I’m with you Katz. I have one out of town close friend, and one sister.

I will stay with them. But anyone else, it’s a hotel room.

I have a good friend who always stays in friend’s homes while away. I think this is her husbands preference not hers.

For me it is all about the visit and I don’t consider it a vacation. Like you, I am there to make my stay as easy as possible. We will often help with projects etc.

Like Jojoco, I love having friends visit (well, one especially and others, meh). Our main floor is upstairs and we have a full walk-out lower level (1960 ranch). We have a nice set up for them with the largest of our bedrooms (others are small) and a private bath on the lower floor which they may have to themselves unless we are all watching tv in the library. There is a wing chair, a bench that can double for the suitcase, and room in the closet if hanging space is needed. Lots of space on tables and bureaus for laying out personal stuff, too.

Most of the time I visit, I don't have that, but it doesn't really bother me too much. I would feel more relaxed if I did, though.

ETA: I re-read my post and it wasn't quite clear that I just don't visit anyone really except for one friend who also will visit me once or twice a year-for two/three nights max. We do travel together to France, but we definitely need our own bedrooms! having our own baths would be lovely as well when we rent, but lots of gites don't have that in a small cottage. I really am turning into a recluse.

I'm another one who hates staying in someone else's home. I would much rather stay in a nice hotel or a VRBO.

It's been years since I've stayed with anyone, but even then I didn't much care for it. I recently crashed on my brother's couch on a quick trip out of state and that was fine, but when I've stayed with folks in the past I too have found it tiresome feeling like I had to be "ON" all the time, when what I really wanted to do was just slink away and spend time alone with a book. I am very set in my ways at this point in my life, and probably not about to get any less so, and I'm sure I would hate staying with others for any length of time nowadays.

I remember going with my ex YEARS ago to visit his sister and her husband in another state. It was a long, exhausting drive and when we arrived at their place early evening, we were tired and hungry. The sister's husband proceeded to snack in front of us without offering us anything to eat, and I was too shy and unsure of this family to make it known how hungry we were. I don't remember why my ex didn't bring it up; it was HIS sister, after all -- but they were an odd lot to begin with, so there's that. He and I eventually piled back into the car and drove to a fast food restaurant nearby. It was a very strange visit -- one in which we had been expressly invited to come and stay, but there was very little in the way of basic hospitality.

My only other frame of reference, really, is spending time at the ex inlaws' house over the Christmas holidays. We had a room in the basement (which tended to creep me out, but that's another story), and there was a LOT of "togetherness" that felt at times suffocating to me. I was pretty big into running in those days, and would excuse myself daily to go out for a fairly long run. I'm sure they thought it was rude of me to leave the house, but I didn't care. It's what I had to do to retain my sanity.

We avoid at all costs! Too many reasons to list but most have been mentioned.

Aha - you hit the nail on the head - you always have to be “on”. That’s the thing I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

I enjoy having guests at our lake cabin which is one of the reasons we have it and it’s completely setup for guests. However even with that I’m good for a long weekend but after that I’m ready for guests to depart and do my own thing for while before I have more visitors.

I'm with many of you who say you enjoy having guests in your own home but don't really like staying with others (except maybe close family). I have a friend that I visit and am comfortable staying with her for a couple nights. We have similar routines and have traveled together as well. Again, I enjoy this for 2-3 nights max. I also enjoy staying at my brother's beach house for a few days as it is set up very nicely for guests. And that's about it! Spending the odd night here or there at my mother-in-law's home or other friends homes is fine but more than an overnight, I would much prefer my own place. For many of the reasons that have been stated - downtime, moving at your own pace, etc. And the joy of walking around without a bra can not be overstated.

I also dislike staying with others except for one set of friends who are very similar to us and we are so close that it is ok for me to announce I'm going to bed at 9pm or to slink off to read. They are really very low key and have few expectations. They also know us so well that they are not surprised or offended if we bring some of our own snacks or "special" food for my gluten free son. Still, we usually don't stay the night even though it is a 2+ hour drive to their house...we just take a day trip.

We rarely stay at someone's home. Two of my inlaws have guest suites complete with additional kitchen at their weekend houses, and we have stayed there - either with them present or without them.

A little older now, I find we have our quirks ;0) I'm used to a private quiet morning while I ready myself for the day. We sleep with a bedroom window open all year around regardless of the weather, and I fall asleep to the bedroom TV. ;0)

It's just has become better for us if we stay nearby. Friends of ours recently joined some of my in-laws out of country. Instead of sharing their condo, they stayed nearby in a luxury hotel. They don't travel often but when they do, they want room service, housekeeping daily, and as he explained when here the other night....I have my own bathroom at home and I prefer that, I don't even share with my wife ;0)

I have great memories of visiting friends from when I was in my 20s and 30s, but after that, it did not happen very often. I still have friends that I like to have visit, however. I always stayed with friends in Mexico City, and they would have been upset if I had not stayed with them, as we really enjoyed each other's company. One friend in particular liked for me to visit as often as possible, as I kept him entertained, and he was part of the idle rich, having inherited a fortune from his father and therefore did not need to work. I had occasional house guests from Mexico when I lived in San Francisco, but when I moved to Austin in 1985 to go back to university, no one wanted to visit me. There was a lot less to do in Austin than in San Francisco at that time, and in fact I went through severe culture shock moving to Austin from SF, even though I grew up in central Texas.

These days, pretty much only relatives visit me, and even then not that often. When I go back to Texas (which is extremely rare these day) to visit relatives, I prefer to stay in a hotel than with them. I've lost touch with my friends in Mexico City or else I would consider visiting them again. Hospitality is very different in Mexico, and I feel more comfortable there. I've had a few friends visit me in Los Angeles, and I've always been very happy to host for them.

No I don;t like to stay at friends' houses either. I also won't go on gal pal vacations, cause I don't want the continued togetherness of sharing rooms. And to them it would be rude to want a room of my own. Married daughter made me come stay one nite when I was recovering from surgery, saying it was easier on her to stay at her house., but I felt like I was imposing on my Son in Law (although he is very sweet). Now me and single out of state daughter have a ball together, make cookies, watch movies late, etc.But I never stay more than 3 nites.

I’m close with my sisters so if it’s with family I don’t mind so much but I never agree to stay at a friends house. Truth be told though, I don’t like sleeping anywhere but my own home and that includes hotels.

Gosh it makes me feel like an old set in her ways kind of person, but there you have it, I prefer hotels.

I love to have house guests, friends and family alike. We have special friends from S.Carolina who come every year and stay for a week; they are a part of our holiday celebration. A few family members come to visit and it's a relaxed and fun time for all of us.

We also have close friends in a nearby city; we will pack a bag to stay with them for a couple of days....just because....and vice versa. We are only about 45 minutes from each other, lol.

My favorite SIL and BIL live in a city that we love to visit, but are terrible hosts! Just awful. It doesn't take a lot of effort, in my opinion, to make guests feel welcome as a guest in your home, so they either don't know how or don't want to. We all have so much fun together but we always stay at a hotel when visiting.

Some of my best memories are when I lived in a small condo on the beach and played host to host to friends and family and their kids. Air mattresses, sleeping bags, one bathroom, yet so much fun for everyone.

If the room I'm given has an en suite bathroom, then I don't mind staying with a close friend for two or three days, but I would be uncomfortable otherwise. We stay with my parents for much longer per visit and they with us, but in each case, we are all happy to get back to our own homes.

Gosh, I thought I was the only one who like their alone time. I have a best friend who totally gets me and will spend a week or two each year with her. She is the exception. I really wish I could be more outgoing and admire people who are warm & inviting to everyone. I lack self confidence so feel I might not 'live up' to someone's expectation. Stupid I know.

I don’t like being a guest in someone’s home, much prefer being in a hotel room.

Close family are okay but I'd prefer a hotel. At least my mother has always been one to go take a nap which has set a nice precedent with family. When I can take no more, I can nap. Or at least hide in my room for a bit.

I'm pretty low-maintenance and can sleep anywhere (and have!). I endure uncomfortable accommodations for the sake of my husband's family a few times a year. It's tradition... although some are meant to be broken. It's also taught me what I want to provide for my kids and their families some day. Most of my friends are local, so being a guest isn't an issue.

General hate, like much others here because of always being on and I am very particular about my sheets, mattress, smells and noises, food.

But I am a pleasant and wonderful guest who does not complain, it's just so draining.

When our 3 children were young we stayed in hotels - inflicting a family of 5 on anyone is a bit much unless we were staying with my parents. And happily we just continued that habit even when it was just the 2 of us.

There is only one place where we stay with our friends and that's because it's a rural area. We've been friends since DH was an intern and she was his head nurse - complete with the starched cap and black ribbon- 40 years ago.

The first time we stayed with them neither of us slept well. I've never been in a bed so soft that you sunk into it. But it was only for 2 nights so we managed.

About a month after we left they called us to apologize for the mattress and said they were replacing it . Apparently one of them had a bad cold so she slept in the guest room and had a miserable night. We were just there a few months ago and I swear it was the same mattress.

"I also won't go on gal pal vacations, cause I don't want the continued togetherness of sharing rooms."

Yes! I went on a close friend's milestone group birthday celebration once and was secretly delighted to 'sacrifice' and pay extra for my own room as the 11th member of the group LOL. Now that I'm retired that friend, an avid traveler, has mentioned several times going on some trips together and my only hesitation is that I just don't want to share hotel rooms for all the reasons mentioned. Other than my sister or daughter I can't really get into being with anyone 24/7 and especially for my nighttime/sleeping routine. Again as others have mentioned I don't sleep all that well anyway so adding in another person to deal with 24/7, no thanks.

We very rarely travel to visit people and if we do, it's staying in a hotel for us. Husband and I both dislike being in someone's home.

WRT hosting though, we have a great set up for our guests. Our house is on 2 levels with our living space on the second floor, the first floor is a self contained 1/1 apartment. So our guests literally have their own complete private space with individual bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, tv etc completely away from the hosts BUT connecting is a staircase away.

Since we get a lot more guests now (living in a vacation destination) we also use our 2 extra bedrooms upstairs as well when we've got a crowd. In that situation we set up the area so that my husband and I use the door between our 2 adjoining bedrooms to access the master bath without having to traverse the rest of the house. The hall bath and 2 bedrooms are then the dedicated guest areas. So basically we have (2) 2 bedroom/1 bathroom 'suites' with a common kitchen and living room area.

But the optimal situation for us is guests downstairs, us upstairs :).

Yes to everything already mentioned! I much prefer staying in a hotel when we travel to visit friends or even family. We don’t have much family left that we visit overnight, but I have occasionally stayed at my DD’s, even though she lives close, just for convenience when we are planning to get up early and go somewhere from her house. I don’t mind that as I don’t feel like a ‘guest’.

Being ‘on’ and feeling at the mercy of the host‘s schedule, all of the uncertainty about meals, coffee, a drink, reading in bed, just the simple pleasure of walking around in my pj’s (or not), makes a hotel room much more appealing to us.

I'm really glad to hear so many people feel the same way I do about this. I thought maybe I was an overly fussy fussbudget. We have friends who have either moved to other places (snowbirds) or friends we met over the years in other places when we traveled a lot for business. We do like to visit these folks once in a while and it often means staying with them. Some are better than others but most of the time I'd rather stay elsewhere. I do think a lot about this when I have guests - how to make our place as comfortable as possible which in my opinion is more like a hotel/nice vacation rental.

Sometimes people undervalue the things others do for them because the doer has more resources than the receiver. Plus with difficult marriages and children, who knows what was happening, but I am quite clear on how much perceptions about money and ease cloud some people's thinking.

I am the opposite. Our house is tiny with only 1 extra bedroom/office/workroom with a single twin bed for grandkids, and 1 bathroom, so overnight guests can be super awkward. During Hurricane Irma, we had 4 extra family members staying here and it was tight quarters.

Since about the only homes I've been a guest in over the last several decades were those of my family and friends, I can only say I have no problem with overnight visits, and when I find myself shying away from going outside my comfort zone, I resolve to face it gracefully and treat it as an adventure.

I've stayed in plenty of hotels and motels and timeshares, but I much prefer staying in a home to a hotel, etc. Stranger's 'cooties' skeeve me out, and no hotel can have all the comforts of a home, IMO.

With apologies for bragging, I make an effort to be a good guest and refrain from being demanding, judging or complaining, and I've been complimented on what a pleasant houseguest I am. I also strive to be helpful and usually buy & cook at least one meal for everybody, as well as doing some cleaning.

Tangent alert...

Mtn, I 1000% understand why the situation with your sister bothered you! I've got 4 sisters myself and although we adore each other, there's a niggling little resentment that I try to ignore and let go of....but it does bother me.

It's that in our family I am the ONLY one who hosts gatherings. I am the one and only sister who has done holidays, birhdays, etc at her house. Of the five of us, one sister lives several hours away so she's out of the game. Two are local but single, both with addiction issues and although they are functional most of the time, neither one hasthe space or emotional wherewithal to host a group.

Which leaves my youngest sister and she simply will not even discuss hosting anything much less volunteer to do it. She has one child, the youngest offspring of the cousins, but her daughter is now a sophomore in college so it isn't that she's still in those crazy kid rearing years.

Sigh, rambling here but my point, and I do have one, is that yes family dynamics can be complicated AND it's normal, human and ok in my book to have a small burr in your saddle about a situation or incident that just bugs you. Like you I would never say anything but still.....

My family members fight over who gets to host family get-togethers, and now that my parents are gone, my sister usually wins, but my brother and I do not go any more, as we do not like to travel during holiday vacations. After seeing the last family portrait, I felt bad that Kevin and I were not there. Our mother always insisted that we be in Texas for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, and she preferred Christmas. When I visited her, I did pretty much all of the cooking for her. My mother always seemed sad when we had to leave - my father not so much.

I prefer a hotel. I can only think of one exception. Every time I was in Paris, friends invited me to stay with them. It was years before I accepted because I wanted it to be clear that I liked them for themselves not the free lodging. I think that being their houseguest worked for several reasons. My hostess was clear about expectations and they meshed perfectly with my needs. (Make yourself at home. Come and go as you like. I'm not a tour guide.) I'm able to manage my own transportation to/from their suburb. I'm self-entertaining. Our approach to housekeeping is similar, and I pitch in when appropriate. Their small guest room/office is well-equiped and welcoming. When we have done activities, I'm easy to please. Some of those activities have included historic sights - just not the one most tourists visit.

The absolute worst was staying in my parents' home. My mother, who behaved like a normal person when visiting my home, treated me like a difficult 15-year-old in their home. I have no idea what caused that, but as an independent adult and well-mannered houseguest, I was not amused.

LOL Moxie

Heading off tomorrow to stay with a friend for 3 nights, another friend is coming along as well. I enjoy staying with this friend and visit a few times each year. We are very comfortable with each other. That said DH and I are planning on buying a second home in the area where she Iives and I am looking forward to having my own space but being close by.

I love it when I have guests and I love staying at my sister's house. I guess I don't really stay at other people's places though so can't speak to that.

For my guests who are mostly family I try to make sure they have a comfortable bed and that they feel completely welcome with their favourite meals etc.

I do as much as I can to make sure that they get to the places they want even if I can't help them get there always.

My family are all very independent people and can take care of themselves. I have to have warning though because I love to clean the house top to bottom.

I have a friend I’ve been close to since 6th grade, and we’re in our 70s. I’m very comfortable staying overnight at her house. Last October during the Kincaid fire, when there was a mandatory evacuation of much of my county, my cats and I spent two nights at her house. We had our own room and bathroom. Food was divine. We took long walks. We grew up together and it’s easy doing this. Similar rising and bedtimes. Same teams and politics. Just an elder slumber party.

We have a nice guest room and I'm happy to have people stay here, but for us, we prefer a hotel room as then we can get what we want as we have certain needs if we are to get a good night's sleep. I never want to be a burden on my hosts with our requirements, so while I appreciate the offers, we tend to not do that....I always tell them we are not good overnight guests and no one has ever pushed back on it. Works for us.

We have very rarely stayed anywhere but a hotel. We don’t even like B&Bs.

DH’s brother and wife would never stay with us in the past - they always said they’d rather rent a motel room - until we moved to our present house. There are two nice sized bedrooms, two full bathrooms, and a family room with tv downstairs and they like the privacy. (Our bedroom is on the main floor.)

Maybe I need to stop reading these listicles about the creepy & gross hotel 'secrets'...

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/travel-trivia/17-horrifying-myths-about-hotel-rooms-that-are-100-percent-true/ss-BBZrBPo?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout

I'm fine staying with friends, and I welcome them to come stay with me when they are in my area. As long as this isn't a sudden drop-in, it works out well for all parties. My friends and I tend to be informal sorts of people - no one needs to be "entertained". I do want to know what people prefer to eat or not eat -- but that would be the case for non-overnight guests as well!

I have a guest bedroom and a sofa bed in the living room, so there are a lot of options. To be honest, the closest motel I'd send anyone to is about 40 minutes from here - so if there's been drinking, I'd FAR rather people stay!

People have put me up; I've put them up. Just a friendly thing to do. (Shrug.)

I'm with you littlebug - we don't really like B&Bs either though I stayed in one recently because it was the only reasonable option. We had a large top floor suite to ourselves so it wasn't too bad.

It is a big plus I think if the guest room(s) is in a separate area with a bathroom nearby. I remember at our old lake cabin we had one small bedroom downstairs off the laundry area by the back door - bathroom nearby. All the other rooms were upstairs by the master bedroom. The little private bedroom downstairs was always guests' first choice and mine too. The place we have now has two bedrooms and a bath upstairs with a sitting area in the loft and two bedrooms with bath on the lower level with a second living area. Master is on the main. So unless we have a full house people get their own private space and so do we.

PS I provide a fully stocked guest bathroom for guests... washcloths even, 3katz4me! Even a bunch of over the counter medicines that I periodically clean out and update, some of which I personally don't use. The guest bedroom even has it's own door to the outside, so if they can no longer stand it here, they can take off and run away! (Actually it is because I have a small table for two on the porch for when I or anyone visiting doesn't want to sit on a potentially over-sunny deck.) A lot of friends and all my family live quite a distance aways… it is appreciated on their part that they can spend the night!

I thought I was the only one who isn’t charmed by B&Bs! I find them too intimate. I want soundproofing! I WANT the impersonalness (is that a word?) of a hotel. I want to eat breakfast by myself. Well, I may let DH join me.

Like most everyone else on this thread, I don’t want to stay with anyone. There are 2 exceptions, my sister and my daughter. We are all in and out of each other’s homes several times a year. We only live an hour and a half apart but no one wants to drive home on 2 lane roads at night.

I dislike dining with strangers too. We've stayed fairly often at B&Bs in the UK out of necessity, but I never did like the communal dining rooms. In one, we were sat at the same table with other lodgers, and that was awkward. Ordinarily there are a few separate tables set up in a small dining room, but even that feels ... well, just weird to me. I don't really want to make conversation with the Jones family who has traveled all the way from Cincinnati to sleep in the room across the hall from mine (and they probably don't want to talk to me either).

I can recall a few times where I thoroughly enjoyed being a guest in the home of another, and that's when we stayed with our friends who live in a 450-year old thatched-roof cottage in the English countryside. I felt like an absolute princess staying with them, as they were incredibly gracious and made it abundantly clear that they had rolled out the red carpet for our stay, and welcomed us with open arms. They managed to do this while maintaining a very casual and laid-back air, which I've found to be a rarity. Usually when a host goes to great lengths to ensure a guest's comfort, there's at least some air of tension because they are concerned about "doing it all up right." Our friends absolutely demonstrated the gift of hospitality, probably better than I've ever seen it done. It was a delight being in their home, and it even began to feel like my own in a sense, because they had made me feel so incredibly at ease.

Usually when a host goes to great lengths to ensure a guest's comfort, there's at least some air of tension because they are concerned about "doing it all up right."

Yes, this is something one really must guard against. It should at least seem effortless.

The hostess is like the duck; calm and unruffled on the surface and paddling like hell underneath. - from an apron I once saw

The duck analogy (I prefer a swan, personally) is one we often use in our workplace to describe what it is that we do, and how it appears to everyone who needs to see it all a certain way. ;-)

I'm not so sure I agree with that entirely when it comes to hosting, though. Just thinking still about our Brit friends, and how unruffled and calm they always were. She would sometimes not start cooking the evening meal until late - well after the hour we would usually eat at home -- but there was never a shortage of wine and cheese and other snacks to tide us over. She was (I say was, she has actually passed on, and is missed greatly) a woman who exuded grace and serenity, and if sometimes she moved a bit slowly, her every move was nevertheless accompanied by such a tremendous kindness and caring. It's like she put a stamp of goodness on just about everything she did when she was in the process of "doing" and "making" for our comfort. It's a gift, and like I said, one that I think very few people possess.

I'm pretty sure I AM the fiercely-paddling duck when I host, though. More like a maniacal goat, probably.

I think it depends on your personality and the personality of your guests or hosts. I visit some friends and it feels just like home, no issues. Others rarely host guests and I can tell that they are not into it. My goal for my home is to try and make my guest feel comfortable, and to have a lot of people around often, but our house is pretty small and unfortunately the guest bedroom has to serve double duty as my office . . . I know for some that would not be great. I for one don't mind a pull out couch in the living room but that's a horror for hubs. His son lives in HIS house, and it really bugs me that they can't be bothered to buy a nice pull out couch for the living room, and we oldsters have to sleep in bunk beds in the kids messy rooms. But then my grandmother had to sleep in a double bed with me when she visited, so turnabout is fair play I guess. We didn't have a guest room growing up, and it was a while before my brother was old enough to have twin beds in his room so that eventually my room became guest quarters. We finally got a proper family room with a pull out couch when we had our garage turned into a family room. But I can see why that would not be ideal for a lot of folks.

My husband swears is it untenable to try and sleep on a pull out couch, and no one in his family is social, so having guests is practically unthinkable to him. We stay in a motel when we visit. I guess being a camper and living in communal quarters at camps during the first part of my young adulthood conditioned me to tune out of lot of situational "noise" when it comes to accommodations. I think some of this is introvert/extrovert stuff. I'm an extrovert, people being around does not bother me necessarily. Depends on the people and what they are doing. I have more tolerance for stuff than hubs. Does not mean my tolerance is unlimited, it's just that I hardly notice certain things that drive him batty. Noise bothers me, but he can hear someone breathing three rooms away and it will keep him up. Even a faint light stream and that's the end of his night's sleep. He doesn't like most accommodations, even motels and vacation rentals, he usually has some feature he zones in on that bugs him. Being a carpenter who builds houses, he can always find the flaw . . .

@IdaClaire, you can be a fiercely paddling duck, just don’t let ‘em see you sweat! (How’s that for mixing some metaphors!)

1pink I suggest a camper on a pickup truck for you and your DH. You have your home with you wherever you go and you can park far away enough that you don't hear any breathing. We loved our camper when we had it. We could visit people and stay close and yet not impose or lose our comfortable bed or privacy. It worked very well for us as we are both introverts. Unfortunately if you fly you would have to rent the truck and camper at your destination :-)

Yes Yeo, that is on our bucket list!! First we need to be able to afford and maintain a vehicle capable of towing it though!

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