Graywings,I couldn’t view the link without signing up on reddit or some such which I don’t care to do. Anyway, it may be a hoax story, but the thing is, there are a lot of crazy real stories out there that illustrate how petty some people can be.

In the case of the liquor, I agree, there should have been some respect for the wishes of no alcohol by the bride’s family. The groom’s family could have their own celebration later with alcohol if desired

edited to add: I’m not about to start bashing any news agency for reporting human interest stories among the rest of the cr*p news out there these days. Sorry, but that just made me grouchy.

Oh, didn't realize Reddit made you register to read. Sorry about that.

I don't know about this story, but did you all see the one a week or two ago about the family that supposedly found a live frog in their prepackaged, sealed, mixed greens box? And then the frog supposedly "escaped" all on its own. I didn't really believe it, but that last detail is why I call it bunk. If the frog wasn't noticed, or couldn't escape through out the packaging/shipping/sitting in the store period, it didn't suddenly acquire the ability to unseal the box and get out.

The alcohol thing reminded me of a funny from my wedding. I married a Southern Baptist boy, lol, and his parents and extended family DO NOT DRINK (hubby does, lol.) Anyway, they were gracious enough to host a lovely rehearsal dinner sans alcohol, and the wedding party discreetly had cocktail fixings in an upper bathroom at the historic home where the dinner was held. No one got sloppy (until the afterparty hosted by my parent’s friends, lol,) and I didn’t even have a sip bc I love my MIL and didn’t want to disrespect her at the dinner she hosted.

Fast foreward to the reception my parents hosted at their club after the wedding. We had a full open bar bc, well, WE aren’t Southern Baptist. :) It was beyond hilarious how a large majority of MIL’s extended family fully enjoyed the bar and had a blast at the reception! Of course my parents didn’t care at all, and Dad told the bartenders to “keep it flowing!” Something about an open bar that will get even the staunchest teetotaler to sling a few back!

Oh, and that story above re: the 16 year could not possibly be true bc there is NO WAY someone could be that tacky. No way. I don’t think I can bear to exist in the same world with people that grossly tacky. It has to be fake.

What should happen if the hosts of a party are vegetarians or vegans? Should they insist that everyone eat that way? I have had multiple experiences with this and the answer was No, a variety of foods was available and labeled so that people could choose what they wanted (or needed). Isn't that what a gracious host does?

I can see a non-drinking party sponsor arranging a no-host bar (patrons pay for their own drinks) but to ban alcoholic beverages altogether seems preachy to me. If you're okay with it, that's what matters.

Re: the frog in the box of salad greens. Years ago, I was in a rush and made a salad without re-washing the “triple-washed” box of greens. My very young niece found a live tiny green worm in her salad! Thank goodness it was before her hyper-dramatic stage.

The story does sound weird and maybe not true, but since we are commenting generally on the behavior Ill add my opinion. :-)))

1. I cannot imagine a host and hostess offering a child's meal to a 16 year old male. Everyone knows that teenage boys have endless appetites.

2. I cannot imagine asking a guest to pay for a meal under any circumstances.

3. Unless a close relative or very best friend, I cannot imagine bringing a 16 year old son to the wedding.

Fake situations are nothing new. Ann Landers used to comment that the college kids would send her made up bizarre issues. And in my years of reading Garden Web posts on different forums, from time to time there are improbable situations.

I would think a well-behaved 16-year-old would be more welcome at a wedding than a two-year-old. Having said that, however, I also think that if the bride's parents felt that everyone 18 and younger was to have a kid's meal, it should/would have been stated on the meal selection card.

Fox uses a Reddit post as a news source, is THE issue.

Elmer, I would bet serious money that a vegan couple getting married would have a vegan food only reception. "Gracious" and "vegan", sadly, are not words often found in the same sentence. Only last week there was a case of a local vegan woman taking her various neighbours to court because they were barbecuing meat in their back yards and she found the smell "distressing".

Whether you think it's "preachy" or not, if a family is against alcohol for religious or moral reasons, it's rude to try to buck that in a venue that they are paying for. I'll put money on it that if it were a Jewish or Moslem reception you wouldn't dream of setting up a BBQ pit on the side to serve pork ribs and sausage, now - would you??? Oh, yeah, I forgot, it's PC to not offend other religious groups but you can offend the fundamental Christians all you want.

I don’t see religion in the alcohol at the wedding at all. The hosts did not provide alcohol. Whether that was because of a religious reason, financial one or some other, you don’t get to override their decision about their party. If you need booze so desperately, then have a cocktail before or after the event. You don’t get to choose how other people entertain.

PS My vegan friend, vegan since 1989, used her wedding as a platform to showcase what great, gourmet vegan food was possible back in the early 90s. She would never pay for non vegan food.

"Gracious" and "vegan", sadly, are not words often found in the same sentence. Only last week there was a case of a local vegan woman taking her various neighbours to court because they were barbecuing meat in their back yards and she found the smell "distressing".

Do you personally KNOW anyone who is vegan, or only the extreme and sensationalized "stories" such as the one you mention here? I was vegan myself for many years, and have family and friends who are vegan. They are among the most compassionate, gracious people you will ever run across, and frankly, your words are a gratuitous denigration.

You see, that's the problem with these alleged and often hypothetical "stories." They are created, by design, to titillate and outrage. They are almost always conveyed out of context and in a completely one-sided manner. But hey, whatever gets the blood of the masses boiling -- that's what's going to keep on churning out, because apparently the masses ENJOY staying in incensed mode and thus keeping those they deem "different" at arm's length.

Truth or fiction, the scenario of dunning a guest for food consumed *at your invitation* deserves scorn. It would be the same if you invited someone to be your guest for a dinner/movie/play, then expected him to pay for his meal or ticket.

The reverse of this is the person who drags his whole family somewhere when only 'he' has been invited, and that only as a matter of protocol. (Guess Who?)

I’m just amazed that a host would override the guest’s choice, when the host gave him that choice. “Which do you want, A or B? Oh, you want B? Nope, you get C.”

> Truth or fiction, the scenario of dunning a guest for food consumed *at your invitation* deserves scorn.

I'm sure there are many instances I could simply make-up where the made-up person's imagined actions deserved scorn. However in this instance I believe the correct target for scorn is the supposed "news" organization devoting any time whatsoever to such a trivial (and more importantly) weakly sourced story. Especially when it is likely an attempt to divert and distract attention from other stories that actually have happened or are happening right now, that are far more deserving of scorn, opprobrium, and outrage than a possibly fictitious instance of bad manners.

They could at least warn people of the dangers posed by sex-crazed pandas.

Whether or not the story is true, I totally believe it could happen. Nothing people do surprises me anymore.

No booze, an all vegan menu, chicken fingers/kids' meal for a 16 y.o?? Doesn't sound like any kind of party(s) I would want to attend!!

I have a Mormon friend with 6 daughters. 3 of these daughters married non-Mormons. Mormons do NOT drink! They held a non-alcohol reception and then there was an afterparty given by the groom and his parents, at which alcohol was served. It was a very good solution.

Not only don’t they drink, but they don’t have caffeinated coffee with the wedding cake. Gotta have my coffee with dessert! (And don’t even think about a rum and coke.)

Fox is killing me. Today my newsfeed had a Fox, um, article? about a passenger snoozing stretched out under the seats on a plane. Well, at least there was a picture of someone laying on the floor of a plane, under the seats. And that’s all Fox had. No confirmation, just comments from people, might have been Twitter. I can’t stand so-called news stories that consist mainly of comments from people on Twitter, Reddit, etc. That’s Not journalism.

And all this time I thought the wedding & reception was about celebrating the bride & grooms commitment they chose to make before God. I had no idea it was about free alcohol and caffeinated coffee :)

Idaclaire, unfortunately we have here a growing problem with militant vegans, who are more and more frequently going into steak restaurants and parading with signs about how meat is murder and haranguing the diners; going into supermarkets and plastering "meat is murder" etc stickers on packaged meats and haranguing the shoppers; trespassing on farms and stealing calves/lambs/pigs and publishing farmers' locations online to encourage others to do the same, and more. So not "gracious".

I do have a vegan friend who isn't always in one's face about her dietary choices, but remember the vegetarian DH shared a house with before we were married, who was constantly lecturing and complaining when her housemates ate meat.

I knew a bride from Alabama who married a man from the northeast. The bride wanted the wedding in his hometown because she did not want a dry wedding. Her parents paid for the wedding but would not include the cost of alcohol as they were not drinkers, nor were their southern friends. Fair enough, the groom's parents picked up that bill.

Guess who drank the most by a landslide? Yup, the guests from Alabama.

I don't know any militant vegans, but I would expect them to have a vegan wedding reception. I'm not so meat-centric that I couldn't enjoy it. Does anyone go to a wedding for the rubber chicken breast dinner?

When my vegan nephew got maried, they had the wedding and reception in a country barn owed by the family. I thought it was lovely and charming, and T, They served only vegan food, including a delicious grilled shrimp dish, farro and other grains. My sister in law sat with me and complained about everything. She hated the red wine they served (in addition to a free open bar) and complained about the food endlessly. I remember her saying "If she were alive to see this, my mother would be so ashamed of them". Dessert was vegan apple pie, there was no wedding cake. A final,insult to SIL (their cousin).

All the above statements pretty much tells me that I'm right in not ever wanting to attend another wedding ever again. I hope I will be able to convince my grand-kids if they should want to get married to elope and save the money for a house. I think the worse ones are the ones who whine and complain about everything after someone actually was kind enough to want to include them on the guest list. How awful.

I can't imagine accepting an invitation to a celebration for someone I care about enough to attend and not being able to live through one evening without meat, alcohol, or caffeine if that is their preferred style of entertaining. I mean, really? You wouldn't love a chance to enjoy something outside of your usual fare? Couldn't possibly enjoy cake without coffee? Or a party without alcohol?

I'm really puzzled about how that could be.

" They served only vegan food, including a delicious grilled shrimp dish "

Vegans don't eat fish or seafood of any kind so this wasn't a vegan dish. "Vegetarians" who do eat seafood often call themselves "pescatarians".

" Colleenoz, it is a shame that your primary frame of reference when it comes to veganism/vegans is militantism. "

idaclaire, you have completely misunderstood what colleeoz said. She said that where she lives " we have here a growing problem with militant vegans ". None of your comments are appropriate, she was describing what she has seen and experienced, not her opinions. I believe she lives in Australia, a lovely country but not that that matters (that's what the "oz" part in her name means).

I myself have known far more "in your face" vegans than not. I also know plenty of vegetarians and pescatarians and almost all live their lives without emphasis on their personal choices or anyone else's. When eating at their homes or they at ours, the choice of food is always assumed to be respectful and not a topic of conversation.

I would only attend a wedding for a close friend or a relative....not casual acquaintances or work associates. And no friend or relative of mine would conceive of a celebration of any kind that did not serve alcohol, and a full range menu of all sorts of foods that one can pick or choose what to eat according to their likes and preferences.

So it is not at all about choosing not to go if alcohol or coffee/caffeinated drinks were not served. It is pretty much just happenstance that in my circle of friends and family, there is no question that of course they would be! And all the better the party will be because of them :-)

FWIW, I believe Ida was referring to the vegans colleenoz was describing, not that colleen is militantly against vegans.

And I agree with the folks saying it's better to focus on our own etiquette rather than that of a host. I have tried to never be openly critical of anyone's choices, when it came to how they chose to celebrate a wedding I was invited to, other than the time my cousin and her new husband were noticeably disrespectful & insulting to the brides elderly grandparents (my mom's sister & BIL), who were both rather infirm and had travelled a long way to be there - not to mention helping to pay for it. Nothing whatsoever was said at the wedding or reception though - only later amongst ourselves.

I realize that in life there are last-minute surprises, but if it's known ahead of time what kind of food, drink, entertainment, etc. is likely to be served at a venue, what's wrong with politely bowing out of the invite if you just can't handle dealing with anything that you don't agree with or approve of?? I would rather that people would say no to an invite rather than to come and then complain about everything. Sorry, I just have a huge problem with people who are ungrateful and mean-spirited. I used to hate it when the company I worked for had any kind of social function - everything from Christmas party to staff luncheon - because invariably there were many who couldn't wait to trash everything that the company had done for them. And those were always the ones who would never ever lift their hands to volunteer any help or ideas for anything, too.

Thanks, Carol, but I understood what Colleen said and stand by my response.

If the hosts of a wedding asked for payment of a meal they invited us to attend, I think I would ask for my gift to be returned to me and call it even.

Many years ago my parents attended a wedding of a co-worker out of state. The vows were at 4 pm, over by 5 pm. Cocktail hour was a slated for 6pm, followed by dinner and dancing. By 8 pm the bride and groom still had not appear, although the photographer was at the reception for the cocktails. Caterers were frantic as they ran out of the appetizers and the bar closed at 7 pm. By 8:30 my parents and several other couples' had had enough and got up to leave, some taking their gifts with them. Mom and Dad left theirs but Dad wanted to go back and grab it. (It was a very expensive vase). As they were leaving the hotel venue, the bride and groom were spotted getting off the elevator looking a bit rumpled. The departing guest waved goodbye and they all went out for a lovely dinner. The happy couple never did send a thank you note either.

idaclaire seems to have deleted or edited out the comment she made criticizing colleenoz that I quoted in my comment above because it no longer appears in the thread. Is that a retraction, second thoughts, or what?

People should note edits when they make them. And also not make strong comments and then remove them, that's like shouting an insult from a speeding car.

What are you blathering about, Elmer? I neither edited nor deleted anything -- go back and re-read, if you must, as it's all there. My comments addressing Colleen's words remain exactly as I posted them, and as I have already stated, I stand behind what I wrote.

In fact, I'll even help you out by making it easy for you:

Gracious" and "vegan", sadly, are not words often found in the same sentence. Only last week there was a case of a local vegan woman taking her various neighbours to court because they were barbecuing meat in their back yards and she found the smell "distressing". Do you personally KNOW anyone who is vegan, or only the extreme and sensationalized "stories" such as the one you mention here? I was vegan myself for many years, and have family and friends who are vegan. They are among the most compassionate, gracious people you will ever run across, and frankly, your words are a gratuitous denigration. You see, that's the problem with these alleged and often hypothetical "stories." They are created, by design, to titillate and outrage. They are almost always conveyed out of context and in a completely one-sided manner. But hey, whatever gets the blood of the masses boiling -- that's what's going to keep on churning out, because apparently the masses ENJOY staying in incensed mode and thus keeping those they deem "different" at arm's length.

*********

Colleenoz, it is a shame that your primary frame of reference when it comes to veganism/vegans is militantism. I'm sure your sentiments are often expressed towards many other groups that hold strongly to certain ideologies (anti-abortion protestors, for example). I still maintain that it is patently unfair and yet another example of stereotyping to paint all as ungracious, militant, lecturing, etc. Although you indicate you know one vegan you don't find offensive, I think it's a smart idea to realize that perhaps our horizons haven't been expanded to the capacity where we are accurately able to pigeonhole people. There are so many vegans who make the world a better place in which to live. :-)

*******

There. I hope this is of assistance.

Yes. The first paragraph above was still there, it's the second one I commented on and partially quoted that I thought was wrongly insulting about colleenoz. It's the one that seems to have been removed.

Well, I can see it. I can copy and paste it. So I don't know what to tell you, and don't care enough to further engage on the matter.

What that means is that someone flagged it and it's in a temporary purgatory in suspense, awaiting moderator review, or just banished. It's not visible to me and so presumably not others either. So someone found your comments offensive and flagged them.

My apology for suggesting you had removed it. Someone else did.

Ida, you are wrong, wrong, wrong,. Colleene, did not attack you or vegans. She was talking about the crazy people that I had already read about before this thread. You can see your on comments even if they have been flagged. And yes, those people are nutters.

In the OP, I find it rare that a wedding would not have an extra chicken entree available due to a no-show or possible miscount (or contingency), and a supplemental charge would simply not happen to the hosts (and thus, making the Reddit fiction, as is common there).

I've been to dry weddings and thought nothing of it. I'm just happy to celebrate the event in the way hosts saw fit, and respect the wishes of the hosts. I've not been honored to attend a vegan wedding, but I have been to a birthday dinner (complete with a cake that I could not finish and discretely hid. It was a gluten-free, vegan cake that just had too much cold shortening in thick frosting and grainy flour alternatives in it). And there is too much rubber chicken at weddings, I agree, but I've been to Chinese receptions with terrific food (at a top SF restaurant), and an elegant and delicious reception in France.

Goodness, the timing of some of the comments on this thread has been perfect. I have just had an interesting encounter with a stranger that pertains to the subject. But rather than hijack this thread, I shall go start my own regarding the matter.

When I go to any event, I’m not likely to complain about how the hosts handled it. Just as, I wouldn’t want someone to complain about how I host an event.

I was ticked when I had a first bday for my first child in our tiny home, that could accommodate 10 people total. DS had established his own schedule, so the party was an afternoon cakes and coffee affair. Well, my extended family decided we needed wine, so they sent someone off to pick up a couple of bottles.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my wine.

But dagnabbit, I was hosting this party. Now I had glasses to wash afterwards, in addition to plates, silverware, and coffee cups, after the party and after putting DS for his nap.

Geez, he’s 26 now and it still bugs me.

Home Decorating Conversations meet The Kitchen Table. The Kitchen Table meet Home Decorating Conversations. Parallel but somewhat different universes.

In the situation of the original post I would send a check and a note with an (admittedly passive aggressive) apology. "Since restaurants restrict kids menus to age 12 it never occurred to me that my son should choose that option. I wish you many years of wedded bliss." After that, I would no longer socialize or be involved with this family...if asked why, I would state that I prefer friends with some social graces, if not asked then I would never bring it up again.

I would never expect vegans to serve a non-vegan meal. For many, it goes against their ethics, and pretty strongly at that. I think serving food without meat/dairy goes over better than calling it "vegan" food, which seems to have a negative connotation with some people even though everyone eats "vegan" food sometimes.

I'm a long term vegetarian/pescatarian and my husband eats everything so we compromised. We had our wedding reception at Mastros but I edited the menu our guests could choose from and removed what I was very uncomfortable with, like veal.

It's a bit trite for a "news " story, but somehow I would not be upset if Fox News focused on this sort of thing.