and reread all your posts. What a saga. Poor you but what an accomplishment to get your mother set up. So glad you are safely home as we prepare for COVID v. 2.0. Stay well.
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suero
3 years ago
Welcome back, get some rest, gain back that weight (I know that can be hard), rejoice in having health insurance, and here, at least, you can get food delivered. Take advantage of that.
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lizbeth-gardener
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
I just ran onto this post for the first time and just read through all of them. My, you have certainly had a wild 8 months, but glad you were able to be there for your mother. It must feel really nice to be home and to be able to see your family. I can't imagine being separated for that long and countries away during this plague. Take care of yourself, rest up and come back and share your stories. I love to read your posts.
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1929Spanish-GW
3 years ago
Welcome back. I was thinking about you over the weekend and am so happy you’ve been able to return. You came back to some glorious weather - I think you were welcomed.

Take time to return to your routine here and regain your health. The silver lining in all of this craziness is that we’re channeled into reinventing and revisiting the definition of ourselves and the bonds we have with the people in our lives. Lean in to time at home.
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l pinkmountain
3 years ago
HUG April!! Yes, get some rest!! Take care of you!! I'm juggling trying to manage the pandemic variables and also take care of an aging, infirm father. And yes, he changes his mind a lot, and is very stubborn and grumpy. He makes things more difficult both for himself and for people around him. No fixing it. He isn't even happy that he has people around him who can support him, it just ticks him off even more . . . so I get the toll it can take on you managing other people's worries, with no one supporting YOU. So stick with us here and you take care of YOU! As my Bubbe would say, "Ess mein kind . . . !"
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Tina Marie
3 years ago
So good to hear from you!!
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aprilneverends
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you...your kindness overwhelms.

you know, I did go to my beloved Jerusalem there, for just a few days, the only thing I truly did for myself only, don't remember whether I mentioned that..went in August, very spontaneously...and I had this very nice very extravert type of a taxi driver to take me there..and very soon he chatted out of me all the story..

So he says, at some point:

-ok I understand what do you want for your Mother..and I understand about your brother..and I understand about the husband and kids. That, I get it -what you worry about regarding them all. But how do you see your life? YOURS?

And I sat there and I didn't know what to answer him.

And I still don't.

I still think "me? what me?"

then I think "what life?" then I think "let me have this life first". then I'll try to see what I can see..

Maybe I'll edit that later btw. Doesn't make any sense when I try to read it..Except for the first sentence of course.
texanjana
3 years ago
I am so glad to see you back here April. I hope you can get some much-deserved rest and take care of YOU instead of everyone else. Hugs.
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seagrass_gw Cape Cod
3 years ago
April - I've always enjoyed your stream of consciousness writing. What an odessey you've had. Hope you get your physical and spiritual self reset. I understood exactly what you meant.
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nini804
3 years ago
So glad you are home! Rest, rejuvenate, and replenish yourself. Best wishes to you!
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1929Spanish-GW
3 years ago
Your conversation with the taxi driver sounds intriguing. However right now, I suggest the only questions you ask yourself is what do you want for a snack! :)
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Zalco/bring back Sophie!
3 years ago
So good to see you back. I hope you are recuperating now. That was a lot of physical and emotional stress. As for the taxi driver, speaking for myself, my life exists in relationship to everyone who matters to me. Me without them is not worth contemplating.
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