Vine maple, being a tree, is not going to stay very narrow. Nor will it stop growing at 4-5 feet! There are many in my area that are 30' tall and as much as 30' wide, although most are about half that size.

As long as you select a clumping bamboo, like any of the Fargesia species, you do not need to worry about it invading your neighbor's property or going where it shouldn't. They grow just like most other ornamental grasses. Not all bamboos are aggressive spreaders :-)

Other possibilities would be some other sort of ornamental grass....miscanthus or panicum perhaps. Not evergreen and will need to be trimmed back each year, but they grow rapidly in season and will offer that movement in the wind that you like. New Zealand flax (Phormium) could also work but doesn't offer much movement.

And there are any number of narrow, shrubby choices that could work but might produce more of a hedge effect than you want - Rhamnus 'Fine LIne', 'Sky Pencil' Japanese holly, 'Green Spire' euonymus, 'Orange Rocket' barberry. How "hedge-y" they might be will depend on how you site them and what you decide to pair them with.

I might also consider Nandina domestica, heavenly bamboo. Evergreen, colorful, typically grows taller than wide and has a textural aspect that resembles 'real' bamboo. But you want to be careful in your selection as many of the smaller cultivars are rather dense, lumpy shrubs.

One last thought - Pacific wax myrtle, Morella californica (formerly Myrica californica). This is also a native plant, an evergreen shrub with a loose, airy appearance. Will get taller and wider than you need but is easily pruned to keep a narrower or shorter profile.