Hunlin, I'm so sorry to hear of the latest development. Your BIL isn't OCD, he is controlling and an abuser. I could write a book about everything you've described, but it all boils down to one thing: HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. Sure, things might get better temporarily, but they will always go back. And every time it happens, your poor sister will become just a tiny bit more desensitized, and eventually it will seem normal to her. I will just touch on a few things: >He brings friends over to discuss their marriage, things get better. (Trust me, this is very temporary.) On the surface, it might seem like he really wants to work on things, and has brought these good friends over for heartfelt advice to repair the marriage. In actuality, what he is doing is forming an alliance against your sister to keep her 'in her place'. He is manipulating your sister as well as the friends. From the friends' standpoint, they are flattered that he has consulted them, and see him as a good guy so very concerned about his failing marriage. From your sister's seat, she grasps at the tiny straw that maybe this time, things will really change. Plus she now has the unspoken pressure from their friends....if she rejects the advice and leaves, she is the bad guy. How could someone be so horrible to leave a man that really wanted to work on things? Then there's the simple three against one, which makes her question if she's being unreasonable. These are classic things that abusers do. >He doesn't 'let her' buy or do certain things. Another classic abuser trait. From the outside observer, this is ludicrous. Why does he get to make the rules? And why would someone go along with them? It makes no sense, especially because 'the rules' are so ridiculous. But it's not the rules, really. It's the effect of the rules. They go to further diminish your sister, and make her question what is right or wrong, and maybe things make sense in a way, but even if they don't, making him mad is to be avoided, because then she pays in a different way. By the way, she does not 'make him mad', he chooses to be mad, so he can manipulate her and control her. That is what abuse is all about, control. >He doesn't speak to her when she does 'something wrong'. That's control again, using passive aggressive tactics. Not speaking to someone is a manipulative and very, very hostile act, disguised as someone who is 'hurt', or 'upset'. Your sister is normal. By being normal, your sister does not know quite what to do, because she's dealing with someone that's NOT normal. She's never run into someone who acts like this, so she doesn't have the tools to deal with it. She expects that the man she married will love and respect her and treat her as such. He doesn't. Your sister does all the normal things that normal people do. People in conflict discuss, listen to each other, and agree or compromise. Those things don't work with a controller/abuser. And all the stuff he does to her keeps her off balance and confused. Because sometimes he's really nice to her. Throws her a bone. So she keeps trying. And the way he twists things around to make it her fault makes her question herself, somehow makes her see 'his side'. It's really hard to understand, if you haven't been through it. It's got nothing to do with how smart your sister is. Abusers are really, really good at what they do, and they do it so subtly that you don't even realize what's happening. They chip away at your soul tiny bit by tiny bit, so you don't even realize what's happened. A favorite analogy about those who have suffered mental/emotional abuse is this: If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it realizes it is in trouble right away, and immediately jumps out to escape. If you put a frog into a pot of cool water, and very slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will really not notice, and acclimates itself to the small increments of rising temperature and not realize it is in trouble until it is too late. Don't give up on your sister. Don't believe her when she tells you that things are all better, and he's really changed. She wants to believe that, and she probably does because she wants it so badly, but it's not true. I guess by now you have figured out that I lived this life too. I was with him for 15 years, and wasted 10 of those believing and hoping that he would change. I feel so stupid for that, and it's very hard not to hate myself for it. Not only did I lose so many years, but lost precious time with my family, (he did his best to isolate me from them, with some success), for which I'll never forgive myself. Linked below are some books that might strike a chord with your sister. I don't know for sure that your BIL is doing all of the things covered in this book, but I kind of suspect he is, and your sister is either too embarrassed to tell you about it, or simply doesn't recognize what is really going on. The ones that she would hopefully read are: Controlling People The Verbally Abusive Relationship Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out Most people who read one or all of them feel like the author was secretly observing their marriage. I really, really pray that your sister finds the knowledge and strength to leave. It seems so obvious to everyone else, but I understand all too well why she might stay. Whatever her choices are, now or in the future, just keep talking to her and listening to her. Gently point out things when you feel she is receptive. The fact that they have a child makes things even harder for her to make the hard decisions, so keep that in mind when you get frustrated with her decision to keep trying. (((xo to Hunlin and sister))) Here is a link that might be useful: Patricia Evans Books

johnhvac - Thank you for the response! I'm glad you have a lot of questions. :) Questions = input, and I really need that. I'm cautiously optimistic because I had read so many bad reports of whole house units I halfway expected a "steer clear" consensus. We live near Kansas City, MO. Distinct seasons. After revisiting our floorplan it looks like our total used sq.ft. will be closer to 3975 sq.ft. (we're planning a basement finish that will account for about 1/3 of the total sw.ft. and are going with a larger area left unfinished than we had originally planned). Our house is relatively tight - we just finished construction this fall and invested in heavily upgraded insulation throughout, when the house was framed we had all the door & window framing sealed with foam and/or caulking, we had all outlets draft proofed, etc. We moved from a drafty house and did not want to go there again. Our house seems to default, during the winter, to around 22% humidity. We haven't lived there during the summer yet, so we don't know what to expect then. Our hardwood floors are complaining! (major contraction gaps) That's the general info I could think to add. Here are answers to your questions: I assume the $600 is for the unit and the installation, but that could be wrong. It was a conversation my husband had, and he then told me "He quoted me $600 to do it." Is that high, or low? (It's lower than what I would expect, but we're also linked to a builder that sends his company all of their HVAC work, so I don't know...) I googled the thermostat you mention and that's not what we have. But I know he suggested also changing the termostat if/when we added the humidifer, and that looks like the one he told us about (we have a brochure, but I don't have it accessible right now). I do know he said it would run about $250 more. You're pointing out how little I know, which means I need to make some calls and get some more information! I can give the HVAC guy a call this afternoon and get some more information on what all his quote/proposal included. You have a lot of experience installing these - how many problems have you run into? Were the issues mostly negated when the technologies changed (cool stagnant water vs. heated water, etc.)?

I beg you: do NOT put wood paneling on the walls. I take it you are not in the US, nor are you familiar with ranch style homes of the 1950's. That being said, I'll move on to other options and suggestions. Let's look at the 3 functional areas you have laid out separately and then how to bring them together as a whole. You have an office area, entertainment area and a sitting/living room area. For the entertainment area (the wall with the door): *I took a look at Ikea Stockholm collection available in the US which may not reflect finishes that are available in other countries. There appears to be a low TV unit available (see image below) that may work nicely to give this wall visual unity and height. (Use the same finish as the units in the office space.) Is it possible to mount your TV on the wall? This will give you height. And the unit will give needed space for your receiver, record player, etc. It will also give you storage space. Your office area: *I would suggest a black top but keeping the chrome base legs. The chrome base would complement the chrome legs of the chairs. (That is, it looks like the legs are chrome color.) I still suggest a gallery of pictures for the wall. Or if you need shelving, use no more than 3 floating shelves. Ikea has these. I had bought 3 myself last year and they are very nice. If you go with the shelves, buy white. (I explain later.) The sitting room area: *This is where the area rug should go, large enough to expand to under the front legs of the sofa. Look for something that has texture, such as a shag or rather something that has pile--not a smooth surface like the wood floors. I looked at the Stockholm sofas. They are beautiful. For accent and a finishing touch, you may want to add some decorative pillows. The coffee table is lovely and hopefully it has a black top with the chrome base, as it appears. This reiterates and complements the table in the office space (pulling the 2 spaces together visually). Bringing it all together is done with colors. For the walls. Go bold with white walls and contrast it with one accent dark wall. Since you are interested in a serious color, go with a dark chocolate accent wall behind the sofa. Check to be sure that the dark chocolate compliments the cabinet and wood floor finishes. Why paint the other walls white? So that you will have contrast with your cabinets and it will make the dark wall even more dramatic--and serious. Look for a rug that is lighter than the wood floors. If you want pattern, try to find one that has the colors in your sofa, some white and some brown. This next suggestion may sound really strange. Trust me, it works. Go into your closet and look at the colors in your wardrobe. The dominating colors are what you love most. If the colors I have suggested work, pull out the pieces in your wardrobe that has these colors. Lay them out and see if you like the combination. If not, pick out the 3 pieces you love & repeat until you find a combination that works for you. Whatever you do, look at least for some contrast. It is possible to have a monochromatic and other color schemes but this requires more experience with colors. As I said above and I agree with m_madd, you have a great layout. Design it to be clutter free. *By "flat" I mean the colors as they appear in the layout above are without contrast as a whole, lacks visual interest as a whole. Color plays a major role in how we feel, even think and act. Use it to make yourself feel good. Here's the TV unit.

I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read through these posts and to post advice and suggestions and constructive criticism. I am taking all of it into consideration and some of it was not what i wanted nor expected to hear, but what I needed to hear. I feel as if a little more explanation is needed. We found a builder that we really like and everyone that he has built for has been really happy. He had several plans that we could look at or if we had any plans he could build whatever we liked. He has a gentleman that could draw and customize a home for us. We thought it was architect at first and the price was so good because we were going through him and he would then be able to have our house plan to use in the future. Upon our first meeting with the gentleman that was going to draw up of dream home so we could make it a reality, we learned that he was not an architect, or designer. He's retired now from 40 years of experience woking on/building homes and is good with the software. He is very kind and has been very patient with the many changes we have made along the way. However, we soon discovered that he really has no design ideas or suggestions. He just draws whatever we ask him to or whatever I draw to send to him. If we wanted something a changed, the standard procedure was to just make part of the house bigger, we had gotten up to almost 4400 square feet! If we didn't like the way something worked and asked for a change, he would fix that issue and cause 2 more. I got so frustrated that we are trying to build our dream home and pretty much the only person I had for design help was myself. Uhm, I really want someone with much more skill and talented and better taste to design my home. I know what I want, I just do't know how to get there. We have been working on this for 8 months. I got so frustrated that I gave up for 3 months. Our neighbors are using the same builder and they had difficulties getting their design as well. However they had found a floor plan that they liked and just had him make changes to it and add a mother in law plan. I firmly believe that we are his first truly start from scratch home. Again, this is the guy the builder sent us to to have plans drawn, not our builder. Giving him credit he has taking my very very basic sketches and turned them into something the builder can build from, but pretty much the design is about 99% me, not that I wanted it that way. Here is where I'm at, so you can see that he is doing all the builder type stuff. We don't want to be difficult, but we want a good design. We don't want the builder to think that we are difficult or indecisive because we just can't get there with his guy. I'm at a loss! Several people wanted to know the lot dimensions. So here they are: It is at the top of a ridge, has some slope to it and has a nice open are in the middle. Of course we want the house to sit about at the arrows part of the lot. There is an utility easement of 20 feet on the right side of the lot, but the utility poles are more like 30 feet inside the property. I really do appreciate all of your insight. It has been eye opening. I'll make another post addressing questions and comments. Sorry to be so long winded.