If it doesn’t feel right don’t do it. You are doing a great job of the pro’s and con’s but would a family really need to mull over this decision for a lengthy amount of time if it really felt right?

Go back to Funky's post. It might depend on whether you are an INST-a or whatever!

My approach to such decisions is two-fold. I do all of the analytical pros and cons (with weights! because, of course) on a spreadsheet. Then, I sleep on it. When I wake up, my first answer is the "gut reveal." I consider it a sort of "informed intuition" approach.

Pro for living near the in-laws: free built-in babysitters, most likely!

I lived in both scenario‘s. Kids are resilient. If both parents are happy, all is good...as far as address dwelling.

Edited: yes, built-in babysitters is a huge plus.

When first married, dh & I lived in what is considered “close-in” to the large city we live near. Not downtown, bc back in the nineties there really weren’t many residential options downtown, but in a really lovely, walkable, super short commute to downtown neighborhood. We LOVED that neighborhood. We lived in a little townhouse and could walk to all sorts of wonderful things. It was gorgeously shady and the homes are glorious. We were about 20 min from my parents and 30 from dh’s. My work was near where dh’s parents lived in a nearby small down, but I had a reverse commute so no biggie. Dh was 8 min to downtown...bliss. But. After a few years we began thinking about having kids. And we started looking for a house in our swanky ‘hood. The houses we could afford were small but cute. We were very close to pulling the trigger...but then we REALLY started to think if wanted to live there long term with kids. I grew up in the area, and the private school I went to had lots of kids from that neighborhood. Great kids, great families...but a very elevated lifestyle. Like country club, private school, yearly trips to Europe are all just sort of expected. I think intuitively we felt that it wouldn’t be an easy, laid back environment in which to raise kids.

We stepped back, and decided to look in another direction. The small town close to dh’s parents started to seem more and more like the perfect place for children. It is centered on a prestigious college, which offers amazing cultural and athletic opportunities for children in the area...the elementary school is a short walk to the campus so kids get to experience so many plays, concerts, science lectures, etc. Most families send their children to the local public school which really helps foster a close community. We bought a nice home in a really cute neighborhood, were blessed with our kids...and we proceeded to make some of the best friends in the world. Such great people! It is such a different atmosphere up here...it is an affluent area but not at all flashy. It has a very academic vibe, and probably the only thing people are competitive about are the colleges they went to and the ones their kids get in.😂 No one cares about things like making sure you have a flashy car or whatever. And it is soooo liberal here compared to everywhere else near the big city!! Oh my goodness...it’s like our town is a blue blob in the middle of the Red Sea. 😂

But. Poor dh...the commute is hellish at times. Compared to like LA or NE cities it may not sound bad...but a 45 min am commute and 60 min pm commute is pretty bad for here. But dh has always felt it was worth is bc this is such a lovely place for families. It doesn’t feel like suburbia (even though it technically is) it is a small, walkable town with great people. He said he’d do it all over again. So....if you feel strongly that the new house/area will provide your family with amazing intangibles...I‘d do it. We love it so much here that we sold our first home 9 years ago and built our forever home. We‘re “all in!” 😂 Oh, and living soooo close to grandparents has been wonderful for our children. Such strong bonds.

Do what is right for you and hubs. Kids are adaptable. I live in suburbia but moved from city. I've lived in both and it seems nowdays that children take less advantage of the outdoors in their neighborhoods no matter where they live. I rode my bike all over town, and rural kids roamed all over the neighborhood. Not so much now, mostly safety concerns I would say. Who knows, I marvel we all survived considering how in my childhood days my folks would basically just shoo us out of the house all day in the summer and even after school, just come home when the streetlights go on and we had certain boundaries that we didn't break, imagine that!

Lots of times what parents think make good/prestigious schools are not necessarily wonderful places for kids. Hard to say, good and bad schools are everywhere. Personally I'd want my kid in a school that wasn't filled with folks trying to keep up with the Joneses, where ever I could find it. Same with my neighborhood. Friendly, which can be city or country, or not. If you feel great about living in the suburb you mention, then it will probably be great. But do keep in mind the trajectory of your career. Nothing disrupts your life like constant moving. I wouldn't value space to roam for my kids as highly as a supportive community, close distances to shopping and places I would likely go, such as entertainment, parks, libraries, etc. I would not move to suburbia and drive long distances into work, only to come home and have to schlep long distances to my kid's activities. I'd be happy to live in a place where my kid could walk to school and after school activities. I did that growing up, and that freed up time for my parents to have lives outside of their cars! If it's just an inconvenient commute, then that's one thing, but if you're switching out a life of short drives, biking and walking, for one of constant driving--no way for me! When I lived in suburbia, it was an older one, and very close to shopping and civic areas. So the commute was long, but inside the community it was a cohesive space.

A word about children.... In 1960 my parents moved from the city to the far suburbs. It was nothing fancy, just the typical 3/4 bedroom ranch houses. My siblings and I hated it, and were always quite jealous of their friends children who stayed in the city. There was nothing to do and it got really bad as we entered our teenage years. Several young people from our neighborhood died in car crashes at 16/17. So when we reached that age our parents were too terrified to let us learn how to drive. Talk about being trapped. It caused us to be behind on normal social development, and took quite long and a great deal of effort to catch up.

I do understand the appeal of the countryside and small towns. My one grandparents lived in a small town and the other set had a farm. There was endless amounts of fun to be had on foot in both places.

But, I do not get the appeal of the typical suburban development where one trades the life of the community for what amounts to a nominal amount of extra space......Just have a clearout!

I grew up in a suburb I think a little bit more like some of the ones mentioned here, pretty far out from the city, minimal bus travel, not much to do. I hated it!

This suburb is more in the thick of things and much easier to get downtown (6 miles from city centre).

We are putting a design deposit on a lot! Yikkkkkkeeeeessss. It’s a very nominal fee (We could walk away easily) and gets us about two months of breathing room in which we can design a house. It won’t be the MCM rancher of my dreams but could be a very comfortable, lovely house. In fact, the design would be easily transferable to a city lot. In the meantime I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for houses that might suit us closer to downtown.

My sister isn’t ready to jump and the decision might be made for her as the lots she likes are selling RAPIDLY. In fact that’s why we are putting a deposit down, we were considering three lots and in the past week two of them have sold. Of the six lots she is considering, three have sold.

Having recently made a life altering decision, I was able to do it because I imagined what would happen if I didn't, and the worst that could happen if I did, and it boiled down to the fact that the worst of things that could happen if I did jump ship would be better than the way things would keep going if I stayed. As much as I'm going to miss my old life, the risk is better than the outcome of staying and stagnating. However, I would not jump at something just because it is a good deal. I would seriously consider where you want to be, and keep knocking on that door until it opens somehow. My folks bought a beachfront piece of property, never really found a way to build on it like they wanted to, and found the perfect condo while they were planning the build. Always keep options open I say.

From what I could tell, you weren't that comfortable in your current house. The effects of a not so great house can be pretty significant.

That’s big news! And, lucky us, do we get to help you design your house? Or at least give loving feedback on designs? We are very kind :)

Congratulations, Robo! That is exciting! It really sounds like a nice move for your family.

Oh Robo - I am so happy for you! It sounds like a great location. I hope it all comes together easily for you.

What great news. Six miles from city center is not the suburbia that I had in mind when posting. This sounds very exciting.

Isn’t it terrible that it takes 35-50 minutes to drive SIX MILES? Traffic!!

I will definitely get your floor plan critiques! Bearing in mind this is more like an infill house than some of the nicer ones we see here...for example has to be a front facing garage which I know is not ideal.

Sounds like a great decision to me!

Oops, it’s 8.5 miles, not six miles. Blame my Canadian metric system!

Robo! How exciting! How wonderful to be able to design just what you want.

Is an hour commute unusual in your area? In my area an hour is a normal commute. I am so lucky to have a short commute even though I live in a rural area. It would be hard with that precious kiddo but have in laws close is a blessing. I am not a natural city dweller so I would want more room.

Everyone is mentioning the in-laws as a positive, to use as babysitters, but the in-laws might be too old for that and the reality might be that Mr. Robo will be caring for Emmett and his parents, who might, or might not be, very demanding of his time, now that he is close by ...

Congrats! DH has about 8 miles to work, non-interstate. In no traffic it can take a little over 20 min. With traffic and construction, it easily takes him 35-45 min.

When we lived 12 miles west of NYC, it usually took 45min-1hr at rush hour. Fastest time home, New Year's eve from Lincoln Center, 27 min. Slowest, Friday afternoon in the summer, 3. hours. When DH and I both worked in the city, we commuted together by car. I've had enough traffic to last me a lifetime.

Mtn, you gave me a flashback of trying to leave Manhattan one summer after 4th of July fireworks ... 3 hours to get through the tunnel. Never did that again!

Re: Chispa’s comments cc the in-laws...we live(d )( DFIL passed away this Fall) about 1.5 miles from my in-laws. While my MIL could be a tad intrusive and slightly get on my nerves😂...I would NEVER trade the closeness my children had with their grandparents for the world. My children were adored by both sets of grands, but the proximity of the in-laws made for really special relationships with my kids. My MIL is now in the memory wing of the retirement community they lived in, and most days after school, dd drops by on her way home from school to say “Hi,” or show her a paper or artwork she did, or just rub her back when she is trying to nap, just like my MIL used to do with her. 😢 I wouldn’t trade the richness of family proximity for the world.

Enjoy this new adventure, Robo!

So far the in-laws are hale and very hearty knock on wood, they’re lovely people, but things can always change of course. They are very close with Emmett so far and he with them.

Although my parents didn't watch my nieces and nephews every day, they often picked them up for sick days and early dismissal. I agree with nini that they really cherished those times to play in the yard, play cards, and board games.

I didn't think Chispa was implying that there are not many examples of wonderful and valuable grandparent relationships! I read her comment as simply being helpful in decision-making by presenting another possibility to be weighed.

But enough of that! What styles are you thinking of Robo? Is it wide open or circumscribed in some way?

I grew up in Boston and loved all freedom as I grew. When we got married we stayed in Boston until I got pregnant and I longed to have a home near the water as we always had a boat. My husband agreed with me and we purchased a home in a town with a harbor and adorable shopping area, access to free beaches within five minutes, 3 acres of land, it was more than wonderful. Our children had the freedom to run all over, we lived on a cul de sac and all the children played together, we went to the beaches all summer. My husband had to drive into Boston every day which was an hour away. He hated it but loved where we lived. Today we still live in a smaller home on the same property. My three children live within twenty minutes of us. I never regretted the move. I opened a business, was very successful and had the time of my life in a small suburb as we could still get to Boston for plays and operas.

I think Yaygal hits the nail on the head. My good friend once told me that there are three critically important things that are the key ingredients for a happy life--the people you associate with, your work, and the place you live/amenities. She said that she didn't know if one could get all three, but two out of three would be considered good. I've never had three out of three, but a couple of times I had two and once I had maybe 2.5. If you love the place you live, and have great people around you in the community, then you can make the best of a long commute.

Thank you all so much for such thoughtful input!!

we will be (and are) living close to both sets of grandparents and I anticipate being part of the sandwich generation sooner or later.

Mtn, sooooo many constraints!

the approved pad is 33x50 feet. I think we could go 33x60 feet at most. back faces southeast onto forest. The lot is fairly flat so no walkout basement (I prefer this, I like to be close to the ground). Garage is attached and front facing, front must be largely brick.

I would love to do a compact one story with vaulted ceilings, MCM style ish . It would have a full basement with 9 foot ceilings. 2 bedrooms on main, 2 in basement. 3 bath total. About 3500 feet total, 1/2 in basement (it’s too much basement but i dunno how to get the first floor smaller.

another constraint is that the builder doesn’t have an architect per se....they have a designer. But we know some architects I think we could get to zazz things up a bit. But won’t be super flashy.

my husband likes the idea of a little loft bedroom, and he loves a decent size kitchen and walk in pantry. he requires a soundproof room in the basement for music stuff.

Our city is NOT experimental with architecture and it is unusual here to build one story homes. We would get more bang for our square footage building up. So that’s on my mind. and I don’t know how to make a one story look more Palm Springs and less assisted living.

Congratulations Robo. We built our house last year working with a small build firm with a designer not an architect. There were many constraints. We knew going in we weren’t building a fantasy dream house, we were working on a budget downsize house for easy care. We had a great experience and we love our house, so it can be done. You will read a lot of bad stories because that’s what gets shared don’t be stressed and we’ll have your back.

Robo, check this out for inspiration. Not one story but cool. It’s a sort of MCM that mated with a farmhouse and has a front facing garage.

https://www.openlistings.com/p/5336-lyman-ave-downers-grove-il-60515

That’s a pretty cool house. I wonder why they don’t show the garage on the floor plan?

This sink!

Bpath, yes I wonder. Doesn’t it look like the floor plan does not match with the house somehow?

Still, I think it inspirational for a neighborhood that has mostly two story homes and where one could add a touch of MCM look. I’ll have to go back and read all of Robo’s replies because I think she said that the house has to have some brick? Not sure how that would work.

Best of everything to you as you enter this exciting new phase, Robo! You're going to have such fun planning your home and bringing it to fruition. Let us know how it's going along the way!

Terri, it took me some back and forth to see that yes, the plan is the house. But the photos of the house also show something else to consider: your neighbors. On one side, this house has one neighbor’s deck right outside the kitchen window. On the other side, the big family room windows overlook the neighboring garage and back yard . . . And really overlook, because the lot is higher than the neighbors.

I’m pulling up some of the houses I’ve saved. One or two car garage?

Congratulations! And sometimes restraints are good because some fundamental decisions are made for you. (I need them, myself.)

A few questions I would consider:

• Is there a reason you prefer more living space in the basement vs. a second story?
• Saying that, my sister is planning a 1-story MCM remodel, and she finds the best images... I'll ask about her inspiration sources.
• Although you'll have family nearby, and maybe less need for guest quarters, do you envision a parent one day living with you?
• I'm an advocate of smaller, well-designed homes, but I have learned that having living space for teens is important. I can't emphasize this enough in your future planning... having them hang out with their friends under your roof is a good thing, for many, many reasons.

Love that facade jt!!!!

I’ll take everyone’s ideas! Bearing in mind my budget is like...not beer, not champagne, maybe like a good priced rioja?

i just personally love the idea of one level living: I don’t love stairs and I’d just be so happy with the master on main level. But that said the thought of a huge cavernous basement doesn’t exactly bring me joy either.

1.5 garage. My husband would say 2. Just to have room for bikes and such along with our outback.

Here’s an example of a 1.5 story I like - it’s too big but I like the general idea. Although tucking the pantry behind the kitchen on the outside wall wouldn’t be my go-to.

https://www.houseplans.com/plan/2184-square-feet-3-bedrooms-2-5-bathroom-contemporary-house-plans-2-garage-37338

Here’s an example of a modest one story I like but again, is too wide.

https://houseplans.co/house-plans/1164es/

Here’s an example of a transitional spec house by this builder (bearing in mind our market slants heavily non-modern)

http://patrealty.ca/listing/cd07-54-crownridge-drive-west-bedford-nova-scotia-b4b-0x4-19798455/

I have such a bias against floorplans that don't allow a clear, wide sight line to the front of the house. We lived on a ranch with a similar floorplan to your second with just a tiny window to the side of the door, and it drove me nuts to go to the bedroom to see who was at the front door--and you'll get frequent visitors in such an active neighborhood. I know lot widths don't allow for much, and today we can have security cameras at the front door. But IIRC from your earlier post about your current home, keep in mind your whole orientation in your new house will be vastly different.

Feathers, you and my husband both. He wants nice big windows to spy on the street.

As for family members, I would actually like to make a 1 bdrm separate entrance in law suite in the basement for my auntie. However that is still under discussion. She lived with us growing up, and the rental market in our city is bananas (<1% vacancy). It’s one way I could justify such a big basement and it could be quite nice (9 foot ceilings etc.).

Robo, I couldnt see the second one but I can see why you like the first one! Really nice

Thanks mtn, that’s high praise coming from you!

I like the modern house plans! Even the builder spec house is pretty good. Much better than what I see locally. The houses being built behind the houses across the street from us look pretty uninspiring for $300,000+. Unfortunately, on this 10-acre plot, there were a lot of trees cleared (despite them saying they would save as many as they could), and now the deer who used to hang out there are in our yards.

Where I'm from, a big basement is where teens hang out. So could be good for your Auntie and then later for Emmet when he's a teen. If I had to chose between an upstairs and a finished basement, I'd go basement every time, as long as there are no water issues . . . and that is a big, "IF." Again, where I'm from, sometimes basement are dry as a bone, and other times wet, due to underground mini-springs. So much easier/less expensive and better in the long run to go with your topography than to plan around it. My husband has probably spent a good deal of his career as a carpenter redoing basements with flood damage, failed sump pumps, etc. I've never had any damp basement issues in any of my houses, although worked in two places that have . . . in the Midwest it is a crap shoot.

The thing I liked about the second blue house you posted is if you're going to have a garage forward house, that one nicely incorporates it into the home design, making it almost a feature rather than a big square blob. There are lots of nice ways to snazz up a garage. I have a garage forward house too. It does make it harder to spy who's coming up the driveway/walkway from inside the house . . . but we rarely have visitors so I can live with it.

Robo,

i am in a suburb of Montreal, and there are a fair amount of homes that look something like this attached photo, while I love the outside looks I must say I always find the insides too cold looking for me. Love the look inside just know I would feel cold.

another point I want to make I live in a home with cathedral ceilings in the living room, again a nice look but extremely hard to get comfortable lighting and heat or a/c right. Just something to think about .

Who takes care of Emmett and how much does it cost? If you are paying for day care and add that amount to all the other costs which lower your take-home pay, you might want to consider not working and be a stay at home Mom until Emmett goes to school full time.

Interesting read:

https://www.thesimpledollar.com/calculator/calculate-how-much-you-really-make/

If that’s a possibility, move.

Mr Robo is home with Emmett, if I recall?

My husband stays home with Emmett :)

So I’ve been agonizing over plans, realizing one level living isn‘t a possibility on this lot, drawing and redrawing ideas to take to builder next week. This morning I opened up my sister in law’s home plan: I had basically drawn her layout. Oh boy. There’s a reason suburban houses all feel the same: they’re efficient.