18 year old boy, DISGUSTING, lazy mom.
Ivory Hull
5 years ago
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Son traveling alone at 18 years old
Comments (41)Greetings Nita1950 ... fom a guy who goes back to 1929, I take my hat off to you who, with a noble heart, has been so kindly disposed to relatives who have treated you so poorly. With regard to his trip, the major difference is distance. I expect that, as a pizza driver, he may well have had a few hard knocks to deal with, or ones that could have become so. He has quite probably run into some difficult situations, which, in deference to your concerns, he has not revealed to you in their entirety: people can sometimes get into some rather hot water, close to home, let's not forget. It has long seemed to me a wise idea for a parent to discuss various potential results that might develop if one were to follow varying courses of action in certain situations, as our children grew up, though I was partially removed, being a non-resident father from the time that ours were rather young. It has seemed to me important, our world having become as complex as it is, and with innovations happening so rapidly, to encourage our children to develop reasoning skills and the ability to navigate their way through the increasing complexities of life. To prepare themselves step by step for independence. My daughter spent I think that it was her junior year in High School as an exchange student in Hamburg, Germany, living wih a family where the father was an engineer in the city administration. She said that, while she was happy to go with them as a little mouse in the back seat on various trips, she did some travelling on her own, going with a school group to camp above Florence for about a week, I think, and she did some travelling through Europe and in ... was it Morocco? in North Africa. Her Mom being from Iowa, she has dual citizenship and, following the breakup of hewr marriage, took off for Arizona ... California ... a few years ago, settled in Prescott, found work, later moved to Phoenix ... returned to Ontario, Canada after a layoff, and when her Mom was battling cancer, but since has returned to AZ, where she plans to locate. She's a venturesome spirit and, if she may have encountered some minor difficulties alog the road, has been able to cope with them effectively. I grew up on a farm near here, had never travelled more than 30 miles from home ... till my Dad, due partly to health problems, relocated to the prairies when I was a teen. After Univ., on grad from (liberal Protestant) seminary, near the end of the Korean War I asked and was appointed as a missionary and refugee resettlement worker to go to Korea ... this kid who had neve seen an ocean spent more than 2 weeks on it: it gives one an idea of how large our world is. And the Korean War had ended in a truce in 1953 (there's still been no peace agreement) by the time that I arrived, but the refugees were having a hard time. I hope that you can rest easily, trusting that this precious child will be fine as he embarks on this new adventure ... as I think that there are about 999 chances in 1,000 to be the case. And even if the one potential difficulty should occur, quite likely it will be minor, and easily coped with. I've been hearing that some of our kids are breaking down in college, largely due to their having been driven everywhere, so carefully shepherded at home, and scheduled, etc. that they've found it almost impossible to cope with life on their own. That's tough - we need for the next generation to be innovative, self-reliant, etc. and not lacking in self-confidence ... and, from what you've said, I don't think that your young son is on such a path. Good wishes to both of you, as you embark on this new adventure: it's time to let him off of the leash, right? ole joyful...See More18 year old daughter loses her mind
Comments (7)I'm so sorry you're going through this with your daughter. We butted heads quite a bit with our daughter when she was 17 and 18, and she did think seriously about leaving home. I can't identify with all the problems you're having with her, but I can with some of them. I know it is a difficult time for you and your wife. I think it's hard to know how to give help unless we know why she's moved away from home and making the choices she's making. Do you know if it's a boyfriend issue, are alcohol or drugs involved? I think a lot of young people get derailed their first year of college. Most of my friends have college kids and my kids are in college. Here are my gut feelings, which could very well be wrong. First of all, if your daughter graduated number 3 in her class with a full ride scholarship, then just the difficulty of chemistry alone shouldn't have derailed her. In my experience, what usually happens is that the students who fare poorly don't go to class and don't do their work. Most college professors have office hours and possibly TA's with office hours, and many universities have free tutoring available. You'd think that intelligent young people who mess up their first year in college would straighten up, learn their lesson and get their work done. But it doesn't always work that way. Many of the young people I know who had problems went through all K-12 years of school never having to study. Some of them adjust and some drop out. It's really tough on their ego to go from having everything come so easily to having to study hard and get tutoring help. Your requirements for your daughter living at home are very reasonable. Again, I know students who give their parents flack about that kind of thing, but you're not asking for anything out of line at all. Re the part about the hydroplaning and the cell phones, I'd let that go. If she was getting straight A's and doing outstanding in school, you'd probably let it go. The problem of moving out and living with the other family is much worse. I do know other families who have had problems similar to yours, and at one time I was holding my breath afraid we'd be in your shoes. As parents of young adults, I and most of my friends try to walk a line between letting them make their mistakes and heading off any major disaster that would absolutely ruin our young adult's life. So you can't really drag her back home. If this was my daughter, I'd consider paying the cell phone. As long as she has a cell phone that you're paying for, you know she can call you in case of an emergency. I'd rather pay the bill and know my daughter can always call me. I'd also keep my daughter on my health insurance and if she needed birth control I'd pay for that. If I owned the title to her car I'd either pay the car insurance or take the car back. For everything else I'd just step back and let her pay her own way. I'd also let her know that I love her very much, and that if she wants to come back home and get help with paying for school, the door is open. Then I'd let her live her life and make her mistakes. Sounds like she's going to have to learn some things the hard way. All of this is assuming she doesn't have problems with drugs or alcohol. I know several young people who have done seemingly jaw-dropping, crazy things like your daughter. They just have to grow up; their parents can't magically fix it. I'm so sorry you're in this position. Hopefully you've raised her well and she'll circle back around to be the responsible young woman you've raised her to be. A dear friend of mine's daughter moved out a couple of years ago. During her first semester of college she met a guy, dropped out, went to live in a situation somewhat like you're describing. She's just now getting her life straightened out and moving back in with her parents. My last suggestion is this, and it's probably the most important one. Once a week, if your daughter will let you, take her out to dinner or to lunch. Mentally declare to yourself that during that time you won't discuss anything negative or ask her any questions. Let her talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Don't give advice or suggestions, just listen or keep to general chit chat. If it will help, let her know that's what you're going to do. Make sure you keep that connection open to her. During that lunch or dinner time don't ask her to come home or ask her how her grades are. When she leaves, tell her that you love her. Something's up with your daughter, and there's really no way for you to know what's going on for sure. She's 18 years old and she can walk away at any time. So keep a connection. If it turns out to be something like drugs or alcohol, you can intervene and get her some help. If she's just an 18 year old who has gone a little crazy and wants her independence, she'll just have to learn the hard way that independence isn't all it's cracked up to be. If she's abusing substances, then she probably hasn't done anything that can't be fixed. A lot of good parents go though what you're going through. Keep your marriage strong and step back and let your little girl fall on her face. That's my advice. You're not alone, and it does get easier. It's a shock when it first happens....See MoreMy 9yr old SD has hr long crying fits for her pregnant bio-mom
Comments (12)Custody and access are two seperate things. BD has always had joint custody. It's called joint conservators. He has not always had access. He had supervised access. Joint conservatorship basically means we both have exclusive rights and duties to the child. I have two exclusive rights he does not have. The right to designate residence and the right to make educational decisions. We both have the right to seek medical treatment, provide shelter, food and clothing; the right to inform the other conservator of any info concerning health, welfare and education. We both have the right to religious guidance. He has a duty I do not have and that is to provide child support payments in X amount per month. As far as access it's about 60/40 now. It's called expanded standard possession. He has set weekends and days of the week, we split spring break, christmas and thanksgiving. He has superior rights to designate his access during the summer. My access is all other times not outlined as his possession time. Sole custody is extremely hard to get. Even with all of the mess we have been through, bd has always been a joint conservator he just had limited Access for a while. If I had sole custody I would not have to tell him anything about health, school etc. He would not be able to confer with the school. Even with limited access he still had a right to speak to teachers or to get medical records. With expanded standard possession during the school year, on a month with 30 days, Bd has 12 days, I have 18 days. During the summer he averages about 40 total days and I average about 46 give or take a few during a summer break of about 88 days. That almost 50:50 during the summer. Does that make sense?...See MoreKind of redoing 4 year old boys room
Comments (30)Kids' tastes, likes and dislikes change so much as they grow. What I did when mine were young was go with their favorite colors in solids that washed and wore easily and well. For example, with my son, I went with royal blue for his washable comforter and then added touches of red, green and yellow with his valance (over blackout shades), bedskirt and throw pillows. I then bought poster frames and 5x7" easel back frames that allowed me to quickly, easily and inexpensively change out his art as he grew. The 5x7" frames were perfect for turning "cool" greeting cards into works of art that he could place around his room wherever. We went from zoo animals to dinosaurs to whatever he had a big interest in next. I brought in a long 3-section bookcase and primary colored bins to corral most of his toys and let him display his books and whatever toys he chose on the rest of the shelves. As time went on, I let him pick out printed fabric in "cool guy designs" and made throw pillow covers for his bed. I guess what I'm saying is that I liked to keep things basic so that he could inexpensively and easily choose new art and accent pieces. It was his room, not his decorator mommy's room, he used to like telling his friends and he was always very proud of it. Lynn...See MoreIvory Hull
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