I'm so sorry, both for your tragic & heartbreaking loss & for your despair. You're laboring under a crushing amount of grief, pain, depression, &, although it's unearned, guilt. You're absolutely entitled to your despair, anybody would be in despair... but don't let it kill you. You are not only the mother of 4 living children, you're the link between them & their brother, & you're the only one alive who has the memories that you have; without you, those most intimate memories of your son would be gone forever. Please call your doctor & insist on some good anti-depressants (get your husband to help if you can't summon the strength to insist); depression is a physical problem, &, while talking therapy can give you insight, *it won't make you feel better*. The synapses in our brains don't fire right when we're depressed, & that makes us feel worse, & that makes the synapses get more off-kilter... It's like a car engine that's "missing"; you can tinker with all kinds of things in that engine, but you have to get it to fire correctly to fix the "miss". It takes a while for anti-depressents to work, so meanwhile, & I know it's hard because you don't feel like doing it, get some oxygen to your brain. Enlist your husband's help if you can't force yourself to do it on your own, sign up for a jazzercise class, do whatever it takes, but move move move. Get your heart rate up & you'll get good oxygenated blood to your brain, which will make your synapses fire more efficiently & you'll function better. Please take care of yourself, & enlist the help of anybody you can, husband, friends, family, people from church, anybody & everybody, to help you do it. & please post here again. We all want you to be your own self again, & we wanna know about it.

I've read through many of the messages posted here and am so glad I found this site. On August 1 (yes, just a few weeks ago), me and my girlfriend had to put our beloved Siberian Husky, Cinnamon, to sleep. She was 15 and a half years old. We had found her in a pet shop when she was eight weeks old and it was love at first sight. We both cried like babies when we had to say goodbye to her. We knew she was old (especially for a dog her size) and I thought I was prepared because she had been showing many signs of advanced age in her final months. Then about a week before we had to put her to sleep, we discovered she had cancer. I knew the time was coming so I tried to be ready for the inevitable. But I found that this was not the case. I still think of her almost constantly and the tears have not stopped. I have gone through the deaths of my parents and others I have known and loved but dealing with the death of my dog has been much harder. I really didn't know why until I started looking for answers on the internet. True dog lovers, as many people have stated, love their dogs as part of the family. Cinnamon was definitely part of the family. She became our second child. One incident that cemented that fact occurred when she was two years old. We had gone to a friend's reception (he had his wedding overseas but came back to the States to have his reception so family and friend could attend). We stayed at his parents house and they had told us that it was okay to bring Cinnamon. They all loved Cinnamon and showered tons of attention on her. For anyone that has had a Siberian Husky, they know that huskies cannot be watch dogs as they love everyone, including strangers. Because of this, I tended to believe that she didn't care who she was with as long as they gave her attention. She proved me wrong. After the reception, we were preparing to drive home and we were packing the car for the trip home. My son, my girlfriend and I were all outside while Cinnamon was waiting inside. She started howling because she thought we were going to leave her behind and wouldn't stop howling until we brought her outside with us. We knew then that we were her family and she wanted to be with us. Through the years, she has always been here. Now that she is gone, I just feel a huge hole in my life. All the routines we had with her are gone. Daily walks, which she loved and pretty much demanded are no more. Watching her sleep always comforted us. Now, that is gone. Stroking her beautiful coat and hugging her, gone. Seeing her 'husky' smile which in turn made us smile, gone. Just a few of the things that made her who she was. I felt so guilty at first because I could hear what some people would say, "She's just a dog. How can you miss her more than your parents?" And being a man, I have to go hide somewhere and cry when thoughts of Cinnamon overwhelm me. But after reading through many of these posts, I realize that I am definitely not alone in my feelings. I know it's going to take a long time before the tears stop flowing and the hurt diminishes. I know that right now, it is way too soon to have another pet in my life and not really sure I want to go through the agony of a pet's death again. I know life goes on and I am trying to find things to fill the emptiness of not having my dog around. She can't ever be replaced but we made a small shrine where her urn, a plaster paw print, some of her soft fur, and pictures of her are kept. Just like bobbyprior posted above, I know that huge hole that exists now with the passing of Cinnamon. Everyone, that came here to find words of comfort, I empathize with you. Posting here really helps with the grief. I pray for all of you and know that even though your beautiful pet is gone, they will always be in your heart and mind. Dwell on the happy memories and try to remember that if your pet was still here and they could talk, they would tell you that you still need to live your life and try to be happy and good toward others. Thanks to all of you that have read my ramblings and I wish you comfort in your loss.

Ladies may I join you in this discussion? I am a young healthy looking 62. And today is my first visit here after looking up adrenaline I sure understand better now That's what I have going on MY NATURE'S PACE MAKER.working. Adrenaline After a stay in icu heart recently everyone finally agreed i am mot crazy.it was.my heart. The docs installed is a device catch my heart acting badly is a heart tracker like halter monitor. Under my chest muscles on top of my heart. I can cause it record what just happened.. iam write with excitment because your stories are all so familiar. These stories for me begin after mitral valve repair. 7 years ago. Basic problem ..unless the doc sees the heart behaving badly they deny the problem. All this time we never could catch it Last doc said bluntly if we dont see it didnt happen. You must to er Well recent at 230 am it woke me up, just as you have described. I went directly to the er They caught the serious thing! Arrithemia and more then two days in icu. Now meds have slowed my heart from 70 to 52 while docs decide what to do. Last night I realized I was having an adreilin rush. The same rush I went to a neurologist for help. Over a year and half. Often it also affect my skin. Goose bumps crawling feeling all day long! Well have I got news for him.I was not crazy about that either. my gp I visited last month just to say. I know you don't know what is wrong but I still got it. Knows too I sat in neros office two months ago ,,,same thing. I said dr i just want you know ME when I end up in er..and i need you. well it was er straight to icu. Home now with electrical issues. Last last night meds have my average at 52 bpm.it woke me. 2 3 am. I use my tricks to get back to sleep.as soon as felt sleep coming on the stomach feeling spread. It woke me up heart pounding.sweat .out of breath!!! Happened several times . then checked average heart rate on my Garmin. 48. Average 48 so i was probably lower. Maybe 45! My natural pace maker kicked in every time sleep lowered bpm and I was short on air. Natural pace maker? Adrenaline can't wait to see what was recorded on my device Thank you body! Now I think i know what as going on for long time hidden from doc view. Electric shock adrenaline style

Dee, now I understand the Tweet reference. for anyone else who did not see the rabbit story: https://www.mediaite.com/online/watch-california-man-becomes-internet-hero-by-saving-rabbit-from-raging-wildfires/ I truly believe most people are good. It has been hard to see that lately. Personally, it really does me good to see these stories. I have been watching way too much news and it is taking a toll. ETA: Before someone else says it, I am aware that some have scoffed at this rabbit video because it is unwise behavior and can put others in danger, slow down evacuation etc etc. I don't care to argue that. It is touching that this person so empathizes with the rabbit.