I guess I'm not the one to give you advice. I've had lots of moves in my life, because of my work, and most of them were about looking forward, and just holding the good memories of the past as I went: a piece of art, a copper jug, a ceramic bowl, all good memories, and on I went. Previous house was our retirement home, custom designed, in a magical tiny seaside village. We created a garden out of raw bush and forest, and enjoyed the birds, the frogs and the occasional echidna wandering in. Time passed, the little village no longer met our needs, so we sold and left. I still think about the beauty of the place, and of the house, but where we are now provides things that home couldn't for the stage of life we're now at. So, nostalgia, but no regrets. Life isn't static: savour the memories of what you had, and embrace the possibilities of what is to come.

Write in your agreement that you will be taking some of the plants with you when you move. This may help you in transitioning. I am sure there are several reasons why you don't necessarily want to move and would guess being under quarantine for the past few weeks is adding to it. I feel we may all be slightly depressed at this point. Perhaps the excitement will catch up to you once you fall in love with a new house.

Stay safe and healthy!

I have felt sadness when leaving my garden. But I try to think how exciting it will be to plan a new one. Change is never easy but often the right thing in the long run. Good luck too you.

I think what you are feeling is very normal. We once had a visit from an elderly lady who grew up in the house we currently live in. She was railing against the guy we bought it from, who made all sorts of changes to the house, ripped out her mother’s garden, etc. she was still mad and years had passed since her family sold the house to the guy we bought it from!

I absolutely understand your feelings! We had to move once for my husband’s job, rather quickly, to get the kids in school for the start of the school year. We really didn’t have a choice- he got downsized and there were no other jobs in his field in the area. It was a beautiful house in a beautiful part of the country, I had made wonderful friends and we were really thriving there. I cried like a baby after the movers left me with that empty house.

I think a large part of my feelings were because I was very ambivalent about the move. I suspect you are going through the same thing. If you were truly excited about moving, it would be easier for you to say goodbye. Right now it probably just feels like a necessary chore. But, it will get better. You will find your niche in your new town, and your current house will be a nice memory. Best of luck to you!

We bought our first house when we got married, spent much money and time renovating it. When we sold it, it was too the daughter of my husband's coworker. Every day he would tell mu husband about all the changes his daughter was making, when she was finished we were invited to see the "improvements". WRONG MOVE all the work we had done was ripped out. My father said "never go back" . So if you decide to move don't go back and look at your garden it will never be like it was.

Yesterday there was a dilemma posted: new owners totally ripped out the garden because it "didn't suit our needs"

Enjoy your new space and make it your own

"So if you decide to move don't go back and look at your garden it will never be like it was".

THAT is the best advice offered.

Change is scary and grieving the loss of something you love is normal, whether it is lost because you move or because after you move it isn’t maintained with love as you maintained it. We moved from a beautiful house and not only did the people who bought it destroy it, they never even lived there. It still makes me sad to think about it. Our new house is different - there are aspects about it I love and others that are not ideal. It helps me to be grateful we had the ability to move and experience something new and different and to focus on all the things I love about the change instead of the aspects I am less enthusiastic about.

Totally understandable! Years ago we made a dramatic move. We had purchased a "get away" home and after visiting a few weekends, we decided we loved it. we quit our jobs, sold our house in two days and off we went. It was written in the stars. As much as I loved moving here, it was a few months before I settled in. We knew no one in the area and there were many anxiety filled days until it became home. Change is not easy, especially when leaving a beautiful garden that we have created. We have since moved from that home, but in the same town. I have gone by the house and boy have they let it go. Nothing has been trimmed etc. , but I have created another garden and couldn't be happier.

If you've been thinking of moving for a couple of years, Lindsay K, then it must be written in the stars for you too. Think of the joy of planning another paradise. Let us know what you think of the house you are going to see.

New moon...new house....new life.

I felt the same way you do about moving away from the state I lived in my whole life and my family. The story that predicated the move is too long to share but in short paradise wasn’t paradise without friends and family for me! 5 years later we’re back and appreciating our home state more than I could ever tell you. I think it depends on your personality. I would examine the idea and your heart very carefully.

Like others have said, take as much of your gardens as you can with you when you move, include it in your contract when you sell. I moved 100 pots of plants from my old house to this one 4 years ago. I left behind extensive gardens and specimen trees and bushes. I went back once at the urging of my old neighbor, and will never go back again. It's no longer my home or yard, new people most likely aren't going to take the care you did with your gardens.

Things and places live and die in your past. Only your memories are yours alone forever.

Lindsay, I like the idea of taking plants with you. My gardens were never perfect but I spent many hours, like you, working on them. I went back to my old area to visit friends and drove by the house, They had ripped out a 40 year old lilac bush, a privet hedge, the roses had gone to weed, and the weeping cherry was so overgrown it looked like it was going to eat the house alive! I had moved from NY to Florida so couldn't take plants with me. I never really liked the house, the location, or the town it was in so I didn't mind leaving that, but still, 6 years later, miss my gardens. It's the same way whenever I drive by my grandparent's old house. The beautiful rose garden is gone, along with the tulips and snapdragons that lined the driveway.

If you love the new house, and you decide to move, I think you'll find yourself looking forward to the new possibilities it holds.

Anglophilia, your house and gardens are breathtaking. So idyllic, and obviously well loved.

Lindsay - It's happened to me twice. The first time was because my (now ex) unemployed husband had a job offer and I wanted to be a "good wife". I NEVER wanted to move EVER. It wasn't the house I loved, it was the small coastal village and the lifetime of nearby friends and family. Broke my heart to leave. But off I went and lived to tell about it.

The second time was when I finally divorced said husband and made the difficult decision to move. Again, it wasn't the house that I loved but my garden. I vividly recall walking through the garden the day I left, saying good-bye to each of my plants. I thanked them for their beauty and told them how much joy they'd brought to me. I'm not making that up! Again, I survived.

Since then I've moved a couple of more times and created new gardens. I find that, while leaving is hard, once I arrive at my new home I stop looking back and start looking forward. Take a little time to grieve then get out your trowel and start digging. Don't look back my dear. You'll be ok. Luck!

are you open to renting before buying? you could put most of your stuff into storage to make it a little bit easier. that way you can be absolutely sure you like your new location before committing, and really take your time with the new house hunt.

but I feel your pain. we bought our first house a few years ago. we had been living in this city for nearly 20 years, but didn't really know much about this neighborhood. on paper, it seems great and we assumed we'd love it. we were wrong and might actually move as a result.

if we do, we will definitely be getting a way better lifestyle than what we have now. but the funny thing is I will still probably worry and cry my heart out. I have the same kinds of thoughts as you: will the next owner take care of the hummingbirds? will they wipe out the bees that live in the garden? will the new house be as unique and special as this one? there are some things I truly do love around here so moving is going to be super hard. you can both love and hate a place at the same time!

"...but I’m going to go to the car and cry like a baby when I have to turn over the keys to this house...it feels like a loss."

I know it's different with everyone, but I totally understand. Houses can become very personal. We've lived in our current home for 6 years, and I still have dreams about our previous home. Our kids were born there, and, like you, we put a lot of ourselves into it. I remember walking into each room for the last time with tears in my eyes. Our current home and neighborhood are lovely, and I wouldn't go back to our previous home for anything. The new owners completely changed it, and not in a good way IMO. That actually helped since It doesn't look anything like "my house" anymore. It's less than a mile from us, and I see it often since we still have friends on that street. So strange, each time I drive by I feel like I need to apologize to the house. LOL, guess I'm a little weird that way! :-/

chloebud our last home was a rented condo in a downtown highrise. we absolutely loved it there. I have so much nostalgia for how cool our unit was and the great lifestyle we had there. I recently saw it on Redfin and was sad to see they had painted over the pretty wall color with cream and replaced the carpet with something basic and beige. the staging was perfectly tasteful but bland. I was like WHY? SO BORING!! disappointing, but oh well. I'm glad I took a ton of pictures before we packed up!

which reminds me: Lindsay K: take tons of pictures! maybe even hire a pro (or ask a friend who's really good at it). there were definitely some homes in my past that I didn't do that and regretted it.

B F, I can really relate! Yes, LOTS of photos!

I have a long list of complaints about my house, the town I live in, and I have developed asthma that my pulmonologist thinks may ease up if I relocate.

Look at what you wrote? Moving to a new place might take all of this away, and, just might make you happier. You're attached to a house. Because of what you made it. Nothing more. You can do the exact same thing in the new house. Make it yours. bring your plants with you if you can. Make a new garden. a better garden. I'm sure you'll have butterflies and hummingbirds there too.

All change is hard. Humans get comfortable even in bad living situations. (not saying yours is bad, i'm just saying that even w/bad situations, moving is still hard because there is comfort in the known. The unknown makes us anxious)

Moving, Divorce and Death are at the top of the list for the most stressful things to ever happen in your life. Embrace it, welcome the change and instead of focusing on the negative, why don't you focus on the positive elements? make a list if you have to, but i'm sure there will be more positive than negative w/the new house.

Stop looking at the move like a bad thing and look at it as a step up, a positive thing, a happy thing. start there and the rest will follow

I am writing this from the living room of the house that we have lived for over a year now. It is a comfortable space where we enjoy spending our time but it took considerable effort to get to this point. Our previous house was a gorgeous building, built with top notch materials and craftsmanship, on a double lot in a desirable neighborhood. We moved about a mile to an area closer to businesses, public housing, and highways with smaller houses and more economically mixed area.

Many acquaintances asked me why we moved and my husband's allergies to the monster tree that towered over the house was my stock answer. The reality wasn't so easy to define. One major issue was the upkeep because nothing is easy in a vintage house and the more unique the house, the more effort is required. There was no one reason to move but the more we considered the idea, the better it looked. Maintaining the statis quo was easiest so the major reason to stay was simply me shying away from the work ahead. I realized that until I had to move, I would not go through with getting rid of the stuff that had taken over. It required me to change my perspective of how much work was involved to how much of an opportunity I had to create my new environment.

Over the last decade we owned the house I developed a garden in the front yard, gradually expanding to take over more of the lawn area every season. I spent years adding compost and working the dirt and the result was a yard that was a riot of color and a jumble of plants. However, it became more of a task after it became a neighborhood fixture and was into maintenance mode. It turned out that I didn't enjoy keeping the more vigorous plants from taking over the world and spending lots of time weeding and dividing perennials. I found the developing of the garden was more interesting than the ongoing pressure I put on myself to keep it tamed.

It is a natural reaction to be sad about finally leaving a phase of life behind. I had to admit to myself that all the projects I had considered, all the fantasies of fabulous creative works, the opportunities to entertain, and the perfect family events had not and would not be happening. That house was where we raised our children and they had flown the nest and it was time to move on. I had to embrace the freedom to make changes because the changes were going to be happening whether I fought them or welcomed them

If you're so sad about moving, maybe you could rent the place out for a while, and slowly move the plants to the new place. Gardens are labor of love, it's hard to say goodbye. You could hire a property manager to rent the house out for you, in most of places a PM takes 10% of rent income.

Lyndee Lee wow, it's like you have written the story of what I'm going through right now! one of the things I've been doing is aggressively getting rid of stuff we don't need, just in case we decide to move (I've always been a purger anyway, just more amped up now). even if we decide to stay, it helps me feel more free.