Similar issue here- I tell myself that although my drive everywhere is longer, it's prettier with more green space, horses, rolling hills... My suggestion is to try to find something positive about where you are now.

No matter where you buy there will be something that you dislike. As Lil S stated start looking for the positive things about your house. There is several older threads about this same issue.

Not quite the same thing but similar issue. We bought a different second home on a lake. We looked for over a year and didn't find the "perfect" place. Then we sold our existing place FSBO and had to either move into a very large storage unit or accept a less than perfect place. So we bought a property we'd looked at six months earlier that is pretty close to perfect except for the lakefront. It's now been four years and I have continued to read the real estate listings regularly and have not yet seen a place I would rather have purchased instead of the one I have.

I do still wish for a nice sandy waterfront rather than a marshy one and sometimes it bothers me quite a bit but I just remind myself of everything else I love about the place and the fact that I still would not have found a perfect alternative. I agree with LilS - you have to continue to remind yourself of the things you love about where you are and don't let yourself get sucked into continually thinking about what you wish was different. If you know it's not going to change then try to stop thinking about it - accept the things you can't change and don't dwell on it. Life's too short for that.

Have you had a chance to meet your neighbors? Visit the parks? Or take advantage of any of your new community’s services (rec center, library, church etc.) in your neighborhood? Chances are that once you are friendly with your new neighbors you’ll start liking your location more. Good luck!

I also disliked the 'new' house we bought, but didn't know why. The unnecessary fence around the pool needed replacing and so my son removed it. Just visually opening up that area made all the difference and I now like my house very much. You might try thinking about what it is that you don't like about the house and changing it. Unfortunately there's not much that can be done about your commute... except changing your route.

We had a lovely 3 bedroom starter home in a great small town with wonderful neighbors BUT always had dreams of living on acreage with a giant shop. I would say it was at least 12 years of having that dream and always talking about it and telling friends and family. One day...!

We had our third child 3 years ago and MADE THE MOVE! A gigantic "dream" home on 2 acres, 25 minutes outside our original small town. It shortened my husband's commute by 15 min each way, so that it only took an hour to drive without traffic (Houston area)!

We soon realized that the "dream" home wasn't our dream. We forced that huge house to fit our needs and while it helped my husband get 30 more minutes to spend with us, it stole precious time from our little ones traveling to and from family and town (25 minutes to grocery). We sold it after only living there a year and a half, are now living in another tiny 3 bedroom house with NO yard (3 huge dogs), and planning a new build in our original small town.

We are hardheads to say it kindly and only learn the hard way! We were always afraid of building and the higher price tag that comes with it. We think to ourselves, we should've kept our original home and built instead of being scared. BUT then we would have NEVER learned that acreage and space really didn't suit us at this time in our lives. We would have built an awesome home while still "dreaming." That would have been an even bigger mistake to build a wonderful home, sell it for acreage, and THEN realize that wasn't for us. It truly was a blessing in disguise.

There is always a reason for everything, even when we can't see it and don't understand. My husband's favorite saying is, "Man plans. God laughs."

It's hard when you're right in the middle of it but know that it's not a be-all end-all situation. There is a silver lining somewhere in there. Bide your time, save as much as you can, and plan accordingly. The place may grow on you or an opportunity may present itself. Good luck to you!

Nothing in life is perfect. Nothing.

Maybe the house you would have bought in that "perfect" location would have ended up being a money pit. Or you would have had the neighbors from heck.

It's easy to get stuck on the negatives that you do know, while forgetting that there would have also been negatives anywhere you bought. So even if you were in what you thought was your perfect location, chances are something there would have been a problem too.

Count your blessings. :) Focus on the positives. Remind yourself no matter where you bought, it would not have been perfect! You now have a place of your own, in a cut throat market. Enjoy being a home owner and be glad you're not stuck out there still hunting and competing.

I’m really glad you posted this. I’m in a similar situation - moved 6 months ago to a dream home close to family and friends. Guess what? I miss the walk to work and free weekends we had living in a condo. All our free time, what’s left after our 75 minute commute, goes into home improvement and maintenance. I would sell now and go back to our small condo but we‘re gonna give it a year to be really, really sure. Glad I’m not alone.

I also want to add that our move affected two other families: our neighbors across from us and the ones next door.

As soon as we told our next door neighbors about the move, they put their house up for sale and found the perfect 4 bedroom for their then family of 5 (they welcomed a fourth child a year ago in their new home.)!

Our across the street neighbors finally got serious about their house design (after toying with it for 5 years) and are now getting their foundation poured!

Every choice we make has a domino effect!

If we hadn't have moved, our neighbors would have missed the chance of finding a good priced 4 bedroom house in town. (They are a rarity in our town unless it was a garage conversion.) While our other's still stalled with their planning.

You current choice maybe for you or you might meet someone new and influence them. We just don't know until it happens.

I guess you can add also the families who bought our home and the neighbors, too! It was right after a major Hurricane and both families were flood victims. Their houses were completely destroyed and they were starting over. Timing is a funny thing.

patriceny, those are exactly the kind of things I try to tell myself! but it doesn't always work. so again... it's nice when I can hear stories of other people growing accustomed to their new location.

function_first: yes, yes and yes! also, you're lucky that you and your partner are on the same page.

my husband is not open to moving. he's adjusted to our new lifestyle better than I have, and we've put a ton of work into the house. I've been honest with him about my feelings. I recently made a pact with myself that I'd give it one more year and try to see if I can adjust. but... life is too short and I'm no martyr. if I'm still unhappy in another year, then yes, I will start fighting for it.

A suggestion, one of those for what it is worth things, have you written down what you do not like about your house? If there is an area in particular that causes the feeling of dislike. Perhaps seeing them on paper may allow you some insight on things that might make you feel better about the house. There are bound to be some things that it might help if you changed them. Some things like distance of commute you might not be able to change but taking different routes can help.

I recently made a pact with myself that I'd give it one more year and try to see if I can adjust. but... life is too short and I'm no martyr. if I'm still unhappy in another year, then yes, I will start fighting for it.

I had to get to the bottom of the page to see my exact thoughts. You didn't mention your ages in your original post or why you can't sell now, but I definitely agree that life is too short. At 59 I've spent (wasted) numerous years first in not making decisions and second regretting those I did make instead of finding a solution.

You asked for positive stories and I can't really help with that but my thought is during the upcoming year, think of options. For instance, can you lease the big house out until it is a better market, if this is the reason, and rent a place closer to town? You might end up making money.

I can personally relate and know this is tough. I'm sorry. You've got the exact right perspective to be open and exploring your feelings and attitudes, getting to the bottom of why they are what they are, and ultimately being honest with yourself and your partner.

When I was struggling with not liking the house we lived in (I mean REALLLLLY not liking) and not being able to move from it for many years to the point of feeling stuck there, I found this book helpful: "Love the Home You Have," by Melissa Michaels.

Once our situation changed such that we could move, I realized how helpful it was to live somewhere I wasn't keen on. It was invaluable in understanding what would really work and what was most important. I wouldn't have known what to focus on choosing without the time spent in that house and location that never quite fit. Whether the new home grows on you or not, consider it priceless research. :)

All the best to you. May the homeownership force be with you!

Homechef, You bloom where you are planted. So true!

Have you seen THIS THREAD?

People sometimes feel that way after the wedding. ;-)

BF- What area are you in exactly? I ask because I''ve lived in the Greater Seattle area for 45 years, much of it close in, and now further out in an area I never imagined I'd live in, but am happy with. Don't know if I have something useful to say, but I'll let you know my thoughts if you are more specific about: 1) what area you are in, what the commute is like, and what the benefits would be to your family if you were closer in.

Just don't let your dissatisfaction become a mental habit in this next year. That can happen when that is what you focus on.

There were positives that your both thought outweighed the location when you chose the house, I assume. It is fair if you find that those positives really aren't enough, but do try to focus on those daily instead of your unhappiness. Be aware of when you have the unhappy "script" running in the background of your thoughts, and try to counteract it.

I nearly packed back up and moved back to CA in my first year in OH. I found that I had to make the above effort to settle both myself and my DD into this new environment.

thanks for all your responses. if I could answer them all, I'd practically write a novel. I'll try to keep this short:

our house is really awesome and is not the problem.

also, the neighborhood is alright. @ kudzu9: we're in Columbia City. it's really nice - there are some surrounding areas that bum me out but it's also very pretty and has several fun things to do. but for a myriad of reasons, it's not nearly as great as the neighborhoods north of downtown. there are way, way more options up there in general (both practically speaking and socially). I didn't realize how much I'd miss the north end, nor how far away it feels to visit.

(head shrink confession time: we're in our 40s and childfree by choice. the neighborhood we moved away from was the young "party" neighborhood. we were ready to leave all that, but I feel like we overshot and chose an area that's maybe just a little bit too settled down.)

I'm looking for new ways to socialize and also new hobbies. I really am trying to concentrate on the good stuff. like I said, I'll give it another year and try to remain as positive as I can.

1- For the change in area, try writing down in one column what you liked about the old area: cafes, shops, galleries, sports venues, farmers markets, gyms, parks, etc. Use their names if you like. Then write down in the next column on the same page the names of similar places in your new area. Go to a couple this weekend to check them out. Have coffee, go for a walk, talk to the shopkeepers. Keep going every weekend for a month or two. If there are free walking tours of the area, go on one because a friendly neighbor showing you what they love about a place can make all the difference. It takes a while.

2- There's an older book on amazon that confronts the displaced feeling: https://www.amazon.com/Will-This-Place-Ever-Updated/dp/B008SMOFRQ

3- As for the commute: take some steps to make your time in the car more pleasant. Get the car washed every month including the insides, adjust your audio system (do a factory reset if the balance or sound mix have gotten way out of whack), declutter anything that doesn't belong there now, get air in the tires once a month and replace your windshield wipers if it's been a year. Sometimes taking a slightly longer but more scenic or calmer route can make a big difference in how you feel- the end of the commute is like dessert.

4- Meet the neighbors. Go outside at dog-walking hours in morning and afternoon on weekends to putter around your plants in the front yard and say hi to the dogwalkers.

Please post an update in a month or two or whenever you are ready.

BF-

Columbia City is a terrific area in my opinion. We have friends who have lived there for decades and I have seen that area go from gritty to very cool...and I think of it as one of the up and coming neighborhoods, which will continue to get better. When you said you were bothered by the commute, I was thinking you meant you were in Renton or south of Everett. ;-)

I'm not discounting your feelings, but many people would feel fortunate in having a nice house in Colombia City, and I think, if you tough it out for another year or two, it will grow on you a lot. Seattle's housing market is nuts and it pays to move into an area that is still going through the fits and starts of development. Stay there long enough and you may congratulate yourself on what a wise compromise you made. Good luck.

so, LOL, maybe it would help to tell you all that we've lived here for two years! the neighborhood IS great, which is why we were willing to give it a try. the trouble is that I feel like I haven't bonded with this place. does that make more sense? I'm freaking out because I feel like it should have happened by now. but I know it takes some people several years so that's why I'm asking around.

by the way, I have a couple new tricks that are working a little bit:

1. when I'm rushing around I ask myself: why are you in such a hurry right now? slow down.

2. when the bad thoughts creep in, I tell myself: shut up brain! you don't get to complain for one whole year.

it kind of works, haha.

BF-

Definitely LOL! I know the bonding feeling, too, and it did take me a while to feel that where I am now (which I moved to 15 years ago) was right. I actually originally lived close in (Clyde Hill) and moved out as I unbonded with it because it became too posh for my tastes.

Two years is a fair amount, but give it a little more time. What caused you to bond with your previous location that you truly feel is lacking or unattainable in your present location?

what's lacking in my neighborhood? two examples:

1. a practical example would be groceries: we went from a place where a good QFC was just down the street. now we have our choice of:

a) 1 mile walk to PCC (parking is too hard). we like that store since it's really really good, but it's like, $10,000 for a sack of groceries. we take our tiny expensive haul, put it in our backpacks, and slog back up the hill like a couple of privileged hippies.

b) drive 30 minutes to a good QFC, because the one three miles up the street is badly run and usually out of what we need. (ditto for the safeway.)

2. also lacking friends, quite simply. remember I mentioned we don't have kids, so our friends are our chosen family. we placed our bets on the south end, and so many of them wound up north. We try to visit each other and/or to meet halfway but it's far so it's rare. it's either a long drive or an expensive Lyft ride. so they all still have their spontaneous little get togethers up there, and we only go if it seems worth it (a quick beer after work is not worth it, for example). serious case of FOMO. we have made some new friends in this neighborhood but it's slow going.

I have one more idea to add to my arsenal: if in one year, I'm still unhappy and my husband wants to stay, I'm going to try a new job. my current one is very isolated. that might be just the thing I need. it's a risk, as I love this job. it's gonna have to be a last resort.

another: my neighbors who seem really nice but for some reason we just haven't seemed to click? I'm gonna have to force the situation. that's right neighbor, get ready for my uninvited ass knocking on your door with brownies. you have been warned. this is my assignment.

That's a mix of issues. Thanks for explaining. I think you have some good ideas for tackling this and I hope you can make a go of it. Best of luck.

Hey, if you're bearing a plate of brownies (or even better - cheesecake!) you're 100% welcome at my house...I'll return the plate too! ;)

We have an older gentleman who lives across the street from us who has always been so helpful and friendly - he even shoveled our front steps for me because he knew the mister was out of town for work, we've had him over for dinner with our little family several times, and when the water heater valve thingy broke and it became a gushing fountain (which I couldn't reach to turn off) I was able to run over to his house and he sent his grandson over to help me out! His children and grandkids don't live local and his wife passed away several years ago now. He's brought over brownies for the kids, last summer he'd bought a big thing of fresh strawberries but forgot that he was leaving town for a week the day after buying them so he brought them over to us instead. A very sweet man, our dog likes him even! When we first moved in, he came over to introduce himself while we were outside unloading our stuff and we bonded over being long-time California residents who relocated to Omaha.

I do miss all the different salads in California, lots of fresh produce year round...We knew that it would be a big change going from there to here, and it's taken some adjusting. I liked a lot about our prior home, and I like a lot about our current one. But I will never ever do another residential move - so the mister has been put on notice that we're going to die in this house before I'll move even just across town again. ;)

Nowhere is ever perfect, you just have to focus on the stuff you like and look for ways you might be able to improve the setting to allow you to enjoy what you have and what is possible. I will say, don't let someone who won't be living with you to decide on the color palette or furniture for you. Lol...In my case, it ended up with me living in a beige hellscape and only months after moving in, frequently ruined manicures from clawing open the hardware-less doors on chipping 'swiss coffee'-painted cabinets/stair railing both in the kitchen and upstairs in the vanity/bathroom area. (I'd asked my mom to help get the painting stuff and carpet/floors handled at the time, I'd forgotten that we have totally different tastes and so on...)

We also have no kids but older than you. When we moved to our previous home we were in our mid-30s. Loved the place and lived there for 23 years but that's where I realized how much more difficult it is to meet people and make friends when you don't have kids and everyone else does. We moved to our current house four years ago and even though we're all post kid-stage of life it's still a bit slow going to develop a neighborhood social life.

Based on what you have described I think the loss of the nearby social circle would be the most difficult thing to adjust to. We have some friends who moved years ago to a town home when their kids were gone. She hated it because everyone in their neighborhood went south for the winter and there was no one around. She is very social and had a lot of friends in her old neighborhood (nearby in her case) so they sold the place in a year and moved back to their old 'hood. Hopefully you can settle in and avoid that option.

3katz4me thanks for saying that! you pretty much summed it up for me. last night when I was thinking of my post, I felt like it sounded shallow. "boo hoo, I miss going out as much." but not having kids means a well connected social circle is very important.

when we first moved, tons of people wanted to come over and check out the area. now the honeymoon is over, so I think that's why the ennui is settling in. I think that being more diligent with the neighbors is just the thing I need. something I was resistant to because I'm weird, so I'm just gonna have to break out of my comfort zone.

thanks everybody! I'm going to sign off now or otherwise I'll just talk this issue to death.

Well, one last suggestion -- find out if your new neighborhood has a facebook page. We have an overall one for our 600+ home neighborhood, but there are several "sub" groups based on interests. They were started by members of the main group to find like minded runners, moms, freecyclers, pick up basketball players, book readers, and so forth. If you can join a local page, and there is not a sub group already that fits your situation ( you will have to search facebook using as many terms as you can think of), you could try to start one by announcing it on the neighborhood page -- Good luck!

I actually unfollowed the neighborhood facebook page because there were so many whiners and too much bad news (ditto for nextdoor and Ring). it's basic psychology. like how crime is on a decline in most cities, but many people think it's rising because we're so much more informed these days.

what I do follow is the local business pages so I know what kinds of events are happening. much more positive that way!

I grew up in Seattle, in the north end, and live in Olympia now. I remember there were north end loving people and south end loving people, never the twain shall meet. Most of my relatives lived in West Seattle, so I spent a lot of time there and even though they loved it, it never appealed to me, never felt like home. Even when I visit there some 60 years later, it still doesn't feel like MY Seattle, like Wallingford or U.district or Fremont, which feel like "home" to me. So I can totally relate to your feelings.

Between living in Seattle and now in Oly, I followed my husband's job to a teeny, tiny town up by Bellingham/Mt Baker area. I never thought I'd leave Seattle, had no desire to do so, but what we don't do for love. I HATED it, I hated the isolation, the people in the town were all 3rd generation residents who really had no experience welcoming newcomers, so it was difficult to meet people or make friends. It was very, very conservative and not similar values to mine at all. I was miserable. I felt trapped, like I had no choice about being there - my only choice felt like I might have to get a divorce. Finally talked to a counselor, who helped me see that by staying I WAS making a choice. I did have a choice, which really made it better for me.

Eventually, (too long to go into) I found my peeps. There were a few of them, people who had moved to town and were still considered outsiders even tho' they'd married someone local and just weren't accepted, for whatever reason. I was very sad to have to move away (again following his job) but happy to be back in civilization in Oly.

For me, in your situation, I know it would get better if I could find my peeps. Whatever and however I needed to do that....organize a block party, end of summer affair, have a Halloween Party, a political fundraiser, invite all around you. You'll find your created family. They are there.

eta: I joined a women's book group in Oly that someone organized via Craigslist. Not everyone there is my cup of tea, but I met a few great women.

I didn't read through the comments, but I immediately thought of a positive. My friends moved to Colorado (the Boulder area) and were very sad that they could not afford anything close to town, so they bought a house about 45 minutes away. Maybe eight years later, they sold the house for a fortune--I think they got about four times what they originally paid for it. Seattle is a nice area--maybe the bonus will be that your area will increase in value over time.

I certainly hope so. my house is technically in a more affluent zip code (we're a cheap-ish house on the same street with 1-2 million dollar homes). but go just one block away, and you're in a neighborhood that used to be pretty rough and is now gentrifying like crazy. prices have stagnated, but since seattle is surrounded by water, it can't sprawl. so I think this area is going to keep gentrifying. I'm sad for the people who have been here a long time who feel like they need to leave. but happy for the empty commercial spaces that will hopefully fill in with new amenities over the years. fingers crossed!

People sometimes feel that way after the wedding. ;-)

Hahaha. I did for way too many years, including having two kids. And the feelings didn't change. I finally wised up and got out and met the fabulous man I've been with for 15 years now.