Thanks again for all the responses. I'm having the AC guy do a load calc for me....I actually think he already did one, but I never saw it in writing. Radiant water heat wasn't in our plans or budget. The old red oak floors will stay so we weren't planning on ripping up any of the hold floors. I'll have to ask about the heat pump option. I was thinking they were for even milder climates than ours. It can get pretty darn cold here (below 20F), but usually doesn't stay that way for long. Our framing is just 2x4's. What's the maximum amount of insulation you can get using fiberglass batting? We looked at the spray foam insulation but at ~ 4x the cost it really was WAY out of our budget. We'll be doing blown-in cellulose in the attic. All windows are installed....all double paned / low-e. All are double hung and will open except for 2 that are just picture windows. I'll also ask about a zoned system for the upstairs when not in use. You've given me lots more to think about and more questions to ask. Thank you! We're hoping to start this on Wednesday since the plumber is wrapping up his stuff.

Sue, that is a very valid point and I agree completely that it is extremely important for a woman to have the means to provide for herself should something happen, whether it be divorce, death, incapacitation, or something else. As everyone knows, there simply is no way to guarantee everything, so you can never completely protect yourself from all contingencies, but it is very unwise to simply trust in the fates (or whatever) to see you through. It is imperative to have some sort of plan in mind for securing an income should something happen. My parents were adamant about all of us kids getting an education, regardless of career plans. I'm very glad about that. I had a degree when I was married to my first husband but didn't use it. I worked part-time managing a clothing store, a fun but low-paying job. When it became apparent that I had to get out of my marriage, I realized that my husband would make it extremely difficult, would do whatever he could to avoid paying anything, and that my job would never provide for my family. So, I stayed married an extra year and a half while I got another degree with better income potential and a teaching credential. It was somewhat underhanded but it was literally my life and the well being of my children at stake. I had a good job when I was finally able to get out of my marriage. It was still very tough. When I remarried (stayed single for 15 years by choice), I wished to retain my own accounts and my name. I have good insurance should anything happen to dh, a good prenup that sees to my needs and those of my children from my first marriage, and also protects dh's property for him and our children together. Sure, no one thinks divorce will happen to them, but it CAN happen. Even if your feelings never change, you cannot guarantee your partner's feelings. It also is not a sign that you don't trust the person to simply get a legal definition of what belongs to whom and protect it. I have a lot of autonomy with financial matters as I kept my own accounts, separate from dh. We have a system for paying bills that works well for us and provides me some security with how the money is disbursed. There is a whole area of finances that I have no clue about, but it is dh's trust fund and not my money unless he puts it into joint tenancy areas, such as the house, family purchases, etc. The same is true for me. I put the money from the sale of my house into an account that has nothing to do with dh, and he does not feel he needs to know what I do or don't do with it. I have insurance to cover death or disability so I wouldn't be compelled to sell the house or immediately find a job. I have a nest egg to see me through as well. When we married, I chose to take my dh's name because I liked our family all having the same last name. However, I studied the options carefully and found that if I added my own last name as a second middle name, it gave me the flexibility of using that sometimes, too. There is no legal way to have both last names as last names without using both, if you know what I mean. If you're Cheri Jones Smith, you can't sometimes go by Jones and sometimes Smith, you always have to be Jones Smith. I wanted to be able to use one for some things and one for another. For instance, I liked using my "own" last name for work and on my credit cards. I didn't want a hyphenated name nor did I want a double last name, so using my own last name as a second middle name suited me well. On documents, including my ID, it looks like two last names, which allows me to use my maiden name when I choose, but also gives me my husband's name as my legal last name so when you look me up somewhere, you can find me. Do you know what I mean? Say my maiden name was Jones and my married name was Smith. I am Cheri Ann Jones Smith on my ID. My first name is Cheri, my middle name is Ann Jones, and my last name is Smith. If my legal last name was Jones Smith, you would have to look me up under Jones and I would have to use both when signing checks, etc. I don't know that keeping my credit cards in my maiden name is exactly legal, but no one has ever questioned it. They simply look at my ID and say ok. Sorry for that long ramble! But yes, it's very important to have backup plans in anything you do. You just never know. I have the advantage of age and experience; a young woman would likely have much less protection than I, and I would urge that she get a good education or job certification in a field that would allow her to find a job if the need arose.

finedreams, that may be all true, but the bottom line is, it's NOT up to one parent to decide the other is nonexistent or unfit. It wasn't up to me to say my kids' father's shouldn't get the opportunity to raise their kid if something happened to me. Of course I wouldn't want my kid to be sent to a parent they never knew. But, it wasn't MY choice. If you suspect TOS's exH and his wife would be more than happy for someone else to raise the child, then it would be up to him to decline taking his child at that time. It's not up to anyone else. Regardless of what you think about the courts, that they don't always get it right, that's irrelevant. There are laws for a reason and the law gives parents certain rights, whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not. I agree that if other people petition the court for custody and the NCP is non existent or doesn't 'want' the child, then they would likely get custody. But again, it's NOT up to the CP. As for the child to be 'willed' to a grandparent, I doubt that it would be upheld if the NCP wanted to resume being the parent. (if their parental rights are terminated prior to the CP's death, or they've already been found to be unfit by a court, then that might be different) When I was a single parent, I had a power of attorney for my sister to make decisions for my kids upon my death. However, if any of their fathers were found or came forward, then they would have had the right to their child, over and above my sister. And quite honestly, while they didn't stick around or pay support, none of them are so terrible that I'd feel the need to keep them from stepping up if they choose to. Has anyone considered that perhaps TOS makes her ex's life so difficult and that is why he stays away or doesn't see his kids? If she were out of the picture, perhaps he would be happy to spend more time with his kids. He would no longer have someone poisoning his kids against him, reminding them of his affair, which I'm sure affects how they feel about him, which in turn, affects how they treat him, which likely leads to how he feels about them and how they feel about him. Yes, they are armed with the 'truth', but I'm sure that all my babbling is just speculation and that them knowing the truth about daddy isn't having an impact on their relationship with him. I'm sure they haven't chosen sides. and I'm sure this has nothing to do with wanting to 'punish' him for the rest of his life.

Hi Jack, It is definitely snowing and has been all day. Those seeds that I started two days ago are nearly all sprouting already. If I didn't know better I would say that some of those have germinate rates at 120% - HA! That caught me by surprise. I did not expect such a rapid emergence. I am not really so far behind though. In years past it was quite common for the ground to still be at least partially frozen by mid April. Can't work outside yet and this is actually my fourth flat for the garden. The earlier one for the hardy stuff has some lettuce with three leaves already with broccoli and napa not far behind. I need to do one more flat: the tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, and basil. I expect to have beds ready by next weekend for outside seeds and the hardy transplants as soon as they are ready. I do not think tender transplants by mid May is too late, and the sweet potatoes by the first of June. I kinda went overboard with some 4 different types of lettuce, 4 or 5 of various colors of sprouting broccoli and three colors of cauliflower. The broccolini types intrigue me and the sprouting cauliflower also does. And the variation in colors ... I intend to treat my vegetable garden visually like a flower border with different colors, textures and heights. The biggest surprise is the size of the scallions that have wintered over for me again this year. They stand nearly knee high already and are as thick as small leeks. Originally they were scallions right off the supermarket shelf with roots attached. I just stuck em in the ground and away they went. Pardon the babble. We have stay at home orders here in Minnesota and my employer has ordered us to work from home; so I am for all practical purposes a shut-in and it is a drag!