Well said.

I am going to disagree with you. The majority of houzz responders are well informed, polite and willing to take time (sometimes a lot of time) to answer posts.

If you come across a conversation and you feel remarks are unkind, Flag the comments and houzz will review and determine what should or should not be done.

As internet communities go, I actually find this one fairly civil. Yes, there can be snark, which I don't care for, but not all negative comments are snark. It's important to understand that delivering criticism of a really bad idea isn't rude or negative in and of itself, though the manner of delivery might be. In a community that focuses on design, bad ideas will come under fire, and so they should, or there's no point to the forum. And if the fire is directed at problems peripheral to the OP's question, problems of which the OP may not be aware, so be it.

Sometimes, things may not be "inspiring" or "kind" but they may be very, very "necessary,"

Some of the most productive dilemmas have had way better outcomes exactly because the discussion strayed from the original question. I’ve benefited from that myself.
My advice to posters
“Have a thick skin and an open mind”

Indeed, drdeb1234! Thick skin and open mind.

1. It's the whole picture that counts. Coherence, balance, totality. People (as in OP) ask for an opinion, advise. Replies follow. Sometimes direct, sometimes subtle. I've never encountered a harsh "now that's just stupid" type of comment on here.

2. If grey is 'out' or would look 'off' then why not let someone know? If they are still determined to go for it, that's ok, that's their taste. But at least they asked and at least others tried to prevent it. It's all good.

3. See 2. Let it go. ;)

I don't think Houzz forums suffer from a lack of civility. Too many trite and banal axioms? Maybe.

While I agree with your sentiments generally, “kind” does me no good here. When I post asking for advice, it’s because I know I’m not seeing something others will see. The fact that they’ve taken their valuable time (and some of the posters design for a living) to help me with my problem gives them great license, as far as I’m concerned, to be snippy, flip, disdainful, and even borderline rude. They don’t mean it that way - they’re busy. I’m busy. I am so grateful for my help.
The comments I just received about my “clutter” ruining my beautiful architecture hurt my big ego, but I moved the extra stuff out and boy, is my life better. My home is calm and becoming moreso every day.
My two cents.

karenlizzo those are great choice of words you have to describe some of the comments. Couldn’t have said it better myself lol.

I try to see things from the poster's point of view but I have to disagree with your advice. There will be comments on everything, no matter the original question. People don't know what they don't know. Often something beyond the original question is the actual issue. Now, I don't have an appreciation for a condescending tone and it doesn't tickle my funny bone, so I make a point of overlooking some Houzz participants, just like I would in real life. But straight facts and experienced-based opinion, bring it on.

I have not suffered from what I see as snarky behavior that I have seen on display here. I just feel for those who encounter it.

You might want to read houzz forums in other languages. In some cultures people follow your rules by default, and unfortunately this approach generates low-quality recommendations and promotes poor taste. And people do not know what they are doing wrong, and why their houses or apartments look nothing like magazine pictures they fell in love with after spending considerable amounts of money.

"Table for two please" " sure, just be ready for horrible food today" " no problem"

I like your advice. Being kind is always welcome, in my books. As for number 1, I agree. I was telling another Houzzer recently how I've had a few designers in my home in the last fifteen years and not one has ever commented outside the scope of my initial consultation. And trust me, there's plenty that's not "magazine worthy". It's a bit rude to tell someone to change everything about their home/room when budget hasn't even been mentioned. There are always kind ways to preface that kind of advice.

But yes, thick skin helps in these kinds of forums. In real life too. Also, some people are simply blunt. There's no meanness behind it.

There are really only a few people who are flat out "mean". They are one of the first to comment and they immediately rip everything. The OP is a moron, they should have hired a designer, everything needs ripped out, ect. Half the time they don't even have the information correct before they start their extremely condescending lecture. And they give no advice, just criticism.

As many have already said - for the most part, people are helpful and encouraging, every now and then though I read something that makes me wince.

Maybe Houzz could give the original poster to give a NO THANKS thumbs down along with the thanks option. ;) There are a couple of places I might have used that very thing...

I agree with most of what you’re saying, OP. There is definitely a tone to many of the responses here that is condescending and rude and shuts down further conversation. I think often the information in those comments is important, but isn’t said in a way that the poster is going to be able to hear. “What were you thinking doing X?!?!?” And “this is the worst design I’ve ever seen!!!” vs “I’m concerned you won’t have enough space to work if you do X. Have you considered Y?”. I think it’s fine to make comments or suggestions about areas not asked again if it’s important, relevant, and easily changeable-my least favorite thing here is when someone is presenting a completed project and there’s critical comments about things not easily changed. If I’m proud of my new living room and you think my floors are all wrong, what does telling me now do? Scroll on by if you don’t like it.

Re flagging-I don’t see a way to flag on the app?

Sometimes the truth hurts. Agreeing with poor decisions is like playing youth sports today. Every one is a star.

Don't recall anyone suggesting agreeing with poor choices, MS Colours.

I agree with many here. Advice, suggestion, thoughts and ideas abound but they don't always come wrapped in soft and cuddly kindness. (Those that do, I notice, are definitely not always, but often less helpful than more straightforward advice.) Of course, no one should be rude or mean for the sake of being that way. Unfortunately, some comments are, and I have flagged a couple of posts myself and saw them disappear with satisfaction.

But overall, and overwhelmingly, the comments are helpful, and especially so when they range over areas not in the original question. If someone is blunt then maybe it is because they see the real problem rather than the original question. Or that is simply their style. One of the pros here was critical of my choice in buying two loveseats rather than two sofas or one of each. She wasn't soft about her criticism either. Sure, it stung but I realized her opinion was based on real life experience far greater than mine in this area so I took it with appreciation.. (It didn't ultimately change my decision, which I think works best for me, but it did cause me to stop and give it serious consideration for a while.)

I personally find it odd when OPs who have clearly engaged a design professional, e.g. an architect or an interior designer, and are crowdsourcing multiple opinions on construction documents from other professionals on this site. My first thought is always, "why isn't the poster bringing his/her concerns to the person who did the design? Isn't that why they've been hired?" I try not to comment on another professional's work unless it's something minor like switching out a swing door for a pocket door. That wouldn't change the integrity of the overall design. But this site really shouldn't be used as a validation of professional work you've already paid for, IMO. It contributes to the notion that anyone and everyone is qualified to have an opinion about the output. These posters rarely give us design directives given to the architect/designer, so how can we comment on whether that design met the objectives? Most of the time, it's a kitchen plan thrown up with "what do you think of this layout"? Well, I don't know. Depends on what you told the designer. I can tell you some rules of thumb for kitchen design, but having no idea how you or your family lives or works in the kitchen, those comments may not be particularly helpful.

The point is, this site can really only take you so far in terms of tips. And a good professional is not likely to give too much of his/her hard-earned knowledge for free.

Compared with many internet sites, this one is civil. There are some posters who aren't but not a lot. I know I am in the minority when I say that I don't miss Sophie. IMO she gave quick answers too often in a cute/rude smarta** way. It took away from her good advice. A pity because when she took the trouble, she definitely knew her stuff.

There are also people asking for advice who are just a bit too sensitive when they don't hear exactly what they hoped to hear.

I am new to this site and I have a few thoughts, questions.
- Who is this Sophie I keep reading about??
- I agree with you OP......(I’m quite dense, I didn’t figure out what that meant very quickly. In my defense I’ve never posted on any site before. I’m just on the mend with a lot of time on my hands) .....EXCEPT that people here are asking for opinions.
You have to expect that just like in the real world, some people will be so polite as to not even be honest, some will be rude because they are just mean spirited, and everyone else falls somewhere in between.
- When I posted my first opinion, I was shot right down! I had failed to edit my profile so I had one of those HU#### names. I didn’t realize what a faux pas!! LOL.

Another question/comment: Why do posts originally started years ago pop up as recent discussions?

Michele, it's designated as "recent" based on when someone last commented on it. So, yes, you can have a discussion started five years ago that rises to the top because someone today added their two cents. ;-)

Houzz has helped me so many times and I appreciate the real advice! Most of us don’t notice problems with our own houses because we are used to them. It’s great to get feee professional, or not, advice. I have been slammed a few times but was okay.
Don’t change this!

I agree with the first few commenters about the value of not keeping a discussion limited to the original question. There are so many experts/professionals on this site that can give excellent insight into design, function, etc. and limiting the topics covered could result in missed opportunities. Plus- just because someone provides unsolicited comments on your paint choice or furniture arrangement or whatever, doesn’t mean you have to take their advice. At the very least, you might learn something useful for the future.

On the other hand, I also somewhat agree with the original poster: the conversations are better if we keep them constructive and don’t take them to a personal level. A few weeks ago there was a feature story on a man whose home was redesigned with the help of a professional (and his mother). Its been a while but I remember some very negative, unhelpful feedback about his masculinity or lack thereof because the end result was “too feminine.” I thought it was a shame the discussion turned in that direction- I felt like some commenters were insulting him because he and his home didn’t conform to their own personal gender values, when they could and should have kept their critiques specific to the design itself. (In my opinion).

Unfortunately, this is the internet, and due to anonymity, people feel they can be their worst selves with no repercussions. I'm a very blunt person, and I have to walk away from the computer sometimes to keep from being hurtful. It's so easy just to react without thinking, let your fingers overrun your brain.

I agree with needing to be respectful. But I think we also need to be open to a new way of looking at our design problems and open to truthful answers to questions. I’ve learned a lot on Houzz. Probably everyone’s threshold for bluntness is different. What rubs me the wrong way, is fine to others. There’s no great answer to this situation because it’s not face to face.

The last few days I have seen so many threads where people have gone into a renovation with absolutely no plan and find themselves stuck with a huge problem. I swear I put more planning into making dinner than these people do on a remodel. The stupidity is mind boggling.