Smile today - 1/17

Annie Deighnaugh

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the heck was that all about?’


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salonva


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jim_1 (Zone 9A)

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

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susanwv


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Janie


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bob_cville

To go with Jim's post. I have a picture from the Tampa Zoo of their merry-go-round

I thought this animal was unique.

I want to ride the manatee.

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Jasdip


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Angela Id


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nicole___

Customer Service guy at the car dealership.....

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blfenton

These are so funny today. Thanks

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Rusty


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salonva

Agreed @blfenton- these are especially cute today!

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Elmer J Fudd

A propos a thread in the last week, in which some women expressed the view that they wanted to die before their husbands so as not to have to live without him.

A 60-ish couple is lying in bed. The woman says to her husband:

You know, I hope I die first. I couldn't face life without you.

----Don't talk like that, we're here and we'll be together for many, many years. And whatever happens, happens. Women live longer than men so likely I'll be the first to go. But don't worry, you'll be fine.

Yes, but I still feel that way, I don't want to be alone and I can't fathom facing life without you, your not being with me. But if I do die first, I want you to know that I don't expect you to live alone or as a celibate. Go out, find someone to be with, and be free to have a new partner. It's what I want you to do.

---Oh, I could never do that. You're my lifelong love and best friend, no one could ever fill those shoes for me if you're gone.

No, I mean it. Find happiness for yourself. But there's just one thing. I've thought about your finding a new partner. If you do find someone new, the thought of her sleeping here in this spot, in our bed, is a bit uncomfortable for me. Do you think that could happen?

---No, I promise you, there's no chance that would ever happen. She's told me she hates how you've decorated this house and that she could never live here.

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