"No one can take an education away from you" is the mantra I grew up hearing. I pursued several college degrees and worked very hard in my profession - am able to give back to my widowed mother now and am grateful for the advice I received when I was a child.

Both my parents were professionals, so they provided me with a financially stable home .However, they had a lousy marriage and my earliest memories are of hiding in a closet while they fought. I feel that I've done waaaaaay better than them in that I have a very stable, loving relationship with my husband and am very close to my two daughters. My DH and I don't have as much financial security as my parents did, but I'm happier to have what I do.

I think that at this stage of my life, compared to them at the same place, we're about the same. DH and I are looking at retirement in a couple of years, so we're ahead of where Dad was. Actually, he found a post-retirement job that he enjoyed until he was about 80. We've stumbled our way to relative financial security, as did my parents.

From an emotional, life-events view, we're better off. My mother died when I was five, Dad remarried shortly thereafter. So they had some major upheaval, transitioning to do. But they were married for 34 years until her death. They did it right. DH and I have never had any life-altering events (yet!).

Financially I am much better off. There was an intellectual spark in my house growing up that I really appreciated at the time. My husband and I don’t have those types of intellectual conversations by ourselves, although we do discuss the news of the day. I’m hoping it is something I can replicate with my child, and indeed now that their kids are grown my parents don’t have these conversations either. Kind of odd!

My mom wanted one child and ended up with three...I wanted three and may end up with one. Funny how life happens!

daisychain... The people I respect most have overcome harsh or barren upbringings to become loving parents themselves. I think that must be so difficult to change those patterns.

My life is sooo much better than my parent's.

Dyhgarden - you have certainly been through a lot. I’ve also had a lot of challenging life experiences that I’m sure have significantly impacted who I am today. Fortunately I think they’ve made me strong, resilient and extremely appreciative of each day that has no trouble or dysfunction and there have been many. Last crisis was a serious stroke for DH in 2013 - thankfully he fully recovered. I think if he goes before me I will also have long term complicated grief.

Seagrass I could have written your quote: "No one can take an education away from you" My mother always said that along with "Be able to stand on your own two feet and never become dependent on a man." I have always had a career and am independent, although I can't imagine my life without my DH (who I do depend on in many ways!!)

My parents were financially secure. My mother never worked outside the home, which was common back in the 50's. They had a nice life and an excellent relationship.

DH and I have more assets and toys than my parents did, but they were of the Depression era. Both sets of parents were fiscally conservative and we both got that gene.

I feel blessed to have had such loving parents. I miss them terribly every single day but today especially.

Oh `boy, that is such a tough question.

I am financially better off than my parents but my parents had a lot more friends than I do (my choice) and socialized a lot so they were richer in that respect.

My father died at 65 `and `my mother is now `89 and her retirement has been a lonely one despite all her friends and socializing.

Yes, I am better off financially. My dad also encouraged education, but because he thought that was where his daughters would meet a nice educated man with a career!

Well, two daughters did. I met my husband years later. He went to Vietnam instead of college. Then, had a career in the phone company while buying real estate properties.

My dad was disabled and struggled with supporting a family of six. Our upbringing was not ideal and all four of us became the person that we are today because of how we handled those younger years.

I'm certainly better off in every way than either of my parents. My father lost his father at a young age (I'm not sure how old) and was left to be raised with a schizophrenic mother, who was institutionalized when he was 14. He was an only child and taken in by a family of one of his friends. He died when he was 47 and I was nine. My mother was smart but uneducated and left to raise me (I was 9 when my father died - I am also an only child) on her own. She babysat and took in ironing to keep us afloat. When I was older she got a secure job at the post office and was able to retire with a little pension. I started babysitting when I was 12 to supplement our income.

Even though my life repeated hers in some ways, (I was widowed when my husband also died at 47) I had a bit more security, a small survivor's benefit and a bit of insurance from his work. I also had a fairly secure job with good benefits. In 2009, I was left a large sum of money by an elderly relative who I cared for when he got dementia. Not physical care, but I arranged and managed his care and his finances until the end. It was nothing I ever dreamed would happen, but I am very financially secure now and can do whatever I want. Nothing either parent ever experienced.

I think if you were to compare lives by similar ages, my parents were better off until their mid 40's-when things reversed for them. My mom was a year away from being a widow at my current age. I realize now that my Dad died way too young.

My parents had a volatile marriage, and compared to them, my marriage is made in Heaven...ours has had it's ups and downs but we're in it for the long haul because we love one another-my parents stayed together for the kids.

Socially, politically and educationally I'm far better off. Sadly, education was not something my mother valued-she thought if you were going to be a doctor or a lawyer, that was the only reason you should really go to college. My father was a workaholic who didn't take much time in raising us kids. I raised my kids very differently. I think I have a much, much better relationship with my kids than my parents did with theirs.

Not to say my parents were bad parents, they just didn't have the tools necessary to weather the social changes the 60's brought about. They were baby boomers, born during the war and were a middle class young family in the 60's- they lived a very Mad Men lifestyle. But after I graduated HS, they left the City life for a rural one and that was a disaster. I've been on my own pretty much since I was 16 and struggled to get to where I am today and I'd say that my life for the past 20 years has been far better than my parents. And today I am far better off financially than they were at my age.

What a thought provoking question! It's a mixture--my parents married young and were passionately in love with each other; my mother did not work outside the house either and was a pretty classic housewife/mom of the 60s. My home was a place of great security and love. I cannot recall them ever arguing with each other, much less major fights. My marriage has been more companiate in that we are both very independent and though devoted to our children, we've never had that intense focus on or that all encompassing magnetic attraction to each other that I remember in my parents' life together. We also have had stresses and strains maritally so I think we've had to work harder than they did to have a successful relationship but at closing in on 31 years together things for us are only getting better.

Unfortunately it's impossible to compare length of our relationships because my mother died when I was 19 YO, and my father has remarried twice since then. One marriage ended in divorce after 20 years and he was widowed again a couple of years ago after another 20 year marriage. I guess we've been more successful (and lucky) in that we have had a long relationship, raised good children who are now good adults and hopefully will have more years together now that they are launched. My parents never got that.

Financially we have a larger net worth but my father is very financially secure. He's a retired military officer who then had a second career as a university administrator so between his pensions and most important dream health insurance (Tricare for life for those in the military know) he has no money worries and never will have in terms of facing enormous health care costs.

He says at 84 YO he has had a wonderful life. I hope I'm as successful as he is in terms of his sense of calm satisfaction at how everything has played out for him.

I'm not sure I would consider it "better' but it is certainly very different!!

My parents were born abroad and lived abroad for the first part of their lives together (my older siblings were also born abroad) but in a culture where westerners were considered a privileged class. So they lived a pretty cushy life with servants and a very active social scene. However, when WWII loomed on the horizon, daddy moved the family to the US for safety concerns. When he went back to the Far East to close up the business and the house, he was placed in an internment camp (together with all of my mom's family) for the duration of the war.

Meanwhile, my mother found herself a single parent in a foreign (to her) country with no friends and with few practical skills. Didn't even know if she was both a widow and an orphan for several years! But she managed. After the war and my dad's release and repatriation, they re-established themselves but with a very different lifestyle. I was a true "baby boomer", born after the war and the only 'real' American in the clan :-))

My folks were never wealthy but financially secure. And because of the age difference between my sibs and I, I grew up pretty independently - they were grown and had left home before I even entered high school. And because my parents were also older and not as familiar with the current American culture, I was given more or less a free reign on how to live my life. Most of my contemporaries were rather jealous of my freedom and independence :-)

I did work my way through college - parents supplied emotional support but that was all they could manage - and moved away from home and into a fully independent life at the start of my second year. Started a successful career and didn't marry until I was 30.

I am not any better off financially than they were - an iffy marriage can do that - but am certainly far better educated and very self-reliant. I just do not have the depth of life experience that they did........or the same sort of life experience :-) But then, what following generation does?

Financially, I am better off. In terms of family not so much. I was an only child, and have only 2 children myself. It makes for an awfully small family, just 4 of us, no extended families left, and probably no grandchildren. Even as a child, I wanted a large, extended family. My parents both came from families of 5 children and had lots of family. People say friends make up for family, but I don't feel that way.

ladypat, I agree with you on that. My parents had fair sized extended family in 2 very distant continents. We grew up away from both those areas and now my little nuclear family lives across the country from our closest family members.

Just DH, myself and one child home today ... we are having seared Tuna!

I was born in Sept '61. Sounds corny, but looking back, it was almost an "idyllic" small town life. Grew up farming in fairly fertile land in E ND. Luckily, we didn't really want for anything. Crop prices were pretty good, & we had decent land.

In the late 60's, Dad traded for a new Lincoln Town-Car every 2 years...all BLACK. Before he passed away in Oct '75, he had driven his new '76 home!

Lotsa things changed then obviously. I was 14, brother was 12. Mom took it hard, but we made it! We always had good hired-hands to help. My DF's brothers were smart, & helped plan things, etc. In the late 80's, we had to sell the equipment. I was pretty much out of farming, & married in '87.

Since then, I've been working in Fargo. The busy small towns & farms then....are much fewer now. To farm now, you have to have gigantic equipment, especially in the Red-River Valley up here. An AVERAGE combine up here is bigger than some houses, & can run $500,000 & up. Same with many tractors!

So....is my life better? Hmmmmm.... I guess I don't want for much now. We're pretty content overall. Hopefully, DW 's & my retirement will stay decent. Our house is very average. Depending on market nowadays, it might bring $300,000, & is almost paid off. Cars are debt-free too.

I just wish I didn't need so much maintenance!!!! ;-) Heavenly days....leg veins, large hernia, new knee, right shoulder surgery, foot surgery, & MAYBE left shoulder surgery next year.....

Overall......I can't complain!

Faron

Yes and no. My parents both grew up during the depression. They always had food since they both grew up on farms. They use to say they never thought they were poor, because everyone else was poor. Nobody had much. Then WWll came along and my dad served over seas the whole war. My mother worked in a baking factory. Still nobody had much, because it was rationed. But in another light they didn't have to lock their doors ever. They didn't have to watch out for some con trying to screw them out of their money. They didn't have to carry for self protection, They didn't have to worry about someone stealing their kids, They didn't have to worry about going out shopping at night. They didn't hear about shootings every night on the news. They didn't have to worry about being mugged, raped, burglarized etc. Who has is better? Sometimes I wonder.

My parents also grew up during the depression but they also had food because my grandparents owned small literally mom & pop grocery stores. Still, there were few opportunities for women. My mother had an 8th grade education (they started later and finished at 16) but my father completed HS. Although she was very smart and totally lucid up until her final days, women, especially poor women, did not go to school, and if they did it was a hospital nursing school. Father was WWII Navy--found out only recently he enlisted vs. drafted, though he should not really have served because his father had died, and he was the only son of a widow. My mother was literally a Rosie the Riveter at an airplane factory. She was small so she could fit in the bulkhead of the plane.

I think my parents struggled more financially then what we knew. My father worked as a machinist and had good earnings towards the years he retired, but there were times where the steel industry was in decline before then and one place closed where I'm sure things were dicey. My mother worked part-time retail so we got discounts where she worked. We also shopped at Goodwill, but we donated there too. My parents had a good marriage and were married for almost 50 years. They were barely social drinkers, and no one was mentally unstable.

My father died while I was in graduate school, and it was hard for them to be supportive at times because they just didn't understand why I was doing this vs. get a job/find a husband, etc. and how could I do this when I/we had no money. I think my mother had a little bit of resentment that I got to pursue my life goals and she did not. Both DH and I have post-graduate degrees, and while we are middle class and better off than our families, we put ourselves through school, and DH is still paying his student loans for maybe another 5-7 years. There were times we really struggled financially as students. We now live below our means and learned from the 2009 recession it is wise not to overreach on budget. So, we stay in our modest home and can pay it off, and drive older cars, though I told DH if he wants a new(er) car, to go for it. I consider myself fortunate that we have enough money to pay our bills and do extra things like concerts, sporting events, and vacations. And we are healthy, which is super important. We want to be able to retire someday!

Different is more like it. I grew up in comfort and relative plenty. We had a nice house, nice things and I felt very secure. My mom never worked and had an active social life with lots of friends. My dad owned a small restaurant and flipped burgers all day. He was smart and entrepreneurial but also very blue collar and hands-on. As I look back I think he must have made some very savvy investments along the way, because when he retired they were in very good shape.

My lifestyle and disposable income are nothing like my parents had. My late husband and I came of age in the 1960s and had other priorities. Now I'm on my own but my little house is all paid for and I'm quite comfortable. I seem to have more in retirement than when there were two incomes. I don't need the things that my parents had.

The primary way I can say my life is better than my mother's is that the women's rights movements gave me more opportunities. My parents were certainly better off financially than we were, thanks to my jerk of an ex-husband who managed to work in one of the highest paying professions and still not make much money. But that's another story!

It was my parents who made the quantum leap up from their parents' situation. My mom grew up in relative poverty and my dad's family got by by the skin of their teeth. My dad went on to be a surgeon and so they had a very secure lifestyle. My dad loved his work and my mom was the quintessential 1950's housewife. They made sure we all got an education and had many opportunities. My mom was a genius at saving and investing. She had no one to help her with those decisions and made a point of learning it herself.

I was free to have a career and be more independent than my mom, although I a not sure she wanted those things.

3katz, I love your story.

I went to college for 4 years and went into it expecting to meet Mr. Right and not really need a career. Then the 60s happened and my ideas about what I wanted from life changed. I ended up working most of my life. My sociology degree never did a thing for me, as I took on office jobs because not only was I a good typist, but I could edit and rewrite business documents. I also fell into tech when most people were afraid of it but it was right up my alley. It served me well. Good math and writing skills will help you go far. I should have gone into engineering, but that's 20/20 hindsight.

No, just a bit different. My parents lived through WW2, with Dad enlisting in the Navy when he was nineteen. The war ended before he got out of basic, though. As a result of living through such a life-changing time, it did affect Mom and Dad a lot, and they lived very conservatively for my father being in banking. Dad retired at 57, and payed cash for everything for the rest of his life, including 2 homes they retired to, cars, etc.

My DH ran a medi vac hospital in Vietnam during the war. It, too, affected him greatly. He has 4 degrees, the last being his medical degree. He loves what he does, and has no plans to retire until he's at least 75. I think that we live a fairly conservative life compared to many of our physician friends. Our home is paid for, as of last year. We drive our cars for at least 7 years, paying them off in 3. My Toyota Sienna minivan is ten years old, looks great, and I'll most likely drive it for another two years at least. I just have no desire for statement cars anymore, but that's just me. My parents had a long, affectionate and very happy marriage. DH & I will be celebrating our 35th anniversary in January. Ours, too, has been a very affectionate and happy one.

My father came from an old, wealthy Grosse Pointe family and believed that his daughters should only pursue educations and careers that would keep them in the right circles, to meet good, educated, future-husbands. I so wanted to head down to Florida for college, with dreams of becoming a marine biologist. My father nixed that, and so I got a degree near home as an x-ray technologist. Sis got her RN degree. Another sis became an executive secretary.

As far as raising kids goes I, on the other hand, have always strongly encouraged both our kids to pursue their own dreams, and they have. Maybe not what I would have chosen for them, but it's their lives, not mine. Different generations, my parents and I. All loving, affectionate parents, just seeing things through different life experiences. And so, I think we've lived different, but equally good, happy lives.

Yes my life is better than my parents. Though not financially. They retired with money. We'll never get to retire.

For one I have overcome a chronic illness's stranglehold on me, whereas my mother was killed by hers.

(My mother had many issues; like she was jealous of attention our father paid to us and would buy horrendous clothes and put us down to keep attention on herself. She hated us girls and wanted a boy. So did my father. Instead they go us 5 girls. We were a glaring reminder of her perceived failure. She had a son out of wedlock before she knew our father so he was sure she could have boys. He was a secret and was raised with her parents in Denmark. When she told me just before I was to leave for Denmark on a trip, I told the world. I couldn't keep secrets in those days. My sisters were young and just accepted it.)

Put simply I'm capable of love for my husband, daughter, son, extended family and friends. Plus I like myself too. :). That alone makes my life better than my parents' lives.

My parents were financially secure and so are we. They both grew up in working class families, with my Dad serving in the Navy in WWII after college and my Mom going to business college after HS. They were both very conservative but loving and took us on road trips or to the beach every summer. We grew up in a very small town with my Dad running a successful businsss. They always stressed college to me and my younger brothers and we all went. But I was a product of the 60’s and women were encouraged to follow a more traditional role (see 3katz post which is so similar to this part of my story).

I went to college, got married, but in my heart I always wanted to be a physician (surgeon if you want to get particular). Then thru my job I took a technical route in the late 70’s, went back to engineering school and my career took off and I became an executive until my retirement this past summer. Our home is paid for and we have a good nest egg. DH served in the military (active and then retiredfrom the Reserves) so we have Tricare for life and our kids are all set with great careers.

I see people posting that they own this and they own that and they are better off than their parents, financially. Life isn't all about what you accumulate in life, but how you live it. How many are better off quality wise in their life. Not what they own, but is the quality of life better? I mean look at our mothers, after they married their responsibilities were taking care of the home and children, period. Now women are working 40 hours a week, and still take care of the home and children. I really wouldn't want to go back, but is our quality of life any better now that we have to juggle so many responsibility? Our mothers had to stay home, but now most mothers have to work. Are we really any better off ?

function-I personally think that my quality of life is far better than that of my parents. And my children are much better off than I was at their ages. My father was an entrepeneur and my mother worked with him some of the time and worked outside the home in banking as well. We were some of the original latch key kids. But I don't think that harmed us because our family was very traditional in other senses-my father was the ultimate decider of things and we strove to make him happy and to get his approval.

Today my life is happier, I'm truer to myself than my parents were to themselves. They felt they had to conform to the social ideals of the time. Divorce was not in the cards, even though they were not religious; socially there was a stigma in divorce. I was raised in a home where bigotry and racism were the norm-my children raised to be inclusive. I was taught to be a conformist, my kids taught to be free-thinkers and to see the other POV. My parents held strong to the 'what will people think' mode, and were very much involved with keeping up with the Joneses, but never about finding what made their hearts soar. It was sad to talk to my Dad on his deathbed about the dreams he had but never pursued because it wasn't 'appropriate'.

I am the black sheep of my family. The weirdo. And I raised children as a single mother (unheard of!) and lived with my boyfriend before marrying him, and worked from the time my children were babies. I believed in Head Start and protesting and recycling and hugging trees and lived in poverty for years. And didn't care what people thought. Later, as I have overcome obstacles and set into a life of comfort and security, I've learned that others I thought had judged me actually celebrated me and admired what I've achieved. To me, my greatest achievement has been to raise 3 humans to be the most incredible people I know. They're breaking the cycles and living in a much happier place, maybe not as financially secure as past generations, but definitely more comfortable in their own skin and socially conscious and are doers, rather than talkers.

I don't know. One doesn't choose his times as a poet said.

My parents were born right/a bit before when World War Two started. They were exremely lucky to be evacuated since the city was occupied shortly after and stayed occupied for several years..huge community swept from the face of Earth..city in ruins since was bombed in the beginning, then the battle to get it back

they went through extreme hunger-my Mom survived against all odds. (since then I had to hear many times how strong their generation is..like, every other conversation lol..but yes, was about survival)

got back to the city-post war times-food stamps, very cramped living conditions..my Mom lived in a communal apartment(when I was born later too)-they had two rooms-and they had family and friends living with them for several years. My Dad-communal apartment as well, more neighbors..)) facilities outside..(it was the city center btw..) his parents took in his cousin-she lost her parents..

it was dictatorship back then-sad scary times. then got better..

Women worked btw. Almost all of them. I'd say the difference was-a man could be put in jail for not working (could also be great excuse to put someone in jail). Woman was allowed to be a homemaker. but they all worked anyway, because they had to..and also were brought up like that.

I grew up in modest circumstances but you really can't compare. My modest and their modest were very different.

On the other hands. Theirs was one of the happiest marriage I ever seen. Huge very close family. Many living in the same city.

They left later but huge chunk of their lives was stable in terms of having loving, supportive people around...things familiar..for better for worse..

We-kinda wander..I moved five times internationally..I know that I loose friends with every move..not immediately, not right away, not everyone..but that's what happens, and I'm very sentimental and was putting a lot of energy in keeping relationships. Eventually one gets tired..

I do cherish the ones who stayed in my life..they're few but I'm so grateful for them

Hard to be far away from family. Some died..I lost my Dad when pretty young..lost many dear relatives..others moved, or we moved from them.

It gets lonely often. Even though I realize I'm blessed in many ways, with my closest family of my own here, I miss my Mom, my brother, my sister..we do visit but everything's much harder logistically. I used to go there every year and now it's hard. I miss so many things

My holiday shopping starts in August)) so I'll have time to thoughtfully choose everything and send it abroad..

Yes we're much more comfortable financially that my parents ever were.

In terms of health..well..we're not the healthiest family. Never were. So. That might be a constant of sorts. lol. I feel very guilty though. Like it's my fault or something.

Education-very high stress on it in our family..that's a constant too.

My parents studied in country number one, I-in country number one and two, kids-in country number two and three..:) Very different everywhere. The approach is the same though. Same mantra as seagrass wrote..in her first post..almost word by word..:)

So. Some things are objectively better. And some, are subjectively worse..:)

Neetsiepie. Looks like you found your quality.

My parents were quite happy (my Dad has passed, my Mom is still with us), and they themselves did much better than their parents. They never wanted for anything and were able to share their lives together with relatively little stress. They noticed and enjoyed life's many small pleasures as well as life's grander pleasures.

I could not be happier with my life. I feel very lucky that I was able first to be my own person and have a very exciting and rewarding career, and then found my DH and had our children. My DH and I have been able to retire while all our kids were in elementary school, which facilitated so many opportunities to be with our kids and do things with them. I feel like I have "had it all". I don't take any of it for granted, and I am very thankful for all of the time I get to share with my wonderful and loving husband, my three dear kids, family, friends, etc.

Yes my quality of life is better. Unfortunately my mother didn’t get to just take care of the home and children. She also had to try to make a living with only a high school diploma and no vocational skills. I’ll just say we didnt have the leave it to beaver family. I now have a wonderful husband of 39 years and quality of life is significantly better when you don’t have to worry about how you will afford basic necessities like groceries, clothing and housing. I guess that is material but certainly nothing to do with accumulating stuff. It is about peace, security and stability.

Yes, my life is significantly better than my parents. I'm happy. As the saying goes, they had issues. As I grow older and enter the senior part of my life my happiness only grows. I am surrounded by loving caring people and only do what I want.

I think my life is much better than my Mom’s but I’m not sure she’d agree with that. She was mired in chaos and drama but always came out smelling like a rose. I don’t exactly know where it came from, but I became a planner and not as spontaneous as she was. I think she secretly believed my life was dull and less meaningful b/c I wasn’t putting out fires every 15 min. I thought her lifestyle was unnecessarily draining. don’t know who is right but I’m content.

In relation to my in laws, they believe they are better off b/c of a less complicated lifestyle. Financially, their offspring enjoy comparable success.

but there’s more. One branch of the in-law Family is very envious of the success and happiness of their millennial children. They worked their butts off for their kids, expecting them to achieve “X” by age 35. But their success has surpassed parental expectations tenfold and parents not liking it at all. I’m not sure why all this envy as everybody is financially comfy and all in stable relationships (so far)

another branch of millennials is envious of parental success and do not believe they’ll have it as good as the parents, ever. So far I think they’re right.

Absolutely. Numerically, I have 934 tv channels instead of 3, 1k thread count sheets, 4 gig phone, and 341 friends. Yet, yet, why is a calorie still the same, and a chilly night 'bout the same? I think my parents had a good life, I have more stuff but it's all about equal.

It's what you make it.

LOL, Bumble!

Yes, by nearly all metrics I've had it much easier, due to their hard work and perseverence (and some of our own). I think they had it exceptionally rough -- life events, health, war, hard labor, social inequity, etc However, they led a better life in their community (and the negative stuff like petty fights that come with it).

This is what I used to think: The new generation must always have a better life than preceding generation. Otherwise, we would not be advancing as a species.

but I’ve changed my mind to think more like Bumblebeez in that it’s what you make of it. There is no 100% forward path for every one or every family.

In a way, yes, in other ways, about the same. Financially, about the same. I have a happy marriage with a great DH and we've had quite a few fun adventures together. My parents had a very happy marriage, albeit with less adventure, just way too short. They never had a mortgage on their home and always bough cars with cash. Dad was what I would call a "gentleman farmer" in the sense that he ran the farm and other ancillary operations from an office and Mom, with a fine college education, was a stay at home Mom until Dad died far too young, at 52, leaving Mom a widow at 44. While Mom would have preferred graduate school, instead she stepped in and ran the farm and excelled. She was the first woman on a number of agriculturally related boards and not just local small time ones either. While she enjoyed the challenge, especially in a male dominated world, and loved our small farming town, I also think she was trapped by the circumstances. Her plan was for my brother to take over the farm completely after 8-10 years at which time she planned on going back to graduate school, but my brother never got around to taking over the operations (I don't know any other way to put it, he's smart and knows the land well and will work hard on something that interests him, but he never developed the stick-to-it day to day work ethic). While this was going on, I went to law school and then got my LLM. Mom ran the farm until her seventies, but by that time we rented out all our land.

Unfortunately about 8 years ago the farm started going down hill financially, most income was going to debt service, and at the same time Mom was developing AMD. Our banker and accountant realized that that something needed to be done to save the farm and came to me and suggested that we move to professional management. Mom saw that this was the right move, but my brother was resistant although eventually went along with it without a family fallout. That was a tense time, but he liked the bank management/manager and was not cut out of some control especially with marketing the crops, which is his forte,and now agrees that it was a good decision, actually I think it was a relief. We also sold off about 30% of the land, which was enough to retire all debt and pay the capital gains (basis was from the 1930s, so ridiculously low), with a bit to spare. The farm, though smaller, is doing very well, throwing off nice income to the three of us, while retaining a contingency fund, so all is well, and it's still a nice legacy even after selling a bit of the land, it is now a bit over 5000 acres total, cropland and timber.

DH and I are both professionals and have had fairly successful careers. I am a lawyer, a partner in a great law firm, and DH is a dentist, who sold his practice when we recently moved. We are both scaling back. I am staying with my firm, working remotely, with regular trips back to the office for a couple of weeks every few months as the need arises. DH lucked into a two day a week job as an independent contractor with a good dental practice in our new location. We will probably continue to work along these lines for another 2-4 years. We have a wonderful, responsible daughter and son-in-law and a precious grandson.

I think we will be better off than Mom in our later years, not so much financially because she is in great shape (she also had some money of her own and was a good investor), but because we planned ahead. She had planned to stay in her large house in the small town for the rest of her life. However that became impossible for her to manage. She moved to independent living in the city where I worked last year and now she moved to Colorado with us, living at a wonderful independent living center less than 5 minutes from us and I can go see her everyday. She seems content and loves having me so nearby, but it is hard to move to a new state and town at 86. We built our retirement house, actually a duplex, at 62 with (for) our DD and SIL, near all essential services and making it easy to maintain. As we age it will be easy for our DD to check on us as necessary, just pop over for five minutes and then go back to her regularly scheduled life. But, for now, DD also has a built in babysitter much of the time. If at anytime as we age we need more help than I am willing to ask from our DD, we can easily hire a caregiver for far less than Mom's place costs on a monthly basis and still stay at home (at least if our health is as good as Mom's is right now).