I can totally empathize with you, having gone through a similar situation. We were going to do an addition and hired an architect. I gave the architect the budget and spent thousands on concept drawings. When I showed the concept drawings to a builder he told me the windows alone would eat the budget. So I chose the least fancy concept drawing and the builder said he could build it within our budget. I live in a rural area as well, although it's a tourist area with monster cottages. It was pretty difficult to even find a builder who was interested because they chase the BIG bucks. After waiting a year for the contractor to become available, and after meeting with him numerous times, six weeks before he was to start he gave me a revised budget of twice the amount he'd told us he could build it for. Luckily we hadn't signed a contract and I pulled the plug on the addition. That was 3 years ago. I am just slowly getting my mojo back to start again. It is a totally draining process. Good luck !

I hear you. We will not be doing another custom build when we move from here in the next few years.

I get the rural thing, too. Man its hard to wrangle a tradesman into any kind of professional relationship. I wish I would have seen the writing on the wall and just cut the line at that point. How much do you lose if you just cut your losses right now?

Good luck.

We went through a lot with our build. As owner/builder we faced some things you won't, or at least shouldn't have to deal with, but clearly you are already facing challenges and being working parents with young/infant children your stress must be through the roof. I can only sympathize from afar and ask if you have any other housing options that would be less stressful. A brand new house can be a wonderful thing but it is not the only route to housing a family or happiness. In fact, it can be just the opposite if the process is so unpleasant and the costs exceed your ability to be comfortable - no house is worth that. Have a heart to heart with your wife, do some deep soul searching yourself and see where you are. Everyone gets tired and overwhelmed at some point(s) in a build and has to fall back and regroup a bit so you are certainly not alone.

We go through ups and downs as far as our energy for our build. We had a few months of nothing going on at all. In a way it was good as we were more energetic once things picked up again.

I think you're building in my area..... if I recall correctly.... If that's true, PM me and I can let you know who I used for my driveway excavation and maybe another person that could get it going for you.. Weather has been killing the progress on everything!

Hang in there. The reason it feels like a long hard road is because it is a long hard road. In the end you will be sitting enjoying your new home and reminiscing on how nice it was working with your current plan designer, and all those other things will fade away. Something ALWAYS goes wrong with construction, some projects more than others. There is a quote somewhere that talks about how the roughest journeys bring the best reward. Sounds like a big reward is coming your way so you better be ready for it.

As far as getting people too show up on the job site, have you considered paying with cash?

Why do I have to pay taxes but you dont?

Oh well, I guess if I want to drink water I gotta do what I gotta do...

Mark, I am a little surprised you suggested the cash thing. I thought that that was the worst thing to ever do because then there is no recourse if/when something goes wrong. I am not criticizing you for saying that. I am very curious if that is what I should be doing (pay cash)

It is an incentive for some people to be paid in cash, for whatever reason. You only pay for work performed to date to your satisfaction.

Do you mean cash as in cash or check? I would feel like a drug dealer to pay a large sum in cash.

It sounds like a nightmare.

mgh_pa... yep, in a very similar boat.

In our area, one of the biggest problems is that contractors and subs can't find good workers, and keep very busy with the people they have. That causes them to be "selective" about projects they take on. They look for the projects that will make them the most money (you can't blame them). I went through several potential contractors who looked at the job, took the drawings, and never returned a call after that. Another one gave me an inflated "guesstimate" to see if I'd bite. I finally, through word of mouth, found a pretty good guy who runs a small crew and took on the project. He liked that I would sub out a lot of the work and buy materials. The best part of it is the names he gave me of subs that usually returned calls and got the work done. Some of them worked by the hour with me buying materials, some were flat rate. I did pay some of them in cash, but that is not a preferred way to go. IMO, you haven't found the right contractor yet.

I can't imagine going through the build process for just any house. My new build was just finished in October and I would NEVER build again. The only thing that kept me going was that my new house is on a lake, and my husband and I love boating, fishing, and just being on the water. Our process took about 2 years. We worked with 3 different builders and paid $8,000 for house designs that were never used. There are still many times when I regret my decision to build a house. The new construction premium is just not worth it to me.

I am just getting started. This sounds so discouraging. My house design is also costing a lot, too. Took $3-4000 just to bring it to a level we can develop from. At what point can you say to your architect enough is enough?

About $50,000.

Oops, just one more thing: Many times we have to travel quite a ways, before we realize we are on the wrong road. Its Ok to turn back and start over. The effort isn't wasted, if you carry the lessons with you. Good luck in whatever path you take going forward :)

Thanks, everyone. Definitely just burned out. Ironically enough, the excavator called yesterday (after I posted this) and is supposedly dropping his equipment off today with plans to start on Monday.

As for the rural area choice, we're only moving two miles from where we live now, so we're well adjusted to the commute/life out here. Granted, we're only 3-5 miles from downtown.

I just have a feeling that for the money we're going to spend, we're always going to second guess this decision given how low cost much of the existing housing market is around here. The problem with the existing market is that it's all extremely old homes that need a significant investment to bring up to our standards, and even then that's not accounting for any potential structural defects you may run into that are unseen.

Hence, why we choose a new construction. Still wish there were other options.

I am paying out of pocket for well and excavation as well. My construction loan is just for the construction of the home.

Glad you are making some progress. Hope it moves from there.

About $50,000.

Ouch! No wonder people pick a stock plan and bring it over here for modifications. Most sties aren't that unique that require a truly individual plan.

Doing work in rural areas is all about who you know. Each time you have an interaction with a workman, make it a point to ask for referrals. It's all about who you know or friends of who you know. When you call someone, tell them that so-and-so suggested you call. You would be amazed how much this will help.

I sympathize with the well issue. Well excavators are few and far between. Get on the list and they will get there eventually.

Set up your own electrical service with your EMC.

Squeaky wheels do get grease. You will need to call people often. Especially in rural areas. Cell phone service is spotty at best. If you can only get a hold of a contractor early in the morning or late at night, it doesn't mean they aren't interested in your job. It means they are very busy.

I have found that texting contractors is the most effective method of communication. Be sure to include your name and address in the body of the text. Otherwise, they won't know who you are. Make communication easy for them.

Persistence is a requirement for successful building. You have to be pro-active and a PIA upon occasion.

Tony,

I'm aware. One-two months of not getting back to me is unacceptable regardless of your circumstances.

One-two months of not getting back to me is unacceptable regardless of your circumstances.

Agreed mgh_pa

I truly know no one that hasn't been frustrated, underwhelmed or loses steam in a new build, NO ONE. I will say per the comment above, if you see a GC/builder leave their phone in their car all day, that's a red flag and maybe think about a different GC/builder. All of them that I have ever come into contact with have their phones either clipped to their waste or in their back pocket ALL OF THE TIME - it is their lifeline to getting anything done, or in most cases, trying to.

mgh_pa, we also built in a rural area. I don't know if this is a possibility for you but we took architect drawn plans to a place that built the shell in their warehouse and trucked it to our site, where they finished framing it. (We had the luxury of spending years of weekends to finish it ourselves before we moved in full time.) I don't know if some form of modular home might be an option for you.

Anyways, two years ago we thought about adding an attached porch/ carport or detached garage. We've had three contractors out but no interest. I'm just glad we got our horse barn and hay shed built during the slump.

Best of luck.

Completely understand. We put on a small addition to our home several years back. It ended up taking nine long months. Probably could have built a couple houses in that time frame. Living amongst the whole process was quite draining. We did hire a general contractor, but unfortunately we were the ones that fielded the majority of questions since we lived there. Sometimes I felt like we were running a babysitting service, minus the diapers.

Something ALWAYS goes wrong with construction... yep, 100 percent agree with that statement---Murphy's law! For just an addition, we had our fair share and actually, every, single mishap was caught by us. There was a foundation that wasn't up high enough, window in the wrong place, register in a closet, toilet that wasn't hooked up to the water source, -this even passed county inspection if you can believe it! Just a few examples! Thank goodness all was made right.

With that being said, apart from the issues and the 'less optimal' trades people, we also were fortunate to have had some really good ones. We have remained friends with them to this day. Agree that these individuals are great for resources and referrals!

Getting burned out is completely natural, nothing wrong with taking a step back. Very important to keep your humor! Lots of it! Some favorite quotes for stressful times...

-Sailing on calm waters, does not make for a good sea captain

-Tough times don't last, but tough people do

I'll give you an example of what happened to us. New home to us needed expert, specialized work on a metal roof. We identified a contractor who was capable of doing the work. We started calling. No response. My DH decided to make it a project. He called everyday for two weeks leaving a message. No response.

After two weeks, Eureka. The Contractor called. He said that he had been out of town on a job. At some point while out of town, he stopped receiving messages on his phone. He couldn't straighten it out until he got back home. Once he got back home, he was able to access his messages. We were the first people he called. He said he admired our persistence.

The point is, he was the right contractor for the job. He was a one man office. His technology failed him. He did a great job for us.

Rural contractors work in areas where cell phone service and messaging can be spotty. Keep trying. Don't be shy. They've got more work than they want and not enough hours in the day. Once you get hooked up with a good contractor, all of the other doors will open.

Do you have Amish builders in your area? They build solid homes, and they drive cars and have phones.

Is there an honest issue with an "Amish builder" that drives cars and have phones?

No issues at all. Since a lot of people think Amish people don’t drive and use phones, I just want to mention there won’t be any communication problems with them, they are like us these days except outfits. They have finally moved on, at least the ones near me. I am happy for them. :-)

That’s what I thought at first I talked to them a couple times to check them out. They are Amish for real. There are 2 kinds of Amish, the ones around here are more opened to new things They go to the actions with their trucks, tractors.

The Amish are going to build all of our cabinetry, trim, and doors most likely.

Just to pile on... You are not alone in your frustration and loss of interest. Building a home or doing a major remodel is tough. Even the best architects and contractors will miss things and make completely honest mistakes.

It's a full time job for the future homeowner when using a builder. There are a seemingly never ending list of decisions to be made. There is a constant need to check over things to catch mistakes ASAP. There are numerous budget surprises and these are rarely in your favor. There are uncomfortable moments on top of uncomfortable moments with a constant base of stress when you're not sure what you don't know and not sure if you're being BS'd and not sure what is done right and what not. You want to be fair to your contractor and subs but also want quality work for your money.

Being the GC and future homeowner is just on the sane side of nutty :-)

And to pile on to the rural comments... Millennials who grew up in suburbs spending way too much time in cars and traffic and having school friends killed in car crashes have led the move to living within safe walking and bicycling reach of daily amenities like grocery, pharmacy, eateries, schools, etc. The result is that they are happier and healthier.

In many cases they moved in to core cities but increasingly they're slowly finding suburbs built (or reconfigured) around more of a village model with safe walking and bicycling.

In this case it sounds like this is not an issue for the OP but I did think the comments above about it were good.

jn3344......50k......are you ^*%$^@#@**() kidding me???????????????????????????????????????? ALL the GC's want to do it RIP people off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 'DISGUSTING"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mgh....it seems you have 'very' little competition in your area and I hate to say it but the GC'c are taking advantage to make as MUCH profit as possible!!!!!!!!!!!