Thanks for your replies. You ladies are right on. More than often I find myself siding with BM on many issues and that's why I guess BF was rather dissapointed: "here you go again siding with my X". I don't particualrly like her but in regards to her children she is right on. I know that she has rather turmolous relationship with both girls especially older one, but more I look into it, more I understand why. The only reason BF is OK with them is because he never argues and always allows everything and BM does not. Both DDs' behavior sometimes shocks me beyond belief. Pardon for details but 19-year-old young lady should not be leaving her dirty underwear or similar items exposed around the house for her father to see. I bet you it is not allowed in BM's house.

I'm with you dotmom. You instill values in your kids long before age 19 and they are going to do what they are going to do at that age. I think your daughter acted responsibly and that the fact that she confided in you showed that she trusted you and that you had raised her well. Like someone else mentioned, I do hope she also knew to use a condom as well. You know, when I was that age our parents worried we would get pregnant if we had sex. Now you have to worry that your kids will be exposed to AIDS and that's a whole different worry! I also agree about not approving a child (even an adult child) smoking. I wouldn't make it easy for them and I wouldn't tell them it was ok to do it in my home. It has nothing to do with the sex of the child. My daughter and son are 31 and 28 years old. Neither of them smoke and I don't believe either tried it. They were too grossed out by the videos they were shown in school of a smoker's lungs. Their dad and I never smoked, so they were never exposed to it at home either. Sex, I'm not so sure about. I know neither of them had sex as a teenager. Both are married now (for several years) and I expect both had sex before marriage and I never talked about it with them at that time but I expect they handled it responsibly. All the talking had been done years before then and they had a good solid education and good morals. My 15 year old step daughter is a different matter. She'll never smoke. I know that. Her mom died when she was 11, of COPD. She had to watch and live through that and she hates smoking with a passion. She doesn't like drinking either. She has, however, been 'dating' since she was 12. I wouldn't have allowed that, but I wasn't in the picture then. By the time I was in her life, she had been dating for several years. Keep in mind, that at that age, dating was hanging out with the boyfriend in a group setting. They don't actually go out on dates, but they feel the bond. I think starting 'dating' too early, in any fashion, leads to more in depth feelings at a younger age, more pressure, more chance of early sex. Her dad had even told her (back at 12 or 13) that he wanted her to come to him before she became sexually active, and he would help her get birth control pills. I'm all for the responsibility he showed but NOT at that age! I'd have held off on the dating until probably late 14 or maybe 15. I'd have helped her stay a child a little longer. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she has not had sex at this point, but I'm also sure she has 'experimented'. I also know she is under a lot of pressure, from previous boyfriends as well as her current boyfriend (who is a nice guy and who we approve of). She's not mentally mature enough to handle sex. She is responsible and mature, yes, but not to handle the depth of commitment and possible hurt that having sex would open her up to. She and I talk, when the moment is right, from time to time, and I try to instill good values and common sense. Sometimes it seems to work :-) I hope she holds off at least a couple more years. I worry about her like she was my own baby and I love her dearly. I wish I'd had more of her growing up years to nurture and love and teach her.

We went together to get my set. Very simple brushed silver band with a VERY small solitaire diamond. $103.00 and took most everything my DH had at the time! I got his on our first anniversary , as it took me that long to save for it. When you are 16 and 18 years old money didn't come easy. My DH had to stop wearing his years ago due to it catching on something and nearly tore his finger off. We thought we had misplaced it for years and both looked time and time again thru the years for it. Last week my DH mentioned that now that he is retired he would love to have his ring. So I looked for the hundredth time in my jewelry box and there it was! I was stunned that it was there all along and neither of us could find it. Being my 60th birthday was in a few days I knew the best gift I could ever get would be the look in my DH's eyes when I gave it to him along with a new one as the first was so badly worn and split. As we went to dinner for my birthday I had him stop the car as I had something I just had to show him. He was as stunned as I and we shared many tears together! It truly was the most wonderful birthday ever!

Hello Pity - the problem here is that these are not condos, but independent houses, with separate walls and systems which provide a fair amount of protection for the individual owners. The introduction of a whole layer of rules about interior decor is pretty intrusive and, so far as I can see, largely unnecessary. The major structural issues are already covered, and the too-large chandelier or a nail through the drywall will have zero impact on the neigbouring homes. So what exactly is the point? The owners have every right to be concerned, and if it were me, I'd be saying to the condo committee, if we agree to this then you will provide clear and comprehensive guidelines of what will and will not be allowed, you will stick to those guidelines in your decision-making, and you will agree to observe a strict timetable for responding to requests - and that timetable will be numbered in days, not weeks or months.