Do you feel guilty tossing your divisions?
mxk3 z5b_MI
4 years ago
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cooper8828
4 years agonorth53 Z2b MB
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agoRelated Discussions
Feeling guilty because I miss my dog-Part 2
Comments (102)I've read through many of the messages posted here and am so glad I found this site. On August 1 (yes, just a few weeks ago), me and my girlfriend had to put our beloved Siberian Husky, Cinnamon, to sleep. She was 15 and a half years old. We had found her in a pet shop when she was eight weeks old and it was love at first sight. We both cried like babies when we had to say goodbye to her. We knew she was old (especially for a dog her size) and I thought I was prepared because she had been showing many signs of advanced age in her final months. Then about a week before we had to put her to sleep, we discovered she had cancer. I knew the time was coming so I tried to be ready for the inevitable. But I found that this was not the case. I still think of her almost constantly and the tears have not stopped. I have gone through the deaths of my parents and others I have known and loved but dealing with the death of my dog has been much harder. I really didn't know why until I started looking for answers on the internet. True dog lovers, as many people have stated, love their dogs as part of the family. Cinnamon was definitely part of the family. She became our second child. One incident that cemented that fact occurred when she was two years old. We had gone to a friend's reception (he had his wedding overseas but came back to the States to have his reception so family and friend could attend). We stayed at his parents house and they had told us that it was okay to bring Cinnamon. They all loved Cinnamon and showered tons of attention on her. For anyone that has had a Siberian Husky, they know that huskies cannot be watch dogs as they love everyone, including strangers. Because of this, I tended to believe that she didn't care who she was with as long as they gave her attention. She proved me wrong. After the reception, we were preparing to drive home and we were packing the car for the trip home. My son, my girlfriend and I were all outside while Cinnamon was waiting inside. She started howling because she thought we were going to leave her behind and wouldn't stop howling until we brought her outside with us. We knew then that we were her family and she wanted to be with us. Through the years, she has always been here. Now that she is gone, I just feel a huge hole in my life. All the routines we had with her are gone. Daily walks, which she loved and pretty much demanded are no more. Watching her sleep always comforted us. Now, that is gone. Stroking her beautiful coat and hugging her, gone. Seeing her 'husky' smile which in turn made us smile, gone. Just a few of the things that made her who she was. I felt so guilty at first because I could hear what some people would say, "She's just a dog. How can you miss her more than your parents?" And being a man, I have to go hide somewhere and cry when thoughts of Cinnamon overwhelm me. But after reading through many of these posts, I realize that I am definitely not alone in my feelings. I know it's going to take a long time before the tears stop flowing and the hurt diminishes. I know that right now, it is way too soon to have another pet in my life and not really sure I want to go through the agony of a pet's death again. I know life goes on and I am trying to find things to fill the emptiness of not having my dog around. She can't ever be replaced but we made a small shrine where her urn, a plaster paw print, some of her soft fur, and pictures of her are kept. Just like bobbyprior posted above, I know that huge hole that exists now with the passing of Cinnamon. Everyone, that came here to find words of comfort, I empathize with you. Posting here really helps with the grief. I pray for all of you and know that even though your beautiful pet is gone, they will always be in your heart and mind. Dwell on the happy memories and try to remember that if your pet was still here and they could talk, they would tell you that you still need to live your life and try to be happy and good toward others. Thanks to all of you that have read my ramblings and I wish you comfort in your loss....See MoreFeeling Guilty....HELP!!!
Comments (22)Of course if you just need "permission" to toss some things in the trash, you've got it. But, since you're having a lot of feelings of pressure and craziness with stuff--which I've had too--and you probably don't really love putting large amounts of stuff in the trash--another thing is to take a deep breath and see what's driving you to the gotta-trash-it-now feeling--so you're less likely to get frustrated. Are you making too complicated a plan for give-aways? Is it a big ordeal to get to a donation station, or are you trying to pack too carefully, or what? Because if you've got a whole bag or box to toss, what's keeping you from driving it over to a donation station? What do you think you will "get" out of putting it in the dumpster? Is it just that you want to make the fewest steps between "deciding" to toss, and getting it gone, so that you think you will make more progress than if you put things in a box in your trunk? My biggest trash-toss impulses are when I've just got some little thing, or one last thing, that's bugging me, maybe that would finish off a de-cluttering project, and I don't want to "wait" for a full box, or whatever it is I think justifies a trip; or sometimes, those un-categorizable "things" that you can't imagine the donation center would want. But overall it is very easy for me to drop things off, and they take a single sack, bags, boxes, whatever, don't paw through it, so it's pretty low stress to take stuff there. I also have tried to "save up" stuff for the church rummage sale (twice a year). If given a choice, I'd rather it create funds for our church projects (if sold) rather than take it to Goodwill. But, at times that can cause me similar reaction to what you've posted--I don't want to keep it around for 4 months until the sale. So my main "guilt" is taking things to Goodwill monthly, or on any Saturday when I've got a few things, rather than saving it up for a the rummage sale. This became more necessary when one of my kids moved back home and so I can't stash boxes in her room any more for awhile. So in the past year or so I have just taken everything to Goodwill. So, don't waste time feeling guilty, but do take a moment to see how you can help yourself get back into a system that works for you....See MoreSD14 wants to live with us....her mom making her feel guilty
Comments (32)tos~ How she and her best friends have maintained their friendship, despite the miles, is a source of amazement to all of us. They have a very special relationship and they are all so close. I was just speaking to one of the other mothers last pm, and we both continue to marvel at the strength of their bond. They make it a point to spend lots of time together whenever they can (when she's here for visits). My stepson is best friends with the 2 older brothers in the families, and we adults are friendly as well...have occasional cookouts, pool parties, etc. Although, I think the kids friendship has fostered the adult/family gatherings.... As far as her friends in NC...the majority of her non-school time is spent in dance class, so she is friendly with the girls she dances with. But she says that she really doesn't have any super-close school friends that she "hangs out with", etc. She rarely has sleepovers or talks of anything she does with other kids there. Mostly she is at the dance studio...she's a very accomplished dancer. Lack of good friends there was actually one of the things she discussed when she brought up the idea of coming here for high school. So tos, it's your turn....are you a step-parent? Are you a NCP? What would you have told your daughter in the "hypothetical" situation I posted?...seriously WWYD? Like you, I have no intention of EVER divorcing, but I can "imagine" what I'd do if I were faced with a similar situation....so, please, tell us what you'd say. For the record, my DH fought the move in court. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, and spousal infidelity has NO bearing on custody, whatsoever. Michigan is VERY pro-mom, despite the fact the courts say they have no "gender bias". Essentially, the only time a mother does not win custody is if she can be deemed "unfit", due to drugs or extreme circumstances. Even homeless mothers win custody here...since we have many women/children shelters, etc. It's really disturbing that the courts do not really have the best interest of the child as their main focus. At the time of his ex-wife's affair, the children were ages 1 & 4. Since they were babies (toddler) he felt that the kids should stay in their home, and with his work schedule at the time, it just made more sense for her to stay in the house. He got an apartment closeby with the understanding that it would be temporary while they "worked on it". Obviously, the outcome was different than the plan. Trust me, if he could have changed the outcome of the custody situation, he would have. Initially, they had joint custody, 50/50 split. When she decided to move, she filed for sole physical, joint legal. He fought it and lost. The judge thought that her soon-to-be new husbands job promotion was more important than children having close, easy access to both parents. That was the sole deciding factor...her husbands increased income. So they can use spouse income to decided custody, but they won't use it to calculate child support...go figure...great court system....See MoreWould you feel guilty discarding ~10yo appliances
Comments (16)Well, less than 24 hours later and I'm delighted to say we have arranged delivery and installation for Friday at our lakehouse! Since I was replacing them anyway, I made some improvements. I much prefer D/w drawers like we have at home, so I got the FP drawers. Since the open d/w used to block traffic, this'll be a help. And our old fridge used to protrude a few inches. I don't like the way that looks. The new one is counterdepth, and it has French doors ... both better for space and traffic. It's a Jennair and we got it for a pretty good price after rebate and because it has dings on it (it will be hidden). Thanks again for everyone's input....See Morenicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
4 years agoken_adrian Adrian MI cold Z5
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4 years agosunnyborders
4 years agoGardenHo_MI_Z5
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
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4 years agolast modified: 4 years agogardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)
4 years agomxk3 z5b_MI
4 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
4 years ago
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