My friend lost her spouse very suddenly & I don't know how to help her
dotsandstripes 123
6 years ago
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Comments (9)
bleusblue2
6 years agodotsandstripes 123
6 years agoRelated Discussions
My dear friend is being abused by her demented Mom - advice?
Comments (21)I was fortunate in that my Mom did not show signs of violent behavior. The wandering was bad enough while she was still able to walk. I think your friend needs to rethink taking care of her Mom. If she finds it hard now, it is only going to get worse. Much worse! As you know I was the sole caregiver to my sweet Mom for over 10 years and I would never ever put myself in that role again and my Mom was a dear gentle patient. Your friend's life will change forever if she takes this challenge on. You become an appendage of the person you are caring for because as the dementia progresses you have to do everything for that person. My Aunt was the violent type, my sweet gentle religious Aunt turned into a rabid animal locked in a cage. Swearing, hurting my Uncle, telling lies that almost put my Uncle in jail. My Aunt paced, back and forth. She wouldn't sit to eat, sleep. She walked and walked and ranted. She would get out of the house and walk into a neighbours house and act like it was her home and not theirs. Even after my Uncle put her in a nursing home she never found peace until she died. That is what Alzheimer's did to her. As someone above said, get the Alzheimer Society involved. They will send out a case worker but first your friend's Mom needs to be assessed by a Doctor. There could be something else that is causing her violent dementia. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't hesitate to put my Mom into care and as I said I had it easy until my Mom got cancer and I had to give her insulin shots but taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer's will suck the life blood out of you. 8 years since my Mom passed away and I am still trying to find out who I am and to put my care taking in the past and not let it define me anymore. I must say though after the first couple of years of taking care of my Mom I became a better person and had to let go of the anger I was feeling at having to give up my life as I knew it, my savings, dating life, getting married, having kids because I chose to do this. I learned to be happy because I knew if I wasn't happy I would be in H'll on Earth. Alzheimer's in a terrible disease, much more terrible for the person that is doing the care giving than the one who suffers from it. I hope your friend gets some help for herself and her Mom sooner than later. Anne...See MoreFriend lost all of her succulents
Comments (7)Thank you both! I will post pics of the ones that I don't know how to start. I have plenty of jades for her, Deva33, but thank you so much for the offer! We are both up here in between Mason City and Algona. It would be quite a drive, although I have made that trip a few times. I collect, but am not good on keeping the names or finding out what they are. My friend and I have shared plants back and forth. Just so sad to hear that this happened to her. I will post a few pics this weekend and look forward to your responses. Mona...See MoreShould I tell my friend her "Interior Decorator" is ripping her off?
Comments (46)Wow lots of heated opinions! But thanks for sharing them! It's interesting to hear all the different thought processes. Olychic: Ouch! We are very good friends, I just tend to overthink things! And I'm also just ridiculously curious about how people think so it's sort of fun for me to hear all the different opinions. :) But I am super glad I just went with my gut. Anyway I just wanted to update you all. It all worked out much easier than anticipated. I asked her how the project was going and that got her talking about how the ID is now delaying the project by quite a bit and blaming her for bad communication....(smh) Anyway turns out she's already having second thoughts, so I didn't really need to say much. I just mostly agreed with her and threw in a couple of ideas too. She's going to try to somehow renegotiate. Hopefully it goes well! I'm grateful to everyone who posted. Thank you!...See MoreMy friend wants to know if her hostas are OK
Comments (205)Can you talk with your neighbours about the tree? If it makes a difference for your garden I would at least try to find a solution for both parts. Maybe they can still find another place for it as long as it is young...I miss that big tree, it has been here when I moved into the house 35 plus years ago and it will be interesting to see what happens next year. Thank you all for your kind words about that planter. nicholsworth once said that I'm an experimental gardener and that is true in some ways. But mostly I have a sudden idea and I never hesitate to follow my head...I got two new aloe and immediately decided to combine them with my already existing plants. Canada is not well known for succulents :-) Might be the climate that does not really fit for such plants. You could keep them alive with plant lights in winter or let them sleep like hosta. I will try both methods this year. But our winter is not as long as yours..Sansevieria and aloe are definitely ones you could try because they grow inside without problems. I spent this rainy weekend with putting most of my succulents in terracotta pots and I got some kind of plastic tray from our gardener which holds 12 pots and I can water the pots in those trays. So I could arrange them without all those little plates under them and it looks much nicer now....See MoreJoAnn_Fla
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