I think the key is not to send the boy to a middle school where sports prowess is social currency. Any notion that a kid would be “eaten alive” for lack of interest in sports is anathema to me.

Personal fitness and individual sport is far more important IMO than team sports. How many 30 year old men play football or soccer for fun? How many HS kids put many Hours of their lives into team sport practice only to stop Abruptly in college?

Sports teams are also closed communities in which hazing and casual bullying can be experienced in school, not necesssrily protect a student from that.

My kids were all over the place with sports. Older son tried several and did not really like any. DD played softball because she wanted to try a team but ultimately left it because of a bullying coach. She was a world championship class Irish dancer and that consumed most of her energy anyway. DS2 played tennis thru high school and still does today. He has never had the intense desire to win that champions have, and was genuinely happy for his opponents when they won matches. (DH despaired over that.). They were all popular in high school and college because they are unique people and (whether good or bad) good looking kids. We constantly told them their looks were a gift, not a talent or skill, and they understood that even though they enjoyed the benefits.

Adolescence is a no holds barred, full contact sport. Having parents and grandparents looking out for a teen is the most valuable chip they can own.

I know that our son did not have an interest in joining a team when he was 10.

His interest changed when he made a new friend who liked to shoot baskets at the playground. They had fun, other kids joined in, he learned the sport.

By the end of 8th grade our son was the captain of his school’s basketball team. (He went on and played basketball in HS.)

This was a while ago, but I’m pretty sure his school (private) had a “be part of something” requirement for the students. Team sports qualified as did other clubs.

Kids like to do things they are good at. And they should be encouraged to try many things til they can find what they enjoy.

I haven’t read all the comments but will when I have more time.

Other than track for a few seasons both my DD’s pursued there own interests outside of school. Horseback riding, dance, gymnastics, snow boarding.

My DH used to joke, “Why do a free school sport when I can pay for these other things instead?”

Your grandson has friends, is doing well and is liked by all. This is terrific.

I think your son can do more damage by forcing his son to join a team than just allowing him to find his place where he feels comfortable.

I agree with DLM, hiis thing might be the drama group, chess club, school newspaper etc.

IMHO as long as he is social and has friends, he is good to go.

ETA: I agree with the comments of transference. I think as parents we want to give our kids as many opportunities as we can. Some parents though might inadvertently do the opposite.

Example: I have a BIL that was shy. The mother (she ran the show) insisted he go to sleep away camp where he was miserable. My sister had issues as well.

Fast forward, when they had their two sons my sister and her DH avoided activities that they had bad experiences with. It was difficult for me watching these boys grow up.

The days of the jocks being the cool ones are long gone in my town.

Socially, team sports are not a big deal to kids in my community. Some kids do them, some don't. Kids all interact regardless of which activities they do after school. A new kid with no friends should maybe be pushed into trying sports, but I don't see a reason otherwise.

I have an 11-year old boy who is bad at sports and doesn't like playing or watching. It does not affect him socially. Some of his best friends are very active in team sports. They don't tease him because he isn't. They just don't do everything together and sports is just one of many interests kids have.

When he hits structured Phys Ed in middle school next year, he's still gonna suck at sports. He'll hate it. But at least he'll blame the school and not his parents! His friends won't care that he's bad.

Most parents make their kids do stuff they don't want to do because "it's good for them" and the kids still manage to get past it, maybe even learning something from it. So even if making this kid do team sports is because of stupid reasons, it won't hurt him unless he's not allowed to quit.

I don't think anybody (girl or boy) has to play sports, but as others have said learning to be fit is a good idea, but doesn't need to be team sports. Now I do agree with Mtn as I think trying something is good and to be honest I don't think it is until middle school age that they really get the game and team work etc. unless they are the child that is really into sports naturally and hence it is a good age for them to actually at least try it out.

My daughter is not the all into sports kind except she really likes swimming (but here it is only 2 months out of the year). She has played a few team sports and tried a few and she no longer wants to do those. The ones she currently are in is Volleyball (club level) which she likes a lot and basketball which she likes at times and not others. The Basketball is just a 2 month thing as it is a rec league. However having watched her over the years it doesn't appear to be until now that she is really getting the sports thing and being on a team and actually surprised us with playing good in basketball and deciding to put a bit of practice in by herself etc. I think it probably is around 11-12 that most kids are starting to get this as I'm also seeing the same with other girls on the team. They play 5th and 6th grade together and the 6th graders seems a bit ahead on this. So I think as mtn said pushing them to try it at a certain age where they kind of get it is a good idea and use the years leading up to that to figure out which might actually interest them to do at that age. For example we know my kid does not like Softball at all and doesn't like soccer either, so we stayed out of those after she tried them. We have generally given her the option and just said 1 team sport would be a good choice and to find the one she wants to do and try them out in rec leagues. She plays club volleyball not because we pushed it but because she wanted to try out on her own and that is not something she would have requested or wanted to do before this year. She plays basketball because I asked if she wanted to play as sign up was ending and she said she wanted to. After it started she said she wished she hadn't signed up, but I think it is all the running and practice eating into her YouTube time (at least she thinks so) - never mind she still has a time limit on that no matter what and her friend didn't get on her team. She just is a bit lazy, but she is really making an effort which has not happened in the past and she is acting like a different kid on the court from prior years.

If the kid doesn't want to do team sports and Dad doesn't want him to get "eaten alive," martial arts might offer a solution that would satisfy both of them.

Mom of three boys and one girl here. And a former hs hockey assistant coach. My oldest son excelled at lacrosse, played all through high school and went D1. Guess who else did? Yup, his father. And then some. That’s a huge part of why my son was so skilled. His father was relentless in his pursuit of my eldest son’s excellence. (Read that sentence twice—it’s the big one. ).Middle son quit lacrosse due to that pressure from father. Younger son steered towards soccer and hockey and quit lacrosse in middle school. my ex-husband had no experience in either hockey or soccer. Not coincidental. My youngest son played at a high-level all through high school and then decided not to pursue any sports in college. Wanted to focus on academics.

I also played sports both in high school and in college. I could tell you all the benefits of a team sport, bonding, teamwork ad nauseuem. But guess what, you can get those same benefits from so many other places. Is he into robotics or Legos? There are robotic teams that combine both. How about parkour? It’s kind of like extreme walking, LOL. My quirky nephew did it for years and loved it. You just have to find a parkour gym. Personally, I think high school teams are overrated for generally active kids. The system is brutal to those who are good but not great. (Which is the great majority, by the way).They put in the same amount of time in practice as the great ones, but rarely see action. It is excruciating for any parent to watch. And I think organize sports can bring out the worst in parents. I’ve seen moms and dads yell at refs in front of their other children and basically be a holes. It is the worst lesson for your other kids to see, that might makes right.

Sheesh, I didn’t realize how sensitive this subject is to me. Your grandson sounds just about perfect. I am bummed that his father has chosen this hill as the one to die on. He is really missing out.

Edited to add that I just watched a parkour for kids video and it really doesn’t involve walking LOL. Lots of safe obstacle course type activity

(Now I'm intrigued by parkour ... off to Google!)

I don't have time right now to read all the responses, so this may be repetitive, but I'd like to weigh in because this was such a dilemma for me when I was raising my son. He could not really seem to understand team sports -we tried soccer, basketball, baseball, etc. But he was always more interested in talking to the other players (even from the opposing team as they ran by, LOL), about Pokemon, Harry Potter, etc. He didn't understand where to be on the court or field, he couldn't run well, he didn't really care, etc. At the same time, he was academically gifted, read not only very early but voraciously -sounds like your grandson to me in many ways. I felt intuitively that he would need a place in life besides with his family and in the classroom. Here in Texas, that place is often the ball field for boys. So I wasn't sure how I was going to help him navigate this. Then he tried both tennis and swimming. He wasn't particularly skilled at either, definitely on the lower end compared to peers. But of the two, he had the most camaraderie with others at swim team, and so it seemed to me that we should help him pursue that. There were years (about 5th grade I think) where he was a bit less enthusiastic, but I kept him going and wouldn't give in to his occasional laments to quit or skip practice, etc. (Swimming is a pretty big commitment, with practices typically running five days or more/week.) Again, my intuition told me to keep him in it, and today I count it as one of my most important parenting decisions. I believe he learned more about tenacity and working with others, and he gained more lifelong friends from swim team than anywhere else in his life. School was always easy for him, and he learned very early that he could 'call it in' -not a lesson I particularly wanted him to build a life around. He was never a natural athlete, and swimming was hard for him, so that was the place he learned that hard work can pay off. (Funnily enough, it turns out that the most talented under-10 swimmers rarely turn out to be the top swimmers later. Apparently, while they are using natural talent, muscle development, etc. to win races, less talented kids like my son are developing the technique that will carry them further.) I also ultimately learned that teams made up of individual players, such as swimming, are every bit as team oriented as more traditional teams like baseball and soccer. Swim meets are important for the individual, but ultimately the team wants to win the meet, which is a compilation of all the points each swimmer earns. And relay teams are truly the best part of most meets. So here's the end of the story -my son ended up captaining his Ivy League swim team. And today, his swimmer friends from throughout his life are his closest compadres. He's a software engineer, but has also turned into a very physically oriented young man, so he's always running or climbing or hiking and is in excellent shape. Being an athlete is an important part of the way he sees himself. Ironically, most of the friends who played baseball and football don't do much athletically anymore at all. I don't think this would be the case if he'd avoided all sports early on.

I'm also a former teacher, and I've seen parents push their kids into a club, a sport, or an interest group that they neither wanted nor fit into, and it's always disastrous, and painful to witness, IMO. It's excruciating to feel less than, to feel like a misfit or an odd duck. Can you even imagine being an unskilled tennis player and being made to play on your country club team? Trying to be what you aren't is the shortest path to that feeling, but I think we forget that with our kiddos sometimes.

I agree that (some) PARENTS make team sports unappealing to the athletes, coaches, refs, AND other parents. Wow, I’ve seen some doozies in my day! DD is playing in the powderpuff Football Jr girls vs Sr girls in a few weeks. Usually it’s just something the kids do, the football team coaches, boys are cheerleaders, etc. School personnel on hand to oversee, not something parents attend, just fun for the kids. This year, someone decided to make it a fundraiser and have parents and whoever else come. Oh lord, it’s going to be ruined! 😩 One dad has already released a “hype video,” and I can just imagine how crazy having parents there will make it. Sigh. Don’t get me started on cheer moms! 😂 Oy vey!!

Oh my goodness, such great insight! Thank you all for taking the time to write your experiences and perspective.

I don't perceive myself as a meddler (my son might see it differently, lol) but I've helped raise this kid and he considers me one of his parents. I go to school conferences and do other "parental" type activities around him because he would be crushed if I didn't. I've always been the one to fulfill the volunteer hours requirement at his school because of his parents' work schedules, so am very involved there.

I am also seen by him as an advocate for him. He tells me things and I listen and try to help him. He has not talked to me about this, but I'm not sure how much he knows about what's on his dad's mind. The parents include me in communications about him and ask my advice about what I think regarding many things. So I feel okay trying to advocate for my grandson in this arena.

My grandson is in cub scouts and lego league, so he does do some group
activities. He's in high demand for play dates and he makes really great
videos and has his own youtube channel.

I do think my son is projecting his fears based on his own experiences...some of the "last chosen" things that he hopes to avoid for his son. I don't think he's looking at "making the team" scenarios, just becoming proficient enough in sports to not be last chosen. I honestly don't think my grandson would care, since playing sports isn't an interest - he's not going to feel left out.

And yes, this is going to be a war of the wills growing up experience for my grandson. My son is a great dad in many ways but I think he needs help to see that his son isn't him and is not going to have the same experiences and he cannot control everything. My ex DIL will not engage in a war of wills with my son, but is doing her best to give my grandson the skills to deal with life as it comes to him (much of it in the form of his father).

Again, I appreciate all the wisdom shared. Thank you!

Bestyears comment made me reflect a little about our sons. The older one did community soccer ( one of the nice things about community sports is the team is made up of kids from all different schools) and was just ok at it but he did like it. In Grade 12 there is an Ultimate Frisbee team at the school for seniors which he joined. (no dissing the sport please as some people are want to do) but it appealed to him and it fit him to a tee. He is a very quick sprinter, he's tall, he's coordinated and he doesn't mind throwing himself onto the ground into the end for the point. He transitioned that into playing for years at a very high level and meeting so many people from all over our area and into the western US. He was well respected as a player and as a coach. His younger brother played as well but wasn't as talented.

But the other thing is that some of those friendships also took him into backcountry hiking/camping. You just never know where a road will lead.

So all that to say, you never know where or when a sport will call your name and it doesn't have to happen when you're 10 years old nor does it have to be something mainstream.

The only rule we had was that if you signed up for something you had to finish out the session and we never forced our kids into doing a sport that they weren't interested in.

Just as an aside - Our kids hated, absolutely hated, skating lessons and for a couple of Canadian boys, well....

I second the Martial Arts suggestion. My younger DS received his junior black belt in Kung Fu. It is a good confidence builder and teaches discipline. He stopped when he was 11 after getting the black belt and moved to soccer.

I would suggest seeking out an independent school. The franchisee ones are the type where everybody moves to the next level at the same time and everyone gets a trophy. DS started off in one of these type schools and it seemed like a bit of a $ grab to me. We moved him to a Kung Fu school where you had to actually earn your belts by taking a set # of classes and passing tests.

Thank you for the martial arts suggestions that you and others have made. His dad also mentioned that as an option and it might be a good fit for my grandson.

Boys don't need to play sports on teams. They, like girls, do need physical exercise, and from you've said, your grandson gets exercise. My brother did much better socially in high school than me, without ever being on a team. I was on the girls' volleyball team (6 foot tall helped), but that didn't remotely improve my high school social standing. Or confidence level. More power and many kudos to your grandson!

My sons also did Tae Kwan do during grades 4-9 and really enjoyed. The thing about the program that my kids were in is that all the different levels are together and there was a variety of ages within each level and there was a lot of working together. Their instructor was amazing.

It can teach respect for their instructor and each other, it teaches discipline, some competitiveness, testing in front of others. goal setting, etc.

My sister will test for her black belt (she is 60, never too old to start a new sport) in November and also teaches the lower levels and she doesn't put up with crap from any of the younger kids and surprisingly the parents respect that from the teachers.

If he’s otherwise well-adjusted and active, as seems to be the case, team sports may not be essential to his development. However, I’m curious as to why a 10 year-old has such strong dislike for them. Exposing him to some team sports experience (as long as there is no duress) will either dispel his notions or confirm them, but I think he‘s too young to stop the exposure.

The only thing I forced our kids to do was swimming lessons. Exposing them to all kinds of activities is key, but forcing them to partake in an activity they have no interest in will just create stress and tension (unnecessary battles) in your relationship with the child.

It’s one thing to say “Johnny, the rec dept is offering baseball this spring for your age group, are you interested?” and another to say “I’m signing you up for baseball.”

My boys did all kinds of sports, driven by their own interest in a particular sport (and then we found teams), or by enough of their friends doing something and they wanted to join in with them. DH is a big tennis player but never forced it on them or played much with them, but they both played all four years in high school.

DD found her sport in 2nd grade and did it until senior year and was never interested in anything else.

I say expose, offer, even suggest trying something and give reasons why you think they should try it, but then back off and let them lead the way.

I just saw these recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics by age. They do need physical activity and it dramatically drops off in middle school because of dwindling PE and lack of other opportunities. Also, many sport leagues get into competition and travel and the "average" kid often gets left by the wayside or warms the bench.

But you can try individual sports like running, bicycling, tennis, golf, martial arts, resistance training/youth crossfit, outdoor activities, etc.

I can weigh in as to why a ten year old might be adverse to trying a new sport. In all my experience, kids start loosely organized sports at very young ages. Take hockey, for example. My son started at barely 5 and was a year late to the game compared to everyone else. By ten, many kids have strong skill sets that make it hard for someone just trying it out for the first time. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but in sports like hockey and lacrosse, it is hard to be that behind all your peers. Your basic skills just aren't there yet and you may feel like you just aren't good enough. It's totally ludicrous that this is how it is, but I have seen it first hand. Interesting to note, though that the average age of quitting hockey is 13. Most studies cite burn out as the reason.

Thank goodness for individual sports that you can advance at your own speed without comparison to the herd.

I will say that my DH is in his early 60s and still plays ice hockey; until recently 2x a week. I have middle aged male friends who play soccer pretty seriously.

I'd also say I am grateful that our kids' schools did a very good job of being genuinely supportive and encouraging of athletes who were new to a sport or frankly just not so good at a given sport (ask how i know!) and yet achieving real competitive success (the benefit of having the space and staff to field good sized teams at various levels.) I am given to understand that capacity constraints in our public school mean that you really can't just pick up a sport willy nilly. That's where I hear the stories of riled up parents and people taking everything way too seriously. I can certainly understand an aversion to that.

IDK about his aversion to team sports - it appears to be how he was made...I think when he was little and trying soccer, some of it was that the little kids are totally out of control and he didn't like getting hurt/kicked/pushed, etc. He just would back away from the pack and wait for it to be over. He does seem to be tender, but he does not dwell on physical problems and is kind of fearless in many ways.

He's a confident public speaker and is almost always chosen to be the person in the spotlight when that is needed in a group of kids. I saw a video of him at summer camp doing a difficult vertical climb on a structure that would have made me faint, so he has some physical prowess and confidence.

He's a very compliant and cooperative child. Never, ever was in time out or even yelled at. You just make a correction with him and he does it, cheerfully. He's not used to being bullied or coerced by anyone in his life, especially his family. So, if he feels like his feelings are negated by his dad about this, it's going to bite my son in the arse, I think.

Thank you for your ongoing input about this. It really helps me feel a little less stressed about it.

Mtn, I think the difference between adult leagues and high school/travel teams is the lack of pressure from coaches and more emphasis on fun at the rec level. (And the beer after games ,lol) At least that was true for me as I also played adult league hockey. I quit when I moved to upstate ny where the hockey leagues were resoundingly men’s teams only.

Ultra-competitive and riled-up parents aren't restricted to public schools. They're everywhere, at all levels. Not to say there aren't some very well-behaved parents/coaches/refs who set a good example for the kids but bad behavior is not exclusive to public schools. Some of the worst parents I've seen were the parents of the team stars on the most elite teams.

My point wasn't about adult leagues being more collegial, it was an observation that sometimes adults continue to play team sports.

Jojoco, DH has often had a woman player or two on his teams. Once my DS' female history teacher played opposite his team, LOL.

Sorry for the hijack, Oly and... BTW, how nice for you and all involved to have this special and close relationship with your grandson.

Olychick wrote: I think when he was little and trying soccer, some of it was that the little kids are totally out of control and he didn't like getting hurt/kicked/pushed, etc. He just would back away from the pack and wait for it to be over. He does seem to be tender, but he does not dwell on physical problems and is kind of fearless in many ways.

That's not being tender--that's being smart. It's having a sense of self-preservation, and it reflects good critical thinking and reflects his instinctual survival skills.

My son was like that, too, and I used to wonder why he stayed on the outskirts. But it served him well in a team sport that he enjoyed and continued to play competitively on travel teams and in high school. That sense of self-preservation turned into an ability to assess a situation and know when his efforts were best put forth. He was a very smart, strategic player who avoided injuries, and went on to play in college. Many of his teammates kept the city's orthopedic surgeons in business.

I'm just saying the vibe is different in a school where there are x spots and 3x kids who want to play, vs. a school where everyone can find a team at their own level.

lol, Feathers. Great observation!

I don't have a lot to add that others have not-- I played a lot of sports in HS and field hockey in college. My siblings all played multiple sports as did many of their children (but not all). I think there is a lot to be learned from competitive sports-- team or individual. But something I think has not been mention that some of those things we want to protect them from-- not being as good as the others, facing unfair treatment/favoritism of others, unfair calls by refs/umps, etc, being corrected or even yelled at.. are lessons we ALL need to learn to live and work in the world of people who do not think or act like us. The teens are about the time where those lessons start to roll in whether you like it or not.. I think it is very valuable to learn coping skills in advance and sports are a way to do so.

And I don't mean this to be rude at all.. but one of the first places to start with the lessons could be with your DGS to talk to his dad himself. He may learn what his dad wants him to get from the sport-- and maybe they will find a compromise together. It would be a big win for DGS to resolve this issue with his dad.. or to at least hear his dad's side and present his own thinking, desires, etc. We all want to help our loved ones solve problems-- but sometimes the best help is to let them work it out (with your support, of course!)

Also a great perspective Funky. I may plant the seed with his dad and then encourage him to advocate for himself. I worry for him that his dad is a bit of a bulldozer and he already feels powerless to change/affect the things in his life that cause him anxiety. Decisions often seem to be made that are what's best for my son instead of my grandson.

My son was not particularly into sports, he did swim for 3 years in high school as it was our requirement that he choose an activity. His senior year he switched to robotics, more his cup of tea. That said he enjoys rock climbing and hiking, he started that in Boy Scouts and continues to do both those activities, he is a senior in college.

I find it interesting that there are so many here who have boys/men in their lives who love the outdoor activities of hiking and rock climbing. Those are activities that can be done solo or in a group, and I happen to think there's a tremendous amount of satisfaction in finding perfect contentment in solitary pursuits. Those that nourish the body and mind are especially worthy, IMO. Bravo to those boys who took to the trails and the rocks and discovered themselves there. That's a true blessing.

Another perspective that may work with your son Oly -though I haven't walked that walk yet, so this may be a useless idea. One of the things I would think he would want to impart to his son is the idea of self-autonomy, that we want the adults we raise to be able to determine their own path, to advocate for themselves, protect their self-interest, etc. That starts in childhood.

Mtn

My point wasn't about adult leagues being more collegial, it was an observation that sometimes adults continue to play team sports.

Jojoco, DH has often had a woman player or two on his teams. Once my DS' female history teacher played opposite his team, LOL.

Sorry for the hijack, Oly and... BTW, how nice for you and all involved to have this special and close relationship with your grandson.

While my brother never joined a team in high school (or college), totally voluntarily in his early 30s he was on a local baseball / softball team (I cannot recall which, as he then lived half a country away), just because he wanted to. He was on it for five or so years, until he had medical back issues due to other things. Not doing team sports in school doesn't keep you from doing team sports later in life if you want to participate then.

I have a colleague who competes on masters rowing and field hockey. She even went to the field hockey world championships!

My kids are superb athletes, but one of them had absolutely no interest in "proper" team sports. Joined x-country, which is great because it's the individual's accomplishment but also still a team sport. Plus, it's determined by time (not favoritism), and you compete against yourself, so even the slower runners can chart their improvement, and nobody gets cut.

My GF's kids (2 of 3) are very athletic as was she and her hubby. She was a collegiate cheerleader and I thought it was hard for her, when her DS wasn't interested in sports. When her and her hubby figured this out, they had him start guitar lessons when he was 11 years old. He excelled playing his guitar and is in a band and, even though he doesn't play sports, like the rest of my son's friends, her son is considered pretty cool, playing that guitar and the girls love him LOL It doesn't hurt that my DS and his athletic friends get a bunch a kids together to go watch him in his band.

Not every kid is meant for sports, but they do need to do some type of group activity. I remember this one little kid, about the age of your grandson, who played on my son's basketball team, he was just horrible, bless his heart, and his dad pushed him, but, in reality, he just didn't fit in and the kid was miserable. No one did any verbal harm to him, it was just plain to see, he was never thrown the ball, etc. It only gets worse as they get into high school, especially basketball, there are only 5 starters on the team. It's tough and a lot of work to keep your spot.

Bestyears, you are right on point of my thinking about all of this, but unfortunately my son seems to have blurred boundaries about where he ends and his son begins. Autonomy is a difficult thing for my son where his son is concerned. It's not healthy....thus my willingness to risk advocating for my grandson sometimes.

I love the stories you all are telling of kids not into team sports but finding other activities to be physical. He also has a really good friend who goes to a different school who is a soccer champ. I was thinking it might be fun to see if he'd be willing to spend some time on the field with my grandson, just one on one, showing him how to maneuver the ball with his feet, just running up and down. Then my grandson could practice some on his own to get some ball handling skills and see if he might like it.

I think it would be a better intro than the 5 years old team his dad tried.

Wanted to chime in and echo everybody. There is a sport for everyone! And also, the "team" part might be looser than you expect. At my high school you could letter in math and chess--both had teams that practiced regularly, freshmen through senior years.

I think it's really important to just keep on trying various types of physical activity until you find something that clicks. Learning a sport-type skill as a child can come in very handy later on--I had NO IDEA when I came to the big city that in many circles you were expected to be a competent ballroom dancer. Luckily I had learned the basics as a teen. Croquet has also been a plus, weirdly enough.

If you don't believe me, here's a quote from Hal Rubenstein, fashion journalist:

"I remember once being at the New Yorkers for Children event and the music was playing, and if it was Latin music, Oscar [de la Renta] was on the dance floor. There weren’t a lot of guys who would dance. I asked Carolina Herrera to dance. If you were a Jewish kid growing up in New York in the ’60s, you knew how to Latin dance. I was dancing a mambo or the cha-cha with Carolina and she got excited and she brought me over to Oscar and said, “This one can dance.” His greatest joy was music more than anything else. He wouldn’t let me leave the dance floor. I had to stay dancing with Carolina to show him that I really knew how to move my hips. And now I was seen in a whole new light. I went up a couple of rungs. It wasn’t about being a fashion director at a powerful magazine. It was about dancing."

and here's a wonderful video excerpt from the movie about the New York City public schools' ballroom dancing PE initiative, "Mad Hot Ballroom,” in which an immigrant kid who doesn’t speak English yet is connecting with his peers through a sport.

That was very cool. Thanks for posting

A friend of mine, a lawyer, grew up with her very own tennis court. She said that playing tennis was more useful in making business contacts than law school ever was.

Where'd the dance video go? That was great! I've been trying to get him into dance class since he was small, but no go. He's a really good dancer and I thought hip-hop classes would be fun and he probably would love it, but he doesn't think so. He dances all the time with and for his friends. People are so complicated, lol!

We get quite a few guys in Zumba and cardio funk at the Y.

Suero, one of my grad schools friends taught physical education at a wealthy school district in Northern California. Lots of her students were kids from tech executives as well as professional athletes from the Bay area. These kids had their own pools, tennis courts, basketball courts, putting greens, etc. at their homes. So, yeah, she mentioned many of her kids were very good because they did these things at home.

Fun fact, in the Bay Area if you think your child may be good at a sport, you have to be serious about it by K. That makes for interesting/frustrating discussions since you feel you have to make the first decisions lest your child get left behind on something he may want in the future.

Oh Oly, we share the same type of grandson, both with kind souls and not interested in sports. He's 11 & still kisses me when no one's looking. :) Small town school but not too small. My two boys played baseball from Little League through high school. We only have baseball and basketball.

DS1 has a boy and a girl, the girl is 9 and is the athlete in the family, she just finished basketball, and softball begins soon. She is fast as a whip, DGS is not.

DGS has no interest in sports, he did two years of T-ball and although he was decent it wasn't his thing. But the kid is smart and inherited his dad's engineering brain, which they both got from my dad but it skipped me. lol

DGS is winning blue ribbons (2 in February!) with things he's built out of Lego's, & he also gets to go to the Lego conferences out of town, which is through school. He's flourishing in Quiz Bowl and today he's one of the finalists in another town competing.

His parents don't care that he's not in sports which makes me happy. IMO, kids with kind souls need to be nurtured, not pushed. KWIM?

He still plays like a little boy, has lots of friends and they don't care if he plays sports or not. Oh, building friendships now is important.

He's a great Kayacker which he learned at day camp in the summers, so I guess that's a sport. Even if our GS's did play sports it doesn't make them immune from bullying, or being a bad player, etc.

The boy's self-esteem comes first. My gut tells me the boys probably do wish they could play but they know deep down they probably wouldn't be as good as the other boys.

During basketball season for DGD she was a knockout on the court, getting all kinds of accolades from the family, and it worried me that her brother would never get the same attention. But he is, by the other things he does. He even got his two 1st plafce blue ribbon crafts in our local paper! Glory, he got some glory.

One last thing, our grandsons are still young and maybe someday they'll want to play a school sport. It's never too late unless it's a huge school where you have to try out.

I haven’t read the other responses, but something the family lawyer said to me once has stuck with me for a long time. He is brilliant and a total nerd. I suspect his coordination on a sporting field would be totally laughable. However, he once told me that he wished his parents had made him play sports in school. If he told me why, I’ve forgotten it.

Thanks, I wonder if adult men who never got into sports miss out on some activities with their peers in adulthood that they'd like to participate in, like pick-up softball games or volleyball, etc. at company picnics or family reunions, that sort of thing?

Again, I don't think my son is thinking about making try out for school teams or anything but just participate in some group sport things, maybe more community type things? Not sure.

I really, really appreciate all the info people have posted here. Thank you!

BB & Oly, there are so many different varieties of sports now, it's just finding the right sport for their abilities. Our school sports are so limited, baseball or basketball, and you need to be tall, thin, and fast for both. They used to have golf, not sure if they do now. One of the benefits of living in a small community is no matter whether you play or not, you'll still be life long friends with each other, no judgment.