Actually, $1400 seems reasonable to ME! Body work is expensive no matter where you have it done! I think they are very lucky that's all it is!

Pretty sure these days $1400 is about a minimum for scratch and dent repair--BMW or not. Truth is the 'fix' is the biggest part of these little accidents. They always take time and effort and there is no compensation for that. I think it is reasonable for them to ask for a second opinion, but they might feel more satisfied if they had pictures and asked around themselves. I live in a no fault state so everyone pays their own anyway...except for the deductable. That is all I would be asking of them.

Money is a funny thing. How we spend it and where we spend it is very personal. It really isn't for us to say whether they can afford it or not.

The pickle here is that they feel the quote is too high. Get the second quote as mdln suggests.

I would then say, "Here is the second quote, how can we resolve this fairly?"

Who knows, maybe the second quote will be a bit less and this new quote will feel better to them. They will also know that you did what you could possibly get a lower price.

I have actually been in very similar situation. I did go and get a second estimate, I tried to ensure the same workmanship was estimated by discussing details. The second estimate was fairly comparable, maybe 100-200 less. They paid the lower estimate, I went to my preferred repair person and paid the difference myself.

Same as what mdln said. The second estimate will support the first. I thought second estimates were a thing of the past, especially where a newer car was concerned. There are many sensors in a bumper these days and a dealer will know best where to test these and ensure no damage has been done. I have a BMW and had a similar bump-in and the dealer told me it’s always best with a bumper to have the dealer do the work.

I hate situations like this. I would definitely get a second opinion from another BMW dealer--even if the same person owns both. You aren't doing it for yourself, but simply to help make the pill a little less bitter. Hopefully the second quote will come in a bit higher.

I agree with the others, $1400 is not excessive--it just sounds ungodly so to those who haven't had any fender-benders.

Not only would I pay the $1400, but I'd throw in a box of macaroons or something for the additional inconvenience of bringing it to the shop, etc.

If getting the second quote is quick and easy AND you feel that it might be an important gesture to make to your friends then I'd consider it. But if it means spending hours driving to another dealership and waiting while they prepare the estimate then I wouldn't bother - especially if you feel the appraisal would be the same. My dealer owns 6 brands (MB, Range Rover, Jaguar and the nice little triumvirate of VW, Audi and Porsche) and he does all his body work at one central body shop.

It's possible your dealership has a central shop to handle body work so the estimate would be the same. You could call the body shop and inquire. I don't find the estimate to be high.

I was returning to this thread to add that I'd just stick with the original estimate but I really like Beagles suggestion.

We are not a no-fault state so our insurer would not be involved in any event. You Pennsylvanians and your crazy laws! : )

I would just explain the logistics behind the cost and tell her that this is where you want it fixed. She scratched the car, so regardless of the cost, it’s her responsibility.

ETA: I think it’s important to leave the friendship part out of the equation and think of it only as a business transaction. Their finances and feelings are secondary. What matters is that she takes ownership of the problem and does what’s needed to get it fixed. I understand that some people are better at separating the two than others, but it really does help one to see things a little more clearly and to make better decisions for all parties involved.

Another way to approach it is to ask yourself, if the shoe were on the other foot and it was you who hit her car, would you ask for 2 estimates?

I think you are being incredibly generous to consider getting a second estimate. You did what was fair, which was get an estimate. If they don’t like the answer, that’s their problem. To me it boils down to whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with her. Wouldn’t it be funny if the second estimate were higher? Then you could magnanimously say you’d be happy to accept just the $1400.

Since they aren’t going through their insurance...are they going to pay for a rental car while yours is in the shop? Three days after we bought ds a brand new car for Christmas a couple of years ago (he had successfully driven our old beater Volvo for a year and then it failed inspection & needed a new carburetor & dh said “to hell with it,” & ds got a new car bc of the warranty, lol,) another teen hit the brand new car in a parking lot. We didn’t know the family (she was older & went to a different school) but parents were horrified since poor Ds’s car still had the temp tags, new car smell, and maybe still had the paper covers on the mats, lol. Anyway, it was so easy...their insurance handled everything. We took it to the bodyshop the dealer uses, and when I asked about rental, they gave us one. Of course, ds couldn‘t drive the rental, but I could & he used mine to get to school & practice.

Anyway, if they are self-paying and balking at cost of estimate...you probably won’t get a rental out of them either. So sorry you are dealing with this...what a pain!

This IS a tough pickle, isn't it? I've been in a similar situation, but it was a young family member who hit my car in a driveway, and she had neither the money to pay for the repair (which, as I recall was estimated at around $600, but this was years ago), nor would it have been feasible for her to file an insurance claim. Because she was family, I ended up paying for the repair myself, but it was a VERY awkward situation, and there were some misunderstandings and ensuing hurt feelings that had to be dealt with along the way.

Your situation is different, IMO, because the woman who hit your car is a friend who sounds more like an acquaintance, perhaps, and the more I think about this there are two things that bother me. First of all, how can you hit a car and cause $1,400 worth of damage and not KNOW it? Had she been drinking at the party? I just wondered if she was an eensy-weensy bit impaired and this had clouded her cognitive ability behind the wheel. That could also be a reason that she didn't want to turn in the claim to her insurer; on the other hand, maybe she just has a higher deductible (as do we - $1,000 as I recall).

At any rate, your new car is damaged. Whether yours is nicer and newer than hers shouldn't come into play here, but I understand how it would. I've had my new car since August too, and I would be very upset if someone dinged it up when it is still, to me, brand, sparkling new. The fact that you had to take YOUR time to go get an estimate was an inconvenience to you. And now she balks at the dealer-provided estimate?! I think that's pretty nervy. It might be "the nice thing to do" to get a second dealer quote, but I still think she's a bit out of line for even asking that of you. I might go ahead and do it (probably depends on how I felt overall about how the whole situation was being handled), but it seems to me it'd be an exercise in redundancy that would only take up more of your time.

I'm sorry this happened, and hope you get it sorted out quickly. Unfortunately, it's situations like this that often cause rifts between people, especially if you have one side that seems to somehow think they're being gouged. Especially difficult if they are the party at fault, too.

Just chiming in to say how I handled it would probably depend upon how much I liked the at fault person. People can get so weird about this stuff, which is unfortunate. You did nothing wrong and now you're the one who feels like you have to navigate social minefields.

If I genuinely liked the person, and/or wanted to do my best to ensure a good relationship in the future I would so as she asked and get a 2nd estimate. Then I would do as others mentioned above and only ask her to pay the smaller of the 2.

However, if I didn't care whether I had any sort of cordial relationship with this person moving forward, then I love Beagle's answer. " I would politely tell her this is the dealership you feel comfortable with and suggest if she's uncomfortable, you both report the accident to your insurers and let them deal with the issue going forward."

Honestly I think that's the perfect answer, but it also may come across as a smidge passive aggressive (or otherwise offputting) to her and so it may color how she reacts and treats you going forward.

I think she should consider herself lucky that you agreed to out of pocket payment. She is the one who should worry. I agree with the others to say you are committed to going to the dealer and need to get it done stat. His or her reply doesn't matter, just stick to your word that you and your husband know the standards of the dealer and would't go elsewhere.

I'd get the second quote if it's not too much of a hassle so they feel better about the cost.

If it was a hardship for someone, I'd probably take care of it myself, but that's not the case here.

And that sounds super cheap for a bumper redo.

Mtn, The culture difference between buying a high end car and having it serviced at the dealership vs not doing those things is a big chasm. I don't think your number will ever make any sense to this person. Getting a second quote is kind of you, but necessary, I fear for smoothing over feelings.

Bumblebeez, I am with you, so is my DH, IDK what is wrong with us, but we would just drop it too ( not because we are so nice, just because we really loathe dealing with stuff like that.)

Mtn I have gotten into accidents in states that aren't no fault. My insurer still stepped in, handled it, and fought for the money for me so I didn't have to deal with any hassle. I have always been told to ALWAYS report the accident to your insurer, even if the other party is 100% at fault, because then your underinsured/uninsured motorist coverage can kick in if the other person can't pay.

I would assume she wouldn't want to report the accident to the insurer anyway, so that's why I'd make that proposal. Really, you are being kind in not insisting it get reported to the insurance company because if it were to turn out the damage was more extensive than anticipated, it could end up being a big fight to get the money.

My job involves me seeing a lot of collision repair estimates. I think $1,400 sounds like a bargin. Automotive paint is crazy expensive, especially the more complex colors and finishes... pearl white, tri-coat finishes, etc. I doubt a second quote would be significantly different. I recently had a rock chip repaired on my own car, it was smaller than my baby fingernail - I don't even know how my husband noticed it. It cost just a few $ shy of $1,000.

It's your car, the collision is not your fault, and in a perfect world, you should be able to have it repaired where you are comfortable doing so, without a second thought. Unfortunately things are seldom that straight forward.

If you've never had body work done on your car, you probably have no idea how expensive it is. Years ago, I was car 3 in a four car pile up over oil in the road. Unfortunately, my car was the one that slid ever so slowly into the police car that was on the scene. It was pretty clearly not my fault, as I wasn't driving fast and the slick effected everyone, but que sera sera. I got a ticket and had to pay for the damage to the police car. And that ended up being the cost of a whole new door, even though the dent was small. Newer model cars are all fiberglass, no more banding out a dent. I would hazard a guess this is just a sticker-shock situation. And also she may be like my Dad, always having a better place, better idea, etc. no matter what, never accepting anyone else's word for anything. Just take a deep breath and proceed calmly forward.

Because she is a friend and you will likely see her at future social gatherings, I might make the effort to find another dealer for a second estimate if it’s within a reasonable distance. If not, then just get the second estimate at the other dealership close to you owned by the same person.

It appears she wants you to get an estimate from “Joe’s Body Shop” because independent shops are usually cheaper than the dealer, but——your car your call—-especially since your car is brand new and under warranty....another reason imo to use the dealer. Suppose “Joe’s” messes something else up while fixing your bumper.....would your warranty cover it?

There is one other factor I haven't seen mentioned in the comments above (with apologies if I just missed it).

In some states there is a mandated and required reporting of motor vehicle accidents that result in more than $1000 in damage.

Since the woman both: 1. left the scene of the accident in front of witnesses, and 2. (if required in your state) failed to report an accident with more than $1000 damage, she may be in a bigger hole than she thinks. Perhaps she is engaging in wishful thinking that you can find an estimate under $1000?

When you asked your dealer for the repair estimate, was there any inquiry about the case number?

If I were you, I would want to be very certain about who the reporting requirements apply to, in case you are yourself on the hook to report it, albeit without fault.

You guys are a wealth of knowledge, thank you! You have all brought up points i didn't consider, including warranties, sensors, and reporting requirements.

I always know it was worthwhile posting a question when i get such a variety of answers. To me that means it is a legitimate conundrum. Since this is not a stranger I will investigate my options as a gesture of good will. But I will also keep in mind the valid points raised here.

Thanks everyone!

I think reporting requirements are different whether or not it's on private property. I called the cops when the woman side-swiped my car, but the cop said there was nothing she could do as the accident was in a parking lot on private property. Had it been on the road, she would've ticketed her.

Just want to reiterate that bumpers on modern cars are a BIG deal. An LED headlight on my 2016 Mazda had an internal failure. The part was over $600. Fortunately, it was under warranty. As we were chatting, the service rep said that was nothing compared to bumpers, which are especially tricky and expensive because of all of the sensors. He said that it was important to have the sensors checked anytime there is bumper damage. A damaged or misaligned sensor is a safety risk. Because of this, I'd call my insurance company just to be on the safe side.

To avoid reporting an accident to her insurance company means paying whatever the other party considers acceptable. Otherwise, she can report it and let her insurance adjuster handle any negotiations.

I originally missed it was your bumper. DD2 had to have a new bumper when she was rear ended. Didn't appear to be anything but scratched, but you know the ol' "we found more when we took the car apart." It's not just the sensors, but the clips. If a clip is broken, the entire bumper might need to be replaced. That's what happened with DD2's Lexus.

This is a social point and hopefully wouldn't come into play but as you are somewhat in the same circle I would consider getting a second opinion as requested to avoid any spiteful talking from her or her husband to others.

I know it's something that shouldn't come into play but because it does involve money and she may be embarrassed about the whole situation I would do it just to keep the waters smooth.

I think you are so nice. I would be so incredibly annoyed that they wanted me to take my time, during the holidays, to get a second bid because what, they don't trust me? It's her fault. Why do I have to spend my time accommodating them? I'd be chewing my tongue to ribbons to keep this civil.

I would get the second estimate. I may even ask her if she knows a certified BMW body shop person that she can recommend to give the quote. Emphasis on certified (or authorized).

It's always a pickle whether it's a friend or not. But the reality is you should want to keep up the value of your car. You're not going to get a substandard job no matter how old the car is. My last car - a 2002 BMW - was lightly rear ended leaving two marks from the license plate bolts. It was $900 to repair over 5 years ago.

So here's the deal. Everyone is going to be a little unhappy as a result of this. You can't fix that. So my talk-off would be the following.

I would suggest that this dealer is where you are going to get your new car fixed so that you can be sure it's repaired with OEM parts and to factory specs. I would also say that unfortunately it's not inexpensive to repair high end cars, and that's all calculated in your costs when you bought and insured the car.

I would tell her that you're going to work with the dealer to allow them to invoice her directly should she not want to pay you the money and that you will share with her the quote and a final bill.

Finally I would tell her that you're happy to accommodate her desire not to report it to the insurance companies because she is your friend, but that you would handle it with insurance under all other circumstances. Then ask her if that works with her, or if working through insurance would make more sense.

Period.

The longer these things drag out, the worse they get. I've been on the consumer and company side of these situations and they often go south quickly.

ETA: Also get it in writing that the dealer is going to provide a LOANER car. If not, then you should also be compensated for a rental car during the time yours is in the shop.

I’d report it to my own insurance company and follow their advice. After all, that’s what they do.

I’d probably get a second quote just to appease her. Yes, I know none of this was your fault, but the second quote should validate the first and make her and her DH fully realize the cost. Plus not doing so would make you appear inflexible - again, I know it’s not your fault but her attitude could turn ugly and make this much much more painful than it already is.

Like Bumblebeez, I would most likely just fix it myself. I can't think of a time I have made a big deal over damage to a material possession However, I also like the idea of getting the second estimate and then asking her how the two of you could solve this amicably/fairly.

I do think that unless we really know someone quite well, we can't be sure about her financial situation. I have known people who lived in large Main Line homes who did not have money put away for an emergency fund. I live in a neighborhood now that includes several highly-placed political folks and other movers and shakers. We are not in the same league financially-not even close and yet most would assume we are. Could be she is cash strapped at the moment. Could be she isn't. No way to know....unless she is heading off to Paris for the holidays! Ha.

That price actually seems low. I got a new Acura in April and two weeks later someone backed into me in a parking lot. Thank goodness the person left a note! The damage looked very minor, but the cost ended up being around $4k due to hidden damage. The entire back bumper and sensors had to be replaced. So, your bill may be much higher in the end. Apparently this happens pretty frequently. I would simply tell the person that this body shop is the only place you will take your car, period.

My experience in PA if you go thru the insurance company. The at-fault insurance company gives you at list of auto body places to take your car for repair. The dealer was not an option. I assume the insurance company has a monetary arrangement ( think in-network) due to their high volume repairs.

Let us know what happens with your friend. Tricky. It is concerning that this lady was unaware of hitting your car. Merry Christmas!

I'm still stuck on her not knowing she hit your car. That bothers me more than anything. In tight quarters of a private drive, if you think you can't exit safely, wouldn't you ask the owner if they could move their car?

mtnrdredux_gw said:

"We are not a no-fault state so our insurer would not be involved in any event".

This is incorrect. The collision coverage on your car covers this loss. You should report it to your insurance company. They will pay you and then subrogate against the other person's insurance.

Subrogation is a term describing a legal right held by most insurance carriers to legally pursue a third party that caused an insurance loss to the insured. This is done in order to recover the amount of the claim paid by the insurance carrier to the insured for the loss.

I've also been conditioned to never contact my insurer unless absolutely necessary.

We stay away from using our auto insurance. We also carry a high deductible. Keeping those rates at a stable (lower) rate beats the coverage in many cases.

I kept meaning to get back to this...here's how things usually work - with a caveat that I'm in California.

First of all, the only way this won't get back to her insurance is for the two of you to work out payment directly. This is where you are doing her a favor by not using insurance.

If you report to your insurance, they can pay your coverage minus deductible. and subrogate against her insurance for the claim. Once her insurance pays out, they reimburse your deductible. Or they will pursue the claim with her insurance and you don't have to do anything.

The risk when you go outside of insurance (besides the aforementioned OEM parts etc) is that the other party might not really be able to afford the repairs and they delay, delay, delay. Remember it's the holidays and $1,400 would cover a lot - so you are at risk. This actually happened to me back in the 80's. By the time I had to go to my insurance, it had become such a cluster that I needed an attorney.

This is why I suggest settling very quickly, reminding her of the favor you're doing [side note, this is technically a hit an run] and getting your repair and loaner paid and completed so you can move on.

Yes I have heard of subrogation before in another context.

But I probably would not involve my insurer no matter what, since I know the deductible is at least 1k and its so much better not to have an accident on the car's maintenance history. Any time I have bought and sold a BMW or Benz or RR, there was a computerized service and repair history that was examined. Its like AKC papers for a dog, LOL!

Without writing a tome, everyone just has to take it on face value that I am not worried about her trying to escape responsibility. Just want her to feel fairly treated.

Mtn, maybe I misunderstand, but regardless of whether you involve your insurance, won’t the repair show up in the car’s maintenance history anyway, especially since you are taking it to the dealer?

Editing to add that I sometimes miss the old cars with the big hard rubber bumpers. I was rear ended on 95 in CT almost 30 years ago by a car that slammed into me when it failed to stop in time in stopped traffic. A cop happened to be on the shoulder where he had pulled someone over so he motioned for us to pull off on the shoulder. My car didn’t so much as have a scratch on it, even tho he hit me going at least 20mph. I can’t even imagine what the damage would have been on a car in today’s market - I see these type of fender benders almost daily, sadly, due to driver in attention in stop and go traffic on the highway. Usually, the cars aren’t even going fast but still sustain a crazy amount of damage. One day the three cars directly in front of me all hit each other (as much as I can, I always leave room in front of me to avoid this, but am always worried about the person behind me!).

FYI, this is resolved. My DH only wanted to go to our local dealer, period. He is 5 min away and DH golfs w the owner occasionally. I told her we would be willing get a second quote someplace local, and she can pay us whatever that turns out to be, but we will go to our dealer. She used our (detailed) estimate to call around, then called us back and told us she is sending us a check for the amount our dealer estimated. Throughout, we have both been gracious and I think it is all fine.

Thanks so much everyone for sharing your insights; there were many I had not considered!

PS no insurers involved on either side

So glad it worked out amicably and without further hassle. And sorry your new baby got her first road wound

That is good news. Now how long will you be without your car? Even if they give you a comparable loaner it just isn't the same.

I am so glad this was resolved amicably Mtn.

I’m so glad this worked out.

I too am really glad that this had a happy ending. Hope the repair goes smoothly and quickly.

Glad it worked out.

So glad it's taken care of and friendship still intact..