Bob Hope on turning 70:
You still chase women, but only downhill.
Enjoy your blink!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?''Eight', the boy replied.The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.""Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin."Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."