This is why I deleted my Facebook and IG accounts some time ago. I learned how petty and "butthurt" people can choose to be and how quick to judge based upon a simple post. Hell, it happened to me with a family member and we are, even after time has elapsed, pretty much estranged. It's sad, really, and while there are many who feel that social media is a great way to "keep up" with others, there are others like me who have found that the cost is not worth the price you might pay.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how it hurts.

IdaClaire, I would agree, but if I had not found my old college roomie three years ago on FB, we would not have had the time or the chance to re-connect. She passed away last November. If I had not had FB I would not have found my age-matched cousin (we haven't seen each other since we were both 15) nor known about a good friend's concussion when falling on her icy driveway - her daughter didn't know who to contact, so she somehow found her way into her mother's account to inform us all. So I don't regret FB. (I don't do Instagram.)

No matter how it happens, it is very painful to learn that a person we thought of as a friend is in fact not. People cope with life and stress in strange ways. Seeing the world as black and white, us vs them is more widespread than COVID these days. Tribalism offers some a comfort. It repulses me to no end.

Fitzgerald said: The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

Your friend could not sort friendship and politics and still function. Pity for her.

Artemis, I think her response speaks volumes about where she is right now in her life. It's not you--it's her. I'm finding that this crisis is challenging a lot of religious, political and cultural beliefs that some people cultivate as part of their identity. When they witness events and actions and behaviors (like a global pandemic!) that go against what they have defined about themselves, the resulting uncertainty is difficult. Many people don't have coping skills to deal with these challenges to their identities. That's my armchair psychology of the situation. I'm seeing it in certain members of my extended family and friends, too.

This is a tough one and something I have really, really been struggling with personally. Whatever side you are on, we all know these are not "normal" political times. I have trouble empathizing with the other side, but even I can appreciate that as much as I see this as incredibly important, literally existential struggle, some of them do too (but from the other side.)

I know plenty of good people with similar values to mine who voted for the "other side." That I can understand/ "forgive" (understanding the presumptuousness of that term). But TBH, if they were to tell me today they stand by their choice, I don't think I could understand. So I don't ask if I don't already know. Is that the "right" thing to do?

You write: She's obviously not ever a real friend to begin with, if a political stance is more important than the things that brought us together to begin with.

Here is where I struggle. "Political stance" can sound trivial in the scheme of things. But is it? Take an extreme example. Would you be willing to lose a friend over Naziism? I would. Politics matter. Government can change lives for better or for worse. We all have a duty to our country and to one another. I sometimes feel as though I am being un-principled by not rocking the boat. In several of my circles, politics it not discussed.. usually because it is known or suspected that there is discord.

But am I shirking my duty by going along with that? why in the world can we not discuss the future of our country, or world, our planet? And if taking a stand alienates others, should we not be willing to do that?

These are genuine questions. I do not know.

I can’t tell from your post if she said she won’t converse or you are not seeing her. These are difficult times where stress is affecting all of us.

FB has a feature - 30 day snooze - that I have used a few times. It’s great because, just like in real life, there are some friendships and people you need a break from.

If she didn’t overtly say she wouldn’t converse, is it possible she used this feature?

1929Spanish - well visually we are all under quarantine so she's in my old state of CT and I'm in MA, so that doesn't count - because I'm not seeing anyone more than a couple villages away from me for the duration. (And those are for necessary shopping). I have no idea what feature or not she is using.

Mtnrdredux - Yeah I would delete someone who supported pedophilia or the like or Naziism in a heartbeat. I don't think some such would ever be a friend of mine to begin with. If I am wrong, OUT They will GO, and I will tell them so. You do have good questions, which is why I am NOT eliminating friends from my life - because I want to learn WHY people choose to go the way they go. My own post that she objected to was rather mild (compared to a lot I've seen) and was raising some serious thoughts about the Coronavius / Covid-19 events and how we were dealing with it here in this country. I really wanted discussion, not a shut down.

I didn't mean to suggest that anyone should follow my lead or regret their own social media usage. It seems that often when I relate my experience, others feel compelled to defend theirs, and that's really not what I want to happen. Perhaps my delivery encourages it... I don't know. I was really just trying to convey that I know very well how it can hurt when someone responds to a Facebook post in an unexpected manner. And I'm really sorry you had that happen with someone you thought was a friend.

Understood, IdaClaire. In many cases, FB and such is probably best if ditched. I just know my life would be a lot less rich if I hadn't found that old room-mate. Her death was sudden and unexpected. At any rate, it really does hurt about that "friend" who went unexpected in her response to me. Yes, I knew she had differing viewpoints, and I'd actually thought she was in a space to respect mine. Nope. Thank you!

IdaClaire, I might dare suggest you get back on IG. The memes are hilarious, the pet stories are fun and light-hearted... I'm now following an alpaca breeder who posts the most adorable photos. There is a lot of positive distraction for me there.

(Note that the needed 15 characters can just be spaces..... use the space bar)

I am on FB because of my two daughters. I have under 20 people on my list.

i like Instagram as I never see anything political, at least not from my friends.

My DH is very strongly opinionated. When we socialize I have to remind him to not talk about politics. There are so many other things to talk about.

He doesn’t want to have anything to do with my brother after an intense political argument. They live five states away from us so not a daily issue.

But, it has made planning a visit difficult. I will possibly go myself if it comes to that.

It’s not my personality to not cut someone off for their political stance, but I know many people do.

" But I'd think in these days and times, keeping connections would beat out political views"

Sadly, I think the opposite is true.

I steer clear of politics because I know nothing I say will change minds or hearts and vice versa. I enjoy FB but SOB political posts. I'm not sure why anyone bothers except that perhaps they enjoy having their views validated by the same people. Over. And over. And over again.

Artemis, and others, I feel your angst. I have a slightly different take on FB. I use it intentionally to look like I’m relating to my professional circles, which consist of politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, government officials and such. And I’m pathologically reserved, despite powering through hobnobbing and some lobbying. True legal work is where I’m in my element, so I find it hard to engage in the power plays and small talk. So I use my FB for occasionally putting out enough curated personal stuff for people to feel like they know me and comfortable with me, but it’s all fluffy stuff like travel pics, my garden and cats. Because I know where most of my local FB friends stand politically, this is all I can handle posting. I see a lot of political and social drivel from those in my local circle, which makes Me want to scream but I just don’t respond to those.

i reserve open honest conversations to my relatively small circle of those I consider my true friends. FB makes me feel like I’m hiding my true self, but that‘s exactly what I’m doing.

Thanks, Feathers. I've shared before about a particular documentary I saw that gave me a certain new outlook on Facebook owned platforms, so this (and from time to time TripAdvisor) is the only social media outlet I'm interested in.

I'm not on FB. We were in the beginning years ago. Then my SIL got mad because we answered a friend request from an ex. We just said oh eff it.

Precisely why I quit Facebook well ahead of the last presidential election.

Zalco - what you posted is so true. The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

I learn a great deal if I can converse intelligently with someone who has differing political views. I am not rigid in mine and honestly interested in how others form theirs. Unfortunately I rarely find anyone who can do so without becoming highly emotional/hostile so I just don't do it. I feel like friendships would be in jeopardy and politics are not important enough to me to jeopardize them.

I have a Facebook account because sometimes there is something I want or need to see that requires it. But I don't post and I have no friends (LOL).

I don't have any real advice on the friendship front. I think that social media platforms enable people to express extreme positions and to react in extreme ways, because it's a lot easier to deal with the virtual fallout (or just block the virtual fallout) than when you have to deal with people in person. And as with email, it's easy for someone's words to be misunderstood without the added information conveyed by tone of voice and facial expression.

I have a fake FB account just so I can see what my grandson's parents post about him. It's not my real name. A couple of my close friends just INSISTED I friend them, but I don't ever post, I have all the controls set so none of their stuff posts on my page. And I never ever look at their pages. I am not a good FB friend, lol.

I'm sure her response was horrid and it's always a surprise when someone we know well goes all-out "internet ranter". I have a relative that does this too. I thought I read from your post that she stopped engaging with you - assumed it was only on FB since we're all shut in. That's why I suggested the mute function rather than blocking someone.

I have a few IRL friends who's opinions differ greatly and we sometimes clash. And there was one person with with I was familiar, but not close friends. When they moved, we became friends on FB and I learned that this wasn't someone I wanted to be associated with (weird rants, inappropriate content etc). Since we weren't friends, there was no motivation for me to save any kind of relationship at all.

I have some people blocked for various reasons, but there are a couple I have muted because I need a break. In one case, it's a dog page that I got sick of the volume of posts and wanted to see other stuff for a while. The mute function means you're still connected, but you don't see anything from them on your feed for 30 days.

Not trying to invalidate your feelings at all.

I’ve never participated in Facebook, it’s just always seemed too invasive and I really do think it’s changed things socially and not in a good way. That said, it’s times like this that people tend to show their true colors and sometimes those colors are just not what we expected. I’m sure it’s disappointing but you have a right to your opinion whatever it may be and if she was a true friend, she would respect that.

Finding someone on Facebook and posting a political opinion are TWO different things. Try not to blur those lines.. In this political climate, most people have their opinion and are unwilling to change or discuss. She has either unfriended you, blocked you or is taking a break from Face Book. You need to respect her choice.

Finding someone on Facebook and posting a political opinion are TWO different things. Try not to blur those lines.. In this political climate, most people have their opinion and are unwilling to change or discuss. She has either unfriended you, blocked you or is taking a break from Face Book. You need to respect her choice.

I came across this and thought it apt...

I try not to post political stuff on FB as I know I have friends and family who are on the other side...I save most of my venting for hot topics. If I can't resist, I try to post with full awareness of how some might receive it and whether or not it's worth having them potentially drop me. It's their choice. But I hope they can accept my political point of view and move on. If they can't, there's nothing I can do about it. If they post politcal things only occasionally, I can skip it. But if they are frequent and persistent political posters, then out they go.