Most places do not allow staff to accept gifts. With good reason, too.

Try fruit or candy for the employee break room. And yes, contribute to the general holiday fund. And a card with a personal note of thanks is always appreciated.

A tray of bagels or doughnuts maybe as well.

I have not been in this situation, but can share what my friend does. Her mom is in a nursing home. She goes to Costco and buys various large bags of goodies that are individually wrapped. She then divides them up and puts them in baskets and gives one per station.

We would take trays of sandwiches from the bakery and pastries. Breakfast croissant sandwiches were very popular. We would slip the staff that were directly responsible for her care a little tip in a card now and then. They were very appreciative.

What about gift cards for Starbucks/Dunkin' Donuts/etc.? Most everybody likes coffee, and if they don't, there's tea and pastries as well.

Just say thank you.

In my other life, I was a home health aid. It's a thankless job (and, I do get that it's considered unskilled by a lot of people). I wanted to do it (and I have a college education..) because I think that it's important, I adored the people and the stories they had to tell, I hated that some family members hardly ever showed up and, when they did, stayed for 20 minutes, I loved (selfishly) and was saddened by the need that a lot of the seniors had for physical affection. Oh it was all so sad :(

We were treated by the families as if they were doing us a favor by paying us minimum wage. Recently, someone asked me if I would care for her dad for 9 dollars an hour. This would include everything distasteful that you all are imagining...

I would have loved a card with a thank you, including a few words that recognized that I loved these people. I would have been bowled over by a gift!!

Donuts for the group really meant nothing to me, and, in truth, came across as a bit of...ummm...the giver assuaging some guilt? Or something like that. Sorry but that was my thinking.

My parents were in a similar, wonderful place and situation before they passed. I agree totally with the above recommendations for gifts of food for the staffs. Costco platters of sandwiches, fruits and/or veggies and dips, or snacks were much appreciated. Personal letters of thanks to specific individuals AND with copies sent to their supervisors were also very appreciated.

And I would do it in February or June or some month other than November or December when EVERYONE is trying to give gifts to show their appreciation.

Letters to administration, naming specific staff members, can translate to annual/merit pay increases.

I have never been in the same position wrt having a parent in a nursing home, but my mother and grandmother were in the hospital a few times. I tucked Starbucks gift cards into envelopes with specific thank you notes for nursing staff mentioning what they had done that touched me/my parent particularly. It's a physically and emotionally demanding job. I cannot fathom how the men and women who perform it manage to do it with such grace and kindness.

Mayflowers, you brought up a good point. Something that most don't think about.

My mom died in her wonderful nursing home a year ago. It was strictly forbidden to give any kind of gift to any employee for any reason. That was emphasized in letters to relatives twice a year. Every November I'd receive a letter explaining the position and suggesting a monetary gift to be shared by all. In June I received reminders not to give individual gifts.

My son teaches in the high school down the street. Many of his students are employed in various jobs at the nursing home. He has asked several about this policy. They all agree that it's a good thing. Employees are reminded of the policy often. They report that there are often goodies from families in the break room, everything from cakes and cookies, sandwiches, pizza parties.

After Mom died, I arranged to have pizza and pop delivered during the lunch breaks for each shift. Management was happy to help me arrange it with times and numbers. You'd be amazed at how many people support the visible staff in housekeeping, laundry, the kitchen, maintenance, the office. It takes a big team to run a home smoothly. They each need to be thanked.

Mayflowers brings up a very good point about the shift workers. You could arrange for pizza delivery for another shift, or else deliver it yourself if you know when the shift changes.

My DD often receives a personal thank you from family members for care in the ER. It goes into her file and helps at evaluation time. So you could recognize the team and that would be a nice thing to do.

A friend who volunteers in the neonatal care unit as a baby snuggler often bakes cookies or goodies for the nurses in that unit. (She calls it ‘nurse bait’) She will sometimes bring in gallons of lemonade, hot chocolate or whatever is appropriate for the season to go with.

When my parents were in assisted living, I purchased gas cards for all the staff for Christmas. I had them give me a list of the names, since I did not know them all, and I made up envelopes with the names and enclosed the gift card. My father was in a wheel chair, but mentally competent, and he passed them out. At first, he wanted to give candy, but I thought it better to give something to ease their own finances a bit. He said many told him they had never even received a card before. He had a ball! Most of the cards were for $10, but a few were for $25, and a couple for $50, depending on the level of engagement with my parents’ care. He chose the amounts. After he passed, I just gave the cards to the director. I will say that once he gave $50 to his favorite for her wedding, and she gave it to the director to give to me. I explained that he wanted to do this, and I felt it was his right, but I understood their policy. She did return the 50 back to the staff member who he’d given it to, after talking to me.

I've brought boxes of treats with a separate box for the night shift. I like the idea of sandwich trays! Yes, I know we can't give gifts to the individuals, what was I thinking my nurse friends have told me how uncomfortable they are when departing patients try to press money into their hands, and they really do appreciate a note for their HR files. I don't know any of the overnight staff, which saddens me.

There is an annual fund for employees, I will certainly give to that.

Exactly what Lynn said/did. When my grandmother was in an assisted living memory care facility, that is what we did. Food and the letters to the employees AND their supervisor/manager/owner, etc. And yes, don't forget each shift.

dee, that was really really kind of you and your parents...

Where I worked we were not allowed (for obvious reasons) to accept gifts from the patients...A gift for the individual from a family member would have been accepted happily and would have helped with finances.

I don't see how "policy" could possible be reinforced if someone who's NOT the patient wants to give a gift to an employee.

Thanks, penny. Ba’ath, I will say I think there is a difference between an extremely well-paid registered nurse who refuses a gratuity from a grateful patient, and a struggling CNA, who barely lives paycheck to paycheck, and who, honestly, I wanted to have the warmest of feelings toward my parents.

ETA: The staff at our facility had free reign of the food, and of an endless supply of ice cream and just-baked chocolate chip and sugar cookies.

I ordered Burts Bees nail care gift sets from Amazon.

Already "wrapped" in holiday foil, tied a ribbon on them and nametags.

They were a hit with all ages of staff.

Dee, I agree with you about the CNA’s. They are the ones who have the most direct contact with the patients - bathing, bed changes , diaper changes, feeding, etc. My mom was extremely sick during the last three months of her life and I spent a lot of time in her room at the wonderful skilled nursing home and was so impressed with the care she was given by the CNA’s. They are low paid and appreciated the gift cards. I knew they were struggling with their own family shopping so I gave Amazon gift cards and Walmart cards because I knew that was where they did the bulk of their Christmas shopping.

This is not about gifts, but I always had to stay with her when she was in the hospital as she was deaf and could not use the call button. I never called for help if it was something I could do for her. One time she was hospitalized and I was sitting in her room on a Sunday morning, reading the paper. A nurse or aid (don’t remember exactly) came in to give her her bath and asked me to leave the room, almost with an attitude. She was shocked when I told her I would be happy to give her bath since I was not doing anything useful. I had to keep reassuring her that I did not mind doing this and I know she was grateful as they seemed to be short staffed that morning.

A potted plant, a gift certificate???

Dad's caretakers were both male and female, so I don't think a nail care set would have worked well. Although it is the thought that counts, of course.