Sexual Assault article.

Debby

https://www.columbiavalleypioneer.com/news/judge-orders-social-media-apology-for-sexual-assault-trial-in-invermere/


The above article is about what happened to my daughter in law. And her courage to go to court to face the man who told everyone he was only pleading guilty because he couldn’t afford a trial lawyer. Never mind that everyone in the house the next morning heard him admit what he did to her. She is my sons girlfriend. She is my grandsons mother. She is my daughter in law. She is strong.


The article goes into great detail. If you read this do not ask me any victim blaming questions. Instead ask why a man feels he can do this to any woman and think it’s okay.


I am sharing this to make sure his his name gets out there. To make sure his friends know what he did. The judge saw through him and his sentence is unusual. .

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maifleur01

She will need a lot of support from you affirming your love and acceptance. I and many others have undergone similar things but did not have the courage that she has shown.

The judge should not have given him that light of a sentence unless by law that is all that could be done. Sadly people will look at probation and think that he only received that sentence because of the news articles not because what he did was wrong.

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stacey_mb

I'm sorry that your daughter in law experienced this assault. Hopefully her willingness to speak out will encourage other victims to hold abusers responsible for their actions.

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patriciae_gw

She needs all the affirmation she can get so add mine. I am so sorry she has had to go through this and have her friends not support her. That has to make bad worse.

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mdln

https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf

Good for her. Hope she becomes a victim advocate; in the ED we often find them very helpful. This is our local group. https://www.ourresilience.org/get-involved/volunteer/

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bpath reads banned books too

I hope the judge assigned someone to review the apology before it is posted. It is too easy to write an apology that is anything but. And this jerk sounds like he could, and would, do just that.

Your DDIL is an amazing woman!

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nickel_kg

I read the article -- I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter in law. I'm so thankful she spoke up instead of hiding away. Our culture needs to change and it can't do so if these sorts of acts are swept under the rug. I hope her ex-friends are pondering their own moral compasses, maybe they'll take more courageous action against non-consensual contacts the next time.

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sleeperblues

Too many don't speak up. She's very courageous. The "friends" weren't true friends, but what a way to find out.

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happy2b…gw

Please convey my support to your daughter-in-law.

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DawnInCal

Only until the shame, secrecy and stigma victims of sexual assault are made to feel has been removed, will these predators be held responsible for their actions and sentenced appropriately. Attitudes towards sexual crimes and harassment are slowly starting to change and the "boys will be boys" mentality tolerated less and less. It is women like your DIL who are leading the way in making these much needed changes happen and who are giving other victims the courage to speak up.

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OutsidePlaying

I admire your DDIL for speaking out. I hope she continues to receive the professional help and support she needs, and let her know we I am in her corner.

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joyfulguy

Thank you for sharing this, Debby, and please pass on our thanks and support to your dear daughter in law.

Many who wouldn't dream of entering someone's home when no one was home, or lacking an invitation, have been somewhat inclined to offer not much more than a shrug of the shoulders when the lack of respect for another is shown by someone choosing to touch, or even enter, the body of another without consent.

ole joyful

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blfenton

We always think we know what we'll do in a moment of extreme stress and it often turns out that we don't.

I'm so sorry your DIL and her/your family is suffering through this. Unfortunately no matter how many times the word No is used it doesn't stop

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Debby

Thank you everyone, for your positive feedback. To be honest, I was a little worried how the responses would be. :) She has a ton of support from my son, her family, our family and her therapist and phychiatrist. And I'm sure the man who did this will have to have his apology approved by his probation officer. If he doesn't follow through on ALL the conditions, he will go to jail for a year. We know it's a forced apology. He has to do this because of his crappy attitude around the whole situation and the judge wants to make sure his friends and family knows what he did. If he had said he was genuinely sorry for what he did, I don't think the judge would have made this part of his conditions. I have been sharing this article everywhere I can think of so his name gets out there and everyone knows what he did. Feel free to share anywhere you want. I will let Mel know I shared this and she will be happy that you've all said good things about her. It will surely help her in her healing process.

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Elmer J Fudd

Stories like this make me very angry and extremely sad, that any female (whether girl or woman) should EVER be subjected to unwanted and non-consensual, disrespectful, inappropriate, invasive experiences of personal attack. They're far too frequent and often ruin lives. Perpetrators of such heinous acts are never sentenced too severely as far as I'm concerned.

At the risk of maybe being misunderstood and vilified - please give me a break with this ladies- I'd like to mention that there were a few aspects of this story that I found puzzling. Why has she been shunned by her friends and why wasn't this instead the fate of the disgusting guy who touched her? How could the judge possibly think that requiring an "apology" was anything more than laughable? It's less than a slap on the wrist. And a few other things that seem odd but I'll stop there.

I respect her bravery and I am sorry this guy didn't get more severe punishment. Or, really any punishment at all. We have a law in California that persons convicted of certain crimes "must "register: as sex offenders which involves, among other things, keeping a public website up to date with their name and residential address. That has more consequences and longer ramifications than an article in a small local paper that may be long forgotten or never read at all by many. Does Canada or the provinces have any similar public registries?

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Debby

Elmer, he has to do 50 hours of community service, which his PA will choose for him. He has to take 50 hours of councilling (how to treat a woman properly, and a change of attitude - I'm guessing- not really clear what type he has to take, it's just a guess). He has to report to his PA once a month. He cannot get drunk or stoned for one year. The judge was very much on her side during the hearing. He refused to read the letters Zach brought with him from friends, family and his boss saying what a wonderful person he was. Wouldn't even look at them. But because Zach had never been in trouble before, there's only so much the judge could do. Zachs poor attitude (I'm only pleading guilty because I can't afford a lawyer is bull. I work with a former legal assistant and she said there is always a way to get a trial lawyer). Even the one RCMP officer in the court room looked like he wanted to be alone with Zach for five minutes, according to my son. The more the prosecutor read what he did to her, the angrier the officer looked and was spitting daggers with his eyes to the guy. ;) As I said before, the reason for the apology is because of Zachs attitude. His friends think she made too big of a deal out of this, all even knowing what she had been through a few months prior and knowing that she tried to jump off a bridge a few months later. I think in making him apologize (and trust me, she knows it's forced but she is good with that), will help her heal. She is very okay with the sentencing. Nobody wanted him to go to jail. Just to own up to what he did. The worst part of this: his girlfriend and her father were there to support him. His girlfriends father gave him a hug when it was all done! HE CONDONED his girlfriends boyfriends actions! I would have taken my daughter and told him where to go. Would you want your daughter with a man who did this to another woman while he was dating your child?


ETA: Elmer, if he doesn't follow through 100% (he can't do anything illegal for 365 days: not ONE thing) he will go to jail. He will have a criminal record. He will be a registered sex offender. Now the ball is in his court.



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Elmer J Fudd

Debby I understand that your laws and legal traditions are different from ours but are you saying that every person, male or female (females commit sexual assault too, just not as often) gets one Get Out of Jail card and forgiveness for the first sexual assault they commit? That's outrageous.

Can't get drunk or stoned for 12 months? Seriously? Do law abiding, respectful people regularly get inebriated to the point of losing control of their conduct? I don't think so.

As I said before, there are some aspects of this reported story that seem very odd to me but maybe it's just the practices of your country as they differ from ours. I wish her and all concerned (on the good team) all the best.

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watchmelol

I saw the legal side of the story as what would be similar to a no contest plea in the US. Since there wasn't a trial it was for the judge to decide. I would imagine there are guidelines for "no contest" pleas that reduce punishments just as there are in the US. In a no contest plea in the US it is an admission that the situation in the complaint did occur but you are not admitting guilt.

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Lukki Irish

It takes a lot of courage to speak up and do whatever is necessary to hold an attacker accountable. That can often be just as traumatizing as the actual attack. I’m glad she was heard and validated by the court. When it comes to healing, that’s really key.

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peaceofmind

My daughter at age 39 is just dealing with sexual abuse that occurred when she was a child by at least three different people. She never told us. I'm dealing with my own guilt but that is not the main issue at this time. My daughter's pre-teen daughter was groomed and sexually abused by a cousin who experienced horrible abuse in her birth family. Luckily, our family has strong bonds of love or it would have torn our family apart. As it is, everything has changed. Hours of therapy, being sensitive to the needs of all parties and developing a new, more honest relationship are the status quo now. Your daughter in law is very courageous and I wish her the best.

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Debby

I’m so sorry to read what your daughter and grand daughter are going through, Peaceofmind.

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artemis_ma

I'm very sorry about what happened to your lovely daughter-in-law who underwent this terrible set of events (from the actual crime to the court events of publically recounting things best wants to forget). She's a very courageous woman.

Being betrayed by friends you trusted, starting with this jerk (can't write stronger but more accurate words here) and then with those other presumed friends - I've been there, but not on a sexual level. The combination of both -- I can glimpse at the horrible thoughts and trauma that this would certainly induce. Send your daughter-in-law and her immediate family my warm support. (And yourself.)

May the type of person the perp is, rebound back at him. Karma.



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